Moonlight (11 page)

“What do you think of Rafe?”

Of all the things I’d expected her to ask, after everything that had happened today, that question hadn’t even popped up on my radar. “I think he’s nice. Why?”

“I don’t know. He’s been around forever. I’ve grown up with him. It’s just that he seems—different. More in command than usual. I mean, I’ve been thinking about him a lot—and it’s just weird.”

“You mean you like him?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“What about Connor?”

“I know. I don’t want to hurt him. I really don’t, but I just don’t know if he’s the right one for me.”

“Do you have to decide this summer?”

“It’s sort of a tradition in our families that you figure out by the time you’re seventeen who you’re supposed to be with. My birthday’s coming up.”

“That is so . . . medieval.”

She released a tight laugh. “Yeah, I know. I just wish Lucas had paired me—instead of Brittany—up with Rafe as guards tonight. It’s not any fun at all to be paired up with Connor. We haven’t been getting along lately.”

I furrowed my brow. “Maybe he’ll pair me up with Connor to guard later on.”

“Yeah, right. Do you not see the way Lucas looks at you? You are definitely sharing guard duty with him.”

Suddenly the inside of my sleeping bag was way too warm. I slipped my leg out and rolled onto my side, half in and half out of my bag. “I don’t know that it means anything. I mean, sometimes I get the impression that he considers me a lot of trouble. Besides, he’s pretty hot. He probably has a girlfriend.”

“I’ve never seen him with anyone more than a couple of times. He’s never gotten serious with a girl. At least, not that I know of.”

“I’m not even sure he likes me. Seriously. He’s always barking at me.”

She laughed lightly. “Literally?”

“What? No. He’s just moody, but then I guess he has a lot of responsibility.”

“Not only that, I’m sure he’s trying to live up to everyone’s expectations. His family is pretty powerful in the area.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Oh yeah. The Wildes pretty much rule things.”

“Have they lived around here long?”

“For sure. Old family. They’ve been here, like, since the Civil War or something.”

“I wonder if they were around when my parents were killed. My therapist says I need to face my past, but it’s a little hard when I don’t have clear memories of it and I don’t know anyone who was there.”

“That must have been hard. Watching your parents die. I can’t even imagine . . .”

“I didn’t actually see them die. Mom had shoved me back into this”—an image came to me and with it came sounds, smells—“into this little cave or something. There was growling.”
Were
there wolves? Had the hunters shot at them and hit my parents? Was my mother trying to protect me?

“Do you know exactly where it happened in the park?”

I shook my head. “No. I didn’t ask anyone last year. I don’t think I really wanted to face the specifics. It was enough just to come here. But this year . . . I can’t explain it, Lindsey, but I feel different. I feel like I’m
supposed
to be here. That I’m on the verge of some discovery.”

“Like what?”

“I’m not sure. But that wolf today . . . I wasn’t afraid of him. It was like I knew him. How weird is that?”

“Were wolves there when your parents were killed?”

“I didn’t think so. I thought the hunters were just crazy. But I’ve been having these snippets of memory and there are wolves, but they aren’t rabid or anything.”

“Maybe you need to relax with those thoughts. Let them take you wherever.”

“Maybe.” I released a deep breath. “I’m too tired to think about it clearly tonight. I feel like I’m about to crash from the adrenaline rush.”

She reached out and squeezed my hand. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Me, too.” I smiled at her. “Night.”

I rolled back over and tried to go to sleep, but I was thinking about the wolf again. Why had he seemed so familiar? Had my real parents and I discovered a den of wolves? Maybe some cubs? Were my parents trying to protect them from the hunters? I wished I could remember more about that day. How long did wolves live? Why did I feel a connection with this one?

Then I heard a lonesome howl, and I somehow knew,
knew
, it was
him
calling to me. I felt this stirring deep down in my chest. I wanted to sit up, throw my head back, and howl in return. I wanted to answer his call. My strange reaction to his howl was frightening. It was as though he was calling out to some primal part of me that I hadn’t even realized existed.

