Mexican Kimono (22 page)

That’s it? That’s the science behind reversing a curse? I expected her to chant in a different language at least. The candles stopped flickering and her eyes opened. ‘Done,’ she said.

Done? Hmm. ‘Yay,’ I said, only slightly sarcastically. ‘So that’s it? My life should go back to normal?’

‘Yes.’

‘Seems sort of a big deal about nothing now, doesn’t it?’ I asked JJ.

Kiki shushed, ‘You feel like that because no one has any power over you any longer.’

‘How much do we owe you?’ I said, as JJ groped at his back pocket for his wallet.

She opened one of the tiny cupboards in what I presume was her kitchen because it housed a small silver kettle and took out another spray bottle and a bar of brown soap. ‘You need to spray your house with this every day for the next few weeks. It’s Florida water. It will help cleanse the negative energy and help prevent any more curses.’ She handed me the spray bottle, which I immediately handed to JJ. ‘This is camphor soap. You need to wash with this for the next few weeks too. Wash from the top down, washing the negativity down the drain.’ I took the offending soap that smelled like a mop bucket that had just cleaned the floor of a fish and chip shop, and held it away from me. I only used rancid-smelling stuff when it had a designer label on it and cost me a fortune.

‘Ah, thanks. I’ll be sure to use it religiously. How much do we owe you?’ I asked again, eager to get out of old claustrophobia-ville.

‘I don’t charge to reverse curses, so I can’t be implicated in any way,’ she said, back to her almost-inaudible voice.

‘Hmm, smart. OK, well this was fun and all.’ I stood to leave, well, as much as you can stand in a caravan. ‘Oh, what about the kimono?’

‘You can keep it. The kimono was only a vessel for the curse. You were forced to buy it that day, whether you knew it or not.’

Dodgy. I wondered if I’d been cursed a lot before. I come home with all sorts of highly expensive purchases that I regret almost instantly. ‘What about the Brujeria symbols along the bottom? That seems a bit strange for a Japanese kimono.’

‘They’ll be gone when you look at it next. Out of curiosity, what colour were they?’ Kiki asked, as the emaciated cat did laps around her ankles.

I looked over at JJ who spotted the symbols in the first place.

‘They were dark blue with a yellow insert.’

She nodded with recognition, ‘Ah, done by a Brujo, a male witch. He goes by the name of Herve. Last I heard, he was in jail.’ The cat let out a plaintive meow.

I felt my face drain of colour for the second time that day, ‘OK, great. Let’s go, JJ. Thanks, Kiki, hopefully I never have to see you again.’

JJ looked alarmed. ‘She meant that as …’’

Kiki laughed. ‘It’s OK. I know what she meant.’

We let ourselves out of the caravan door that would be an adequate size for the seven dwarfs. JJ huffed ahead of me, clearly annoyed at something. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ I asked.

‘You are so insensitive sometimes! The cat that was twirling around her feet was another Bruja! And you hissed at it when Kiki wasn’t looking!’

‘Freak me, now I’ve heard it all! That cat smelled like sour milk. Sour milk cloys, you know. I couldn’t take the risk! How can a cat be a witch, anyway?’

‘The Brujas are shape-shifters. They can change into cats, coyotes … ’

I laughed at JJ’s stupidity. He takes things so seriously sometimes. ‘How do you know it wasn’t just your everyday, mangy, under-fed feline?’

‘Didn’t you see her confer with it?’

‘Ah, no, I didn’t. I was too busy trying to hold back my laughter at “please reverse the unwanted curse”. They say they’re sixth-generation Brujeria and have studied all this mumbo jumbo by correspondence, and that’s it? A rhyme a three-year-old could say! I think you may be reading a little too much into this, JJ.’

‘I think, as usual, Samantha, you don’t take things seriously enough.’

Chapter 22

The Wrap Up

I was about to respond to his ridiculous statement when our iPhones beeped frantically. I must have had at least one email.

‘The Internet must be up again! Disaster has been averted! I’ve managed to save the world!’ We both scrambled for our phones to see who wanted our attention so desperately.

‘I might be a while,’ JJ said, ‘I’ve got quite a few here to read.’

‘Me, too. Maybe we should go get a drink at Toff’s?’

After the lunch rush, Toff turned the cafe into a wine bar. The sequin-encrusted counter was wheeled away and replaced with a black granite island. The lime-green and orange seventies booth cushions were turned over to reveal dark-red leather. The lights dimmed down to sexy and the place was transformed into a sleek, sophisticated bar. Toff usually changed from outlandish, overtly camp drag queen into a very glamorous chick with a hot body, killer dress sense and a slightly worrying lump at the Adam’s apple level.

