Miles From Kara (19 page)

I heard the chair adjust again, her voice closer to the receiver as she said, “I will always love you.”

I parked on the street a block away from the Market and started toward it, knowing just what I needed. I just prayed the merchant would be there. The one who sold me the Clarity candle at the beginning of summer. At the time, I felt so trapped by my past, like I would never see beyond it. But I was different now. I knew I would always wonder what-if, but I no longer mourned my decision, and after talking with my mom, I no longer felt angry or like I was less of a person because of it. I was me, Kara Marcus, and that was okay.

I smiled wide at the sight of the older woman behind the table. She was setting out fresh candles, all deep blues and greens and vibrant yellows that smelled like honey. I peered down at them, searching for the one I'd seen the last time I was there. The one I wouldn't let myself buy.

“Are you looking for one in particular?” the lady asked.

“I am. I was here a few months ago and I saw a candle of Happiness and Love. Do you still have it?”

She smiled and reached behind her to a box of candles. She pushed around the ones in front and then pulled out a bright purple candle, the label on the outside of the jar promising a future of love and happiness if you lit the candle daily. I knew the candle could no more promise happiness than the woman before me, but that wasn't the point. The candle was a promise to myself. A promise to no longer tie myself to sadness. To let it go. And I was ready.

“I'll take it.”

***

I pulled into Charleston Haven, giddy and eager to find Olivia so I could tell her about my new job with Rose. We'd spent all morning discussing how I would broach the conversation, because Olivia knew as well as I did that Rose wasn't easily convinced.

I stepped out of the car, and smiled at the sight of Colt cutting through the pool area so he could get to my building. Several girls turned to stare at him as he passed, and I felt a sense of pride swell in my chest that he was mine. All mine.

“Hey there,” I said, waving as he closed the gate.

He reached me and leaned down to give me a kiss. “How did it go with Rose?”

I beamed. “She said yes!”

“Ace! Now, maybe you'll get to chat with the ghost sisters, too.”

“So not funny. I'm seriously hoping the ghost crap is all in Rose's head.”

He leaned into me, pulling me close. “Am I sensing a little fear of ghosts?”

“Of course not.”

“Right.” He kissed my neck, then my cheek. “What are you doing right now?” I heard the hint in his voice and felt my insides come alive. It'd been two weeks since Colt and I said we loved each other at the hospital, and we had spent nearly every night of those two weeks together . . . proving how much.

I grinned. “Nothing. Want to come up?”

We started up the stairs of my building, Colt's arm around my waist, stroking my side as we walked, tempting me to the point that I was ready to jump him as soon as we were inside. We reached the landing for my floor, and I had just leaned in to kiss him, when my eyes caught on the person sitting outside my door.

Ethan.

I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing there, when he stood and started toward us, his expression a mix of anger and sadness. “Kara, I'm heading back to Athens tonight to prep for rush, but first I needed to know—is there any chance for us?” He peered over my shoulder at Colt, his jaw ticking. “Can we talk please?”

I focused on Colt, and his eyes met mine, understanding pulsating through them without my having to say a word.

He nodded, and then with only a backwards glance, walked back down the stairs, leaving me and Ethan alone to talk.

Once we were inside my apartment, Ethan took a step toward me, his words tumbling out so fast I struggled to keep up. “Kara, you have to give me another chance. I know I checked out there for a while, but I'm back now. And I'm sorry. I should have thought of you first, and I know I drove you away, but I wasn't thinking clearly. You're my best friend. I love you.”

I closed my eyes and dipped my head. “See, that's the problem, Ethan. It was never about you. It was me. I will forever be grateful for our friendship, and I hope someday we can become friends again, but this,” I said, pointing between us, “never really worked like it should. I'm sorry.”

“But, don't you think it could? If I tried? Don't push me away because you're afraid.”

I shook my head. “I'm not afraid. I know I walked out on Preston when things got tough, but I'm not that girl anymore. It's different with Colt. It's—”

He waved his hands. “Don't say it.” His eyes shot up to mine. “Don't tell me that you love him.”

I sighed, looking away.

“You love him?”