Face your fears,
Dr. Brandon had said.

It was difficult to do when they constantly changed. Originally, they all centered around my past and what had happened with my parents. These fears brought forth the nightmares. But lately my fears had more to do with my future, with the unknown, with this strange stirring deep inside me. Sometimes I just felt as though I was going through changes that I couldn’t understand. And I didn’t know who to talk with about them, because I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was happening.

But I did know one thing: I wasn’t afraid of that wolf. I slipped out of my bedroll and pulled on my boots. Lindsey didn’t stir. I grabbed my first aid kit and flashlight before creeping outside. Brittany and Rafe were standing on the far side of the camp talking, not really paying attention. And even if they did spot me, they were watching for any danger that might come into the camp. I certainly wasn’t a threat to anyone, and we weren’t forbidden from leaving.

I hesitated a moment and thought about going to get Lucas, but I didn’t plan to walk far. I didn’t think I’d need to. I scurried around to the side of the tent and then strode out into the thicket, using the flashlight to guide me until I reached a spot far enough from camp that my talking voice wouldn’t be heard, but close enough that my scream would be. I switched off my flashlight and waited. It was silly to think, to hope, that the wolf would come.

A crescent moon shone down on me. It was enough to see by. In the city, I had never realized how bright moonlight could be—or maybe it was just that my eyes were getting better at adjusting to the darkness—but my night vision was somehow keener.

Suddenly I heard a gentle padding. It seemed my ears were more alert as well. I shifted my eyes to the side, and there he was.

I dropped down to one knee, wishing I’d brought him something to eat. The moonlight gleamed along his multicolored fur as though drawn into it. “Hey, fella.”

My voice caught with an edge of self-consciousness. I talked to Fargo, my Lhasa at home, all the time. But this was different. This was an animal of the wild, yet he didn’t seem threatening. I didn’t want to make any sudden moves, didn’t want to frighten him. “I wanted to thank you.”

To my amazement, he eased a little closer, close enough that I could pet him. I hesitated, before slowly burying my hand into his thick pelt. On top the fur was stiff, but underneath it was soft and comforting. Working to keep my voice calm and even, I said, “Don’t be afraid. I know you got hurt. I want to see how bad it is.”

I wasn’t exactly sure what I could do to help. Try to clean it, put a little antiseptic on it? I was afraid if I bandaged it, he would be more visible to predators. I knew wolves varied in color so they could hide in their surroundings more easily. I cooed softly as I moved down to his hindquarter—the one that had gotten hurt. I’d never been this close to a wild creature. It was thrilling and unnerving. I knew if he decided to attack me that I wouldn’t stand a chance of surviving, but I also instinctually knew that he wouldn’t hurt me. I didn’t know an animal could be so still. I brushed my hand through his fur, expecting to feel matted fur and dried blood. But it felt the same as the fur at his shoulder. I reached for my flashlight and shone it on his backside.

There was no blood. Not a trace. That didn’t make sense. I could have sworn he’d gotten hurt. I thought maybe if he’d gone into a river or pond, the blood might have washed away, but there should have been gouged flesh where the bear had clawed him. Very gently I moved his fur aside, but I could find no wound. Mystified, I sat back on my heels. “I guess it was the bear’s blood.”

It wasn’t as though I’d fully recovered from the ordeal in the river—I could have been mistaken about what had really happened.

I looked at the wolf. His head was twisted around as he watched me. I said, “You’re so beautiful. I’m glad you’re all right, but you can’t hang around here. You might get hurt.” Especially if Dr. Keane or Mason spotted him. “You need to go back to your pack.”

Suddenly he snapped his head forward. He gave a throaty growl.

“What is it, boy?” Then I chastised myself. Did I really think he could understand what I was asking? That he could answer me?

