Missing Your Smile (24 page)

“Please, God,” Robby muttered. “Help me get through this day with this woman.”

“God's probably teaching you patience—and using me to do it,” she said.

“I didn't know I needed any,” he said. “I just need patience with you.”

“You sure do!” she agreed.

“Let's see,” he said. “Didn't I promise to take you out on the ocean sometime?”

“You did and I'm holding you to it.”

“Then no more nasty tricks for at least ten minutes,” he said.

“Okay,” she agreed. “No more tricks. Hear that brain? Go to sleep.”

He took the next exit and came to a stop at the first light.

“You were a very bad example today,” he said.

“I'm very sorry,” she said, not looking very sorry at all.

“That's what I thought,” he retorted, turning left toward the bakery. Moments later he declared, “Here we are! I'll have Mom out in a jiffy.”

“I'm coming in.”

They both got out.

As they walked into the bakery, Laura looked up from the rack she was filling. “Back already? I don't see any shopping bags.”

“She almost killed me, Mom!” Robby exclaimed. “I'm not taking her shopping!”

Laura's smile got bigger. “Then I should have been there to help her.”

“Nothing like women sticking together,” Robby grumbled. “Anyway, let me take care of the shop and
you
can take her shopping. She's got her driver's permit, some driving lessons from me, and her information for the GED. That's enough for one day.”

“He's just kidding,” Laura said in Susan's direction.

“I know. And he has been wonderful today. You should have seen what all he did for me!”

“Let's see now,” Laura said. “You're talking about my son, Robby, right? Or was someone else with you today?”

The front door opened, interrupting them. Two customers walked in.

“Get going,” Robby whispered. “I'll take care of things.”

“Let me get my purse.” Laura disappeared into the office.

“Thanks for everything today,” Susan told Robby. “It was very nice of you.”

“Welcome,” he grunted, a smile playing on his face.

Laura appeared again and Susan followed her out to her car, glancing at Robby's vehicle as they passed. It wasn't quite a horse and buggy, but she was going to have pleasant memories of the first car she'd ever driven for a long time. Yes, it was a horrible thing for an Amish girl to enjoy, but shivers of delight were going up and down her spine. She had driven an automobile! A worldly
Englisha
automobile.

“Did Robby behave himself?” Laura asked as they got into the car.

Susan had to laugh. “I think I'm the one who misbehaved. I gave him a rough time when he took it upon himself to teach me how to drive.”

“I'm sure he deserved it. You do him a lot of good.”

“You really think so? If anything, I'd like to help him get past this bitterness he seems to have toward God.”

“The good Lord will have to take care of that, dear,” Laura said. “Robby was a little spoiled growing up, I'm afraid. His big sisters doted on him all the time.”

“It does happen,” Susan agreed. “We never had a younger brother to spoil. Maybe that's why they spoiled me.”

“It's not quite like a younger brother,” Laura said. “And I doubt you were spoiled.”

“Thanks, but I'm sure I'm a little spoiled. I know Thomas thought so.”

“We'll leave Thomas in his own world,” Laura said. “So what about Duane? Is he still taking you out tomorrow night?”

“
Yah
,” Susan said, looking out the car window.

“Do you think you can fit into our world?” Laura asked.

“I'm trying,” Susan replied. “That's what my shopping trip is about. I need new clothes. Will you help me? I have no idea what to buy. I've never even worn a dress that is printed. We're only allowed to wear solid colors. But they still need to be modest.”

“I guess it's a good idea Robby brought you back.”

“I didn't want to bother you, but
yah
, this is much better.”

Laura looked her over for a long moment, “We'll have to see what we can do for you.”

“Do I look that terrible?” Susan glanced down at her dress. “I imagine I do, but I guess I'm used to it.”

“You look fine, but let's see if we can dazzle Duane tomorrow night.”

“I've never dazzled anybody in my life!” Susan exclaimed.

What would that be like?
she wondered.
Even Thomas had never been dazzled. Unless by Eunice…but that's a thought best not dwelled upon
.

Laura took the Monmouth Mall exit off the four lane, and Susan felt herself tense at the task ahead of her. When would she be an
Englisha
girl with all her Amish ways behind her? And did she want to leave all of them behind? Her situation was so very confusing.

After Laura parked, Susan followed her across the lot to the mall entrance.

“It's busy today,” Laura commented.

“I hope the shoppers haven't purchased all the good dresses,” Susan said.

“This is a mall, dear. Don't worry—they have lots of dresses. Now, let's see.” Laura paused. “Shall I take you to Lord & Taylor or J.C. Penney?”

“J.C. Penney,” Susan said. “I think that's more my style.”

“Normally, yes. But you're going out with Duane.” Laura scrutinized Susan's dress again.

“But I'm just an Amish girl. I can't move too fast or I'll get dizzier than I already am.”

“Hmmm…well…Let's try our faithful J.C. Penney then.”

“Besides,” Susan said, “Lord & Taylor looks expensive.”

“We'll see what Penney's has to offer.”

They entered the store, and Susan glanced up and down the aisles. She rubbed both hands over her face. “You're going to have to help me, Laura. I have no idea where to start.”

