MisTaken (Miss Match #1.5) (7 page)

Noah waved his hand in the air dismissively. “Yes, yes, I’m not discounting any of that. There have been valid injustices done to women in and outside the bedroom, and they still occur around the world. I know. I get it. I support and admire those who fight to end that type of oppression. I even contribute to a women’s rights organization that works globally.”

Jay smiled at that as she mentally ticked another mark in the pro-Noah column. With as equal-rights minded that he seemed, it was interesting, actually, how convicted he was on this one topic.

He let out an audible stream of air. When he spoke again he was calmer. “But if it’s consensual … if a man and a woman agree that they enjoy dropping their usual culturally acceptable gender roles in favor of something they both find pleasing in their sexual relationship, they shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it or judged by people like you.”

“Why is this so personal to you?” It wasn’t like he participated in the production of erotic romance novels. And he’d said outright that he didn’t read them.… She froze in her tracks and gasped as it hit her. “Oh, my God! You’re into that stuff, aren’t you?”

He stopped a step ahead of her, turning back to say, “I’m not really a reader of—”

She cut him off. “Not the reading. The sex. Dominant behavior. You like your partners submissive. I’m right, aren’t I?”

He didn’t respond, which was in itself an answer.

“I
am
right!” She practically clapped at her successful deduction. Okay, she did clap. But only once.

Then …

Oh, shit.

The thrill of victory evaporated as she realized the deeper implications of her discovery—Noah was into dominant sex. The kind of sex that undermined all the female progression that had occurred in the last half century. The kind of sex that made a woman nothing more than a man’s servant. The kind of sex that she would never willingly participate in because as attractive and hot as much of it sounded, it went against her core values.

And that meant that she and Noah could never have sex. And that was really very sad.

She started walking again and he fell in with her. He was quiet and she appreciated that he was giving her time to process, but his lack of contribution only led her to think the worst.

Maybe she didn’t have a precise enough picture. “So are you into all of it?” she asked. “The whips and chains and bondage and pain?”

“I’m not a sadist,” he answered. “Or a masochist for that matter, though I like to deliver a nice spank now and then.”

“Oh.” It was so barbaric. So why did the idea of being spanked by Noah make her panties slippery?

“And I like tying up.”

She shivered.

“And blindfolds.”

Her mouth went moist.

“But mostly I just like to be in charge.”

“Right. The boss.” Just like a lot of the men in the patriarchal society she lived in. Like the men who earned higher wages than women for the same level of education and experience. Like the men who didn’t take no as no. Wait—wages—what if he did porn? Shit. She’d consider that one later.

Right now, it didn’t matter if bossiness was the extent of Noah’s interests—it was enough to be wrong for her.

He met her gaze full on, decidedly bumping up the intimacy of the conversation. “Look, dominance doesn’t have to be scary. We could…” He paused, likely realizing the assumption he’d made. “I mean, I could maybe try to tone it down. If it’s not what my partner is into.”

It was sweet what he was offering—to put his own preferences aside in order for them to be together, but what good would that do? She’d sleep with him and then probably fall for him even harder and she’d get attached and maybe he’d get attached to her, too, all the while the friction of what he’d given up would gnaw and eat at him and eventually his resentment would destroy everything good between them. It was akin to building a relationship on a lie. It didn’t work to even attempt it.

“Jaylene…” The ache in his voice said that he not only recognized her thought process but that he shared in her disappointment.

“It’s fine,” she said. Though her eyes were a little watery now. Thank God for the sunglasses. Stupid, that she should feel like this over someone she hardly knew.

Noah switched the buns bag to his outside hand and laced his now free fingers through hers. She let him. It was a good-bye of sorts. There could never be anything between them. Not anything more than this. Jay was well aware that compromise had to occur within relationships, but putting her feminist beliefs to bed, so to speak, wasn’t a compromise—it was a breach of integrity.

