Monsters & Fairytales (55 page)

Words were lost. He didn’t even have faith in me but he expected it in
myself
. I had died. I was dead. Am I dead now? Have I been dead this whole time? He lied to me. He kept telling me lies
.

“
Why lie to me.”

“Because I realized you were it. If I told you the truth, then I would be costing the world its greatest hope. Do you remember how much you hated me when you learned what I was? You would have never understood. You would have never came here and seen this place and wanted to be a part of it. You needed that to understand your importance in life.”

“But, you lied to me.”

“I had to. I fell in love with you and you fell in with me, too. It was the only way. You have to believe me.” He was begging now.

“How could you? A loved based on lies is no love at all. That’s why I failed when the Zahn came the first time. It wasn’t because I was
afraid,
it was because it wasn’t the truth. You didn’t trust me. You weren’t honest.”

“Believe me, I know that. Why do you think I came back again? I had to make it right. I told you it was
all my
fault. And this time, I did it. Look at you! You’re here because you want to be. You’re in love with me because you want to be. Now you know everything, and you can choose your own fate. It’s okay.”

He actually thought his words were comforting.

“It’s not okay.” I whispered.
“So, what now?”
I directed the question at Porter.

He rolled his eyes and sighed. There was more? I
was getting angry again. Porter, do something now. One of his fingers moved up to my temple and forced my eyes shut one more time. I welcomed it this time.

Instantly, I was back in my old living room. Sebastian and I were standing there, staring at each other. Like before, everything slowed down so I could hear the conversation. It was the same one.  Something burned. I heard the Minakai tell me to get past that. I wanted to scream. It was as if my head was being held underwater in an invisible bubble of air and someone was telling me to breathe. I knew it was safe but I couldn’t see it.

A snap and we finally moved past it. We were over it. I was over it. Time rewound itself to where he wanted me to see it. We stopped on the ledge of my apartment. Sebastian was there, hovering in the shadows facing the park. This is where it all began. This is why he was there, to protect me. He was there to claim my soul and get it safely to heaven. But he just confessed to that. Why would I need to press anything there? What was I missing? Was that a lie too? It couldn’t be. I remember the EMTs pumping air back into me. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to come back. Did I honestly die down there? And then I realized.

“If you were there to claim my soul, why tell me you were trying to find your family member? Who was the Myrian lost in my world? Who was the one following me around and trying to make sure I was pure enough?”
I asked.

“I didn’t know you were the one.”

“Then why were you at my house? You were facing the park.” I gasped. “You were watching me? That’s what Spike had been barking at. It was you. Those were your feathers?”

I was hyperventilating. I was never, for the rest of my life, going to doubt my dog again. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was horrible to him compared to the love and safety he gave me.

“Speak!” I yelled at Sebastian.

He needed to tell it all, now. I deserved an explanation. I knew there was more. He’s still lying to me. Sebastian, please, just
end
this.

“I can’t tell you. You have to trust me.”

“
Trust you? Are you honestly trying to test my trust again? Haven’t I proven myself enough?”

I was so angry. All these tests and lies just for me to be pure? It sounded more mundane and immature than profitable.

“It’s not a test.” Sebastian promised.

He fidgeted with his hands again and I noticed something weird about him. There was something weird seeping from the corner of his lips. It was almost as if he were trying to hold back a smile. Was he laughing? I wanted to walk up to him and smack him across his face. How dare he show this little respect for my feelings; for my
life.
He had ruined everything. If he had never come into my life, I wouldn’t be here. I could be somewhere happy with Joe. I could be on our second date, we could be happy. But instead, I was getting laughed at.

“If you weren’t waiting on me, if you didn’t know I was there, what were you doing? What’s the truth?”

I was crying out of frustration. I didn’t care if it looked like pain; it was hard to hold back my emotions now. I was sick of it all with him. I regretted everything I had ever felt for him. He’d lost me and all he could do was laugh? Did he think I was that stupid? Every time I’d remembered him, I had asked the same questions. And every time he told me something different or swayed me from the truth. I supposed I was that stupid. I was blinded by the same emotions that kept me alive. Did he even honestly care for me? Or was that a test, too? I didn’t trust him anymore. I didn’t know who to trust. My heart was pounding in my head.

I was waiting for him to speak, but he just sat there and tried not to make eye contact with me. I knew what he was doing. He was dragging this out. He wanted to see how long I could take it. He wanted me to have these thoughts and fester on them.
Another stupid test.

Well, screw his tests. I wasn’t going to let him win. I took a step towards him and bent down to his eye level. I stared at him. He covered his mouth and pointed behind me. I didn’t get it.

Right when I was about to turn around, a voice from my past said my name. Every hair on my body stood up. I wanted to melt into the ground. It couldn’t be. There was absolutely no way. How could it be? I wanted to die. I felt my entire body go numb. It wasn’t fair. Haven’t I had enough
?

Just once.

((
the
harder you fall the stronger you rise
))

“No.” I whispered.

