Mercury Rises (36 page)

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Pheidippides was the Greek soldier who was sent from the battlefield of Marathon to Athens in 490 BC to announce that the Persians had been defeated. It is said that he ran the entire distance (26.2 miles) without stopping, burst into the assembly exclaiming, "We have won!" and then died. A complete transcript of this incident follows:
Pheidippides: We have won!
Assembly: Wow, that's great. So do you guys need reinforcements or anything?
Pheidippides: No. [gasps for breath] Didn't you hear what I said? [gasps for breath] We won already.
Assembly: Oh, OK. So, um, what's the big hurry? Do you need something from us?
Pheidippides: No. [gasps for breath] Just really [gasps for breath] excited. [gasps for breath] About the victory.
Assembly: Got it. Well, good show and all that. Anyway, we're a little busy discussing taxation and whatnot, so if you don't mind waiting in the lobby for a bit...
Pheidippides: Oh. [gasps for breath] Sure. I'm pretty much [gasps for breath] done anyway. [gasps for breath] Do you think I could [gasps for breath] have a drink of...[collapses]
Assembly: What a remarkable man! I move that we start a series of footraces in honor of this brave soldier. Did anyone get his name?

8
Tuwambo, they claimed, occasionally worked in concert with Mawtaba, god of night sweats, and Buwandanta, god of that thing where you are half awake and can feel yourself lying in bed but you can't move.

9
Sand is recommended over more permanent media such as spray paint, because you run the risk of irritating the demon by not adequately "hanging up" after the call if you are unable to completely erase the sigil. The demon may hear a faint buzzing sound for days after the summoning, and in extreme cases may wreak vengeance upon you for this annoyance to the ninth generation. Also, sand is generally cheaper.

10
The SCSP charter granted her influence over the Eastern wing of the Fertile Crescent, a narrow but highly desirable strip of land in between the Arabian Desert and the Zagros Mountains, stretching from the Persian Gulf to the terminus of the Euphrates, a few hundred miles from the Mediterranean.

11
Mercury had shielded her from the three-hundred-mile-per-hour winds as best he could, but a cherub flying at top speed can't fully compensate for variations in air pressure. The effect is equivalent to riding in a convertible sports car on the Autobahn.

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Contrary to popular belief, the gelatin in foodstuffs such as Jell-O does not come from horse hooves. Horse hooves are made of keratin. Gelatin is made from collagen that is derived from cattle bones, cattle hides, and pigskins. Now you are
THAT
much closer to understanding the Universe.