“What colors do you like? Let's start with that.”

“Dark, black, solids.”

When Laura stayed silent, Susan went on. “Those are Amish colors.”

“Let's just forget about that for tonight, okay?”

“I'll try,” Susan said, stopping at a rack. “Hey, this looks safe.” Susan took a beige dress off the rack. “It's a little Amish with a little
Englisha
added in with these ruffles.”

“Is it your size?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Okay, go try the dress on. The dressing rooms are over there.”

“Change? Over there? In the store?”

“Don't worry, it's private,” Laura assured her.

“Okay. I'm also taking this with me.” Susan held up a light-gray dress with white polka dots trimmed in white lace.

“Okay,” Laura said.

Moments later Susan came out of the dressing room wearing the beige dress.

“It's beautiful!” Laura said. “Do you like it?”

“Yes,” Susan said. “And to think I'm really buying an
Englisha
dress.”

“Turn around,” Laura said.

Susan did a slow turn.

“Looks even better,” Laura said. “Do you want to try on the gray dress?”

“Yes. I'll be right back.”

Susan had the beige dress with her when she reappeared wearing the gray.

Laura laughed. “Susan, dear, in that dress you still look too much like a fresh-off-the-farm girl. You certainly can't wear that one tomorrow night.”

“But I love it,” Susan said. “I can wear it in the bakery, can't I?”

“Yes, the bakery would be fine. Now let's pick out something else. I'm not quite satisfied about tomorrow night.”

“The beige dress is okay.”

“If you think so,” Laura said. “I don't want to push you into anything.”

Susan's face brightened. “I want to see what you would pick. My guess is it would be really beautiful.”

Laura laughed. “I'm afraid you have too much faith me, but let's see if you agree with my taste.”

Laura moved to another rack and then another before pulling out a dark purple blouse with a black leaf pattern. “How about this? It would look great with black slacks.”

“Pants?” Susan's hand flew to her mouth. “You want me to wear
pants
?”

“What's wrong with pants?”

“Nothing, I guess!” Susan gasped. “It's just that…I think it's too soon. Maybe later…but the top is really nice. Can a skirt go with it instead? A skirt I can do.”

“A skirt it will be then.” Laura continued looking through the racks, finding what she wanted. She held the two items side by side. “No sense in pushing things. Try these on.”

Susan returned a few minutes later wearing the skirt and blouse.

“Now
that
is what I call splendid!” Laura said. “Do you like it?”

“I do,” Susan said. “But I feel guilty.”

“You'll buy it anyway, won't you?” Laura encouraged.

Susan nodded. This bridge needed to be crossed sometime. Why not now?

She carried the items to the checkout counter and paid for them. She watched as the clerk bagged the clothes.

“They're mine!” she whispered to Laura, who was standing close to her. “And they are so
Englisha
.”

Laura squeezed her hand. “I'm glad I could share in your special moment. I do declare you're becoming like a daughter to me.”

“Thank you.” Susan picked up the bags and followed Laura out to the car.

On the way back Susan said, “I wanted to ask you about how I should prepare for my GED test. The lady at the college said I could either study online or take night classes. Either way has its drawbacks, I suppose.”

“What do you want to do?” Laura asked. “Would you be more comfortable taking the night classes?”

“Maybe. But someone would have to drive me there and back. Would it be too much of a bother to use your computer in the bakery? That is, if I can learn how. Robby said it would be easy.”

“Don't believe everything Robby tells you.” Laura laughed. “But you are welcome to use the computer. We have a good internet connection.”

“Then that's what I'll do,” Susan decided just as they arrived at the bakery.

Laura parked the car. As they got out, she asked, “Susan, you're still being careful at night, aren't you?”

“Yes. Is there still danger? They found those women, didn't they?”

“They did, but not alive, I'm sorry to say. And they haven't caught the person who hurt them yet,” Laura said.

Susan shivered. “I'll be careful, and I'll pray really hard.”

“If there are any more attacks, you are coming to live at our place—no questions asked.”

“Let's hope there won't be,” Susan said. “Goodnight—and thank you again!” She closed the car door, and Laura took off. Finding the key in her purse, she opened the apartment door, making sure the lock was turned in place behind her. The city could be a scary place with all the streetlights and noise. Yet it was hard to imagine anything happening here in her safe haven.

Susan waited to throw the switch at the top of the stairs, pausing to look around as light flooded the room. There would be no kerosene lamps tonight—and perhaps never again. Before long she would be using the computer in Laura's office. She was moving into the
Englisha
world, and that was as it should be.

Opening her closet she hung up the new clothes, stepping back to admire them.
What will it be like wearing one in public? Will people stare? Probably not. They wouldn't know that underneath all that finery is a hard-beating Amish girl's heart
. Susan sighed, closed the closet door, and walked into the kitchen to prepare supper. It had been an exhausting day, and sleep would be very sweet tonight. Almost as sweet as sleeping upstairs in the old farmhouse with the windows open to the field breezes.

Stop it!
she ordered.
You are becoming an
Englisha
girl now
.