Moore Than Forever (2 page)

Exhaustion and the come down from adrenaline were taking hold. Silently, he lowered the railing on her bedside and pulled his chair in close. Laying his head down on the bed next to her, he closed his heavy eyelids.

He had missed Nathaniel’s birth and she hadn’t answered his cell phone calls. His heart was heavy knowing the rift this was going to cause between them. Mourning a moment he had missed, a memory he had never created slashed at his heart - there was no way he was ever going to get it back - not through hoping or dreaming, his money couldn’t buy it, this was not a situation he could wheel or deal or charm his way through. Never would he share the memory of his son’s birth or be there to comfort Mia through the procedure. He would never be the first person to hold his son and he only had himself to blame for it.

As he lay there with his head on the hospital mattress next to her, he mourned the loss of a moment that would never be born for him, memories he would never possess. And he was so disappointed in himself for failing her, yet once again.

Feeling her stir, he realized that he’d been asleep. Her hand hit him in the forehead, and he took it in his and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly and holding it gently against his lips. Her grip momentarily tightened and her eyelids began to flutter, then open slightly.

“Hey, Baby Girl, how are you feeling?” he smiled up at her.

The corners of her lips began to curve up into a smile and then he watched as a veil descended over her eyes and her half smile rapidly receded. The blood in his veins chilled at her reception.

“I held him last night when I got in. He’s so beautiful, Mia,” his eyes filled with tears.

She did not respond and he went on. “I am so sorry I was not here for you, Baby Girl. I was trying so hard to balance everything and I clearly was not listening when you were reaching out to me. I feel like shit, Mia, and I’m devastated that I hurt you and that I wasn’t here for you and that I wasn’t here for Nathaniel. I missed possibly the greatest moment we could ever share.”

Observing him with a detached glare, her voice was flat as she spoke her first words to him. “You chose to be with your family, Schooner.” She pulled her hand out of his.

“You’re my family, Mia. Nathaniel is my family.”

“Nathaniel is a baby you fathered, Schooner.”

Stricken by her words, he sat there in silence. “I know you don’t mean that. You’re mad at me and disappointed in me, but I know you don’t mean that.”

“You really don’t know anything, do you?” her eyes were hard slits, her face an impervious mask.

“I know I didn’t just father him. I’m his father. I do know that. We’re a family, Mia. That I know, too.” His exhaustion was starting to give way to defeat and he was trying to fight it. “Baby Girl…”

“Don’t you call me that,” she hissed. “Get out of here. I don’t want you here. Go back to California. Go back to your family. Nathaniel and I don’t need you. We’ll be fine without you. Get out,” she was screaming.

A nurse rushed into the room, alarmed.

“I’m just leaving,” he snapped at the woman. As he stood, a paper on the night table caught his eye. It was the form to be filled out for Nathaniel’s birth certificate. In Mia’s neat print was the name, Nathaniel James Silver.

Gutted, he turned to Mia and leaned down. Taking her chin in his hand, his face an inch away, he stared deep into her eyes, “You don’t want to do this. You really don’t want to do this.”

Her eyes widened at his unveiled threat, momentarily taken aback at his forceful words and their meaning. “Get the fuck out of here,” she spat.

“With ple…,” he snarled, stopping himself mid-word, he checked his anger.

Releasing her chin, he straightened up, his eyes never leaving hers. With his eyes locked on hers, he stood there for a long moment, then shook his head.

“I am sorry.” Turning, he walked out of her hospital room without a backwards glance.

Gary was standing at the nurse’s station commenting on a chart when he saw Schooner coming toward him. With a smile and a handshake, “Congratulations, Schooner. That’s quite a little warrior that you’ve got.”

“A little warrior,” Schooner scoffed, “maybe that is because his mother is the goddess of war.”

Gary laughed, “I’m going to start calling her Athena. That’ll really piss her off. What’s going on? Did she give you a rough time?”

“She threw me out.” Schooner leaned against the nurse’s station, catching his breath. “She told me I wasn’t Nathaniel’s father, just someone who fathered him.”

“Wow,” Gary’s brows knit together, “Athena was pulling no punches. Give her a day or two, Schooner. Her hormones are all over the place, she’s trying to get her milk to come down, she just had major surgery. Her body really doesn’t know if it’s coming or going. Add that on top of the disappointment that you weren’t here with her and the fear that something was going to go wrong, and that’s why you’re seeing this over the top response.” He clapped Schooner on the shoulder, “I’ll talk to her, but for now, let’s go visit your boy.”

Schooner nodded. Overwhelmed and exhausted and in love with this tiny little person, he knew one thing for sure, he, Mia and Nathaniel were a family and he was not going to lose them.

Gary walked into Mia’s room to find her intently focused on the breast pump the lactation specialist had left behind. On her chest was a blanket that Nathaniel had been wrapped in, his scent being used as a stimulus to help bring her milk down.

“Frustrating, huh?” Gary smiled.

“Nothing’s coming in yet,” Mia looked stricken.

Gary sat down next to the bed and rubbed Mia’s arm gently. “Give it time, your body has some catching up to do. In the meantime, he’s doing very well with the donated breast milk.”

Mia’s eyes filled with tears, “I want it to be mine, Gary.”

He smiled, “It will be, Mia. Who would have ever thought my little wild child patient would have such a strong maternal instinct?” He gave Mia’s hand a squeeze and stood. The same piece of paper that had caught Schooner’s attention earlier now caught his eye. He picked it up, read it, then folded it and put it into the pocket of his white doctor’s coat.

