Mistaken Identity (15 page)

He shakes his head looking back at me, “No. They’re women I’ve dated too. Some of the names on the list belong to the women in the pictures.”

“The whole damn list?” I squeak. I’ve never been on that many dates in my life.

His face crumples in defeat. “Yes, Samantha, the whole damn list.”

I drop to the couch, the air in my lungs on fire, tears stinging at my eyes. He places everything back in the envelope and sits beside me placing his hand on my knee. “Samantha,” he says softly.

His touch. Those hands. They’ve touched so many women, it disgusts me. I push his hand off, “Quit with the coaxing shit, Tanner.”

“They were before you. It’s my past. It has nothing to do with my present, future, or you. I told you I wanted to be yours and I meant it. I only want to be with you.”

Tears begin to warm my eyes and I feel my strength in holding them back slowly vanishing. “Leave,” I say overwhelmed by everything. His words, the pictures, it’s too damn much.

He jerks back in surprise. “You want me to leave?”

I nod
,
never looking at him. I’m afraid if I do, I’ll break at the seams.

He sits still for several moments that feel like an hour, the air around us thick and tense before he stands to leave. “Samantha, I’m not seeing anyone else. I haven’t been with anyone since our date. Try to believe me.”

When the door clicks shut behind him, I break, strength no longer able to hold me. My world becomes fuzzy and tears flow down my face. My emotions engulf me. I don’t notice when she appears but I lean into Jess and sob.

_________________________

I make the decision to go on to work today. There’s no reason for me to sit alone at home and sulk about yesterday. I’ll only feel worse about it while he invades my every thought. Hopefully work distracts me enough that I can get through the day. I did manage to sleep like a hibernating bear last night, so I feel more energized. Who am I kidding? I feel like shit. I even look the part.

I’m hesitant when I step into the elevator. The thought of seeing him makes my stomach knot up, but with the way I feel, I’ll never make it up seven flights of stairs and live to tell about it. The elevator begins to stop on the fourth floor and panic sets in knowing this could be it. This could be Tanner stepping into my little area cornering me. My breathing begins to teeter on the verge of hyperventilation, and when the doors slide open presenting Jeff instead, I let out a huge sigh of relief.

“Well good morning to you, Samantha.” Jeff says monotone. “You look lovely today.”

He’s staring at me again, something I haven’t missed, but then again he did just greet me. He’s just waiting for my reply. Damn, I’m losing my mind. “Good morning, Jeff,” I respond, stepping off the elevator on my floor. It dawns on me how long it took me to respond, and when a “have a nice day” was more appropriate I said “good morning” greeting him. This is going to be a long day.

My desk is in shambles when I arrive at it. The steep price of leaving work early yesterday is piled all over the place. I said I wanted a distraction, well this will surely keep my mind busy.

“Feeling better?” Adam asks scurrying past me only pausing long enough for my response.

“Yes, sir. Some.”

“That’s good.” He enters into his office, reappearing merely seconds later now on his cell. He raises his phone away from his mouth, “I won’t be here today. Take my calls,” he says quietly, handing me a paper with his scribble all over it and a note: Need Tomorrow. I smile at him and he’s gone.

Seven o’clock and I finish the last detail of paperwork. The office has been quiet. No phone calls, no creeps, no Adam, and thankfully no Tanner. I was able to push through my lunch managing to eat an apple and drink two pots of coffee at my desk. My mind and body are exhausted. I blame it on the fact I’ve been pushing Tanner out of my mind all day.

Rounding the corner of the garage toward my car, I’m paralyzed at the sight of something on the roof of my car. I glance around taking in my surroundings to see if I’m being watched, but I feel alone. No prickles on my neck, my hair isn’t standing on end. I’m completely alone. As I approach, my pulse hammering in my ears, I see it’s a bouquet of red and yellow tulips like the ones Tanner gave me on our first date. He looked out of sorts holding them when I answered the door. I figured roses but not tulips. What is it with men in this town not buying a woman roses, not that I’m complaining. I pick them up and inhale the sweet scent when a card catches my eye.

