Moments In Time: The Complete Novella Collection (2 page)

A lot could happen in four years. People
forget and move on, start over. Yet I found it hard to unglue
myself from the past. How could I move on with the guilt weighing
me down?

Did I even deserve a new start?

Blinding grief ripped through my chest and
stomach as I returned to that morning. The one that had shattered
me in every way possible, erased any chance of me ever living a
normal life again.

“Are you all right?”

I wiped the tears from my face and looked up
into eyes that sparkled in the dim lighting. They belonged to
someone who smelled of fresh linen and vanilla. The man who, a few
minutes ago, had been lighting a candle.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” My cheeks
flushed.

I quickly picked up my things and headed for
the opposite end of the pew, down the aisle, and back out the door
into the morning sunshine. Pausing on the steps, I steadied
myself.

“You didn’t look okay back there.”

I wheeled around and met the most vivid
emerald eyes. I used to think my ex, Chris, had the most gorgeous
eyes. They were the same shade of green. But this man’s were
captivating, electric.

My gaze slid to his full and well-shaped
lips, the strong, square chin with a hint of a dimple in the
center. A current raced through me, almost knocking me over.

Attempting nonchalance, I leaned against the
brick wall and sucked in a breath. “I’m fine. I appreciate your
concern.”

His lips stretched into a dimpled smile, and
to my horror, he wiped a remnant tear from my cheek. “People who
are fine don’t shed these.” He paused. “Unless they’re happy, of
course. But I don’t think you are.”

Goose pimples prickled my arms, and I looked
away. “I have to go.” Unburdening my problems on a stranger wasn’t
in my plans. Not even if the stranger was a handsome one. Why would
I tell him what I preferred to keep hidden, forgotten?

He gazed at his watch and then back up at
me. “Look, you clearly need someone to talk to. So do I. I know I’m
a stranger, but I’m a nice stranger. I promise. How about a quick
coffee?”

I tightened my grip on the strap of my
grocery bag. I wanted to walk away from this man. I knew I had to
return to the shelter with the jam, but...

“Okay.” The word surprised both me and the
stranger. Neither of us had expected me to accept his offer. But
something about him made it impossible for me to walk away.

The Coffee Dash was his café of choice.

I breathed in the aroma of coffee and
chocolate as we walked past the cash register, positioned next to a
display case filled with brownies, cupcakes, and cookies on one
side and sandwiches on the other. The handsome stranger caught the
eye of just about every woman in the café. In a way, it made me
feel special to be the woman by his side. Even if I had no idea who
he was.

“Table at the back, please,” he said to a
bulbous-nosed waitress who wouldn’t stop gawking at him. How rude.
If I were his girlfriend, I’d have been offended.

The waitress ignored a couple beckoning for
her at another table and led us to a booth in the back. She handed
me a menu, but her gaze stayed fixed on my companion’s face. When
she went to give him his own menu, she dropped it. Her hands were
actually shaking.

The man picked up the laminated menu and
handed it back to her. “I don’t need this, thank you. Bring me a
strong coffee with milk. No sugar.”

“I’ll have the same.” I said. I had just
about enough money in my purse for coffee.

The waitress nodded at him. I’d be surprised
if she remembered my order.

As soon as the waitress left, he asked me,
“So, why do you look so sad?”

I swallowed hard and forced myself to remain
calm. Normally, simple questions called for simple answers. Not in
this case. I rarely talked about this to anyone, except Lynnette
and Melisa, and of course the therapist who volunteered at the
shelter once a week. “Who were you lighting a candle for?” I asked,
to give myself time to think.

“I asked you a question first. But okay,
let’s start with me.” A trace of humor laced his voice, but his
expression darkened. “I was lighting a candle for my brother. He
died a few years ago. The memorial was held at Grace Chapel.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.” He cleared his throat. “Your
turn.”

“Well.” I reached for a napkin and twisted
it between my fingers. “It’s hard to...”

“Confide in a stranger?”

“Yes,” I admitted. It was hard confiding in
anyone.

He slid forward in his chair, and his knee
brushed mine under the table. “I’m Nick, if that makes me seem less
like a stranger.”

