Monza: Book 2 (8 page)

Diece

How could I separate myself after meeting my newborn son? It was a daunting question I had considered from the moment Kimberly had whispered about leaving the room so I could take care of myself. Apparently, she was worried I was going to faint, and that would be the last thing she needed.

“
I’m not going to faint,” I persisted, never taking my eyes off my baby’s. “I’m fine.”

“
What if you’re not fine?” she yelled.

She finally got my undivided attention. Dragging my eyes from Gian Luca, I spun around and stared at the woman who seemed to be on the verge of tears and, quite possibly, a mild break down.

“
There’s no need to worry about me, Kim. I promise you, all right? Give me more time to be here. I haven’t had my fill of him yet …” If she dared ask me to leave after she had gotten my help, I would be devastated. She wouldn’t do that, would she?

“
No … You don’t understand …” She adamantly shook her head, leaving her tears to stream down her pale face. “But I worry about you. I know I shouldn’t, but every waking moment, every second, I do.” She sniffed, appearing beyond broken. “I can’t have you nearly dying on me, Luca. I thought the nightmares would stop, but they haven’t. I’m scared about you … about Gian Luca. If you both die...” Her body was shaking to the point of convulsing.

My defenses instantaneously shut down as I took her in my arms and held her as if she was the most precious thing I had ever held, and she was. No woman could come close.

“
I’m here. You know I’m always here.”

She cried in my arms with her hands gripping my shirt, clinging on to me. “Luca,” she huffed out. “Please don’t hate me too much…”

I never could, even if my life depended on it. Despite there being no doubt that she could spark that feeling within me, I knew it would never last because my love for her was too deep, and no matter what, no matter how, it always prevailed.

“
Marry me,” I beseeched in a whisper.

Her soft wails stopped as she stilled in my arms, and ever so slowly, she pulled her face off my chest before she looked up, tears unstoppable.

“
Haven’t I hurt you enough?”

She had. We both knew she had.

“
You have.” My throat constricted. “But all has changed…and a lot remained the same.”

“
God,” she breathed out, chest heaving. “Oh, fuck it.”

It was the last thing I heard her say before she unceremoniously grabbed the back of my head with both hands and kissed me thoroughly, senselessly. The kiss was as much fire as it was hunger. It was as much desperation as it was hope. It was a ball of contrasting emotions, and I couldn’t get enough of her.

“
Kim…”

With her eyes closed, she pressed her lips against mine, leaving a series of small, short kisses. “I love you, Luca, but I have come to terms that you and I can never be.”

My blood turned cold once again. Just like before, loving and hating her went hand in hand. This moment was no different.

“
For fuck’s sake, Kimberly! This is the first time you said you loved me, but instead of making this amazing between us, you once again decide to crush everything like you always do. I don’t fucking get you!” I hissed, wanting to shake her senseless.

I wasn’t sure if it was seeing our baby and meeting him for the first time, her saying that she loved me, or the kiss that we shared, but this was a pivotal point for me. My heart couldn’t take any more of her mind-fuckery.

“
You know what? This is the same bullshit cycle you always throw at me. I’m done loving you. You’re not worthy of it. Trust my words, I’m going to fall in love again, and you’re going to regret this moment for the rest of your life.”

She seemed hysterical, as if she didn’t know what to think, to say, or to feel.

“
I’m—”

“
You’re what?” I barked. “Sorry, again? Spare me the same old tripe. I’m over it,” I stated with finality as I directed my gaze towards where our son was fighting for his life.

I had wished things were different, that I could be a part of his life. I had wish I could see him take his first step, cut his first tooth, his first everything, but it wasn’t in the cards for me. It was hard to accept, though I had already signed a contract that gave my rights away.

Coming to terms with that was so much harder after seeing and meeting Gian Luca. I knew I must, though. I had no choice in the matter.

“
Whatever you need to make sure my son gets the best of everything, just contact Gino. He’ll give you whatever you need, anything at all.”

I was getting ready to leave. I was forming the right words to tell my son I couldn’t be in his life when I heard her speak behind me.

“
Divorce isn’t an option.”

I didn’t care what reasons she had. In my eyes, Kimberly served Kimberly. She didn’t care to raise our son with his own father. Instead, she chose to stay married to Anton. She cared for her own benefit, not her son’s and surely not mine.

She loved me? Ha. That was laughable. I doubted the woman knew how to love.

Willing to keep ignoring her, I tried to memorize my son, knowing I might not see him for a very, very long time.

“
You think it’s just you who’s hurt? I think of you every waking moment of the day. You have no idea how much it’s costing me not to throw caution to the wind and say to hell with it all, marry you, and have a great little family, but I fucking can’t! I’m afraid I have no choice in the matter. I gave it away.”

I tensed, knowing that something was amiss. “What do you mean by ‘you gave it away’?”

“
I can’t say…” she said reluctantly, making me spin on my heels to face her.

“
Oh, for fuck’s sake! For once, I wish you would just tell me the fucking truth!”

She looked away, staring at something yet not seeing it at all. “If I do, there’ll be consequences, and I can’t take that risk. God help me, but I just can’t, Luca … not even for you.”