I love you, Samantha. Please believe me.

_________________________

When I arrive home, I place the tulips in a vase and place them on the breakfast bar letting their sweet aroma conquer the apartment. I head to the bathroom to shower, turning the water on as hot as I can stand it. A good shower can always wash your troubles down the drain and refresh you to handle bigger and better things. I can’t remember who told me that, but I’ve lived by it for years.

He claims it’s his past, a past is the past, but is it truly behind him? I have one too, but for his to just be thrown in my face like this has been a shock, and I feel that we’ve taken three steps backward. Once my shower has turned cold and my thoughts have begun to clear, I know exactly what I want to do, and I’m going to do it because I’m strong enough to look past it.

Chapter 25

I take a deep, slow breath that expands my lungs like they’re going to pop when I step onto his front porch. I don’t know how he’s going to react to me being here, but at this point I don’t care. We need to talk and I need to clear things up and see if it’s possible to get past this…well me get past this.

I knock, but there’s no answer. I ring the doorbell and wait. Still no answer. The devil on my shoulder dressed in all black and puffing on a cigarette is telling me that he’s out with one of the women. I shake my head at him. I know better. He looked too sincere when pleading with me. Something tugs my gut, and I know exactly where to go now, like a personal GPS.

I am quiet as I climb up the wooden ladder to the loft. I scale it without even a squeak. Once on the landing I see him. The large door is pushed open, crickets are playing their own concert, and the moon is giving the country setting a beautiful glow. Now I can fully understand why he would come up here. He’s sitting on the hay-piled floor lost in thought, knees pulled up and his arms draped across twiddling with a piece of hay.

“Hi,” I whisper.

He jerks around with wide eyes and then bounces to his feet. “Hey.”

Nervously, he runs his fingers through his brown hair, not sure what do expect. He looks like hell. His tired eyes have dark circles under them, his five o’clock shadow has turned into a midnight coat. Inside I do a happy dance to his misery. I know it’s wrong, but it does something to my pride that he is just as miserable as I am.

“I believe you,” I breathe out softly.

His face lights up like the fourth of July in the night sky, and he lunges toward me, wrapping his arms around me and spinning me in the air. His face is buried in my neck when he brings my feet back to the ground. I can feel his smile against my skin as he squeezes me.

“But,” I pull away from him meeting his eyes, “the past right?”

“Yes, Samantha. I promise.”

“I’m not just another name on the list?”

He releases me, taking a step back with eyes still dialed into me. “No you’re not just another one of them. Look, I’ve loved one other woman in my life. I was younger and as you can see, it didn’t work out. That pain was a bit much and I told myself I was done with love. I had time on my hands until God gave me you. I handled my hurt wrong. I know this now.”

Chills surge over my skin at the sincerity in his voice, the truth in his eyes. I love this man. “I’m sorry I was rude to you last night, but having your past thrown at me was very unexpected and a hell of a lot to take in. I’ve always been taught not to ask questions I really don’t want the answer to, but I have to know. Did you sleep with all of them?”

“Samantha, please.” His tone drops low, but I don’t budge. I stand my ground staring at him and am prepared to have a stare down all night. For reasons unknown to me, my brain wants to know, being a traitor to my heart and my body.

He blinks then drops his gaze to the floor. “Yes. Most of them. But as horrible as this may sound, none of it meant anything to me.” He pauses, a small smile slides across his lips, “None, except the last name on the list.”

Pain, jealousy, and ache snap together in my chest. My heart feels like it’s going to explode inside the cage it’s held in. I accept the fact he’s loved before, but something about him having sex with so many other women yanks on my possessiveness. I don’t like to share even if it was before me, not with that many anyways. There were too many names on that list for me to think who was where.

