Missed Connections (14 page)

"Consider that coffee on the house, then, as a welcome present." Kyle was forced to go serve another customer—not that he minded, he loved all the people who came in here—while Jamie finished up his coffee.

It wasn't until he was cleaning up after the lunch rush that he found a scribbled phone number tucked among the sugar packets with Jamie's name written above it. Maybe the heavy flirting hadn't been a mistake after all, and Jamie still wanted to be friends with him.

Or, maybe it was a blatant come-on and Jamie was expecting a call for a hookup once Kyle got out of work.

The latter was definitely tempting. Jamie was gorgeous and it wasn't as though Kyle had never thought about it. He'd thought about it a lot after he'd kissed him. Not obsessively, it was just something that came up in his brain from time to time while he was letting his mind wander. Or when he was jerking off.

The latter happened more often than he cared to admit. Jamie had been the first guy Kyle ever even had a hint of sexual contact with, so of course his mind went to him when Kyle was in the mood to think about guys. He'd moved on over the years, but it'd always just been a convenient little fantasy.

Kyle tucked the phone number into his pocket and decided to worry about it later. Jamie was obviously not going anywhere any time soon, so they had time to figure out what they wanted from each other without rushing into anything.

Even as he was thinking that, it was impossible to ignore that there'd been a definite spark between them.

*~*~*

Jamie came in around the same time for his coffee every day for the first week, chatted happily with Kyle and Gwen, and said nothing about having left Kyle his phone number. Kyle learned that he'd finished a business degree in two years so he could spend the next four leisurely doing history, and worked part-time between classes. He heard horror stories about Jamie's first roommate, a habitual masturbator who wasn't concerned about what Jamie heard or saw, but the second one had been very quiet, and while prone to nervous breakdowns, was usually polite enough not to have them while Jamie was trying to sleep. Kyle found himself laughing about these stories days later, to the point where, when Saturday rolled around and the café was only open for a few hours in the morning, he was starting to think he should do something about having gotten Jamie's number.

Kyle told himself he'd do it after his afternoon class and have plenty of time to meet him for a drink or dinner or something, if that was what he wanted.

It took him until around nine, four hours after class finished, to actually text him.

Hey, it's Kyle.

Kyle paused to work out what he wanted to say. Considering how their interactions had gone so far, the direct approach seemed to work best.

So, why did you give me your number?

He flicked on the TV for company while he waited for a reply.

It didn't take long before his phone beeped.

I'm curious.

About?

You have a reputation.

Kyle stared for a long few seconds. He knew exactly what Jamie was talking about, and it was a well-earned one. Something about the way this was headed was a little uncomfortable, though, and Kyle couldn't really put his finger on it.

I'm aware of that. What do you wanna know?

Honestly? If you'll fuck me.

Kyle's stomach bottomed out. Hard to tell whether it was nerves or excitement, or a combination of both, or maybe, even, disappointment. The fact that he very rarely said no to sex was a feature of his personality, and everyone knew about it. That was why he got laid so often. He was easy, and he was completely okay with that. Jamie asking was different somehow.

You gotta know that I almost never say no.

I'll admit that's part of the attraction. But I'd want to anyway. I'd just be less blunt otherwise.

I'm not saying no,
Kyle replied with his heart in his throat. He wasn't, honestly, and he wouldn't. If Jamie was asking then he wasn't gonna refuse. Not only would it be humiliating to be turned down by the campus bicycle, but it was
Jamie
. First-guy-kiss Jamie. Kyle hadn't spent every waking second dwelling on what it could've been like or anything, but the thought was still there. It didn't hurt that Jamie had grown up nice, either.

Now I'm not sure how to respond. That was too easy.

If you want a challenge you need to pick someone else.

I feel like I should at least be buying you a drink first. Or dinner.

That sounds like a date, and I don't date,
Kyle sent back before he had time to think about it, and then regretted it moments later. It wasn't a lie, but it seemed abrasive written down in black and white, without context, and he didn't want to hurt Jamie. Even if
he
was inexplicably hurt by this whole conversation. He'd already planned in his head to go somewhere with Jamie if that was what he wanted, but now that Kyle knew what Jamie
really
wanted …

Come over tomorrow,
he added, then gave his address.

