Mending (6 page)

Steel drums started playing Jason Mraz's "I Won't Give Up." A tear fell down her cheek. Her father walked to where she stood and her hands started shaking a little. He'd been on the Conch Train with the other guests that were brought to the beach from the hotel. Finn went down the aisle first, throwing pink petals down on the white sand. Millie and Cooper followed her, then her mother.

Her father leaned into her and whispered, “You ready Cadillac?" He used his nickname for her when she was growing up, playing ball. Her coach started calling her that at eleven, because of how smooth she moved shagging ground balls. A tear fell from her right eye and she wiped it away quickly with the tissue that Millie had given her in the car.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she admitted. Her heart felt so full of emotion as her father walked her down the aisle, and when she saw George, she thought she might burst. He was wearing linen khaki pants and a white button down Tommy Bahama shirt. It was untucked and the sleeves were rolled up. He had his full, 100 watt, dimpled smile spread across his face. She let go of her father and reached for George’s hand, George nodded at Stella’s father and then looked directly into her eyes.

She glanced over her shoulder and saw Millie, Jesse and Billy all sitting in the front row, smiling. Stella was happy they were there, she was happy she was getting married.
She was fucking happy
. The butterflies in her stomach were threatening to come up; she'd never experienced happy throw up and didn’t want to today. She couldn’t believe they were here, getting married. Someone was talking, and then, in the blink of an eye, it was time for the exchange of vows. They'd decided to say their own vows. She and George faced each other and she held his hands. Her hands trembled with relief that he was marrying her, that they would actually be together, that they were touching.

"Stella Eugenia Murphy,” George began, “I knew the second I met you that you'd change my life. I knew after months of knowing you that I loved you and I knew after kissing you we would spend the rest of our lives together."

She heard a sob from the crowd and she began patting her eyes before the tears ruined her makeup.

"Getting you to agree to those things has been an adventure I’d never imagined. You filled every hole that I ever had. From your obnoxious laugh to your gentle kisses, you've made me someone to be proud of. You once told me that you were a hurricane, and I agree with that, but even hurricanes run out of steam. We made it. You and I made it through everything and are still standing, and what's left is stronger than what we thought. I want to tell you that I’m pretty sure nothing can break what we have. And what we have is respect for each other, friendship. You can make me laugh when I think it’s impossible. Most of all, you are home to me. When I look in your gorgeous eyes, I see my forever and now I see my son's forever. You have given me everything I’ve always wanted."

Tears ran down Stella's face and she leaned in to kiss him.

He smiled and whispered, "Not yet."

"Fuck that," Stella murmured and kissed him for fixing her, for making her a better person and loving her like no one else could.
How did she end up this lucky?

"It's your turn," George said after she separated herself from him. "By the way, you look unbelievable today."

"How did I end up this lucky?" Stella started, staring at the words she wrote on the piece of paper she was clutching before deciding to ignore them. "I've never been lucky. Exhibit A,” she said, pointing at herself. Her friends laughed. "All things considered, I feel like I’m getting some major payback for the past couple years. I could stand here and tell you all the awesome things about you and how you changed my life, but I think what's important is that all of these things that have happened, have led me here…to this…to you. George, you make me a better person and having you in my life is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm reminded of one of my favorite songs and that I don't want to go back and I wouldn't change a thing because all of my mistakes have led me to you. To us.” Stella inhaled deeply. “I promise that from this day forward I will love you with every ounce of my being. I will always protect you, mostly from me... I promise to fight, to fight for you, for us. I promise I
will
run, but I'll run to you. I promise to always run to you."

A tear fell down George’s cheek. The group of friends and family sitting on the beach were silent as George wiped the tears from Stella's eyes.

"I promise you won't have to cry anymore, unless they're happy tears," George whispered. Then he leaned in and his lips barely touched her ear. "Shh, El. Thank you for letting me love you."

"I promise to be better, to do better," she whispered back.

The officiant cleared her throat and announced they were married.

"Mrs. and Mr. Willston George Finnegan."

Everyone cheered for them and Stella's grin was painted on her face for the next four hours as they drank and ate at an Art Gallery on Duval Street, where Fred had arranged dinner be served and Thomas Arvid pictures hung on all the walls.

There was only one dance, and it was to Ben Harper’s “Forever.” George cradled Stella in his arms and whispered the lyrics in her ear. She buzzed with the feeling that maybe she would have a forever after all. This feeling of hope—or relief—she wanted to tuck it inside her somewhere so she was able to pull it out and look at it, to remember what this moment had felt like, looked like.

She and George were surrounded by almost everyone they loved. It was pretty damn near perfect.

Chapter Six

Safe and Sound

Stella had stuffed her expanding ass and boobs in her black string bikini and it was a little bit much for the small amount of fabric to take. She was lying on the lounge chair as George swam around in the pool, Ray LaMontagne played through the speakers.

She felt water falling on her legs as George climbed on top of her. He unceremoniously pulled her bikini bottoms off, then rubbed her belly adoringly.

“I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you too,” she said.

George pulled El to him by her hips and abruptly buried his face in between her legs. She stopped breathing until she screamed his name so loud that everyone walking by on Duval Street could hear.

They barely separated their bodies for the remainder of the week they were alone together. As they boarded Jesse’s private plane back to DC, Stella realized she’d never felt so at peace in her life. George was her everything, her soft place to fall. She looked at her ring and smiled. She’d decided not to get a wedding band, but used the emerald as her engagement and wedding band. He’d picked a titanium band and was having a difficult time getting used to it.

