Mile High Guy (27 page)

‘I’d love to marry a rich man,’ Lydia says suddenly. ‘A handsome rich man. The problem is though, that most handsome men aren’t rich and most rich men aren’t handsome.’

‘Well, maybe you’ll marry Adam Kirrane, and that’ll be the solution to all your problems.’

Lydia looks like someone’s just punched her in the gob. She turns to me with an astonished look on her face.

‘How do you know about me and him?’ she practically shrieks.

‘It’s easy,’ I say in a deadpan voice. ‘I’m psychic.’

‘And then he’ll bring you to his house,’ I say, staring at the palm of her hand. ‘And he’ll ask you do you want to go for a swim.’

‘Has he
really
got a swimming pool? How do you know all of this?’ Lydia asks suspiciously.

‘I told you, I’m psychic.’

‘Oh my God, this is so amazing. Can you tell if we’ll end up, you know, being serious?’

‘I can’t tell you that,’ I say sombrely.

‘Why not?’

‘Well, I only ever tell people good things.’

‘Oh.’ Lydia clearly doesn’t like the sound of that. But no doubt she’ll just erase that bit from the reading. Most people only ever believe good things about their future anyway. You know yourself, when you read your horoscope and it’s bad you just
convince yourself it’s a load of rubbish. Then you read a good one, and convince yourself it’s true.

In the middle of the reading a call bell sounds. I offer to attend to it. Lydia is devastated when I drop her hand. As I walk down the aisle, I notice that the call bell is above Celeste’s head. Shit. What does that weapon want now?

‘Hey sweetie,’ she practically coos at me. ‘I was wondering if you could do me a huge favour? Alistair and myself have just celebrated our first wedding anniversary and we were just wondering if there were any seats free in first class? It’d be
such
a treat
for us both to be upgraded.’

I open my mouth to say something but am rendered speechless. I’m stunned by her cheek. I seriously am. Over the years, I have met many, many people I know on flights, and not one of them has ever asked for an upgrade. And
this
girl
thinks I’m stupid enough to bring her up to first class just because she calls me sweetie. Well elephants may have superb memories but few can recall their schooldays quite as much as me. So I kneel down and say quietly, ‘Sweetie, you know I would have
no
problem upgrading you but Tania, the senior air hostess today is very strict, and I know she wouldn’t allow it. So I’m sorry about that. Really I’m very sorry.’

I give her my biggest smile as I stand up again and then walk away. The best things in life are free, they say, and luckily a smile costs nothing at all. And that’s all Celeste whatserface will be getting from me today. Sweetie, my arse.

Down in the back galley Lydia is having a panic attack. She explains that while pulling out the cart, one of the bread rolls fell off the tray and rolled onto the toilet floor. Somebody had left the door open. She’s horrified because normally there are lots of spare bread rolls provided. Today there aren’t. We have fifty-three bread rolls. And the same amount of passengers.

‘Which bread roll fell on the ground?’ I ask matter-of-factly.

‘I threw it in the bin.’

I walk to the bin and yank it out of its socket. I retrieve the bread roll, give it a quick wipe on my apron and place it back on the tray.

Lydia just stares in disbelief.

‘I’m just repaying an old friend,’ I say, placing the tray on top of the cart, lest I forget to give it to Celeste specifically.

I’m actually doing this for Emily. Emily was a rather fat girl I knew in school. She was even larger than I was. I haven’t seen her since I was a teenager so I don’t know what became of her. We struck up an odd sort of a friendship while queuing daily for
the school tuck shop. Two unconfident, unhappy, lost schoolgirls looking for love in a secret world of Mars Bars and Twixes.

Celeste used to make Emily’s life hell. She once spat on a chair and made Emily sit down on it. Another time she whacked her across the back legs in a hockey game, claiming it to be an accident. I was too afraid to stand up for Emily because I thought if I did, my turn would be next. And when
Emily had a nervous breakdown and then eventually changed schools, I lost contact with her. It haunted me for years afterwards that I’d never done anything to help.