“I’m Carlene.” An involuntary smile curled
my lips. “And yes, it does help to know your name.” I paused,
trying to find the right words. “A few years ago, my boyfriend
passed away. The memorial was also held at Grace Chapel.”

“Please accept my condolences.” Tenderness
filled his green eyes.

At that moment, the waitress appeared with
two cups and placed them in front of us.

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t order tea,” I said.
“I wanted a coffee.”

“Really? I’m pretty sure you ordered—”

“Excuse me,” Nick looked up at the waitress.
“Sally, is it?”

She glanced at the name tag on the lapel of
her shirt, as though confirming her own name. “Yes, sir.”

“Well, Lauren. My friend did order coffee.
Would you mind getting it for her, please?”

“Of course, sir.”

A moment later, she came back with the
coffee. “I’m sorry about the confusion, ma’am.”

“No problem,” I said, and she left.

“Death is not an easy thing to come to terms
with.” Nick said, picking up where we’d left off. “Especially if
you lose someone close. It’s so final.” He lifted his coffee to his
lips and drank, despite the steam curling up from the cup.

Especially if you watch someone die before
your eyes, I thought. “I’d never experienced anything so painful
before.”

Nick lowered his cup to the table and
reached out, paused, then squeezed my hand. He released it almost
immediately, but I wished he had lingered for just a moment
longer.

“Do you visit Grace Chapel often?” I
asked.

“No, it brings back too many painful
memories...regrets. I was on my way to work when I spotted the
chapel and decided to light a candle for my brother.” For an
instant, Nick’s features hardened. He raked a hand through his
chestnut hair and furrowed his brow.

“It can’t be easy, losing a brother.”

“I wish I’d had more time with him. I guess
you and I were meant to meet, to comfort each other. It helps to
talk to someone who’s lost a person close to them.”

“Maybe.” I blew on my coffee and sipped.
Still too hot. How did Nick manage to drink his?

“How did he die, your boyfriend?”

His question snapped me back to reality.
“I’d rather not talk about that.” My voice wavered. What was wrong
with me, talking to a stranger about this? Even if I never saw him
again, he would still know what I’d done.

I extracted my purse from the grocery bag
and scrambled for coins to pay for my coffee.

“Allow me.” Nick drained his coffee and dug
in his pocket. Discreetly, he produced a wad of notes wrapped
around each other. His hands half hidden under the table, he peeled
off a hundred-dollar bill and placed it on the table between our
cups. The coffee wouldn’t even cost ten dollars. For a moment, I
wished I were Sally the waitress.

I stood, my eyes still glued to the money on
the table. “Thanks for the talk.” I looked briefly at him and then
stepped away. Then I slipped on something and went flying. I let
out a squeal, anticipating the back of my head hitting the ceramic
tiles. Instead, I fell into Nick’s arms.

His firm muscles contracted as he lifted me
up to a standing position. “Careful.” His breath warmed my neck,
awakening butterflies in the pit of my stomach. A smile tipped the
corners of his full lips, and dimples appeared on both cheeks. No
wonder I had found him attractive. I had always been a dimples and
gorgeous eyes kind of girl.

I should have gotten out of the cradle of
his arms immediately, but my body wouldn’t cooperate with my head.
It had been a long time since I’d felt so safe in someone’s
arms.

When Nick lowered his lips to mine and
kissed me, I didn’t flinch. His kiss was a whisper at first, as if
he was testing me to see if I’d fight him. When I didn’t, he gently
nibbled my lips and probed my tongue with his.

My stomach swirled and somewhere inside my
head, a tiny voice reprimanded me. I pretended not to hear. My body
felt as if it had been plugged into an electrical outlet. I
returned his kiss fervently. Nothing about this felt wrong. In
fact, nothing had ever felt so right.

From a distance, people talked, someone
slurped a drink, coins jingled, and a love song played in the
background.

I wound my arms around Nick’s neck, and he
buried his hands in my hair, unraveling it from its ponytail.

Suddenly, he pulled away, still gazing at
me. His arms were still around my waist. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean
to...”

