Moonglass (18 page)

I glanced over at Tyler, who was pointedly looking out at the beach.

Andy finished off his beer and stifled a burp. “Yeah, sure.”

“We won’t be long,” my dad said, eyeing me. “Go ahead and get your gear out. We’re going scuba tonight.” I nodded and tried to suppress a smile as they tromped down the stairs. Tyler walked over to the tub that held his dive gear and started pulling out his weights, fins, and mask. I leaned on the picnic table, watching him and feeling the last of the afternoon sun sink into my skin. Once my dad and Andy were down on the sand, he looked up at me with a wide smile that made me sure of myself with him.

“I can’t believe how hot it is down here still .” He pulled his shirt up over his head, then came over and leaned on the table next to me. He was right. The air hung perfectly still and heavy around us. Even the ocean looked lazy, virtually flat with only the occasional ripple splashing up onto the sand.

“Ah, you just wanted an excuse to take your shirt off in front of me.”

He raised his eyebrows and looked me over. “Says the girl who only ever wears a bikini.” I laughed nervously, then looked at my toenails that needed to be painted, the water, my bathing suit top, anything but him, because I was suddenly aware of how close we were standing.

“So now that my dad’s not your boss, he’s not scary anymore, huh?”

He shrugged. “James says he’s not so bad. That he actually is a pretty good guy.” I bit my lip to keep from smiling, and reminded myself to thank James later on.

He noticed and turned to face me. “What?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head. “I’m just wondering if James actually runs the beach. He seems to know everything.”

Tyler shrugged his brown shoulders again. “Well, he’s been around awhile.” The smirk appeared again at the corners of his mouth, stretching out the seconds before he spoke again.

“I also had to see if you were actually going to get in the water and dive instead of just working on your tan, cuz that would be impressive.” I gave him an exasperated look. Then I kept looking for longer than I meant to. He didn’t look away either, and I thought how easy it would be to just lean in and kiss him. So much easier after the first one.

The moment dissolved when Andy’s and my dad’s voices drifted up from the beach. I turned from Tyler and walked over to the wall where my wet suit lay draped, then bent slowly, pointedly, to pick up my fins from the ground.

“Yes,” I said, smiling. “I will be diving. And I’d be willing to bet that you’ll be impressed.” After a good amount of jumping around, yanking at wet suits, and weighting ourselves down, we trudged out onto the dusky beach, bent forward under our air tanks. The water lapped gently at the beach, almost like a lake, and the moon spread a glittering path out toward the rocks. It was more serene and beautiful than the night we’d arrived. We all stood at the waterline taking it in for a moment, then Tyler looked over at me and pulled the hood of his wet suit over his head.

“I can’t believe you get to look out your window and see this every night.” He pulled his gloves on.

“It’s pretty amazing.”

I hoped my voice didn’t give away the ripples of apprehension that were now spreading out from the pit in my stomach. My dad stepped over to Tyler and me and gave the same instructions he did every time we went out.

“Try to keep us in sight. If you get turned around or lose us, look for no longer than a minute, then surface. We’ll do the same thing. If anything happens, remember to let all your air out from your vest and kick up slower than your bubbles.” A flash of our last dive came and went, and I wondered what I would do if I thought I caught a glimpse of her again. I shook off the ridiculousness of the thought and watched as Andy and my dad switched on their lights. My dad turned to Tyler and me.

“Got your lights?”

“Yep,” we answered.

“Check your pressure … compass … mask?”

“Yeah, Dad,” I answered curtly. The longer we stood there looking at the water, the more anxious I felt. I tried to tell myself it was because Tyler was there, or that it was my first night dive in a long time, but it wasn’t the excited anticipation kind of nervous. It was pit-in-your-stomach disquiet.

My dad ignored my tone and motioned at my fins. “You check your straps after the last dive? They were looking a little worn.”

“Dad, I got it,” I said impatiently. “I’ll be fine. Besides”—I tried to sound nicer—”I’m with three lifeguards.”

“All right. Once we’re out there, keep your eyes on the crevices and rocks. The lobsters will be hanging out there. Tyler, you gone out for lobsters before?”

“No, sir, but I can’t wait to bring a few home.”