The hurt in his voice made me want to cry, but I had done nothing wrong here. I didn't cheat on him. I would never do that. I lifted my head and focused on him, sure of myself for the first time in a long time. I wasn't lost Kara anymore, the overly happy, go-with-anything girl. I was in control of my life now. I knew what I wanted to do—and I knew who I wanted to be with. “I love him very much.”

“Then . . . I guess there's nothing left to say.”

I watched Ethan leave from my bedroom window, my heart heavy. I was always the person who wanted to please everyone, to make everyone else feel sure and safe. But this time, I was taking care of myself first, something I had never done once in my life. I waited until Ethan's car was gone, then grabbed my keys and opened the door, prepared to run over to Colt's, only to find him outside my door.

“Look, I'm sure you probably have a lot to think about, but I'm not giving up on this. You are everything to me and I—”

I took one step, wrapped my arms around his neck, and crushed my lips to his. He smiled against my kiss, and I pulled away to look at him. “I'm not giving up on this either.”

“All right, then. I have something to tell you.”

My chest tensed at what he might say. Some long-lost Sheila in Australia. That his father was moving them out to L.A. I stepped aside for him to come in, and we sat down on the sofa.

“I don't want this to freak you out.”

“Oh, I'm already freaking out,” I said, laughing uncomfortably.

Colt threaded his fingers through mine and turned to me. “I was accepted to the architecture program at Savannah College of Art and Design. It's a fantastic program that could teach me a lot. But it would also allow me to be less than two hours . . . from you.” His eyes met mine. “I realize that could be scary for you, so I wanted to talk to you about it before I officially transfer.”

A smile stretched across my face. “You're going to be in Savannah? You're going to be in Savannah!”

He smiled back. “I'm going to be in Savannah.”

I cleared the space between us, straddling him, too happy to be so far away. Colt pushed my hair away from my face and leaned in slowly, gently touching his lips to mine. “I love you, sweet Kara.”

I grinned at the name. “And I love you.”

He lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, and walked us to my room, closing the door behind him, and then he laid me down on my bed. I stared up at the man before me. I had once seen him as a gorgeous, free-spirited guy who I longed to know. But now, I knew the boy inside the man, and I knew with absolute certainty that Colt was meant for me, and me for him. We belonged together.

I smiled at the thought, and then he was over me, and all thought was gone. It was just he and I, bound together.

Always.

“Is that the last of it, man?” Taylor called from the bottom steps.

We had spent most of the day packing up Colt's things into his 4Runner. Classes would begin the following week, and already I was struggling to keep from crying. Colt had finalized his transfer to SCAD, and though I knew he would only be a few hours away, I already missed him. I could feel myself trying find a way to cope, remembering that I had a lot of other great things going for me, like working with Rose this semester. I had a lot going on, and I knew once he was there and I was here we would settle into a routine. Two hours was nothing. I had done long distance before, after all. But these miles away felt longer, Colt's absence harder to take. The only thing that helped was that I trusted him more fully than I trusted anyone. More fully than even myself. I loved him, truly loved him. The first person I'd ever loved in my life.

“Hey, Kara, can I talk to you for a second?”

I glanced over at Taylor, my eyebrows raised. Everyone else was outside. Why would he want to talk to me? “Yeah, sure.”

“Just between us?”

I nodded. “Of course.”

“I know you worked at the center this past summer, and you've probably seen lots of different things, so I was kind of hoping you might be able to help.”

I set down the box I'd been holding. “Okay . . .” I said hesitantly. I didn't know Taylor all that well, and while I thought he was a cool guy, I wasn't sure I wanted him to unload his deepest feelings to me.

“It's about Sarah.”

I released a breath, curious if he had the same suspicions as me. “Okay.”

“I think you know that we've been hanging out. Well, more than hanging out. I like her. A lot. Which is why I've gotten worried that she might have . . .”

“An eating disorder?” I whispered, just in case anyone was around that could hear us.

He took a step closer. “You've noticed, too?”

I shrugged. “I don't know. I've wondered, but she's always been very health conscious, so I didn't know if her weight loss was just that.”

“Have you seen anything?”

He eyed the door nervously. “Not seen. Heard.”

I nodded slowly. “Oh, no.”

