Men-of-Action-Seres-04 -Saints and Sinners (8 page)

“I understand,” she said. “I lost my daddy when I was just a little older than you. If I could go back in time I’d probably hide to try to keep him safe too. But you know, your dad is trying to do the right thing. He’s conflicted because he’d rather be here with you.” Lord knows he would rather be there than with her in Portland.

“Then why doesn’t he stay? It’s because of you!” She could be the villain here. One more Masterson angry with her wouldn’t make a difference she guessed. “True. Your dad saved my life.

We both thought I would be safe once I made it back to America, but I wasn’t. Your dad was assigned to keep me safe and he’s carrying out that responsibility despite his desire to be home. When you get older you’ll understand. Although I imagine that doesn’t help you right now; does it?”

“I miss him.”

“I know,” Alaina thought about her own father, how much she missed him. She thought about how she felt when he died, and how she’d feel if she were in the same place as Sully’s little girl.

Using the small gap in the wooden gate, Teagan crawled from beneath the porch and sat on the ground in front of Alaina. “My dad is a good man.”

“Yes he is.” Though she wouldn’t skip to Sully being a nice man, he was definitely a good man.

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“Was your dad a good man?”

“Yes he was.”

Teagan wrapped her arms around Alaina. She was so surprised at the action that she nearly fell over.

“I’m sorry you lost your dad. I don’t want to lose mine.”

“I have a feeling he’s working very hard trying to make sure that doesn’t happen. But you have to help him out.”

“How?”

“No more scaring him…or your grandmother. Deal?”

“Deal,” she shook Alaina’s hand as if to seal the deal. “Do you think my dad is mad at me?”

“No. I think your dad was worried and a little scared for you.

When people get scared they sometimes…”

“Yell?”

“Yes…among other things.”

It was at that point that Sully and his mother emerged from the house. Sully with toolbox, and belt, in hand and his mother with an unreadable look on her face. Maybe it was relief, maybe something else.

At this point, Alaina didn’t have the strength to try to find out just what Ms. Masterson thought of her.

Sully descended the two steps in one long stride.

“Daddy! I’m sorry,” Teagan ran to her father and wrapped her arms around his leg. The fight seemed to go out of Sully because he dropped both toolbox and belt and picked Teagan up.

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“Never again. Understand?”

“Yes,” she nodded and then wrapped her arms around his neck.

Sully walked back up the stairs.

“Ms. Masterson, could you please tell me where the nearest hotel or inn is? I need to book a room.” She was more certain now than she was before that she really wouldn’t be comfortable staying there in his house.

He needed some time with Teagan, time without his assignment hanging around. She needed space from him, from this world he had for himself, from the painful memories it was creating for her.

“You’re not staying at a hotel!” He barked before going into the house. The screen door slammed shut behind him.

“We have room,” Ms. Masterson said. “Come on in.” Now that her worry for Alaina had subsided, Ms. Masterson had a calmer, gentler voice—almost welcoming.

Alaina was sure they did have room. The house was very late Victorian in style, something like what she would see in one of those seaside paintings with the steeple like rooftop and the picturesque wrap around porch. The difference was that he had land surrounding his property instead of more houses of the same design. If she really thought about it, the house was comforting, as if nothing bad could happen there. It was too warm, too perfect for bad things to happen there. Of course she was an adult and not a child and her life certainly hadn’t been built on fairytales. She knew bad things happened even in the perceivably safest of places. Still, this house came as close to picture perfect as she had ever Saints and Sinners 70

seen. Looks and appearances hadn’t made Alaina’s staying in that house any easier.

Uncomfortable wasn’t even going to begin to describe what Alaina was feeling. It was obvious Sully only wanted her there because he would probably feel guilty if she got killed in a hotel while he was at home. Of course nobody knew where she was. She had used cash to pay for gas, and she had enough cash to check in at a hotel. She would be safe for a couple nights without Sully looking over her shoulder. Honestly, she needed to get away from him as much as he wanted to get away from her. He unnerved her. He was always there at every turn. He seemed to have insight into her world, while not really understanding anything at all. He judged her. He didn’t like her. Yet for some reason he seemed to be concerned about her emotional state post captivity. He had made it seem as if he was trying to prevent any mistakes on her part, but she had a feeling there might be something more…something almost human.

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“D
on’t you dare!” Alaina turned so sharply he thought she might hit him. As angry as she was he had no doubt she would try to draw blood if she did hit him.

“She’s your mother. She risked a lot to get you out of there. And you…”

“Shut up!”

If it were possible he would say she was as red as a tomato. She was angry; he didn’t care, he was angry too. Maybe she didn’t feel the need to say thanks, but he thought she should. A little help on her mother’s campaign wouldn’t be a bad thing.

“You know nothing about my life, or about me, so don’t pretend you do.” Her voice was marginally lower, but no less angry than it was before. “My mother couldn’t even sign her name to a sympathy card when my fiancé died. When my father died she didn’t hug me, she didn’t ask if I were okay; she didn’t care. She never cared. Oh you glorify her actions of Saints and Sinners 72

sending you to get me perhaps because you had a mother and you assume I did too, but I didn’t. I had a keeper who showed an interest in me only if it advanced her career.”

He would swear he saw tears forming in her eyes and he felt a twinge of guilt—only a twinge because he wasn’t sure Alaina’s story wasn’t one sided.

She tossed up her hands. “I don’t know why I even care. How about we go back to the way things were in Central America? You hold on to your sunny disposition and I’ll stick with my internal dialogue. Problem solved.” She walked away leaving him alone.