She kissed his lower lip, watching Cooper pace the length of the airplane. This really had been the perfect week. She wasn’t sure they were ready to get back to the grind of real life.

“Love,” George whispered, “please don’t make me get a hard on that I can’t do anything about for hours.”

“You’re
so
not fun,” she whined.

“Oh, I’m fun. I’ll show you fun when we get back home.”

“We could probably have fun on this flight.”

“Ummm no. We’re not having sex on Jesse’s plane. That’s just rude.”

“I promise he wouldn’t mind.”

George laughed. “It probably wouldn’t be the first time.”

George and Stella had been doing well; all of the doctors’ visits were good news and they were enjoying each other. Stella was able to see a future now, one that included her being happy and having her own family. It was such a change from six months ago and there was nothing to explain this change of heart except for her baby. He was it.

Guilt was her dirty little secret, it ate away at her future and happiness, but she put it in a box in her mind as often as she could. Sometimes it got too big for the box and seeped out the sides, causing Stella to doubt everything, the truth like a piece of gum too big for her mouth. It took everything she had not to blurt out what she’d done. Sometimes she’d look at George, with his sincerity and integrity, and feel sorry that he ended up with her, but she resolved to change everything for him and the little Fucker and that’s a promise she intended to keep.

Stella walked down the hall into the nursery and eased herself onto the floor to lay on the light blue and chocolate brown rug she'd recently purchased. She stared up at the ceiling and rubbed her enormous belly. Cooper turned in a few circles and then lay down in a huff beside her, resting his head on her belly. She sighed and rubbed Cooper's head. He wouldn’t know what to do when he wasn't the center of attention anymore.

"Don't worry, Coop, you'll always be my first baby."

She looked around the room, taking in all the decor that she and George had decided on for Liam. They'd decided to name the baby after George’s father; Liam was his middle name. George painted the room a khaki color and all the accessories were light blue, white and chocolate. George hung chocolate wooden letters on the wall spelling out Liam surrounded by stars. The crib was in one corner and in the other, a wooden bed shaped like a moon. It was the coolest bed—the bed itself was in the shape of a crescent moon, the top of it curved up and over the mattress, which was in the bottom of the crescent. There were stars that were cut out of the wood in the sides of the moon, they were like little windows for the occupant to look through. The bedding for both was white, light blue and khaki. It was simple, but she loved it. There was a blue glider in the corner, where she assumed she'd be spending many hours and nights. She was beyond nervous about being a mom, but she was thankful because she knew Liam had saved her. Just then, she felt Liam kick her with all his might in what she imagined were her kidneys.

"Hey, kid. Easy there," she soothed.

Stella sat up uncomfortably and walked to the bathroom. After relieving herself for what seemed to be the third time in the last hour, she washed her hands and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was longer, her makeup softer and her face rounder to match her enormous belly. She was wearing a black top, with lace outlining a skull on the open back, and maternity jeans. It was Sunday and she was dreading work tomorrow, only because she’d have to squeeze into maternity Spanx and her heels. Those things were torture to her body and made her pee more than three times an hour. Pulling up the Spanx after peeing was like being in Cirque de Soleil. There was a pee hole in them, but that just grossed her out for some reason. What if pee dripped on it? Then all she’d think about all day was that she was sitting in pee.

George left to return to Iowa earlier in the day, but she already missed him. She'd tried to keep her emotions from him this past week, but it was relatively impossible. Patrick had flown up to DC after seeing her pregnant on the news. Every time she closed her eyes for the last seven days she saw his eyes full of an emotion she’d never seen from him. His eyes after he'd asked her if Liam was his were almost more than she could take. Stella closed her eyes and counted to 27 for the fourth time that day in order to get his blue eyes out of her mind.

George was it for her and she knew she'd made the right decision for both her and Patrick. He may not know it now, but he would eventually. He'd done too much for her and she blamed herself for being naive and selfish. A tear fell from the corner of her eye. Patrick looked like he was going to punch her when he saw her ring; surely he knew she and George got married. Stella had tried calling him a million times, but now she realized he wasn’t even listening to her messages.

Patrick’s demeanor when she opened the door to Billy’s was tense and aggressive; he was ready for a fight. When he found out there was no reason to fight, it was like he deflated in front of her eyes. His normal swagger and confidence shifted and melted like an ice cream cone in the too hot sun. Stella wanted to scoop it off the floor and hand it back to him. She'd never seen him so…lifeless.

Even in a crisis, she could always count on him to have no emotion and move her through whatever steps needed to be taken. He was calculating and smart, his emotions always hidden somewhere underneath his façade of calm. This Patrick was different and she didn't know how to make it better, to repair the damage they'd done to each other. They'd set fire to what they had in an effort to comfort each other and only ruins remained. She’d never been so sorry for what she’d done in her entire life; she had much to apologize for in her short years in D.C. Stella wished she could go back in time and have enough wherewithal to tell him no.

She shook those thoughts out of her head and went back into the nursery, where she sat in the glider and put up her bare feet on the ottoman. She unconsciously rubbed her belly. "I'm going to be better,” she whispered. “I told your dad that and I'm telling you that too."
Dad.
She rocked back and forth to the rhythm of the music in her mind. She couldn't get “Safe and Sound” by Matthew Mayfield out her mind. She hummed the tune and thought if there was one thing in her life she would do right, it would be to keep Liam safe.