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Chapter 30.

On the first day of spring in New York, Olivia looked as though she were
going to explode as she came down the stairs in the morning to have
breakfast. And Charles couldn't resist grinning at her. She looked
adorable, but unbelievably enormous. They both enjoyed her pregnancy,
and were excited about the baby being born, but in the past few weeks
she had looked almost comical, and had given up going out completely.

The farthest she ventured now was their garden. Her belly literally hung
out ahead of her like a huge, round, independent structure. And it was
so big and hard and tight that she hardly even felt the baby move now.

It was a far cry from a month before when it seemed to jump up and down
night and day, as she put it "with roller skates and a hat on." There
was no denying that this was going to be a big baby. Charles was faintly
worried about it, but he hadn't wanted to frighten her, particularly not
after her stories about her mother.

"I think you're extremely rude, " she said, grinning at him and Geoff,
who was chuckling too. She had begun to look really funny. But she
seemed to feel well, and the baby appeared to be in no hurry. As closely
as she could figure it, it was due that week, but the doctor said one
never knew. She'd know when the time came, and she was going to have the
baby at home, in their little house on the East River. It was what she
wanted to do. There was no reason to go to a hospital, she said that was
for sick people. And having a baby was hardly an illness.

"What are you doing today? " Charles asked casually, as she poured him a
cup of coffee. Bertie had come down from Croton that week to help her,
and she was in the guest room, but Olivia had insisted that she wanted
to make her husband's breakfast. It was the only thing she could still
do unassisted. Even getting her into the bathtub now took Charles' help,
and getting her out of it almost took a crane. But Bertie had come to
town so that she could be there when Olivia had the baby. She had
insisted on it. And with her father gone, Bertie had virtually nothing
to do in Croton. She had agreed to spend the entire spring with them,
and Olivia was happy to have her to help with the baby.

"I thought I'd walk out to the garden and back again, " Olivia said with
a grin. "I might sit on a chair for a while, and then the couch.

" Lying down was dangerous, it was like having a piece of furniture
dropped on her. She couldn't get up again unless someone helped her.

"Do you want me to bring you a book? " he asked.

"I'd love that, " she said with pleasure. H. D. 's new book of poetry,
Seagarden, had just come out and she was dying to read it. "I'd love
some pickled radishes too if you happen to see any somewhere.

"I'll be sure to look, " he said, when he kissed her good-bye that
morning, and patted her tummy. "Make sure he doesn't come out while I'm
gone."

"Don't be so sure it's a boy, " she said, not wanting him to be
disappointed with a "mere" girl, although he claimed that was what he
wanted.

"If it's a girl that size, we have a serious problem, " he said laughing
as he hurried down the stairs. He had a lot to do that day and he wanted
to come home early. He liked spending time with her, particularly now,
when she was so close to delivering. He knew she was a little more
nervous than she admitted, or so he thought. But much to Olivia's own
surprise, she actually wasn't nervous at all. She was surprised herself
at how calm she was. She had a strange conviction that the birth was
going to be very easy. And she had said as much to Bertie, who in turn
said very little.

And as soon as they'd left, Bertie came down and did the dishes for her,
and Olivia went upstairs to what had become the baby's room, and began
cleaning and tidying and sorting. Bertie smiled when she came upstairs
again. Olivia looked happy and busy. In fact, she tayed in there most of
the afternoon, and then she went out to the garden. But as she came back
in, she saw how dirty the living room windows were, and she began
cleaning them, and despite all of Bertie's exhortations, she insisted on
doing them herself. She was scrubbing and washing, and when Charles came
home, she was tidying up the kitchen and talking about starting dinner.

"I don't know what's wrong with her, " Bertie complained as the cook
smiled at them. "She's been cleaning this whole house all day, from top
to bottom."

"She's getting ready, " the cook said knowingly as Bertie shook her
head, and Olivia laughed and went to the sewing basket to get socks to
mend. She had never felt better. And she had more energy than she'd had
in weeks. Charles was happy to see it.

She had dinner with him and Geoff, and after Geoff went to bed, they
played cards, and Charles beat her.

"You cheated, " she accused, and laughed as she went out to the kitchen
for a glass of milk, and as she stood there, she heard a large splash at
her feet, and thought she had dropped the milk without realizing it, but
as she looked down, she saw water everywhere and it took her a moment to
realize what had happened. She put down the milk bottle, and looked for
some rags to clean it up, as Charles came in and saw what she was doing.

"What happened? .. . What are you doing? .. . Victoria!

" She was actually used to the name now, and answered to it as easily as
she did her own, possibly more so since no one had called her Olivia in
eleven months now. Will you stop .. . here .. . let me help you.

" He mopped up the floor for her, she could hardly bend over, and she
was laughing at both of them, and he didn't understand what she had
done, or what had spilled, and as she stood there, she suddenly felt the
first pain and grabbed his arm. It was much harder than she had
expected.

"What's wrong? " he asked, still not understanding.

"That was my water on the floor .. ." She sat down on a kitchen chair,
and was no longer smiling. "I think I'm having the baby.