Sitting back down, his demeanor serious, “Ok, now I’m your friend of nearly twenty years talking to you. I’m not letting you walk out of the hospital with this,” he patted his pocket.

Mia’s brows knit together and Gary could tell she was gearing up to argue. Athena was in the room.

“Mia, that man’s biggest problem is that he loves his kids too much. When it comes to his children, he goes into protect and fix mode. Whether or not Zac’s issues can be fixed is another whole story. But what does that mean for you? That means that little boy down the hall is the luckiest baby in that nursery. He has a father who would literally lay down his life for him. Unfortunately, in today’s world, we don’t see enough of that.”

Mia remained silent and Gary got up to leave. As he reached the door, he turned, “You weren’t happier without him. You’ve been happy for the first time in a long time. Work it out.”

Chapter Three

“He’s picking up my parents at the airport? Ugh!” she groaned. “Whose brilliant idea was that?”

“His,” Seth didn’t look up from his iPhone.

“My mother is going to walk in here telling me how wonderful he is and what a bitch I’m being,” Mia’s face was screwed up in anger.

“God, you are a crazy hormonal bitch, BBC.”

“Fuck you, Seth.” Mia started to get out of the bed, her movements slow and limited by the C-section incision.

“Fuck you, too, BBC. Anybody who puts up with you is a saint.”

“I’m going to see Nathaniel. Are you coming?” She put on her robe.

“Only if you lose that attitude. I don’t want your negativo energy around my nephew.” Seth opened the door for Mia.

“You know I hate you for letting him go get my parents,” she walked passed him.

“Yeah, well you need to get over that, you hormonal freak.” Seth rolled his eyes and followed her down to the nursery.

Lois recognized him waiting at the bottom of the escalator. The minute he smiled, his real smile, this handsome man was the beautiful teen shaking her hand in front of Brewster Hall, a million lifetimes ago.

Only this time, he didn’t take her hand, but instead enveloped her in a bear hug, pulling her tightly to his muscular chest. Yes, this was the sweet boy she remembered.

“Look at you,” she smiled, “I would’ve recognized you anywhere.”

Schooner shook Bob’s hand and led them to the baggage carousel, his arm around Lois’ shoulder.

“How are they?” she looked up into Schooner’s clear eyes.

“Well, your daughter’s not talking to me, but physically she seems to be doing well, and your grandson,” he paused and took a deep breath, smiling, “he’s amazing. He’s doing beautifully. The neo-natal pediatrician said, besides being small, everything else is perfect.” He dug out his phone and handed it to them, a picture of Nathaniel in his arms.

Lois looked at him, “He is beautiful. So tiny. I think he looks like you.”

“Really?” Schooner looked at the picture, taking the phone back from Lois, “I think he looks like Mia.”

“I think so, too,” Bob agreed.

As they headed into the city, Schooner offered, “How about if I drop you off at the hospital and I’ll take your bags down to Mia’s apartment? You can stay there.”

“Where are you staying?” Bob was concerned with the logistics of Mia’s one-bedroom apartment.

“Well, I bought a loft downtown and I’m staying there.” Schooner kept his eyes on the road, dodging crazy rogue cab drivers.

“A loft? Does Mia know?” Lois was starting her reconnaissance mission.

Schooner shook his head no. “It was my surprise for her for when she got out of the hospital.”

Lois could see the tension in his jaw. His thoughts were openly displayed on his face as he prayed it wasn’t going to be the home he shared with his young son every other weekend. Reaching out, she took Schooner’s hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. He was still that sweet boy she had met long ago.

“Lois, I stayed away too long. It led her to believe that I didn’t love her. I wasn’t here for her when she needed me most. I missed Nathaniel’s birth,” his voice cracked on the last statement. Looking over at Lois, his eyes exposed deep pain and the specter of something much more haunting.

“Give her a little time. She’s angry and disappointed, but the two of you did not find one another again just to be apart. I’m sure of that. Have faith, Schooner, this too shall pass.”

He nodded, but remained silent.

Lois Silver was a force to be reckoned with and Schooner Moore prayed that she would get through to her very strong-willed daughter. Not that he planned on giving up. He had vowed he would never lose Mia again and now that vow became even more critical - he would never lose Mia or Nathaniel. He just wished he possessed Lois’ faith, because losing Mia and Nathaniel was not an option.

Chapter Four

Sitting behind a privacy curtain in the NICU, Mia held the syringe of donated breast milk to Nathaniel’s lips and pressed down, releasing a few drops.

She and Lois laughed aloud, startling him, as he greedily lapped up the milk.

“I hope you like my milk as much when it comes in, Munchkin.” Mia handed him off to her mother, “Here, you feed him, Mom.”

Lois stared down into her tiny grandson’s face, “Hello, beautiful boy.” Smiling at him, she released a little more of the milk. “Look at the size of his feet. He’s going to have Schooner’s height.”

“What did he say?” Mia pressed, as she gently ran a finger up the silky soft skin of Nathaniel’s leg.

“What do you think he said?” Lois’ voice had an edge. “He’s heartbroken. He wants to be sharing this with you.” Lois gave her daughter a hard look, “Why didn’t you tell me you were alone, Mia, I would’ve come up and helped you.”

Mia didn’t look up from stroking Nathaniel’s leg, “Because every day I thought he was going to tell me he was coming home, and I knew you and Dad were coming up when the baby was born and it’s not so easy for you guys to travel anymore, especially with Dad having had pneumonia in September. I didn’t want you leaving him.” Looking up at the ceiling, Mia struggled to fight back tears, “I just kept thinking he was coming home to me, Mom, and he didn’t.”