‘Bon appetite,’ I hand the tray to Celeste. She’s smiling less now. And I’m smiling more. In fact my jaw is beginning to ache from all the grinning I’ve done on this flight. But it’s better than crying. Yes. If I started crying now I know I’d never
stop.

‘I’ll have a red wine for me and one for my
husband
.’ She stresses the word ‘husband’. ‘Is that what you want darling?’

Hubby, at least, has the good grace to look suitably mortified. I give him a sympathetic kind of smile. God, for one who’s practically crying inside,
I’m certainly doing a lot of smiling today.

When the service is over, I’m fit to collapse. I bring an
Irish Independent
down to the back galley to read. Hopefully it will help take my mind off things. And with any luck Adam’s photo won’t be in it again. I couldn’t bear to look at him now. Really I couldn’t.

I flick through my paper with Lydia hovering over me, trying to read it too. I’d like to roll it up and swat her with it. Like I would a fly.

‘Can you see anything about my childhood?’ she asks.

‘What, in the paper?’

‘No, silly, in my hand.’

‘But I’m not looking at your hand, Lydia.’

‘Oh please, can you just tell me a bit more?’

God, I’ll be plagued for the rest of my life over this
. I grab her hand. ‘You were very spoilt as a child, weren’t you?’

‘Wow, that’s so true,’ she says excitedly. ‘You are so talented. It’s a gift, isn’t it?’

‘Er . . . yes.’ Quite.

Tania arrives down for a chat.

Lydia tells her I tell fortunes.

Tania looks thrilled and offers me her hand too.

Jesus, what have I got myself into now?

‘This is a very happy time for you right now,’ I pretend to concentrate on her palm.

How the hell do I think I’m going to get away with this?

‘You’ve definitely met the right man. But . . . there was a stage in your life when you wondered
if you were ever going to meet that special person.’

‘You’ve got that so right,’ Tania sighs.

Well, come on, what woman doesn’t wonder?

‘And there has been heartbreak,’ I say in a suitably sad voice.

She nods silently.

‘But the other men in your life just weren’t meant to be, even though at the time you didn’t know it.’

Tania isn’t speaking now. She’s gone very quiet. God, I hope she’s not going to cry or anything. That would be so embarrassing.

‘Your wedding will be a very happy occasion though. It will be a wonderful day for everybody. Don’t worry about it. Everything will sort itself out.’

‘Oh that’s a relief,’ Tania takes a deep breath. ‘I
have
been worried about it.’

‘I see some interference from your in-laws,’ I offer.

‘Yes indeed.’ Tania grimaces.

‘But as I said, any initial problems will just iron themselves out.’

‘
Have
you been having problems with your in-laws?’ Lydia suddenly butts in. She’s still very young so probably has no experience of nightmare wedding plans. I, on the other hand, know exactly how stressful they can be. I’ve gone through this crap with practically all of my friends.

‘There’s a slight problem with the guest list. You’ve people on it that you don’t particularly want at your wedding.’

Tania nods vigorously.

‘And others that you’d like to invite but can’t because of numbers.’

‘Oh yes.’

‘It will all work out though,’ I repeat sagely. I pause for a minute wondering if I should perhaps quit now while I’m ahead.

Then, I think, I’ll just say
one
more thing. I’m quite enjoying this actually, despite my broken heart and the fact that Celeste – my childhood enemy from hell – is sitting just a few feet away.

‘I see a foreign holiday; white beaches and a clear blue sea. An island, maybe.’

‘Oh, that’ll be the honeymoon,’ Tania beams. ‘We’re going to the Maldives.’

Phew!

Tania then sends Tara down to get her fortune told. Jesus, I’m beginning to regret starting my silly little game. But there’s no point backtracking now so I
tell her much the same thing I told Tania. But since Tara’s engagement ring holds the biggest, heaviest diamond I’ve ever seen in my life, I add that I can see she’s marrying a wealthy man.

‘Well my fiancé
does
earn a lot of money,’ she admits candidly.

