Memory's Door (A Well Spring Novel) (31 page)
“I see.”
Marcus studied the man’s face. He’d been answering every
question without hesitation and with complete openness. It’s not that he trusted the man—he didn’t know him—but something about his eyes drew answers out of Marcus like water.
“You must not worry, Professor. I am well versed in soul travel as well as the journeys to other parts of the spiritual realm. And I’m here to help you. Whether you accept that help or not is, of course, up to you.”
Marcus nodded but didn’t speak. It might be wise to talk less and listen more.
“What are your friends’ names?” The man drew the name Marcus in the dirt between them.
“Reece, Dana, and Brandon.”
He added the names underneath Marcus’s.
“And what were you doing together on the side of the mountain?”
“We were finding refreshment from the battle we’ve been in for a long time now. We’ve all grown weary, and the enemy has been relentless lately with his attacks as we try to figure out what the Wolf is and how to destroy it.”
So much for his resolve to say less. Maybe he was free with his answers because the man seemed so familiar. “Do we know each other?”
“Yes, of course we do.” The man’s smile went wide. “We just met.”
“No, I mean before now, did we know each other?”
“I don’t think so, unless you’ve been here before or to one of the other realms I frequently travel in. But I would have remembered you if you had, I’m sure of that. And I think you would have remembered me.”
“It’s just that—” Marcus stopped. Just that what? That part of him wanted to tell this man every secret? That whatever this being was, Marcus was ready to open his soul to the man and take whatever help he could offer without reservation?
“Just what?”
“Even though I just met you, I feel you’re one I can trust.”
“Ah, thank you, Marcus. I hope so. I would indeed like to help you.”
Marcus leaned back on his hands and surveyed the valleys below. A low ridge separated each one. The middle was the widest; the other two were the same width. A town sat in the middle of each valley and the layout looked identical. Something about each of them drew Marcus as if he were destined to visit each of them and had no way to prevent that from happening.
“If this isn’t earth and we’re not inside someone’s soul, we must be in one of the other spiritual realms you spoke of. So where are we?”
The man stood, closed his eyes, and drew in a breath as if he were drinking the air. “This is the place where dreams are seen—all dreams, the good and the bad—and where dreams can come true.” He turned to Marcus and his smile seemed to make his face glow. “And where some things best forgotten can be. Forever.”
“Are you a man?”
“No, but you already suspected that, didn’t you?”
“What are you?”
“One who can help you shed your darkest regrets and restore your greatest dreams.”
“And you know what those are?”
“Most certainly. I’ve watched you for a long time, Marcus.”
“I thought you said we’d never met.”
“Yes, I did, and we haven’t. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been your friend for ages.”
“Then you know about my son?”
“Yes, of course.” His eyes grew somber. “That’s what I meant when I said, ‘Some things best forgotten can be.’ The thing buried so deep and so far the others saw no hint of it when they went inside your soul. The one you’d almost convinced yourself didn’t happen. The one God has brought to the surface so it can be dealt with once and for all.”
The full memory of that day snaked out of the depths, and this time Marcus couldn’t stop it.
Marcus slumped forward and dug his fingers into his forehead, his eyes, his cheeks. “You brought that up out of me just now. Made me face it. So I can get rid of the guilt, the remorse, the condemnation, the regret.”
“I assisted, yes. But you wanted to face it. So give yourself a bit of credit.”
Marcus spotted three hikers climbing a steep trail half a mile below them, one with an oversized backpack that seemed to slow his progress to a crawl. Just like what he’d seen in that church a year ago. Just like he had in his own backpack: a stone he’d placed there that day long ago. And now it was time to get rid of it.
He stared at the man. “I have to tell Kat, don’t I? It’s time to come clean and beg for forgiveness.”
The man smiled and spoke in a voice so soft, Marcus strained to hear it. “No, that’s what I was trying to tell you. You don’t. That’s the beauty of this place.” The man gazed at the sky and the valleys below them.