“Well, the easiest way to do it is to pin ‘em down.” He demonstrated with a quick hand motion. “Then, once you have a good hold, measure ‘em and get ‘em into your bag. They’ll fight you, though, so be ready.” Tyler nodded, and I could tell he was looking forward to it.

“Okay. Let’s go.” My dad pulled his mask down over his face, flicked on his light, and walked out into the water, stopping chest-deep to put his fins on. I watched as the light went under with him and became the center of an illuminated green patch of water that slowly moved away from the shore.

Tyler spit into his mask and rubbed it around with his thumbs. “So you really go out there and grab at those things, huh?” I scoffed. “Uh … no. They scare the crap out of me. Truly. They’re like giant bugs. I just like to go along for the dive.” I pulled on my gloves, then stretched my mask over my forehead. “But I do eat them. Tacos are the best way. I bought all the stuff for them today, so hopefully you guys will come through.” I forced a smile, then stuck my regulator into my mouth and tested it out.

“All right, then,” he said, and smiled. “Tacos it is.”

I popped my ears all the way down to the bottom, then looked at my depth gauge. Thirty-six feet. Our lights cut bright beams through the water and illuminated the tiny particles that hung suspended in liquid green. Tyler checked his compass and pointed in the direction of the rocks. I nodded, motioning for him to lead. He pushed off with the tip of his fin, and we cruised along the bottom, which was barren and sandy. Up ahead I could see the beginning of the rocks, silhouetted in the moonlight.

I kicked easily next to Tyler as we hovered over the sand. He looked at me through his mask and nodded, which I returned, and I enjoyed not having to think of something to say. When quiet moments fell over us above the water, it was awkward, and I almost always made a wiseass remark to cover that. But down here I didn’t have to.

We reached the edge of the rocks just as a stream of bubbles danced up from behind them, and my dad came into view holding a good-size lobster in the beam of his light. He stuffed it into his net bag and gave us an okay sign, checking to make sure that we were all right. We answered by returning the sign. He nodded and then pointed down at the rocks and swept his hands wide, indicating that this was the area to be looking around in. Tyler shined his light below us into a crevice and illuminated several lobsters, all waving their antennae and backing up at the same time.

Not interested in trying for them, I surveyed the rocky area around us. Some distance away, buried in the rocks, I could see the faint glow of another light.

An image from the dream I’d had flashed in my mind: my mom, searching endlessly for something she’d lost. For a split second my stomach lurched, before logic told me it was Andy. Even so, my breaths came a little quicker and I had to make an effort to slow down and keep them even. Night dives were always a little eerie for me, but the last one had been unsettling.

Tyler was just ahead of me, pulling himself along the bottom edge of the rocky reef, with my dad in front of him a little ways. While they were absorbed in searching out lobsters, I hung back a bit and tried to occupy my mind with Tyler, and running, and school. Whatever might hold off images of my mom. But the images twisted and swirled around me in the water, rising like the smoke of a just-extinguished candle.

Up ahead Tyler’s light went still, and I saw him make a grab. The lobster escaped and shot around him, doing zigzags before disappearing into the dark water beyond us. My dad turned to him and flashed him the okay sign again, and Tyler gave it back. When I caught up to them and they both checked with me too, I put my gloved index finger to my thumb, answering that I was okay. It was easy to lie underwater. A lot easier than having to control my voice or avoid eye contact. Or put it all out of my mind. I’d been so good at it for so long, but now something was rising slowly, making its way up through cold, black, winter water, and no matter how hard I pushed, it wouldn’t go back down.

I was definitely not okay.

The air flowed easily in and out of my regulator, at a steady rhythm, but I couldn’t breathe. I needed to get out.

I saw my chance as I followed the deep crevice until it widened and I could see it was lined with spiky purple urchins. Calmly and deliberately I used my right heel to push the fin strap off my left one. I felt it release, and I watched as the fin descended in slow motion into the crack, before coming to rest on a bed of urchins. Then I kicked hard to catch up and grabbed my dad’s ankle, shaking it to get his attention. He turned around slowly, and I pointed to my foot, which now only wore a neoprene bootie. Then I pointed down into the crevice. Through his mask I could see he was pissed. He flashed his light to get Tyler’s attention, and when Tyler swam over, my dad gave the signal for us to surface. We let all the air out of our vests and then began the kick upward, where the light of the moon waved above us, and I started to relax a little in spite of the fact that my dad was not going to be happy. When our heads broke the surface, I was waiting for it.

