Mixed Feelings (Empathy in the PPNW Book 1) (2 page)

“You gave her five when she brought us the drinks.”

Disapproval bumped out of Chloe and jabbed me like an
elbow and she shook her head. I should have been used to her tipping habits,
and it wasn’t like I resented them, but I know what I pay her and it probably
isn’t enough to be as generous as she likes to be.

Though, she does all the books for me so maybe I’ve
given her a few raises I’m unaware of. Considering that, I watched as she
hopped energetically—and somehow safely, despite the skyscraper
heels—back to where we’d been sitting. She pulled a bill—probably a
twenty—out of her bra, moved her glass over near mine, and tucked the
cash under the bottom. Catching our waitress’s eye, she pointed at the glasses
and then bounced back to escort me out of the club.

***

We work in an office building in the Wallingford
neighborhood of Seattle. I’m a therapist by trade; back in high school, I
figured that my empathy made hearing about people’s problems and discussing
their feelings a natural vocational choice, and I haven’t looked back. I’m
pretty successful, thanks in large part to Chloe, the best assistant ever. When
I’ve got a particularly hard case in the waiting room, she makes sure to let me
know to put my mental shields up. Shielding, for me, is kind of like plugging
your ears at a really loud concert. It doesn’t block everything out, but it’s a
mental muscle flex that helps me concentrate without collapsing in a
bloody-eyed heap.

The best part of having Chloe for an assistant,
though, is that she can organize absolutely anything and has no qualms about
dealing with insurance companies. She’s nearly as good at double-speak as they
are and it’s pretty impressive what she can get out of them when she uses her
Serious Voice.

It was late, but we still had to park down the street
and walk up to the building. The Internets was jumping, despite the fact that
it was nearly ten on a Sunday night. Even though the emotions inside were the
mental equivalent of static on an old TV turned up to full volume, I veered
toward the café, my eyes on the pastry case clearly visible through the window.

Still determined to deny me any chance at sweets,
Chloe yanked me off to the left and held my wrist as she unlocked the door that
led into the narrow lobby. I looked through the windows between the lobby and
the café and spied three besuited gentlemen and a girl in a stiff dress with bronze-colored
mounds in perfect rows down the skirt. She was holding what looked like a tiny
plunger. I realized it was
Doctor Who
theme night.

I really wanted a mug of TARDIS-blue hot cocoa but
Chloe kept a firm grip on my arm all the way to the elevator, refusing to let
me indulge my addiction. I let out a sad sigh as the doors shut, which Chloe
chose to ignore.

“I’ll be quick,” Chloe said once we were in the
waiting room. She moved to her desk to grab whatever she’d come for and I went
into my office, trying to make it look casual so she wouldn’t suspect anything.
Chloe does her best to keep me healthy but I still manage to smuggle in the
occasional king-sized candy bar. That very afternoon, in fact, I’d been forced
to hide half of one in the desk lest she find me eating it and take it away. As
much as I loved her and appreciated the effort she’d been putting into watching
what I ate, there was a limit to my willpower, and passing up cupcakes and my
café had exceeded it.

I was two bites into
nougaty
chocolate and caramel when I felt the slap of
Chloe
’
s shock
against me. Worry wriggled about inside
my gut
and I stepped around my desk, realizing that we
weren’t alone.

A
cold, desperate hunger crackled through the office
,
and only concern for Chloe sent me walking toward it.
I wanted to turn and fling myself through my window, despite the fact that I
was three stories up. My heart leapt into my throat and I pressed my hand over
it, wanting to feel small and protected. I felt sweat break out over my torso
as I started shivering. Something was there; I was terrified that I knew what
it was and that this time it wouldn’t leave me in peace.

Chapter Two

My first official notice that
there was a world beyond the one humans know (and that
it
was aware of
me
) came when I was four years old. I was out in the
backyard when I felt emotions different than any I had ever come across. Human
emotions, I learned then, have a very specific pattern to them. While
describing it to someone who’s never felt someone else's emotions has always
been t
ou
gh
, I
can
say that what I felt was curiosity and, even
stronger, hunger. Whatever was coming toward me wanted to learn more about me
,
and it liked how tasty I smelled.

Before I could scramble to my
feet and run inside to get my mom
my
, two beings appeared in
front of me. From my seat on the grass
,
they
both looked distressingly
tall,
but only one of them
resembled something human. The other had a furry body like a
grizzly bear, broad in a way that looked natural rather than as a result
of one too many servings of Hansel and Gretel. It had a wide face with tusks
protruding downward from under its upper lip, hands the size of scooter tires,
and the arms to support them. It was not the one that wanted to eat me; in
fact, I could feel nothing coming from that being at all.