‘OK,’ agreed JJ, ‘as long as it’s not awkward.’

‘I think, after the week I’ve had we can all be adults about our situation.’

He nodded acquiescence and we ambled off to Toff’s. I wondered why I hadn’t heard from my mother. It was unlike her not to call and wheedle me twice a day. I guessed Beer Belly Bob had something to do with it. He’d brainwashed her somehow.

We walked into the bar and took a table at the window. One of Toff’s peons took our order of two Scarlett O’Haras. I saw Kylie heading towards us with either Sam or Michael. Those two were so damn identical it was impossible to guess right.

‘Kylie.’ I stood and motioned for her to join us.

‘Samantha, JJ.’ She leaned in and kissed JJ and shook my hand. ‘You guys remember Michael, don’t you?’

‘Commiserations to Sam, I guess,’ I whispered to JJ.

‘Sit, sit,’ JJ said.

Michael coughed into his hand like he wanted to suffocate the lies he was about to tell. ‘Ah. I don’t want to sound like a stickler for details, but the restraining order I put on Samantha a few months ago stipulates she can’t be within a few feet of me.’

‘Oh, I think you’re mistaken.’ I said. ‘Your brother put that restraining order on me.’

Kylie grabbed his hand, pulling him to the chair and mumbled something to him. He sat next to her and studied the floor intently. He was probably a neat freak like Kylie, searching for invisible germs.

‘So, Sammy, you’ve had a bad day then, by the looks of Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, Pinterest, the chain email and text?’

‘If you were a negative person, totally into themselves, yes, maybe. I like to think of myself as a positive person with everyone else’s best interests at heart. I had a bad day in some respects, but I’m no longer cursed, no longer have rental responsibilities, have two hot boyfriends, and I’m about to travel around the world first class to find, ah, myself.’

‘I didn’t know you were lost, Sweet Cheeks,’ said Toff over my shoulder, making me jump in fright.

‘What’s this about two boyfriends?’ JJ asked.

Oh, shit. See what happens when you forget all those social etiquette rules just to prove a point? Those unwritten rules were made for a reason.

‘Ah, well, I’m glad you’re both here,’ I said to JJ and Toff.

‘I’ve decided to live with you both thrice weekly and possibly Mum’s on Sundays if she’s not in the grip of some sociopathic, homicidal lunatic.’

Kylie piped up, ‘You could stay with me Sundays. We could go back to our old routine of champagne and strawberries on the balcony for breakfast.’

It seemed like
someone
was making quite an effort to become best friends again. ‘Sounds great, Kylie. What do you guys think?’

JJ and Toff looked at each other with fire in their eyes, which I hoped was not of a romantic nature, before Toff turned to me. ‘Well, I’ve been meaning to speak to you about something anyway. I have, um, a friend who also wants to visit bi-weekly, so it works out fine for me. If you’re cool with that?’

‘Why wouldn’t I be? Your friends can visit whenever they like.’ I said.

‘Ah, I meant friend as in …’

JJ cut Toff off abruptly, ‘I also have something to share. I have a friend called Pierre, a guy from Paris who needs a place thrice weekly.’

‘OK, so how about I stay at Tim’s Monday, Wednesday, Friday and JJ’s Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday? Does that work for everyone?’ They both looked at the ceiling and did that annoying rub the chin thing so we all knew they were lost in thought before finally agreeing.

‘It sounds good to me,’ said JJ.

Toff agreed, ‘Me, too.’

‘Right, that’s settled then. Toff, tell Tim I’ll be there tomorrow.’

‘Sure thing, Sweet Cheeks. Tim told me to tell you he’s looking forward to it.’

‘Tell him to prove it by the quality of the champagne he buys.’

‘Of course.’ Toff strutted off in her six-inch silver heels. Kylie and Michael were tittering about something together. JJ and I held hands and smiled into each other’s eyes. I felt a lot better knowing I was keeping two people ecstatically happy and our compromise meant I didn’t have to break any hearts or choose between either of my first true loves.

Toffany glanced at me from the bar and smiled. It would have been awkward if Timothy had to sit there and watch JJ and me together, but it didn’t perturb me at all when it was Toff. I knew she understood being a woman and all.

My mobile rang and I excused myself to answer it, knowing I might be a while.