I cautiously and slowly pivoted on the balls of my feet. Sure enough, there, where Carlyle had been sitting, was Joe. The perfect blue eyed, curly blonde haired, gorgeous human love of my life, was Carlyle?! There was no way. There was just no way. I couldn’t speak nor move. I was just staring at him with my mouth on the floor. I felt like I needed a crank to roll my tongue back up like they did in the cartoons. This wasn’t a cartoon, though. I wasn’t sure what it was anymore, to be honest.

“You?
You?”

I looked to him then to Sebastian. As if I felt the pain of Sebastian’s lies had really eaten me whole, now I understood true pain. There was a betrayal like none before searing through my body. I wanted to run away. Even if they would catch me, as they did before, this time I felt like I might actually succeed in escaping. I’d worry about the, ‘where to’ part once I got there.

“Do you see it now? Do you understand the pain you just put me through, for him? He’s the true liar here.” Sebastian said grabbing my hand.

I yanked it away. How dare he think he had nothing to do with this
betrayal.

“You knew. This entire time you knew that he was Joe. Oh, no, that explains everything! That’s why you were so jealous! That’s why you wanted to go to the arcade, too!” I stopped and looked at him. “I thought it was odd that with everything at your disposal in my world, you choose an arcade. You chose the one arcade that he worked at. You lied to me.” I cried out.

“I knew, yes, but I wasn’t lying.”

“What was the point of going there? What were you hoping to accomplish?
And all your snide jokes?
The both of you!”

Suddenly I wasn’t mad at Sebastian anymore.

“Carlyle? You’re Joe. Everything you just said. Everything you have ever said? How could you? What’s your excuse? At least he was there for a purpose. But you, you just used me. And you knew, too! You knew why he was there. You knew what he was doing. It was a game to you!”

I felt sick. I was a game to the both of them. He had been using me strictly to stab Sebastian back. Sebastian’s feelings were honest. He had one thing right his entire story, he cared for me.

“I had a purpose; I just never thought you’d see me this way.”

“Oh, so that makes it all better?” I screamed.

“You sit here and you forgive him in two seconds once you see he is not alone in these games? But I was never in these games. I was always there to watch over you. I was the one who said you were worth it. I was the reason he came back. If it weren’t for me, then you and
him
would never have had anything. How dare you sit here and put all of the blame on me. The reason you’re alive at all is because I exist.”

“You knew everything! And yet you still took me around like some showcased animal. You took me on a date. You told me I was pretty. You made me feel special. All of it was just to hurt him. Because you never thought I’d see you this way? Screw you. You’re a bastard and a liar. That’s why I’m not mad at him. He did it all out of his own heart and his own judgment. Sure, he wanted to make you jealous, but it was because of his honesty. There’s a difference there. Maybe you didn’t spend enough time on Earth to understand what the importance of being truthful is.”

“You are a selfish girl. I was the only one running tests for the sake of your purity. If I took you out and you felt that way, how could you so easily dismiss them for a creature, for something that doesn’t even exist? What kind of feelings were those?”

“They were torn and twisted. I didn’t know any better.
He just said it himself that it was his fault. He’s taking the blame while you sit there on your high horse like you’re the king.
” I said spitting in his face.

I wanted to rip the perfect smile off of his perfect face. He was a monster. He didn’t deserve to be portrayed in this light.

“Now is not the time for anger.” Loki stepped forward.

“Like hell it isn’t.” I mumbled, backing up.

I just didn’t understand it. How could this be possible? How on Earth could it be that the two men I am in love with...are brothers? Oh, right, because
it’s not on Earth. It’s in some crazy world called Aegyssus
. It was really rather perfect. I wanted to laugh I was so angry. All the lies, all the feelings, everything was pathetic. I’m no savior, this is hell. I’ve died and been sent here to be punished for eternity. I could accept that.

“What’s before you is far worse than Hell, my dear.” The Minakai snorted. “I knew you weren’t ready.”

That was a hard snap back to reality. I don’t know if he’d said that intentionally or not, but my words were already out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

“Excuse me? I am prepared for whatever it is I have to do.
Especially now.”

“All this deception and you are still willing to go through with it?”

“Yes.”

I wasn’t exactly sure what “it” was yet, but I wasn’t going to let the idiocies of Sebastian and Carlyle
falter
my views. Apparently there was a higher power working within all this. If they wanted to toy with my feelings, at least He knew why. And He knew that I was meant for it. Why else would I be called the key to humanity?

“You realize what that entails?”

“I don’t care.”

“Ah, that explains it. You silly humans, you are so quick to throw everything away over love.”

“Who said anything about love?” I chortled.

“So, now you deny it? You really aren’t ready.”

He waved his hands and shooed me off. My heart hiccupped.

“I don’t even know what it is I am up against, but I know I am not denying anything. I merely want your justification as to why you feel that is my reasoning behind whatever ‘this’ is.”

“Because, look at you! You stand here with two creatures that won your heart and then betrayed it. All within a few days, mind you. You want this because of them.
Because of Sebastian.”

“I can’t speak for Carlyle without knowing his purpose, but as I said, Sebastian didn’t betray me. He hurt me, yes, he
lied
a little, well a lot, but his intentions were always pure.  He did what he had to do in whatever light he thought was right. How was he to know any different? Why shouldn’t I do what I am supposed to, as well?”

“Is that really enough of a reason?”