Mine to Lose (2 page)

It was early fall and I had arrived at
campus early for a nine a.m. class. I had seen him in passing on more than one
occasion, but never had the chance to talk to him. That’s probably because I
was scared easily. As I sat in my car, I began to read over the notes for my
next class. I was trying to study for my exam but I had to admit he was nice a
distraction. He was sitting in a dirty red Jeep with the windows down, and he
looked to be sleeping, or maybe he was just listening to the music. I couldn’t
tell because of the sunglasses he was wearing.

I took the chance to ogle what I could of
his handsome face, noting his chiseled jaw and full lips. He had the seat
leaned back and his arms were crossed over his chest. He was relaxed and sexy
and I wanted to know him. What color were his eyes? What did he do for fun? Did
he have a girlfriend?

Was he smirking?

His messy brown hair ruffled slightly and
he turned his head in my direction and flashed a crooked smile. I couldn’t tear
my eyes away fast enough as I tried so hard to play it off, looking around for
a ghost of sorts, but failed. He knew I was looking at him, and maybe he knew
the whole time, but I couldn’t tell through the sunglasses.

I turned my radio up and tried to ignore
what had just happened, but every time I thought about it, my cheeks would burn
again.

“Stupid!” I muttered to myself. “What
were you thinking?”

I grabbed my cell phone off the console
in my car and dialed a number, any number, as fast as I could.

“Hello?” my roommate answered, and it was
clear that I had woken her up.

“Hey, Joss. Sorry to wake you.” I felt
bad for calling, but I knew she’d understand. “I just made an ass outta myself,
and the guy is still nearby. I just need to look busy.” As I finished telling
her, I peeked in his direction, only to see that he was no longer sitting in
his car. I closed my eyes in relief, my embarrassment quelled.

“So he was hot?” she asked, and I was so
glad to have her back me up.

“Yeah. Very hot,” I buzzed, “but he’s
gone now. I’m sorry I woke you up; go back to sleep.”

“Hot guy?” She paused for a moment and
laughed. “You can wake me up anytime.”

I looked at the clock on my radio and
realized I only had thirty minutes to get to class. I started gathering my
things together, but all I could picture was the handsome guy, resting in his Jeep.
He had scruff on his chiseled jaw, as if he hadn’t shaved that morning. It was
sexy. His brown hair was messy, but I couldn’t help think that it was all well
planned. The only thing I didn’t get to see were his eyes, because they were
hidden behind his sunglasses. But by the way the rest of him looked, I was sure
he had to have gorgeous eyes. I felt a sudden urgency not to let the
opportunity slip away, so I pulled out a sheet of paper from my bag and
scrawled a note.

I was
the girl in the black Acura. Sorry I stared, but I thought you were sexy. Just
wanted to tell you.

I folded the note and grabbed the rest of
my things before getting out of the car. I looked around to make sure he wasn’t
nearby, and when I didn’t see him, I wedged the note in his car door and headed
to class.

That afternoon, after spending all day on
campus, I was more than ready to get home, relax, and catch up on some of my
shows. I had already forgotten the earlier incident in the parking lot, so when
I opened my door and a note fell to the ground, a smile broke out.

I
thought you were cute, too. Call me sometime. 435-555-8383.

~Ryan
(guy in the Jeep)

I didn’t even think to leave my name or
number, the only thought I had was,
there is a guy, he’s hot, and I’m going
to tell him.
Yet, there I stood with a note in my hand from said guy,
realizing he had placed the ball in my court. I looked around to see if he was still
there somewhere, but he wasn’t, and butterflies instantly filled my stomach.
The huge grin that spread across my face could not be contained and all I could
think about was how I was going to proceed.
Do I call him? When do I call
him? Does he really want me to call him?

I spent the afternoon mulling over my
next step, and I decided to talk to Joss to get her opinion. Of course, she
informed me that I
needed
to wait the obligatory three days before
calling him so that I didn’t appear too eager. However, I
was
eager. I
tucked the number away somewhere safe so I wouldn’t slip up and call. School
kept me distracted and soon assignments and studying had me so busy that three days
turned to four. Before I knew it, a week had passed and I had lost his number. I
turned my room inside out trying to find it, with no luck. I could have kicked
my own ass.
Why didn’t I leave it somewhere obvious?
I had finally gotten
up the nerve to approach a really hot guy, and I no longer had any way to
contact him.

I realized there must be some reason I had
lost his number, so I just had to suck it up and stop worrying about it. Even
though I told myself that, I would still get butterflies when I saw him walking
across campus. It wasn’t often, but when I did, I would notice the confident
strides he took as he walked toward wherever he was going.

He never walked with anyone, especially
any girls, so I held out hope that maybe he was still single. Something about
him drew me in every time, and I would just stare until he was no longer
visible. Joss caught me gawking one day. “Creeper.”

“Where?” I asked, snapped out of my daze.
I started looking around to see whom she was talking about.

“Next to me,” she whispered
conspiratorially. I tried looking past her, and she widened her eyes until it
clicked that she was referring to me. I gave her a playful shove and she
laughed at me. “Why don’t you just go talk to him? Tell him you lost his number.”

“Yeah, and why don’t I look pathetic in
the process,” I said under my breath.

“You don’t think you look pathetic right
now?” she pointed out with a teasing laugh, as only Joss would do.

“I’m late, I gotta get to class.” I
grabbed my bag from the ground and headed off before my best friend could say any
more about it.

* * *

It wasn’t until two weeks later, when
Joss was dragging me to some kegger at her boyfriend’s frat house that I got my
chance to see him again. I didn’t want to go, but she begged, and I could never
turn her down.

“What am I supposed to wear?” I asked.