“But even so, I must warn you, it won’t be easy. After we talk and your eyes are opened, you’ll have to make a choice of great difficulty. I will help you with the choice and freely give you all the wisdom I have, but I cannot make the choice for you.”
“When do we start?”
“We can start now if you like.”
“Then let’s go.”
T
HE VALLEY IN THE MIDDLE SEEMED TO GROW IN SIZE, OR
Marcus’s eyes changed so he saw and heard things moving in it. As his focus zeroed in, Kat and he came into view. It was the early days of their marriage when they lived in a one-bedroom apartment with an ugly, swirling, pea green and dark green carpet, and a man downstairs who loved to play Frank Sinatra records at three in the morning with all the strength his speakers could provide.
Kat had no lines in her face and no sadness in her eyes. It was the time before Abbie and Jayla—days when even Layne was only a someday dream and the horror of losing him hadn’t woven its fibers into every place in their hearts.
Marcus lounged on their ugly tan couch and tossed a pillow at Kat. “Have you considered the various options for us this weekend?”
“What are you talking about? The weekend is already fully booked. We’re going to a movie tonight with Marty and Cindy, Sunday we’re going over to my parents, and tomorrow we’re watching Kelly and Cecil get engaged at the top of Mount Si.”
Marcus leaned his head back and moaned. “I wish we were just watching. Carrying a table and chairs and champagne to the top of Mount Si and then hiding a ring under a rock so Cecil can ‘discover’ it and ask Kelly to marry him is not watching. It’s working. Hard.”
“My heart is breaking for you.”
The look he’d seen in the mirror for so many years now was
gone, replaced by a lightness on his face that brought back the days before he’d made the mistake that had killed Layne. Those innocent, beautiful, ignorant days when life’s biggest struggle was deciding what trail to mountain bike down or what new cheap restaurant they should try in the coming week.
Marcus leaned forward on the cliff toward the valley as if he could step into that world and take into his arms the Kat he saw below and start over again from those days. Replay all the years of regret and this time live them right.
“You can, you know.”
“Can what?” Marcus glanced at the man, then back to the valley, but the vision of Kat and him was gone.
The man pointed to the valley. “I can offer you that life, Marcus. You can step into it and live it and I promise you will never remember what you did to Layne. It will disappear as if it never happened because in that life down there, it won’t happen.
“It’s a world where you went on the Enchantments hike with Dave and the others, where you’re close to Abbie, and it’s a world, Marcus . . . where you didn’t lose Layne.”
At the last words Marcus’s heart tightened. “That’s not true.”
The man nodded. “Yes, you can have him back. Your son. Returned to you along with all your memories of his childhood. Just give me the word and it will happen immediately.”
Marcus spun and stared at the man. “What’s the catch? You said the choice would be made with great difficulty.”
The man sighed. “Yes, I did. I also said your eyes need to be opened. So before I tell you about the price you would have to pay to live in this world, you must see what will happen if you don’t choose the valley you’ve just witnessed.” The man scooted closer to the edge and pointed to the valley on the left. “This valley is what will happen if you tell Kat about your role in Layne’s death. Are you ready?”
Marcus nodded and again either they moved toward the valley or the valley moved toward them, and within seconds he watched
Kat as she stood in their kitchen, her back to him, her hand clutching the counter as if she’d fall over if she let go.
“Kat?”
She turned. “I want to get it done quick for the sake of the girls.” She slid a manila envelope onto the kitchen table.
“Get what done?”
“I’m so sorry, Marcus. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t get past it. I’ve tried for so many years.” Tears formed in her eyes. “I’ve filed.”
“You’ve what? Divorce? I can’t believe you filed. I didn’t think—”
“But you did think. You heard God tell you not to let him go and you thought about it and let him go anyway.”
“Please, I don’t want to lose us. I don’t believe you want to—”
“I know, and you’re right. You are.” Kat wiped her tears. “There’s part of me that wants to make it work, but I just can’t. You allowed my son to die, Marcus, and I so wish I could let that go. But I’ve tried and tried and tried and it’s never going to happen.”