"Now? " He looked startled, as though no one had told him it was coming
this month, and she smiled at him again.

"Maybe not this very instant, but soon. Give me a few minutes.

" But as she said it, she frowned again. She had another pain and this
one was worse. No one had told her it would be anything like this.

She wondered if something was wrong, all she knew of this was what she
had seen of her sister on the bathroom floor two and a half years
before. She didn't have a mother to tell her what to expect, and the
doctor had told her everything would be fine, and he was sure it was
going to be very easy.

The real Victoria would have been a lot more realistic. But somehow
Olivia had never expected it to be this painful.

"Let's get you upstairs, " Charles said quietly, and helped her out of
her chair, but it took them nearly ten minutes to get her up the stairs
and into their bedroom. He sat her down in the bathroom and helped her
get undressed, and she was having a lot of trouble moving. He left her
for a few minutes to knock on Bertie's door, told her what was happening
and asked her to call the doctor, and she rapidly moved into action. But
by the time Charles got back to her, Olivia was gasping for air and
panicking, and the pains were awful.

"Don't leave me again, " she said, sounding desperate, and clutching at
him, just as Bertie came in, and they helped her to the bed, and spread
out old sheets and towels all around her. Bertie was experienced at
this, but Charles wasn't. Susan had given birth to Geoff eleven years
before, with female relatives all around her. He had gone out to get
drunk with his brother-in-law, and when he'd come back, he'd had a baby.

Olivia seemed to have no intention of letting him go anywhere, and by
the time the doctor came, she was grabbing his arms with each pain, and
fighting not to scream aloud, for fear that Geoffrey would hear her.

"This is awful, " she informed the doctor, and he and Bertie exchanged a
smile, but Charles looked very worried about her.

"How long will this take? " he asked innocently. Geoff had seemed like
only an hour or two, or maybe he had just had a lot to drink, he
couldn't remember.

"Probably all night, " the doctor said calmly and Olivia burst into
tears as soon as he said it.

"I can't do this. I want to go back to Croton." She was crying like a
child, and all she could think of suddenly was her sister. It was as
though she were right there again, but she was sharing the same pain,
and neither of them could get away from it. It was like the worst
nightmare she'd ever had, except for when Victoria had been on the
Lusitania. But in some ways this was worse, because Olivia was in so
much pain, she couldn't think straight. She couldn't control herself,
she couldn't stop screaming after a while, and eventually she saw Bertie
lead Charles away. He looked as though he was going to cry, and Olivia
begged her to bring him back, but she wouldn't.

"You'll only upset him, " she said soothingly, "you don't want him to
see you now .. . like this .. ."

"Yes, I do, " she said frantically, "I want him now .. . get him .. ."
But Bertie wouldn't, and Olivia just lay there and cried as the pains
grew worse and worse and closer together, and then she couldn't take it
anymore, and from a great distance somewhere Bertie and the doctor were
holding her legs and telling her to push the baby out, but she couldn't.

"I want Victoria, " she said between gasps, and suddenly Bertie looked
up at her, and there was a moment of silence and then another pain came
and swept Olivia away again, and it was a long time before she could
listen to them again, it was just too painful. "Victoria, " she
whispered her sister's name again, and in the distance, she could hear
her sister calling.

"Be careful what you say, " Bertie whispered to her softly. "Be careful,
" she said again, and squeezed Olivia's hand hard, but she was too far
gone to know what she meant, as she lay there screaming and pushing. It
was dawn and nothing had happened yet. Olivia couldn't believe the pain
of it, and still she had no baby. Even Bertie was beginning to look
ffredx and Charles had made coffee for her and the doctor. And then
Charles knocked softly and came into the room again, asking how his wife
was.

"Terrible, " she moaned, answering for them. "Oh Charles .. ." she said
and started to sob, and he wondered if her earlier terrors had been well
founded after all. Maybe she had some congenital malformity like her
mother, something that might kill her before she had their baby.

"Oh sweetheart, " he said looking overwrought, and the doctor told him
he might be more comfortable if he waited downstairs in the parlor.

He was beginning to worry about her himself, but he didn't show it.

And then before Charles could say anything else to her, the pains began
again, and they told her to continue pushing. Charles stayed unobserved
by any of them. But an hour later, the situation genuinely seemed to be
hopeless.

"I do wish you'd leave, " he snapped at Charles. And Charles snapped
right back at him, much to everyone's surprise. "I'm not going.

She's my wife, and I'm staying right here, " and despite the pain, her
spirits seemed to rise, having him near her. He held her hand, and told
her to push when the others did, but still nothing happened. And
finally, after forcing his hand into her, the doctor announced that the
baby was in the wrong position.

"I'm going to have to turn it, " he said, and Charles almost cried as
she screamed this time, but slowly, slowly, the baby began moving.

But it had been just as Charles had feared. The baby must have been too
large. It was easy enough to see that. He didn't know why they hadn't
made her go to the hospital, or at least warned them. But the doctor had
been so intent on pacifying her all these months, telling her it would
be easy.