He glanced back at me, before taking off like a speeding bullet. I’d been worried that maybe I’d just been unable to find the wound, but now I knew for certain that he wasn’t hurt at all.

I sat there for a while, staring into the darkness where he’d disappeared. I’d seen TV specials about people who communed with wild animals, but this was my first experience. Part of me thought it should have felt weird, but at the same time, it had seemed almost natural—as though the wolf and I were somehow connected.

It was strange. Ever since I’d returned to the forest, I’d had this odd sense of belonging. I felt a protectiveness toward the wolves especially. It was more than the fact that they were beautiful. It was as though they had human qualities: They were intelligent, monogamous, family-oriented. Maybe it was that sense of family that drew me to the wolf. Having lost my parents, family was so important to me.

“Kayla?”

Startled by Lucas’s unexpected voice, I twisted around. “Hey.”

“What are you doing out here?”

My encounter with the wolf felt very personal and private. I didn’t want to share it. Besides, I thought it was possible that he’d think I was a little psycho.

“Just another night of not being able to sleep.” I pushed myself to my feet.

“I’ve been there—when you’re so exhausted, you think you’ll crash and instead you stay awake.”

“It’s a little irritating.” Although I thought if I went back to my sleeping bag, I would crash. If he noticed the first aid kit, he didn’t say anything. For all I knew, he’d seen me with the wolf and was just being nice, pretending to believe my lies.

“Do you ever sleep?” I asked.

“Not much. A bad habit I got into this year at college—spending way too much time studying, when I wasn’t partying.”

“Don’t take this wrong, but I can’t see you partying.”

“My first semester away from home, I went a little wild. We all did. Me, Connor, and Rafe. On campus, they called us the wildmen. But by the end of the year, we’d settled down.” He glanced around. “You mentioned seeing a black wolf last night. How about the wolf this afternoon? Was it black?”

“No.” While I’d hesitated to tell Mason the wolf’s true color, I knew that Lucas was all about protecting the wildlife. “His fur was different colors—kinda like your hair, actually. Black, brown, white.”

“Most wolves have varying shades of fur, which is the reason that the black wolf stands out. Probably not a good idea to go out alone until we spot that wolf and know he’s not going to cause any harm.”

“You say that as though you know the wolves.”

“Over the years, we’ve seen a lot of them. Don’t think we know them all, but some are friendlier than others.”

I nodded. The wolf I’d begun to think of as mine certainly seemed as though he’d never harm me.

“I think the day’s catching up with me,” I said.

Without saying a word, Lucas walked me back to my tent. He waited while I crawled back inside.

I was right. It didn’t take me long to go to sleep. I dreamed about the candlelit dinner that Mason had promised me. Only in my dream, it wasn’t Mason sharing the dinner with me. It was Lucas.

NINE

Lindsey was right. My night watch shift was with Lucas.

“If you’re not feeling up to it, I can keep watch alone,” he said when I joined him in the middle of the camp after Lindsey had nudged me awake when she finished her shift.

“No, I’m fine.”

He gave me a pointed look.

“Okay, so I’m not
fine
, but I’m capable of keeping watch without straining myself.”

He gave me that little twitch of his lips that resembled a smile. “You need a jolt of caffeine before we get started? I’ve got some coffee going over here.”

“Oh, that’d be great.”

We sat on a log by the fire and he handed me a mug of coffee. It was a cool night, and the warmth of the fire felt wonderful. Lucas was leaning forward, his elbows on his thighs, both hands around his mug, his eyes on his coffee. His profile was to me. He was ruggedly handsome.

“I scare you, don’t I?” he asked quietly.

If I’d already taken a sip of coffee, I’d have either spewed it or choked on it.

“You’re kind of intense,” I admitted.

He released a dark chuckle. “Yeah. I take protecting this stretch of wilderness seriously, and when people like the professor and his group come into it, I’m not sure they respect it like they should.” He glanced over his shoulder at me. “I grew up here. I love it. Don’t you feel the same about Dallas?”