You sure? You don't seem enthusiastic.

I'm completely sure I'd love to hang out with you. If hanging out with you happens to involve sex, I'm cool with that.

At least that was both true, and didn't make Kyle feel weird about saying it. He did want to hang out with Jamie, and sex definitely counted as a fun hanging-out activity in his books. When he phrased it like that, it took away a lot of the uneasiness he'd felt when Jamie had first said it.

Okay. What time?

Whenever you turn up. I'll be in all day.

I'll see you tomorrow then :)

Kyle smiled back at the text and then set his phone down to get up and tidy the place a little. There was no point in a deep clean, and he was pretty neat all things considered, but if he didn't do something he'd feel like Jamie was judging him.

Once he'd picked up as much stuff as he could without making it
look
like he'd cleaned up especially for Jamie, Kyle retreated to a nice, long shower to relax, and then an early bedtime. For the most part, he was over being even a little nervous about sex, but this was a different case. There were old expectations in the mix this time. Kyle intended to be at his best in the morning.

*~*~*

Kyle answered the door just after one in the afternoon to find Jamie standing on the other side in a too-big sweater and a worn pair of jeans. The word that popped into Kyle's mind was 'adorable', but he stopped himself from actually saying anything to that effect and stepped back to let Jamie inside instead.

"Hey," he said belatedly.

"Hi." Jamie smiled shyly. "Am I too late, or too early?"

"Neither. I said any time." Kyle shrugged. "I was just staring at the TV to be honest."

Jamie nodded, apparently willing to accept that, and then continued to stand awkwardly a few feet from the door. Kyle had no real idea how to handle someone he hadn't dragged home—or been dragged home with—in the heat of the moment, because he really didn't usually make sex appointments, so he joined Jamie in mutual awkwardness while the silence grew gradually more uncomfortable.

"This was a stupid idea," Jamie spoke up eventually. "I'll leave you in peace." He took a half step forward, but Kyle put a hand on his arm as he tried to move past him.

"You don't have to go anywhere. I'm up for this, I'm just used to actually picking people up. Or being picked up. I'm trying to figure out what to do, here."

"If it helps, I have no idea what to do, either." Jamie looked at him sheepishly. "I was hoping you'd take the lead."

Kyle laughed at that. "So we're both hopeless?"

"I wouldn't go
that
far. We've just hit a minor snag."

At some point while Jamie was talking, Kyle's brain had finally kicked itself into sex mode, and he stared eagerly at Jamie's lips. "Yeah," he replied absently. A tiny line appeared between Jamie's eyebrows as he drew them together in a confused little frown, and that was the final push Kyle needed to close the distance between them and kiss him.

A flash of their previous kiss entered his mind, the intimacy and newness of it still painted in bright colours over his memory. He'd lost count of the number of guys he'd kissed since then, so this was nothing new anymore. If anything, it was familiar. High school had been the opposite of nurturing and fulfilling for Kyle, but this still stood out as a bright spot. It'd never registered to him
how much
of an important experience this had been the first time. Confirmation that boys were as much fun if not more so than he'd imagined, sure; but kissing Jamie again hit him like a ton weight in the centre of his chest, and there were tears in his eyes when he pulled back with a shocked gasp.

"Kyle?" Jamie laid a hand on his chest, bright eyes looking up into Kyle's own with a million silent questions glinting off them.

"Just…" Kyle swallowed. "High school. Kinda hit me like a freight train just now."

Jamie raised his free hand to cover his mouth. "I'm so sorry."

"No, no, you don't need to be sorry," Kyle rushed to assure him. "It wasn't… bad. Not really. Just intense."

To Kyle's surprise, Jamie took hold of his hand and tugged on it. Kyle followed him blindly, still dazed by the resurfacing of things he hadn't thought about in years. Before he'd realised where they were headed, he was being gently encouraged to sit on the couch, and Jamie was moving to sit on top of him. Curious as to where this was going, Kyle let Jamie settle down on his lap and then rest his weight against him. After a handful of seconds he realised that was all Jamie intended to do. He wasn't sure if it was supposed to be, but the weight resting on top of him was comforting and grounding, and he was grateful whether it was intentional or not.