Despite the warm day and the heat that ignited from the touch of his skin against hers—and yes, her hand was clammy—Jay felt the cold front of loneliness sneaking in. Perhaps this was why so many of her friends were single. Or lesbians. Because the men willing to accept them were few and far between.

At the moment, she didn’t care if the man of her dreams was impossible to find. She was too distraught that the man wouldn’t be Noah. So stupid. She didn’t even know what he did for a living. The suspicion of porn flitted through her mind again, but she batted it away. It didn’t matter now.

They came to her steps first, both of them stopping, neither of them letting go of the other’s hand. Jay wished she could stretch the moment on and on, but eventually the silence between them got awkward and something had to be said.

Coming up with nothing meaningful, she settled on her other possible epiphany.

“Noah, do you work in that lingerie store? Is that why you were there?”

“No.” He laughed. “I do not.”

She loved the sound of his laugh. It made her smile despite her melancholy mood. “Then why were you there? You still never told me.”

He paused. Finally he said, “I’d never been in one before. I wanted to see what it was like.”

There was a sense of honesty in his admission, but his pause and the fact that men just didn’t go into women’s underwear shops to see what it was like on a regular basis caused her to doubt. “Were you ogling the mannequins? Or hoping to get one of the salesgirls to model for you? Is that how your dominance thing works?”

“No.” He laughed again. Then suddenly he grew serious. “No. Look, I know that you have these preconceived notions in your head about things like this, and there’s probably nothing I can do to change your mind about them. Or me, for that matter. Which is really too bad. Because I honestly went into that store for the experience.”

He took a step forward, closing the distance between them so that his natural manly scent wrapped around her like a blanket. “And the whole time I was there, the only thing I was thinking was how sexy everything there would look on you. A red see-through chemise would contrast with your dark hair so perfectly. Or maybe a black leather bustier would be nice to prop up your gorgeous breasts. And I definitely want to see you in wisps of white lace riding up your legs as they wrap around me.”

Her breath caught and her pulse ticked up a notch. She should be offended, shouldn’t she? She wasn’t though. Not in the least. All she wanted, in fact, was for Noah to keep on talking.

Fortunately, he did. “Maybe that’s a little too forward for you, and you might even call it sexist, but I call it infatuation. And since after today I’ll probably never see you again in more than a neighborly sense I have to lay all my cards out. I’m into you, Jaylene. Yes, I’m into dominance in the bedroom, but I saw your eyes when you read those words. The way they dilated, the way your breathing hitched—you were turned on.”

“That’s not—”

He let go of her hand and placed a finger to her lips. “Don’t talk.”

She obeyed. Amazingly since she wasn’t one to quiet easily. Maybe she did have a submissive bone in her body after all.

Wrapping his palm at the back of her neck, Noah pulled her toward him until their foreheads met. “You can admit it or not. That’s totally up to you. I just need you to know that if you’re interested … if you’re
willing
to explore another side of you, a side that’s personal and private and only reserved for the bedroom, then please consider me. I’d love to be the man who shows you what’s possible.”

She was glad he was holding her, otherwise she feared she might have swooned. Like, actually faint from the effect of his dizzying words. They were a turn-on—such a turn-on—but more than that they were an invitation, and not just the peruse-books kind of invitation, but a deeper kind. The kind she’d been dreaming of.

So why was she turning it down?

Silly question. She knew that answer. She’d just gone over it and over it in her head as they walked. Still, she couldn’t manage to actually say
no
out loud. She couldn’t manage to say anything so she simply stood there, her jaw slightly dropped as she soaked in the moment. Noah didn’t prod her, seeming not to need a response. He took her hand and turned it so her palm faced up. He placed the plastic twist handle of the baked goods there and closed her fingers around it. Then he bent down to kiss her—a sweet, partially open-mouth peck that he laid on the side of her lips. “I’ll be seeing you, Jay.”

“Yeah.” She’d see him around. They’d chat and exchange pleasantries. They’d banter about books. It would be fine. She nodded once before turning and making her way up the stairs, each step taking more energy than it should. She didn’t look back, but she felt his eyes on her until she’d passed through the threshold into the building and the door shut behind her. Then she felt nothing but alone.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true. She still had the monologue he’d left her with. The words echoed through her brain, spinning her in circles, begging her to take notice.

