Miss Wrong and Mr Right (20 page)

There were some muted oohs and ahhs, and a clatter of applause. Dad went on.

‘It’s lovely to see so many familiar faces, and it’s also wonderful to have a face here that we don’t see often enough. Our eldest daughter, Natalie, has made time to be with us today, and she’s brought her new boyfriend, who you probably know from the television, Ryan Harrison.’

There was a pause. I looked at Dad in horror.

‘No Martin, he’s not her boyfriend,’ corrected Mum in a stage whisper.

‘Oh, isn’t he?’ asked Dad. The whole room was looking at me and Ryan.

‘No, Martin you missed that bit, when Natalie said Ryan was just a friend…’ whispered Mum loudly.

‘Did I?’ asked Dad. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

‘Yes! You came down in the towel, but then went back up to get dressed… that’s when she said he was just a friend.’
 

I don’t know why she felt she had to whisper, everyone was watching.

‘Ah, right then. Sorry. Correction, Natalie is
still
single and this chap is just a friend. Cheers,’ said Dad. Everyone raised their glasses and there was an awkward silence.

‘Everyone do help yourselves to the buffet,’ said Mum. Slowly everyone started to talk again, but I felt eyes on me.

‘Hey Natalie, are you okay? Do you want a time out?’ asked Ryan.

‘And they wonder why I never come home,’ I muttered trying not to cry. Mum came over as if nothing had happened and asked Ryan if he wanted to try her trifle. It sat in the middle of the buffet table with multiple layers, custard and cream threatening to ooze over the rim of the giant crystal bowl.

‘Is that a
real
English trifle?’ asked Ryan.

‘Yes,’ said Mum proudly.

‘Gee I’d love some, please ma’am.’

Mum grabbed a bowl, spooned out an enormous portion of trifle and handed it to Ryan. She watched proudly as he took a mouthful.

‘I never thought a Hollywood superstar would be eating my trifle!’ said Mum.

‘Wow this is good,’ said Ryan digging in. ‘Ma’am you make the best English trifle.’

  
‘Thank you,’ she beamed. ‘And those are homemade sponge fingers, no boudoir biscuits…’ she went on to list the ingredients. I switched off, preferring to watch Downton and Abbey slide along on the parquet floor on their knees, until I heard Mum say, ‘And almost a whole bottle of Harvey’s Bristol Cream…’

Ryan had almost finished his trifle.

‘What’s that? Harvey’s Bristol Cream.’

‘Sherry, Ryan,’ trilled Mum proudly. She saw someone she hadn’t said hello to, and excused herself. Ryan’s eyes were wide open and he was staring down at the remaining spoonful of trifle, as if it were a crack pipe.

‘Four months,’ he whispered.

‘I didn’t think,’ I said.

‘I can feel it… The high is coming!’
 

I had never heard Mum’s trifle whispered about so intensely for its narcotic high, but I grabbed the bowl from Ryan and took his hand. There was the pop of a wine cork, and that delicious sound as the first wine glug-glugged into the glass.

‘Come on, quick, make yourself sick,’ I said pulling Ryan out into the hall and up the stairs. The landing outside the bathroom was crowded with people hammering on the door.

‘Mrs Rust locked the door and climbed out the window,’ said Ned swaying unsteadily at the back of the line.
 

‘Have you got another bathroom?’ asked Ryan.

‘No, this is England,’ I said.

‘Would you like a drink lad?’ said Ned pulling a hip flask from his tatty waistcoat. He flipped off the lid and a warm smell of whisky wafted over.

‘Natalie,’ gulped Ryan grabbing my hand.

‘Come on, outside,’ I said. I led him out of the house and down to the bottom of the garden; we went through the gate to the field, Ryan jogging beside me as he held my hand. We reached the pond at the bottom.

‘Go round a bush and make yourself sick,’ I said.

‘Natalie, this is your sister’s christening…’

‘She’s already had three, and a vomiting Hollywood star is the best it’s gonna get.’

He slumped onto the bench by the pond.

‘This is bad, I can feel it kicking in. I feel so chilled and…
Jeez
I know why I drank,’ he said.

‘But you haven’t drunk, Ryan. You’ve had a big bowl of my mother’s trifle. It’s about as rock and roll as a night on the tiles with Marie Osmond.’

Ryan grinned. It was a loose grin, a slightly drunk grin which made me want him all of a sudden.

‘Go! Stick your finger down your throat,’ I said, snapping out of it.

Ryan went off and ducked behind a clump of reeds on the opposite side of the pond. I sat down on the bench. A few minutes passed, I heard a splash of water and he emerged wiping his face.
 