I drop my eyes to my grey chucks, blinking back tears. He ducks down meeting my eyes with a toothy grin, “It was you.”

Those three words push my hurt away, forgetting about the list. I can’t hold the past against him. None of them meant anything to him except me, and I believe him. Our lips crash together, passion drowning us in a long drugging kiss. His tongue plunges into my mouth and slides across my tongue. Our breaths are choppy, pulling and sucking at each other’s lips, hands desperate to fulfill the hunger we’ve missed in just a day.

“I love you,” he says against my lips.

“Tanner…” I moan, my insides beginning to quiver with so much want it’s overwhelming.

He jerks my shirt over my head and then grabs my hair, pulling it to give him my neck. He teethes and tugs the sensitive skin, my nails pulling at the fabric of his shirt on his back. He wastes no time jerking my pants down, his lips never leaving my mouth. I wrap my legs around his waist as he grabs a handful of my ass hauling me off the ground, pushing us into the wall. Our breaths become short and rapid. I rip his shirt over his head and drag my nails over his shoulders, down his chest and straight to his button on his pants. He pushes his pants around his thighs, positions himself at my entrance, and imbeds me with one hard push.

“Ahhh!” I cry out in a fine line of pleasure and pain. He pauses and drags his lips across my shoulders giving me an opportunity to stretch for him. Slowly he begins to pump into me, my orgasm already spooling deep inside. The slowness doesn’t last long as he starts thrusting in earnest.

“I love you,” he grunts. “Please don’t ever leave me again.”

I lean my head on the wall behind me, bouncing with every drive he gives me. Pulses begin penetrating my insides, reaching the pinnacle, and my body becomes tense.

“Tanner. I—I…” He knows, quickening his pace, slamming into me harder. I cry out when my glorious moment claims me, shaking the ground around us. He’s right with me shuddering at his release, grunting and moaning into my ear…the fucking sexiest thing ever. He’s never been this rough with me. I’ve never liked it rough, but strangely, I want more of this!

Chapter 26

My anticipation for tonight’s date with Tanner, of course, has stopped time and made my day at work one of the longest I’ve ever experienced. The past few weeks with him have been wonderful. There’s been no creepy letters and no late nights at work. We’ve spent most of our time outside of work together, staying at each other’s place, mainly at his since he lives alone. He’s moved me from Belle and taught me how to handle Onyx. He’s much different than Belle, he has a playful attitude and isn’t as careful as she is. For the first time in a very long time, my life feels complete. I haven’t had a hard time trusting him, but I’d be lying if I didn’t think about that damned list. I’ll see a beautiful woman, and the devil dressed in black sitting on my shoulder will start putting thoughts in my mind. I’ll wonder if he’s been with her, kissed her the way he kisses me, thrown her around on the bed like he does me. Traitor brain, I call it. I know better.

With anticipation growing, it’s finally time to leave work. I can’t wait to get home and find something he can’t resist, something he’ll want to rip off of me by the end of the night. I love to see him pant for me, it’s only fair. I tap my foot impatiently as the slowly descending elevator begins to stop at the wrong floor. I hate wanting to do something so bad that your skin crawls. Murphy’s Law makes sure everything slows down for you.

When the doors finally slide open, they reveal the man I’m so anxious to see. His eyes spark in delight, his lethal smile glides across causing his dimples to emerge.

“I didn’t get the memo about meeting this afternoon,” he quips.

“Neither did I,” I answer playfully.

He takes a step closer to me when the doors slide shut. The air around us snaps and crinkles like static electricity. The sensation alarming, it crawls all over my skin. Suddenly he hits the emergency stop button and rushes me against the wall, pressing his body into me. He bends his head skimming my jawline with his lips.

“Tanner!” I gasp.

“What?” he plays dumb.

“Not here.”

“I’ve fantasized about making love to you in this elevator since the first day you were too shy to look at me.” He presses into me and it’s evident that he’s telling the truth.