She was speaking in riddles. Not only was I frustrated and infuriated that I had no clue where she was going with this, but I felt as though she was torn about giving me what I was demanding, despite the fact that she was dying to tell me. At the same time, she knew she couldn’t. Whatever it was, I wasn’t leaving until I heard it from her.

“
Well hell, it’s either you tell me, or I start taking this matter with you seriously and hire the right people to straightened this situation out. My son—my precious boy—is on the line here, so you better start talking.”

“
Your mother offered me to have this child aborted, but I fought not to, and my selfish actions caused irreparable consequences.”

I saw fireworks from too much anger upon hearing my infamous mother had orchestrated something that had to deal with Kimberly. More importantly, it had to deal with my son whom she had wanted aborted. The wretched woman had the audacity to play with my son’s fate? She had better watch out.

“
How in God’s name did she find out you were pregnant?”

“
I’m not sure, but I think the doctor I went to get checked by told her, or maybe she had me followed. She never really said how she found out.”

My mother and all the details could be dealt with soon enough. There was another pressing matter I wanted to know. She had stated consequences after Gian Luca, so what wasn’t she telling me?

“
What exactly is on the line here, Kimberly?”

“
My brother’s life.”

=-=-=-=

Monza: Book 3

September 2015

Barcelona (Andrés)

Fall 2015

Nice (Jacques)

Winter 2015

A sneak peek of Pamela Ann’s next novel, My Summer in London is attached below…

Chapter One

“
Miss Serena?” The butler with his bushy yet well-kept eyebrows eyed me with hesitation. “Miss Serena
Woods?
” he reiterated.

Making a slight smile, I nodded towards him. “Yes, that’s me,” I whispered timidly.

His less than warm approach made me feel somehow intimidated. I was sure he could sense that about me. Nervously, I cleared my throat, arching my back a little as I fixed my posture. “Is this the home of Mrs. Margery Elliot?”

“
That it is, young lady,” he uttered in a deep, timbered voice before snapping his fingers.

In the blink of an eye, a middle-aged woman appeared to fetch my measly luggage before the standoffish butler opened the door wider, silently inviting me inside.

There was no doubt in my mind that I was out of my depth as I noted my surroundings with immense awe. I’d had no clue Mom had such prominent connections, yet there I was, an exchange student in London for a whole year.

My parents had a decent amount of income, but nothing of this magnitude. Apparently, my mother had once been a neighbor to a woman who married some wealthy Brit, one who had some serious health issues and only recently passed away after a serious battle with liver damage for over twenty-five years. Upon receiving the devastating news, my mother was concerned for her friend, and in the span of a week, she had concocted an ingenious idea. Well, according to her.

I wasn’t all that excited when she suggested I study abroad after my devastating break up with Aaron, my boyfriend of four years. Daunted by my failed relationship and a gnawing need for space, I had succumbed to my mother’s insistence, resulting in my present location in London. Chelsea, to be precise.

“
This is Anne. She’ll accompany you to your rooms and help you unpack. You will have approximately an hour to unwind before tea. Would you like that to be brought to you, or would you like to have it out in the garden?”

Tea? I wasn’t sure if I even liked tea. I was more of a coffee drinker than anything.

“
Well, I was more hoping to meet Margery before anything else.”

“
Mrs. Elliott will be joining you soon. She’ll be back in time for tea,” he quietly informed before giving me a final nod, indicating he was dismissing me.

Not knowing what to do, I glanced at Anne before saying, “All right. Okay, I guess.”

“
Come with me, Miss Serena,” Anne said chirpily as she started to stride towards the long, winding stairs that were so superbly polished I could clearly see my reflection without a problem.

Trailing behind her as my eyes gathered my opulent surroundings, I didn’t notice we had come to a halt until she stood and opened the two doors that led to the most beautiful bedroom I would probably ever sleep in for the rest of my life.

The lovely trappings consisted of silk beddings with contrasting pastels and earth colors. It was vibrant and exuded warmth at the same time.

“
Mrs. Elliot had this quickly redecorated for your arrival. The final touches were done merely a couple days ago. It’s lovely, isn’t it?” She beamed at me as her eyes admired the newly furbished surroundings.

It was beyond lovely.

It was … “Exquisite,” I whispered, still in awe of the understated elegance Mrs. Elliot had arranged because of my arrival. “It’s very generous of her to do something so nice.”
I think I like her already
, I silently added as my smile grew.

“
It gave her something to do. It was a brilliant suggestion by her son.”

Anne was a shy and timid woman who seemed to be in her early thirties. She had a warm, inviting smile and a pleasant demeanor that made me feel comfortable in her presence.

How thoughtful of him. My mom was most likely right. Coming here for a study program not only could help me get all the break-up negativity out of my mind, but at the same time, it would be beneficial to have a long-term houseguest for Mrs. Elliot. It was a win-win.

Striding to the partially opened French windows with a cozy settee next to it, my finger touched the velvety texture of an orchid before I heard someone clear their throat. It sounded so deep I instantly knew it hadn’t come from Anne, but from someone I hadn’t met before.

I spun around, hoping to greet the person, but I lost my voice the moment my eyes landed on him. I felt as though my entire body was sledge hammered with something so fierce I literally was out of breath.