‘That water is gross,’ he said.

‘You didn’t rinse your mouth out with the pond water did you?’ I asked. He nodded.

‘Sorry, I meant to say that’s where the run-off for the pig pen goes…’

I rummaged around in my bag and gave him a tissue and an extra strong mint. He sat beside me on the bench.

‘Jeez I’m such a mess,’ said Ryan, leaning forward on his knees. ‘The show will fire me if they think I’ve relapsed… I’ve been in rehab three times and I’m twenty-five…’

‘No one knows, apart from me, and I won’t say anything,’ I promised.

‘
Macbeth
is supposed to be my chance to show people I can really act. And not be in some stupid show on TV.’

‘You really can act,’ I said. ‘And
Manhattan Beach
isn’t stupid.’
 

‘I’m a millionaire dentist in a town where everyone has perfect teeth,’ he said.

‘People must still have to go for checkups,’ I said. He laughed.

‘I’m a mess too. Have you heard what my family have to say about me?’ I said. There was a pause. ‘You know Jamie, the guy who has just opened The Big O venue opposite our theatre?’

‘The handsome dude?’ asked Ryan.

‘Yes. He’s the one I left at the altar of the church we were just in. We grew up together here. We used to sit on this bench and…’

‘And…?’

‘And talk. Dream, imagine our future together…’

‘It must have been weird to see him again?’

‘Yes, and he looks great, and he’s dating that Tuppence Halfpenny woman, who I could never compete with…’

I realised I’d said too much.

‘You wanna hear something to cheer you up?’ asked Ryan giving me a sideways glance.

‘What?’
 

‘Tuppence Halfpenny showed up at my hotel, the night of the launch party. She was wearing a fur coat with nothing on underneath…’

‘How did you know she had nothing on underneath?’ I asked.

‘She took it off…’

‘Oh. And did you?’

‘No.’

‘Come on,’ I said. ‘She’s gorgeous.’

‘She is, but I’m just a few months’ sober, and I can’t get involved. I have a sponsor who I Skype in LA. And you know, she seems kinda mean.’

‘So what did she say when you wouldn’t sleep with her?’

‘She threw my tea-making facilities at the wall,’ he said. I laughed. ‘I’m serious. That’s what the dude at the hotel called them, “
So you’ve damaged your tea-making facilities sir”,’

‘You do a really good British accent,’ I said.

‘My God, I can act,’ he grinned. Ryan looked at me for a moment. A light breeze whipped round and blew a strand of my hair across my face. He tucked it back behind my ear.

‘Thanks for inviting me here,’ he said. ‘I miss being part of a normal family.’

‘Thanks for coming,’ I said. ‘And for thinking my family is normal.’

We stared at each other for a moment. Then Gran appeared, leaning on her stick. She didn’t look happy.

‘Gran, sorry, I forgot to come and save you!’ I said.
 

‘Do you know how many bloody photos of babies I’ve had to look at?’ she snapped.

‘You must have something in common with those ladies? You did live here for twenty years,’ I said.

‘The only thing ve have in common is that I dated all their husbands before they ver married… And I can’t talk about that, can I?’

There was an awkward pause.

‘Let’s go back in and have something to eat, not trifle,’ I said.
 

We went back up to the house and the rest of the afternoon went so fast. The potency of the trifle had loosened up the guests so they felt confident to approach Ryan for photographs and to tell him how much they loved his show. Late afternoon, people began to leave and at six, Micky, Dave and the kids were the last to go.

‘How long are you two here?’ said Micky as we said goodbye at the door.

‘We’re going back to London tonight,’ I said. ‘Ryan is taking part in the Gay Pride parade tomorrow afternoon…’

‘You haven’t even seen our new extension, and we had it done five years ago,’ said Micky pointedly.

‘You can come to London too, you know,’ I snapped back.

‘You’re welcome to stay Natalie, you can leave early tomorrow instead?’ suggested Mum. ‘Ryan can have the spare room… Mum, you can share the attic room with Natalie.’

‘Sure, thank you Mrs Love, that would be great,’ said Ryan.

It looked like we were staying.
 

‘Maybe we’ll see you then, sometime,’ said Micky, and she went off to the car with Dave and the kids.

‘She just misses you,’ said Mum, trying to smooth things over.

Ryan insisted on helping out with the washing up, and afterwards we went down the field with Dad to feed Rihanna. He answered all of Ryan’s questions about llamas. As the sun sank down he said he was going to go back to the house.
 