“It’s... It’s okay.” I bit my lip, relishing
the remains of our coffee kiss.

His arms dropped to his sides, and he pushed
his hands into his pockets, as if to restrain them. “I never do
things like that. You are so...beautiful.” He shook his head. “I’m
sorry. That should never have happened.”

Words were lodged in my throat. I wanted to
say that I didn’t regret what happened. That he’d made me feel
alive again, if just for a moment.

Though the kiss invigorated me, the shame of
kissing a total stranger washed over me. I felt like a teenager who
couldn’t keep her emotions in check.

It was just that he’d caught me from more
than falling to the floor. He’d also caught me from crashing down
into depression, as I usually did on this day every year.

“I should go.” He lifted his suit jacket
from the back of a chair and shrugged it on. “It was nice meeting
you.” He strode out of the café, leaving me standing there with one
hand clutching the edge of the table for balance.

The gears in my head clicked forward again
and I remembered Oasis, breakfast, the residents. The clock above
the jukebox confirmed that I had been away for at least an
hour.

I grabbed my belongings and hurried past the
banana peel that had caused my fall, and past Sally, who stood at
the cash register, mouth open. She had obviously witnessed what had
just happened between Nick and me.

Why did she look so shocked? Things like
this happened all the time. Maybe not to me, but to a lot of other
people.

When it came to dating and relationships, I
had always been the type to take things slow. Chris and I had gone
on three dates before I allowed him to kiss me on the lips. In
fact, he was the only man I’d been with, in every way. The love of
my life. But although I’d found him extremely attractive the first
time we’d met in the parking lot of Shop ‘n’ Carry, the attraction
hadn’t been a bolt of lightning.

He hadn’t made me feel the way Nick just
had.

As I helped with breakfast, I couldn’t stop
thinking about Nick and the most amazing kiss I’d ever had, hands
down. Nick had awakened feelings inside of me I thought would
remain dormant forever.

Not that I hadn’t met men interested in me.
I did, especially at Joe’s Steaks, where I waitressed in the
evenings for spending money, since I volunteered for free at Oasis.
I just never showed interest in any of them. I was responsible for
the death of the man I’d intended on spending the rest of my life
with. Did I deserve to find love with another?

Or so I’d thought. Meeting Nick was starting
to make me question the decision I made to distance myself from
happiness.

I smeared bread slices with peanut butter
and handed them to Lynnette, who smeared them with jam and served
the hungry people lined up in front of us.

When all the residents had been served,
Lynnette left to retrieve their bags, which were kept in lockers
behind the front desk, and to wish each of them a nice day. As if
she were sending her children off to school. In a way, they were
her children. Her infertility had been the reason her husband had
left her ten years ago. Instead of pining after what she couldn’t
have, she used the money she’d inherited from her father and opened
the shelter, to which she dedicated her life.

During my time at Oasis, I learned
homelessness had many faces. Some of the people we served weren’t
what you’d expect; they had jobs, some of which even required
wearing a suit and sitting behind a desk. The problem was, their
wages were minimal and they couldn’t afford a place to stay or were
saving up for one. Lynnette allowed each resident to stay for six
months, to sort out their lives, before moving on to make space for
someone else.

Oasis offered food and a bed, but also
advice. Therapists, career advisors, and even doctors volunteered
at the shelter several times a week. Those who received career
advice were required, on a weekly basis, to inform the advisors of
their progress toward changing their lives.

I helped Melisa serve the leftover coffee.
Then we collected the pails filled with dirty mugs and carried them
to the kitchen for washing. Melisa left to clean the tables in the
cafeteria, and I stayed behind to load the dishwasher.

“Carlene?” A raspy male voice called from
the door.

“Donny, I haven’t seen you in ages. Where
have you been?”

Donny was a burly fifty-year-old man with a
bushy beard and long hair he kept tied back with a black ribbon. He
was one of my favorite residents; I was the one who found him on
the streets and brought him to Oasis. A simple gesture from him
never failed to lift my spirits—a thank you, a smile, a bar of
chocolate bought with money he didn’t have. I suppose it was his
way of thanking me.