“Dammit, Anna,” he spit out, along with his regulator. “I
asked
you about your fins.” He pulled his mask up to his forehead, then shook his head. “I guess you’re done for the night.” Tyler didn’t say anything, but looked from one of us to the other.

“I’m sorry.” And I genuinely was. I had just lost a perfectly good fin on purpose, but it was better than having to explain why I didn’t want to be out there. “You guys stay out. I’ll kick in and start getting dinner stuff ready. You already got a couple, right?” He brightened a little at this and looked down at his bag. “Yeah, it’s good out here. Which is why you should have checked your fins.” He looked over my shoulder to the lights of our house. “That’s a long kick in. I don’t want you doing it by yourself with one fin.” He sighed, then looked at Tyler, and I could almost hear him weighing his options. Tyler must have too.

“I can go in with her,” he offered. He said it almost grudgingly, but I had a feeling it was meant to sound that way.

I played too. “I’ll be fine, you guys. It’s not that far.” I looked at both of them, and my dad shook his head.

“No, not by yourself.” He turned to Tyler. “If you’re volunteering, I’ll stay out here and have my limit in half an hour.” Tyler nodded. “Sure. No problem. I got to grab at a few, at least.”

“I would say you could come back out and find us,” my dad offered, “but by the time you did, we’d probably be done. And I don’t want you getting lost out here either.” He sighed and shook his head yet again. “You two go on in. We shouldn’t be too long. And, Anna, be sure you rinse your gear.” He pulled down his mask and pushed on it until it suctioned to his face.

Then he stuck his regulator into his mouth and gave a little wave before going back under. That had worked out better than I’d thought it would.

Tyler and I were left bobbing on the slick surface only a few feet out of the bright path of moonlight. He inflated his vest and floated on his back, face to the sky. “I guess Andy’s not the only one with high-maintenance girl problems. Lose a fin, require a private escort in…. Must be rough to be you.”

“Shut up.” I splashed at him. “That’s not high maintenance. That’s faulty equipment. And I would have made it in fine. He’s just like that because … of his job. He has to be.” I kicked my single fin so that I floated on my back next to him. He didn’t say anything, and we both drifted there, looking up at the moon.

Just as the quiet started to feel awkward, I pictured how ridiculous we must look, covered in neoprene from head to toe, floating on our backs with our vests fully inflated, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What?” Tyler strained to lift his head out of the water.

“Nothing. I’d like to see a picture of this is all.”

He grinned, then stuck his fins up out of the water. “You want one for the swim in?”

“I think I can manage. I don’t want to be too high maintenance or anything.” I lay back and started my uneven kick.

“Suit yourself.” He put his head back into the water and started to kick too, passing me almost immediately.

By the time I dragged myself onto the sand, my legs were worthless. I had cursed myself the entire way for not taking him up on his fin offer. Pride had forced me to finish, but I didn’t even care about that anymore. I flopped down on the wet sand and leaned back on my tank to catch my breath while Tyler stood looking out at the water.

He pointed. “I can see their lights.”

“You can go back out there if you want to,” I said, panting. “I’m all safe now.” He turned and looked to our lighted windows. “You gonna make it across the sand and up those stairs? You sound like you might die or something.” He smiled. “You’re a runner. I’d think you’d be in better shape than that.”

I lay back completely on my tank and looked up at the sky. “When I run, I get to wear shoes on both feet.” I closed my eyes and listened to the ripples of water on sand. “I’m comfortable right here.”

“Yeah … I get that, but let’s get out of this gear and then come back down or something. This stuff’s just a little bit heavy to be standing out here enjoying the night.”

“Okay.” I took a deep breath and rolled onto my side so that I could push myself off the sand. Tyler grabbed my elbow and helped me up, which made me smile even as I lost my balance and tipped back over.

“Come on. Put a little effort into it.” He hoisted me up again with a grunt, but I was a lost cause. After several more attempts I finally got to my feet, and we plodded up to the patio, where we went our separate ways—me to the warmth of the shower to rinse off the salt water and wet suit smell , and him to the outdoor shower my dad had rigged up.