‘Natalie, sorry about earlier, my speech,’ said Dad awkwardly. ‘Crossed wires.’

‘It’s okay,’ I said. ‘Well, it’s not okay, but I love you.’

‘And we love you too Nat, and we just miss you,’ said Dad giving me an awkward hug.

‘Thanks for a great day Mr Love,’ said Ryan. Dad said goodnight and left me and Ryan with Rihanna.
 

‘Why did you ever leave here? This view…’ said Ryan, after a long silence.

‘I know, it’s gorgeous,’ I said. ‘But you can’t live on a view.’

‘I hear that,’ he agreed. ‘My parents have a ranch. Horses. My twin brother runs it with them.’

‘You have a twin?’

‘Yeah, David.’

‘Is he identical?’ I asked.

‘No. And I think he’s really pleased about that,’ Ryan laughed.

‘Do you go back often?’

‘Sometimes, not enough. I kind of wish right now Dave was the famous one. I would love to switch places. He’s got a great boyfriend, and dogs. He’s real happy… well, I’d want a girlfriend!’

‘Hang on, what are the dogs called?’ I asked.

‘Bella and Edward. Why?’

‘Ok, that clears up the gay rumour,’ I said.

‘There is always a gay rumour,’ said Ryan wryly.

‘So you're not at all?’

‘No,’ he said. ‘I kissed a dude in a dream sequence on
Manhattan Beach
, but it did nothing for me, too scratchy…’

The vibe seemed to change between us. With the sinking sun and red-gold sky, the evening was suddenly filled with romance.
 

When it got dark, we went back up to the house. Mum and Dad were asleep and Gran was making hot chocolate in the kitchen. She put down three cups on the wooden kitchen table.

‘Natalie and Ryan,’ she said. ‘I have a favour to ask.’ We sat and blew on our hot chocolate. ‘The stairs up to your attic room Natalie are too steep, and my bunion, it throbs like nothing you can imagine, so vould you two mind to share? There are two single beds, of course…’

I opened my mouth but I didn’t know what to say.

‘I’m cool if you’re cool, Natalie?’ said Ryan.

‘Yes, I’m cool…’ I said.
 

When we’d finished our hot chocolate, Gran said goodnight and we went upstairs. My attic room has remained unchanged since I left for London.
 

It’s big and airy with sloping ceilings and a small single bed in each corner, tucked under a skylight. My dressing table was still there, and perched on top of it was the obligatory jewellery box with a spinning ballerina on top.

‘Gee this is cute,’ said Ryan having to stay in the centre of the room so as not to bump his head on the sloping eaves.

‘Kurt Cobain and Keanu Reeves?’ asked Ryan peering at the posters on the wall.

‘Yes. I was rather obsessed with Nirvana, and me and my friend Sharon used to watch
Point Break
constantly. Have you ever met them?’

‘Keanu Reeves no, and Kurt Cobain died when I was four,’ he said.

‘Oh my God, I forgot, you’re twenty-five,’ I said. There was an awkward pause.

‘I once had dinner with Courtney Love,’ he said.

‘What was that like?’

‘Interesting… She could barely find her mouth with the fork…’

There was another pause.

‘Do you have any pyjamas I could wear?’ he asked.

‘Sure I’ll just go down and find you something,’ I said. I opened the door and there was Gran stood outside.

‘I found you some things,’ she said, holding out some stripy pyjamas and a towel.

‘Thanks Anouska,’ said Ryan taking them.

‘You can go first in the bathroom,’ I said. ‘It’s down the stairs and to the left.’ Ryan grinned and went off downstairs.
 

‘What are you doing?’ I said to Gran, when he was out of earshot. ‘I thought you couldn’t manage the stairs?’

‘You are so naive Natalie,’ she said. ‘Now, did you find out if he is gay?’

‘He’s not gay,’ I said.

‘Good, I had these in my handbag,’ she added handing me a long foil strip.

‘Condoms!’ I said running them through my fingers. ‘
Six
condoms! Where did you get…?’

‘Just because I’m old, doesn’t mean I stop being a vooman,’ said Gran. She then went on to tell me how difficult it used to be to get men to wear condoms… ‘Now ve have problems to get them to vear a tie! Vat does that say about society?” she laughed. There was a creak on the stairs. ‘He’s coming back Natalie! I vill go.’

The door opened and Ryan came back wearing just the pyjama bottoms. His hair was wet from the shower, and so was his smooth muscled chest. He looked just like the pictures on Sharon’s calendar. I quickly put the condoms behind my back.