"Thanks," he whispered.

Jamie shushed him, but not harshly. "Just take a second to process. You'll feel better."

With a deep breath, Kyle tried to clear his mind enough to organise his thoughts. The sense of being completely overwhelmed by things he'd never really dealt with faded after a few moments, letting him think about how important his first contact with Jamie had been to him going forward. He'd never had to think about it before, but now that he did, the urge to tell Jamie everything was so strong that he'd opened his mouth to speak several seconds before he'd decided on what he was going to say.

"You were the first boy I ever kissed," he explained. "I wasn't sure I really liked guys before then."

He wanted to say more, but figured that revelation might go better without comment. Let Jamie fill in the blanks whatever way made him most comfortable.

"So you're saying there are a lot of guys out there who should be thanking me for putting you onto them?" Jamie asked, tone completely serious. Kyle was starting to get that his sense of humour was like that. In any case, it broke the unpleasant tightness in his chest and quelled the rising panic in his throat. Whatever had happened in the past, they were both older and wiser now. Jamie was safe, even if some of the feelings he brought up weren't.

"I'm glad you think I'm worth being thanked for." Kyle smiled a small, grateful smile. After a moment's thought, he laid a hand on Jamie's thigh. The guy deserved a reward for putting up with his messy emotional crap, and Kyle
had
invited him over for sex. It'd be rude not to follow through.

Jamie dropped his hand on top of Kyle's, then linked their fingers and moved it away. "I'm not rejecting you, okay? And it's all right if this was a onetime offer and I don't get another shot, but I don't think I'm ready for it." Jamie licked his lips, and then took a deep breath to continue. "I was sort of hoping I could get away with not telling you this was going to be my first time, so I could get it over and done with without the fuss, but with someone I knew would take care of me. Obviously I'm not going to get away with that now." He smiled wryly.

"I can still… I dunno. If there was something else you were comfortable with, I could maybe blow you or something? Totally one-sided. No pressure," Kyle offered. It really didn't feel like rejection, but Kyle still felt guilty for breaking down.

"I'm sure I'm refusing something any sane person would grab with both hands, but no. Unless cuddles are on offer?"

Kyle licked his lips. "Cuddles as in platonic or cuddles as in foreplay?"

"Foreplay. For a later date. If a later date is acceptable."

"If it means I get to indulge in extended foreplay? Totally acceptable." Kyle smiled up at him. "Here or in the bedroom?"

"Here's fine, unless you want to move." Jamie was already pawing at his shoulders to get him to lie down on the couch, and Kyle didn't protest. After some manoeuvring, Kyle ended up lying down along the length of the couch, head propped up on the arm with a throw pillow under it, one knee raised to cradle Jamie's hips between his thigh and the back cushions. Jamie stretched out on top of him like a huge, clingy cat. Kyle knew they'd settled when Jamie sighed contentedly and melted against him. He bumped their noses together and smiled at him again.

"You're really pretty at this distance," Kyle murmured. He could see every line in Jamie's eyes from here, the way the colour radiated out from chocolate brown to honey at the edges. It wasn't even a really unusual eye colour, but everyone's eyes were pretty up close. Or, at least, Kyle always thought they were.

"You're extremely comfortable in this position. I could get used to being on top." He grinned.

"I
really
don't mind if you wanna do that. When you're ready." Kyle lifted one arm and moved to let it rest on Jamie's lower back. He rubbed through his sweater, just enough pressure to soothe.

"'m gonna fall asleep if you keep that up," Jamie informed him, voice already heavy. "You really do like this, don't you?"

"Mmm," Kyle agreed, moving his other hand to hitch up the edge of Jamie's sweater a little way and then trace patterns with his fingertips on the bare skin just above the waistband of his jeans. "Don't get me wrong, I'm into post-fuck cuddles, too. But they're different. This is nice."