“Yeah, and when I try to talk to her about it, she shuts down. We're barely anything right now. She's all closed off, but I don't know why. I know her parents are big health nuts and I think her mom pushes her to stay on a strict diet. But there's something else, too. Something more. I'm worried about her.”

I started to respond when the door opened and Preston and Colt walked in, followed by Sarah. She glanced from Taylor to me, her eyebrows drawn together, and I reached down to pick up the box I'd set down. “I think this is the last of it,” I said, hoping my voice didn't give me away. I'd never been one to hold my tongue, but this was different. Sarah was vulnerable right now, and if we pushed her too hard it could backfire on us and she could pull away. I tried to give Taylor a look as I turned for the door, but his eyes were on Sarah, some silent exchange going on between them.

Colt took the box from me, and we walked out together to his 4Runner. He slid it into the backseat and then turned to me, the moment we'd both been dreading finally here.

“Well, that's it, then,” he said.

I shook my head and reached up to hug him, telling myself that I wouldn't cry. Not yet. I would wait until he was long gone to cry. He kissed my nose, then my cheek, then gently kissed my lips. “I'm going to miss you,” I said.

“I'll miss you, too.” He held me close for another minute, but then pulled away.

“You'll call when you get there, right?”

He smiled. “I'm sure I'll call well before I get there, but yes, I'll call.”

“And we'll plan a visit in the next few weeks?”

He pressed his forehead to mine. “I won't be able to wait a few weeks. I'll probably come knocking on your door next weekend.”

“Is it terrible that I hope you do?”

The rest of the gang joined us out by his car, and Colt walked over to shake the guys' hands and say goodbye to the girls, then he returned to me and kissed me again, before closing his car door. He gave me one more fleeting look, and then drove away.

I watched his car turn out of Charleston Haven, and though I knew he would be miles away from me, I felt content. I was loved and I was in love, and that was enough for me.

I walked back to my apartment and sat down on my bed, Rose's notes about me spread out in front of me. I flipped to the first page and laughed at the words
possibly crazy
,
circled twice. I then flipped to the last page of her notes and scanned down the page, my throat closing up as I read her final word:

Special
.

It's funny. Every time I set out to write one of these pages, I get stumped. The writing world can feel very much like a solo job, but in actuality, it takes many people to put out a book—many of whom have little to nothing to do with the book. It's our family, our friends, the random stranger on the street who inspired you.

For me, as always, I'll begin with God. Thank you for all and everything.

Thank you to my amazing agent, Nicole Resciniti, who is the light that guides my career. Thank you for always being supportive, for saying what I need to hear, and calling me out when something isn't working. I adore you, truly.

Thank you to my editor, Laura Fazio, who has spoiled me in the best possible ways. Your edits are perfect, and your enthusiasm makes the process a joy instead of work. The Charleston Haven series would not be half as good as it is without your influence. Thank you a thousand times over for putting up with me!

To my amazing husband and daughters, Jason, Rylie, and Lainey. You make my life so complete. To my extended family, who supports me through this craziness—Mom, Dad, my sister, Christi, my niece, Meagan, and my mother in law, Mary. Thank you so much for being there, for babysitting, for listening to my calls at all hours. I love you very much.

Thank you to my critique partners/readers/friends, Rachel Harris, Rhonda Helms, and Lia Riley for reading early drafts and honestly telling me what sucked. This book is complete because of you.

To Chloe Wine, for helping me with Aussie slang and just generally rocking.

To Kayleigh Gore, for always reading for me and making me feel like I am much cooler than I am. I'm not sure I could publish a book without you.

Thank you to the amazing support of the NA 2014 group, you know who you are. I stay sane because of each of you.

Thank you to Rachel Harris, Cindi Madsen, Lisa Burstein, Tara Fuller, Christina Lee, Megan Erickson, AJ Pine, and Stina Lindenblatt for the continued support. I feel so fortunate to know each of you!

And finally, thank you so much to my readers, old and new. I could not be more thankful that you are reading this story, and I hope beyond hope that you love it as much as I do!

For updates, prizes, and sneak peeks at my work, please consider joining my newsletter: melissawestauthor.com/Contact.html. Or come hang out with me on Facebook at facebook.com/groups/MelsMadhouse.