The other was
stark
white and black, like someone
had turned up the saturation on an old movie. There
wasn
’
t
a single shade of gray that I could see anywhere on him. His lips,
fingernails, eyelashes, and teeth were shiny black like vinyl, while the rest
of him was flat white. Under his open black trenchcoat and white outfit, his
body was painfully skinny, like a skeleton with an eating disorder. It made his
head look too big, despite it being narrow like the rest of him.

We stared at each other in
silence for what felt like ages. Even at four, I could tell you what emotions I
liked and which ones I shied away from. Usually amusement made me happy and I
wanted to hug the person feeling it so I could take it into myself and laugh
along with them.
This was much different, the
opposite of when I did something silly and it made my mother
giggle
. This seemed like I was being laughed at and it made
me feel bad.

At some point, I let out a
whimper and the skinny one smiled at me, dropping to the grass. His arms and
legs bent outward, bony limbs squeezing into impossible angles, leaving his
chest close to the ground. When he paused on my left, closing in, I shied away
from his face. In that moment I had been convinced I would feel sharp jaws take
a chunk out of my arm
,
but nothing came. I risked a
glance just as he slithered a snake’s tongue out to inspect me. I showed
remarkable restraint in not peeing my pants.

“It is not useful.”

The skinny one looked up as
the other monster spoke and nodded. “No. It is not a threat.”

The tongue darted out again
and a hand followed it toward my face. I made a scared squealing sound, still
convinced I was about to become something’s breakfast. The hand hovered near my
face. I felt the curiosity come at me harder, wrapping around my upper body like
a hug from my smelly,
bony
great-grandmother. The only
thing in the world, at that moment, was the bleached white of his tentacular
fingers twitching just above my skin. I couldn’t even feel the river of tears
soaking my face and shirt.

“A level three, at best.” The
skinny one shifted, standing up to his full height once again
,
and stared down at me. I whimpered.

“Child, have you been told
what we are?”

I shook my head. The bigger
being lumbered forward and held out a hand. I flinched away but he didn’t try
to
get any closer. He held his hand there above my head,
as if offering to pull me to my feet, but I had no desire to reach for it. The
skinny one laughed and it reminded me of a crow’s call. Finally, the furry one
spoke again.

“You are being watched.”

I didn’t see them again for
twenty-five years.

***

While my childhood nightmares
were a lot shorter than I remembered, I was still
shivering,
trying my best to control my bladder as I stared at
them from
just inside my office doorway.
Skinny turned, lifting
a
brow as he regarded me. Chloe
was quiet, nervous energy thrumming through her, hitting me like standing too
close to a subwoofer. We were all still and silent, the furry creature staring
at Chloe
expressionlessly
while the other watched me.
Fu
rr
y was still a void to my
empathy, but Skinny was predatorily amused at my fear, just like when I’d been
small and helpless.

Some tiny, contrary part of
me was instantly irritated by the fact that he was enjoying my terror. It
shoved back the fear, making me take stock of the situation. These creatures,
whoever or whatever they were, had just appeared in my waiting room without a
word. They
hadn
’t yet offered us any harm,
despite the fact that Skinny’s stomach seemed to think we were dinner. I forced
myself to rationalize that, had they wanted to hurt us, they would have done so
already. The tusks on Fu
rr
y alone could have gored me
half to death.

Swallowing my panic, I pushed
forward, held out a hand
,
and spoke, my voice only
slightly squeakier than usual.

“Laurel and Hardy, I presume?”

Surprise bl
ossomed in Chloe like a tiny mushroom cloud as
she let out a laugh made of pure, nervous shock. I wasn’t sure if she got the
reference to the visually mismatched comedic duo, or if she figured I actually
knew these two by name. I didn’t really think it was the time to explain
,
so I let the nicknames stand. The room was quiet
again after that, Skinny staring down at my hand like I’d offered him a jar of
baby vomit. Confusion had rumbled into his psyche like a storm and it somehow
pulled some measure of calm to life inside me. If he was confused too, then
maybe I could use that
to get
some
kind
of
upper hand. When neither monster seemed interested in shaking, I dropped my arm
and turned to meet Chloe’
s eyes.
She
shook her
head minutely
;
she had no idea what was
going on
,
either.

“
We
’re here for your assistance,” Hardy said, his bulk brushing Laurel’s
coat as he stepped around his skinny partner toward Chloe. She hopped back,
holding
her hands up.

“
Not me,
” she said quickly. Laurel turned to her,
baring
his black teeth in frustration. Before he could
protest, Chloe pointed at me, panic making her psyche spark like fireworks.
“
She
’s the one with the
superpower. I’m just the assistant.”

Both creatures turned to me
and I flinched
at
the painful jab of irate
disbelief that arced out of Laurel. I rubbed my face where it felt like I’d
been hit and threw a glare at Chloe. Normally she had my back in anything, but
stand her in front of two terrifying monsters and she shoves me under the bus.
Sheesh.