‘Mum, has Bob brainwashed you yet?’ I asked. ‘Made you sell your house and hand over your money?’

‘Darling! Don’t be so cruel. I am so glad you’re safe. I “saw” you’ve reversed the curse,’ she said.

‘Yes, the curse was easy to reverse.’

‘Now, don’t get angry with me, darling, but I’ve spoken to your father.’

‘What, phoned him on God’s mobile, did you?’

‘The sooner you admit to yourself and take responsibility for what you—’

‘Enough!’ I yelled.

‘Darling, he wants you to know—’

‘If you are going to continue with this madness, I’m going to hang up on you!’ My blood was boiling. I really didn’t know why she insisted on bringing up the past so much.

‘Oh, you are impossible, Samantha! He wants you to know—’

I hung up and stormed back to the table. Infuriating woman, the old rush the word trick didn’t work on me, plus it was so socially unacceptable. A twinge of guilt rushed through me when I thought of the amount of times I’d hung upon Mum recently.

Gemma and Leila walked in together and joined the others at the table.

‘Gemma,’ I said, as I sat down, ‘your hair looks great!’ I was being sincere, too. The blue had been replaced by hennaed red hair that sparkled under the lights. She looked like a real rock star with perfect hair and make-up.

‘Thanks, Kylie suggested it. And Leila is drafting a contract for me ’cause we’ve been signed by a recording company. So, it’s a new look and new attitude for me!’

‘Wow, when did all this happen?’ I asked.

‘Right after you left the nail salon. Turns out Hoang is a massive fan of ours and his sister knows a man that lives next door to a guy who works at Sony. I gave Hoang our demo and one thing led to another and here we are.’

I tried very hard not to mention it, but I couldn’t help myself. ‘So are you still going to sleep on a bus when you tour?’

‘I’m not sure,’ she looked at everyone triumphantly. ‘Do Good Charlotte do their tours by bus?’

We all gasped and looked at Gemma. Kylie said, ‘You’re touring with Good Charlotte?’

Gemma let out a squeal, ‘Yes! We’re the support act for their European tour! I don’t think we can bus it to Italy, somehow.’ In a flurry of excitement the table was almost knocked over in our rush to hug Gemma. Under normal circumstances I’d be feeling mightily jealous, but for some reason I wasn’t. I was happy for Gemma. All those years of smoky clubs and no sleep were finally paying off for her.

‘I’m going to call Charlize and Sharona. We need the whole gang here to celebrate!’ said Kylie, letting go of Michael’s hand briefly to call the girls.

I sat back at the table with the group and took a huge gulp of my drink. My hands were quaking slightly. JJ looked at me quizzically. ‘Are you OK? Who was that on the phone?’

‘No one. It was no one. I’m fine. I think I need another drink or two, though.’ He signalled to the waiter for another round.

I relaxed into JJ’s shoulder and closed my eyes. It had been a hectic day and, for once, I looked forward to having an early night. An early night with JJ.

Ah, Goddamn it. ‘Hello,’ I answered my phone brusquely.

There was a delay and then finally, ‘Samantha, it’s me. We need to discuss this.’

‘How the hell did you get my number?’ I demanded.

‘I can get anything in here, Samantha. It’s just a question of price.’

‘I see your morals haven’t changed, then.’

‘I did it for a reason, Sambo.’

‘Don’t call me that. I can’t see for what reason you’d curse your own daughter!’ I was outraged at this point and realised my friends were now staring at me, slightly horrified. I signalled all was well, to make them feel comfortable. See what I’m like in a crisis? See?

‘Sam, I guess I was a little angry at you. I just don’t understand why you told the police I faked my own death!’

‘Um, because you
did
fake your own death!’ Jesus, some people were seriously delusional. I was thinking I might have been a bit harsh labelling Toff that in the past. (Not that I’m a ‘labeller’.)

‘Yes, but you helped me fake my own death and took the cafe as payment for services rendered! Then you told the police I “washed money” for a living! Why? I just don’t understand, why?’

‘Mum said you laundered money. So? Washed/laundered, same same! I mean, was it really that dirty it needed to be cleaned?’

Kylie would love this line of conversation.

‘Why would you dob your old man in, huh? Now I’m stuck in here until 2030! Didn’t you think of that, Sam?’

I took a sip of my drink and felt slightly guilty that Dad wouldn’t be sampling any beverage of the alcoholic kind for another few decades. I guess if you put it that way it kind of seemed like I dobbed him in, but I’m almost certain it wasn’t like that at all.