This was a new side to her, one he wasn’t sure he liked. She was angry and it was an anger that didn’t stem from their one conversation.

This was an anger she had buried as a child, one that she hadn’t allowed herself to deal with. Suddenly his twinge of guilt expanded to guilt the size of China. He went to apologize, something he rarely found himself doing to women now days, but as he approached the kitchen he stopped. His mother’s usual calm seemed to be finessing his brash demeanor. Thank God for her because she always seemed to have the right words.

“Your mother, she really wasn’t there for you when your fiancé died?”

“Not even a sympathy card.” Her voice sounded shaky. She was holding on by a thread. Hearing her voice hit him hard. He was undoubtedly being the biggest jerk in the country.

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“You know, I used to wonder what I had done wrong to make her hate me. Before my dad died I at least had one parent who loved me. He was always there, always reassuring me that it wasn’t my fault. ‘Your mother’s just stressed right now,’ he would always say. She was always stressed. After he died…well, there was just nobody left but me. Teagan is lucky. She has a father who would risk his world for her happiness, and a grandmother who loves her. I would have killed for that. Then Troy came into my life and I had a brief moment of love before he was taken away from me too. It’s not natural,” her voice seemed heavy with sorrow. He could tell she was trying to fight the quiver in her voice; he could tell that from the way she seemed to try to inhale air to push away the pain in her voice, as if she were seconds away from hysterical crying.

“It’s not natural to survive when nobody else does.”

“You’ll have to excuse my son. It’s been many months now, but I think the pain still eats at him. His wife left while he was on assignment.

He had just gone undercover on some mission somewhere he couldn’t tell us about. He had been trying to stay closer to home, but you know the government and their trained warriors,” she laughed. “They call, and men like Sully feel compelled to take up arms.” He heard her chopping the vegetables for dinner. He heard the onions sautéing. Mostly, he heard his mother trying to excuse his behavior.

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“Anyway, she left Teagan in a motel room alone, ran off with some man and overdosed on Heroin. It took us three days to find Teagan.

She’s recovered. He hasn’t.”

His mother was apologizing for his behavior. She shouldn’t have had to. He was pissed at Kathryn and he was taking it out on Alaina. He had stayed away from dating, from getting close to any woman, because he couldn’t stand them due to the actions of one woman. He respected his mother, loved his daughter, but he had hardened his heart to the female of the species outside of those two. Then his mission had taken him after Alaina. One look at her and he felt the threat. This woman could change things, change him, but like Kathryn she would probably hurt him, hurt Teagan. So he kept up his shell the only way he knew how. He pushed her away. He said things to drive the wedge between them deeper. He needed to keep his armor up, keep the hardened shell from breaking apart—because being honest with himself he knew the moment he saw her standing there with a knife at her throat, this woman could change everything.

Slowly he felt the collapse of his shell, and each time he would remind himself women were the same, she was no different. Each time he tried to push her out of his thoughts. Each time he failed. He needed to find fault with her. When he couldn’t he sought to find fault with her relationships, and he, with his irrational beliefs, had found it. He had been wrong. She was hurting just as much, more even, than he was. At least he had a mother who loved him; she had no one after her father died. Then Capri Montgomery 75

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she had found what she needed, what she craved, in her fiancé and then he was gone too. He had two people who loved him living right in the house with him. She had none. No child, no human, should ever have to live that way.

He hadn’t helped. In his own need for distance he had hurt her more.

“Nanna!” He heard Teagan jerk open the screen door letting it slam hard against the outside wall. He had told her a hundred times before not to do that, but whenever she was excited about something she did it anyway. “Can Alaina come out and play?”

“She’s a grown woman you’ll have to ask her yourself.”

“Well, can you?”

“Sure; why not? It’s been a long time since I played any games.

You’ll have to teach me.”

Sully wondered if she had ever played any games. He saw Alaina with his blinders removed and now that he did he saw her life differently.

She had probably always felt the need to be loved so much that she spent her childhood trying to gain the love of one parent while not losing the love of the other. He doubted that her father would have ever stopped loving her, but to a child, a child who felt that the lack of love from one parent was solely their fault, rational thinking on the matter wasn’t easily understood.

He heard the screen door close again. Teagan was getting attached to another woman who would leave her. Maybe the problem was he was Saints and Sinners 76

getting attached. He had wondered how Gavin could do it—fall for a woman who was so entrenched in his mission. He had thought it was a fool thing to do—that Gavin put himself in jeopardy. He had wondered how Gavin could be willing to compromise his mission, risk getting himself killed for a woman. Now he understood how men like Gavin McGregor could let lust—love even—happen. They let it happen because the only choice they had was to fight it. It was a hard, unyielding war they would wage with their emotions. The difference was men like Gavin McGregor weren’t so dead set on hating women that they felt the war was worth the energy. He was, and he did—until now. Now he questioned his motives, his reasons, his own desires. He couldn’t let that happen.

Doubting his decision was the fastest way to lose the battle.

“Are you going to stand out there all day; or are you going to come in here?”

He walked into the kitchen. His mother’s all-knowing eyes looked intently at him. She had the harshest blue eyes he had ever seen. Somehow it always seemed as if she were reading a person’s soul with them.

“I figured you were out there when I heard the board squeak.” She shook her head.

“I’ll fix it,” he said though he wasn’t sure which
it
he was referring to.

“She’s not Kathryn you know?”

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