Still trying to keep my
composure, I swallowed,
shifting
my weight.

“I think you have the wrong
place, fellas. I’m a therapist. Unless you’ve got daddy issues or—are you
married? Is there trouble in paradise?” They simply blinked at
me, no sign
that they got the joke. “So
you’re not here to blame your mother for all your troubles with women?”

“We are here for assistance,”
Hardy said, addressing Chloe again. A spike of panic shot from her into my
ribcage and it awoke some protective instinct in me I hadn’t realized I had. I
waved my arm, trying to get his attention.

“Hey, buddy. Over here! Leave
her
alone.
Like she said, I’m the one
with the powers. What do you want?” Hardy shuffled to face me and it made the
floor creak beneath his feet. I eyed the carpet nervously, hoped the building
had been constructed with monsters the size of adolescent elephants in mind. “If
you’re waiting for us to offer you some sort of refreshments, you might as well
leave. We don’t make coffee this late.”

“You are the one we seek?”
Hardy asked. He was gentle as he nudged Laurel aside to approach me, but Laurel
seemed to take being moved as an insult. Something
else
was thrumming within him and, though it was different
than the crackling of his other feelings, I didn’t like it any better.

“In an ideal world, no, but
you’re obviously here for a reason. What is it? And make it quick,” I said with
a sniff. Maybe if I feigned disinterested confidence they’d just give up and
go. It had worked for me with bad blind dates, after all. They glanced at each
other and Laurel shifted. The emotion that was making me jittery snapped into
focus; it felt like having a tuning fork pressed against my rib cage and I
realized in an instant that he was
nervous
.

“We have heard that you serve
your mistress well,” Laurel began, making m
y eyebrows
shoot
up. I had a mistress? “We are mere scouts, here with a
request for one as powerful as yourself.”

“Scouts? Like Girl Scouts?
Are you selling cookings?” Hardy blinked, his shoulder
s
slumping slightly like I'd said something that offended him. I tried
again. “Talent scouts? If you’re here about Monster Star Search, you’re out of
luck. I haven’t got a single talent.”

“As scouts,” Hardy said, in
his tone making me think he appreciated my humor about as much as I parents had
when I was thirteen. “We are under orders to visit human children to determine
their importance to the Kingdom. When they are weak, useless, we leave them
be
. If they are powerful, we take them.”

“
Ta
ke them
? W
here?” I asked, the memory of
my first meeting with these two suddenly flashing like a spike of lightning
through my consciousness. It got harder to keep calm as I realized that, had my
power not been simple empathy, I might not have grown up in my happy home with
two parents and two siblings.

Hardy
’s brow furrowed and, even without his emotions to
back it up, I got the feeling my question confused him. He didn’
t answer
, but kept after his mission
.

“The last three children we
were to inspect had been taken before we arrive.”

“Was it some sort of mix-up?”
I asked. Laurel narrowed his eyes, getting
unhappier
with me every time I spoke
up. I pressed on, even though sensing his disapproval was starting to feel like
having hives on top of a sunburn. “I mean, maybe there was a double-booking and
some coworkers got to the kids before you?”

“
Coworkers,
” Laurel said as if tasting the word. “What is
coworkers?”

“I mean, some other… what
are
you?” They’d claimed to be scouts but I didn’t see
any merit badges or cookies tucked in the pockets of Laurel’s coat. I doubted
they’d have been accepted into any troop looking like they did, anyway.

Laurel
’s head snapped back, his offense hitting me like a
truck
.
I grunted against the force
of it, feeling for a second like I might lose my balance.
Hardy ste
pped slightly forward, taking the lead while Laurel
continued to bristle.

“We are simple scouts without
a singular bloodline and we understand we have no right to even stand in front
of you, that you are being so gracious as to not punish us for the audacity of
asking. Your reputation for leniency reaches far and your deeds are celebrated.
For these reasons, we ask that you lend us your resources and aid us in finding
these children. Had they made their way to the Queen, we would have been
alerted. Should we not locate them and their powers prove too much to keep the
balance, we shall be punished. We can offer you payment.”

I couldn’t imagine what sort
of payment they meant, but the idea didn’t appeal to me
regardless.

“I don
’
t
…
uh.
..” I trailed off, trying to decide what would be the best thing to say.
These two had come to me when I was a child, menacing me and making snide
comments about my “power level,” but judging me harmless and leaving me with a
warning. Now here they were asking for my help. I needed to know more about why
the tables had been turned
.
“
Are you
absolutely sure they were
kidnapped
? Maybe someone just got wise to your gig and hid them
from you. I mean, if I knew you were coming when I was little, I would have
holed up in a crawlspace until you went on your way. It can’t be on
anyone’s bucket list to let you near their
babies.
”