She wondered about it as she wandered into her apartment, setting the sticky buns on the kitchen counter before greeting Pookie halfheartedly. Was Noah right? Could a woman actually be independent and progressive in the real world yet enjoy submitting to a man in the bedroom?

Could
she?
There was a part of her that secretly wanted that—to be taken care of and controlled. A part of her that she’d always denied.

So why couldn’t she try it? If it was private and no one knew, who would it hurt? Now that she thought about it, there were a couple of women in her liberal book group that admitted to not only reading about but enjoying D/s play and it didn’t seem to have any negative effect on their political beliefs. Also they did it with each other, so she’d never thought twice.

Could that be her? Could that be her with Noah?

Maybe it was something she could entertain further before making a decision. Though, as she’d already picked out a flirty dress and her prettiest pair of undies and matching bra while she’d had the internal debate, it seemed she might have already decided.

CHAPTER 5

Noah scrubbed a hand over his face and glanced around his apartment at the sea of brown. Everything finally seemed to have a place. Time to get to work. He’d delayed for longer than he should and now he was behind. At least he’d managed to completely unpack. Though he’d rather that his procrastination was due to something else, such as a date with Jaylene. Or an after-date with Jaylene. Or whatever it was called that involved nakedness and his body pressed on top of—
inside of
—Jaylene.

Was that called a booty call? Now that was too crude. An affair? Too
Night Owl.
A neighborly get-together sans clothing? Too
Wallbanger.

Maybe he needed to write them a new book. Whatever the story turned out to be, it would star Jaylene.

Jaylene.
He couldn’t think about her without letting out a sigh. She was so … so … stubborn. That’s what she was. Along with a host of other less frustrating adjectives such as smart, adorable, sexy, intriguing, passionate. It was the stubborn that was the issue though. He got that she was worried. She’d invested all of herself into her independence, and that was one of the things he admired most about her. She was determined. She was strong.

But underneath her strength he sensed something fragile and insecure, a part of her that yearned to let her guard down and be swept away. He could do that for her, he was sure. If only she’d let go and stop hiding.

Hell, who was he to blame someone for hiding? Wasn’t that exactly what he did, not telling any of the people in his life what he really did for a living, dodging the questions, deflecting? There had been a moment outside with Jay that he’d almost told her. When she’d decided he worked in that lingerie store, he’d almost explained. But after what happened at the bookstore, after she’d correctly guessed his bedroom persona, he didn’t need a reason to push her away further. So he’d remained silent.

It wasn’t like he was embarrassed about his choice of occupation. Actually, that was exactly what it was. He loved his job, wouldn’t give it up for the world, but there was a stigma. So many people out there were quick to point a finger, quick to judge. People like Jaylene Kim.

And here he was again, back at Jaylene. His thoughts couldn’t help but circle back to her.
Might as well let it go,
he told himself. Stop fantasizing that his words sunk into her and that she’d show up on his doorstep in one of those slinky nighties he’d seen at Desires. Truthfully, that had been the reason he’d delayed working tonight—he was hoping she’d change her mind. Three hours had passed since he’d left her, though, and he was still alone. She obviously wasn’t taking him up on his invitation.

Time to move on.

Blowing a tuft of hair off his face, he slumped into his desk chair and opened up his laptop. He’d just pointed his cursor over his documents file when the knock came. He paused a moment, waited until he heard it again to be sure he wasn’t imagining it before closing the lid on his computer and standing.

At the entry, he calmed himself down before turning the knob. This was
not
going to be his fantasy-come-to-life, so he shouldn’t get overly hopeful. He opened the door to find he was right—it wasn’t his fantasy. Not exactly, anyway, because Jaylene wasn’t dressed in a nightie. Also, his dream hadn’t included the plate of sticky buns that was clutched in front of her like a shield.