A moment later the valley morphed into a courtroom, the air stuffy, the smell of old papers swirling around the space as if pushed by an invisible fan. A judge sat hunched over her bench as if she’d just finished speaking.
“I’m sorry, Marcus.” A woman placed her hand on his shoulder. “It’s final.”
“You’re my attorney?”
The woman smiled sadly. “Not anymore, unless you plan on getting divorced again someday.”
Marcus turned, his sweat-soaked dress shirt plastered to his back, and stared at Kat who stood and shuffled out of the courtroom.
The scene stopped and grew smaller. In seconds he was back on the ledge.
“And the third valley?” Marcus asked the man.
“Are you sure you want to see it?”
“No.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes. I mean no, I want to see it.”
“This might be the most painful of the three.”
“Can you give me a warning, a precursor of what will be shown?”
“Yes, it is the valley if you choose to do nothing. What will happen if you stay in your current world, keep your silence, and Kat doesn’t find out about what you did to your son.”
Marcus nodded and sighed. “Show me.”
He stood in the middle of their bedroom, Kat stood at their closet. She pulled down sweaters and jeans and shoes as if they each weighed sixty pounds.
“Are you going on a trip?”
“No.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“I’m leaving. Going to my mom and dad’s for a while. Sort some things out. Figure out what I’m going to do.” She dropped a pair of shoes and they seemed to land on the carpet like bowling balls.
“Do about what?”
“Us.”
“What do you mean, ‘us’? What’s wrong with us?”
Kat turned and dropped the clothes in her hands to the floor. “I’m not sure. But I know when it started. It was the night you discovered Calen was Zennon and fought him right there in our dining room.” She paused and looked down and her voice dropped to a whisper. “He talked about a secret, about ‘what you did to him.’” Kat looked up. “I can’t get it out of my mind that he was talking about Layne.”
Heat torched Marcus’s face. She knew. At the least she suspected what he’d done.
She picked up the clothes. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”
Marcus tried to imagine saying the words. Confessing what he’d done. But there was no point. He’d already seen what would happen if he did. He stared at her but dropped his gaze as her sad, questioning eyes looked into his and then filled again with tears.
“Don’t say it, Marcus. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.” A
sorrow-tinged smile creased her face. “Just give me this time and who knows, maybe it will be okay.”
The scene grew smaller and the sensation of moving backward came over Marcus again till the ground grew hard and he was back on the cliff staring at the three valleys below.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, Marcus.” The man’s eyes were moist. “So much pain.”
Marcus swallowed and tried to swallow again without success, his throat raw and dry. “Why would you, why would God give me the gift of the middle valley? I don’t deserve it. What I’ve done has earned me the valley on the right or the left instead.”
“That is true.” The man drew three lines in the thin dirt next to them.
“Then why?”
“Because he is good. In James it says every perfect gift comes from the Father . . .” The man hesitated. “And he longs to give good gifts to his children.”
“But what will it cost me? You said when I’d seen all three valleys, you would tell me the price. And I believe the price will be high.”
The man raised his head and stared at Marcus for over ten seconds before speaking. “Why do you think the price will be high?”
“Because I see it in your eyes.”
“It is true.” The man turned away and gazed at each of the three valleys. “Your perception serves you well, Professor. And the cost might be too great for you to bear.”
“Tell me.”
The man stood and walked to the edge of the cliff. “In the middle valley you will retain all of your healing and all of your memories except for the memory of that afternoon with Layne.
“Your life with Kat and the girls will be the one you’ve longed for since before they were born. Your career, everything will be all you’ve ever imagined it could be. And Layne will be alive and well and enjoying the full life of a sixteen-year-old.”
The man paused and locked his gaze on Marcus. “But one significant element of your life will be missing.” The man paused again. “Warriors Riding.”
A chill washed through Marcus. “What about them? What do you mean, ‘missing’?”
“Although all your memories of Reece and Dana and Brandon will be fully intact, their memories of you will not be. They will not know who you are and will have no recollection of what you’ve built and experienced together.”
“How could they not remember?”
“It’s the way it has to be.”