“Just wear jeans. It’s nothing special.
We’re just gonna hang out and drink all night.” She smiled mischievously.

With her instructions in mind, I grabbed
my worn out jeans that were faded and ripped at the ankles. They were a little
long on my five foot seven frame, but they fit perfect everywhere else. I
figured a t-shirt would be more than fitting for an outside thing, so I pulled
on a concert tee from the previous year, pulled my wavy blonde hair into a
loose bun and told her I was ready to go. When we got out to the field, the
crisp night breeze and the smell of smoke in the distance from the tiny fire
filled the air and I was glad I brought a sweatshirt.

Joss went to go find her boyfriend,
Mason, and left me to fend for myself. I knew most of the people there, anyway,
so I wasn’t uncomfortable. I made the rounds saying hello to everyone, and
that’s when I spotted Ryan, in his Jeep,
again
. He looked like he would
rather be any place but that field and I was strangely offended by that idea. I
laughed to myself because, even though I didn’t know the guy, I
wanted
to know him. That was enough to propel me to do the second craziest thing I had
ever done.

Since I was the designated driver that
night, I didn’t get a shot of liquid courage to help me out. It had been two
weeks since I left that note on his Jeep, and I still thought about him. I knew
that I would regret it if I didn’t take advantage of him being alone, so I
hopped into Joss’ pickup to check my makeup in the visor. I gave myself a
mental pep talk and when I had myself fooled, walked toward him. I radiated
confidence, which I really didn’t have, and looked directly at him as I
approached.

I watched him playing with his phone, the
screen making his face glow when he glanced up for a moment. I was unsure if he
had noticed me walking to him, and I was okay with that. I strode to the
driver’s side of his truck and took a deep breath before speaking.

“You gonna sit in there all night?”

He seemed startled by my presence, I
guess he really didn’t see me coming. “I’m sorry?”

I smiled and repeated my question before
adding, “Do you want some company?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I was just getting
ready to head out.”

My ego was deflated. All of that prep and
determination to finally talk to him went up in smoke. I nodded and turned my
back to rejoin the party when he continued. “Want a ride?”

I turned back to face him and he was
wearing a playful grin as I heard the door click to unlock. I tried to act
unaffected as I shrugged my shoulders, “Okay.”

Disappointment hit when I remembered that
I was the one responsible for Joss that night, but I still wanted to go with
him. I sent her a quick text to let her know I was leaving.

Me: Hey. I’m going somewhere with
Ryan. Eek! Ok?

Joss: Np. Call if you need anything.

Me: You ok to get home?

Joss: I’ll call a cab if I need a
ride.

I tucked my phone in my back pocket and started
to walk around his Jeep, taking my time. He was opening his door when I looked over
at him and must have had a confused look on my face. He shrugged. “Thought I’d
open the door for ya.” I was taken aback, not even my previous boyfriend that I
dated for six months ever opened a door for me. I wasn’t looking for chivalry,
but he was offering, so I smiled in appreciation.

As I followed behind him, I took the
opportunity to look him over. He towered over my small frame; I assumed he was
easily six feet tall. He was wearing worn out jeans that were ripped at the
bottom--just like mine, and a frat t-shirt, but I didn’t know which one. I
liked the casual appearance he pulled off, which was of the
I don’t give a
fuck
variety. When he opened the door, as I walked around him, I could
smell his cologne that smelled of musk and mint, and when mixed with the night
air, was perfect.

I suddenly realized that we had never
actually met, even though it was apparent that we had some mutual friends. I
couldn’t help but wonder how many times we had both been to one of these things
and had never bumped into each other before. “Emogen,” I said as I stuck my
hand out in greeting.

“Ryan,” he returned, his hand swallowing
mine. It was strong and warm and caused tingles in the pit of my stomach.

“Yeah.” I nodded as I climbed in to the
passenger seat. “I remember from your note.” I smiled.

He looked at me bemused before it clicked.
“You never called me.”

“I lost your number.”

He smiled and closed the door. When he
got into the driver’s seat he raised his brows in question. “Where to?”

“I don’t have anywhere to be,” I started,
when I realized he might have other plans. “Unless you just wanted to be
alone.”

“Nah, I’ve been alone long enough. You
hungry?”

“I could eat,” I offered.

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those girls
who doesn’t really eat anything but salads,” he teased, squinting his eyes as
if judging me.

I pursed my lips and pretended to think
for a moment. “No, it costs a little more to feed me. I’m a burgers and steak
kind of girl.”

“Great! Buckle up,” he ordered as he
started the engine. He looked over at me. “I know the perfect place.”

The drive to the Shack was short, so it
was easy to find things to talk about. “So what frat are you in?”

“What fra-?” He looked down at his shirt
and threw his head back with a light laugh. “This isn’t mine. It’s hard to find
clean clothes when you live with two other guys, so I grabbed the first shirt
in the laundry room that smelled clean.” I let out a relieved sigh and he
jumped on that. “What was that? You don’t have a problem with frat guys do
you?”

“Not really.” I covered my face with my
hands, embarrassed that he caught me. “I just tend to think most of them are
assy.”

He turned a curious look at me and gave
the most breathtaking grin. “Assy, huh?”

“Yeah, at least according to my friends.”

He didn’t push any further because we
finally arrived at the hamburger joint. I had never been there before, and I
could see why. It was a tiny hole-in-the-wall that looked pretty sketchy, but
it was packed, so I figured it must be okay. Ryan came around to the passenger
side to open the door for me again. He must have seen the look on my face
because he leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Try it before you make any
assumptions.” His breath against my ear caused the hair on my arms to rise, and
I knew then that I was putty in his hands.