‘And somehow I can’t see you being in this job in a few years time,’ I continue, frowning slightly for extra effect.

‘Neither do I!’ she exclaims. ‘Can you really see that?’

‘Yes.’

Of
course
I can. If her man is that bloody wealthy she’s not going to be getting up at four every morning to do red eye flights for the rest of her life now, is she?

‘And I see the pitter patter of tiny feet. Sooner rather than later.’

I put Tara’s age at around thirty-three so I reckon I’m on fairly safe ground here. The old biological clock must be ticking away nicely.

She’s happy. I’m happy. We’re all happy. Well . . . I’m not
really
happy. My heart is breaking as you can imagine. But you know, under the circumstances I’m not doing too badly and at least I’ve survived the return flight without wallowing in self-pity.

I glance at my watch. We’re nearly home, thanks be to God. I can’t wait for today to be over. I want it to be tomorrow already. Tomorrow things might make a bit more sense.

It’s funny but I don’t actually feel jealous of Lydia or anything. No. In fact I feel almost sorry for her. She’s probably dreaming of romance and fairytale weddings. But to Adam, she’ll probably be just another shag. I can’t believe I’m going to let her walk into this. I wonder should I say anything. After all, annoying as Lydia is, I don’t want to let Adam
hurt her.

‘Lydia?’ I say suddenly.

She looks at me expectantly.

‘Where is Adam taking you?’

‘Can’t you see that?’ she asks innocently.

‘Let me guess. Probably a little hotel in Wicklow,’ I say heavily.

‘He says it’s a surprise.’

‘I’ll bet.’

Lydia chews her nails pensively. I wonder what’s going on in that head of hers.

‘I was thinking,’ she says awkwardly. ‘I was thinking I might tell him about you.’

‘What?’ I ask, stricken. My heart does a couple of bungee-jumps. Why in God’s name would she want to mention me?

‘About what you said. I mean I’ve never met a real fortune-teller before. I’m sure Adam would think it’s fascinating.’

‘I’m sure he would, as a matter of fact.’

‘Of course, I won’t mention your name,’ she assures me.

Suddenly a little light bulb pops up in my head. Ping! Then a slow smile spreads across my face.

‘Actually Lydia I think you
should
,’ I insist. ‘My uncle is a famous psychic in New York. Psychic to the stars in fact. He’ll probably recognise the name.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, but don’t tell him straight away, of course,’ I advise. ‘Wait until you’ve both enjoyed your meal. And then tell him I was asking for him.’

Lydia looks delighted to be armed with this piece of useful information. And although I feel slightly guilty for lying, at least I’ve managed to cheer myself up.

I’m on my way home. In Mike’s car. Dublin speeds past as I sit back, close my eyes and relax. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering how the hell I ended up in the captain’s car. Don’t worry though, I’m not going to suddenly hop on Mike as a means of getting over Adam. No. I never do the rebound thing. It doesn’t work.

So how did I end up here? Well, I’ll just tell you quickly. I was walking across the ramp and it had begun to rain so I stopped to put up my umbrella. Then Mike came up behind me, picked up my bag and insisted on carrying it across the ramp. Of course
I was pretty impressed as you can imagine. I mean, the bag was so light but Mike wouldn’t let me carry it myself. Lydia, Tara and Tania had long since disappeared,
as had the co-pilot. They were all rushing home. Lydia, of course, had a date. And the others also had things going on. I, on the other hand seemed to be the only one with no plans. So I offered to wait behind with a wheelchair passenger until the ambulance
came to help her down the aircraft steps. She was such a lovely good-natured woman who didn’t complain once that the ambulance was late. Instead she chatted about life and told me she’d just gone over to Italy to see her first grandchild. Talking to
her, and seeing how much she appreciated life, made me realise that there was more to this world than Adam Kirrane and that, in fact, he had done me a favour by asking Lydia out. He could have wasted more of my time, like Tim had done. But at least he
didn’t get to do that. And besides I don’t have another three years to spare on someone who’s not worth it.