Memories of You (17 page)

“But I love him,” the girl said simply. “If he can’t
pull himself up, he’s going to pull me down again. I know it.”

Camilla couldn’t argue.

She was just beginning to understand the awesome power of love.

“Hey, Queen,” Marty began, strumming idly on the guitar. “You remember how you were asking me about Zeke and Speedball?”

“Yes,” Camilla said, suddenly tense. “Why? Have you heard something?”

“Sometimes they come to the pizza restaurant where I work. Zeke heard I was there, so he came back to the kitchen the other day and started bragging.”

“About what?”

“This big score they’re planning to make, using some rich kid as the patsy. The kid’s driving his car for them. Howie’s in on the deal, too.”

“Howie!” Camilla exclaimed, horrified. “But that boy’s a monster.”

“That’s for damn sure,” Marty said grimly. “Howie’s getting the guns for them.”

“Oh, no,” Camilla whispered, staring at the girl. “They’re using
guns?”

“Zeke says he doesn’t want to take a chance on anything going wrong when he’s got this perfect setup. He says he’s going to be rich for the rest of his life.”

Camilla leaned across the desk and gripped the girl’s hand urgently. “Do you think you can find out when they’re planning to do this? Please?”

“I’ll try, Queen. I’ll see if I can corner Zeke and get the little bastard talking again.”

“Thanks.” Camilla closed her eyes as Marty left the room. Suddenly the girl’s words, “they’re using a rich kid as a patsy,” echoed in Camilla’s head.

Oh God,
Camilla thought.
They’re going to use Steven Campbell.

C
AMILLA WOKE
on Friday morning with a dark sense of foreboding. She stared at the ceiling, absently patting Madonna who had leaped onto the bed and was purring with noisy contentment.

“Oh, God,” Camilla muttered when she remembered what Marty had told her. She frowned and moved restlessly under the covers, wondering what to do.

If Steven Campbell was really involved in a group planning an armed robbery, she had a definite responsibility to speak with his father about it.

But she’d given Steven her word. If she betrayed the boy now, he’d be more bitter than ever.

Madonna edged closer, meowing piteously.

“I know, I know. You’re starving, but you’ll just have to wait for a while. Maybe this is all a lot of childish bragging,” Camilla told her cat, getting out of bed. “I can’t believe Zeke would actually have the nerve to pull off something like this. And Speedball’s far too lazy.”

But she knew Zeke. Though cowardly, the boy was greedy and impulsive, capable of any wrongdoing that he thought he could get away with.

And if Howie was involved, the rumors were probably true.

“Tonight,” she said firmly to Elton, who padded into the room and looked up at her with a hopeful expression. “Before I do anything about it, I’ll see if I can track down a couple of those boys and force them to tell me what’s going on.”

She was relieved to have a plan, at least. But when she was in the steamy heat of her shower, other worries came back to haunt her.

She thought of Marty’s fear that her love for Chase would drag her down again. Only somebody who’d actually lived that life could know what it meant to escape.

After all these years, Camilla still dreaded her own past with an obsessive, superstitious fear. She knew if she was going to recover her equilibrium, she had to restore a sense of peace and safety before she could tackle those personal demons. Being with Jon brought them crowding back too quickly.

So she had to terminate her research project with the twins. It was regrettable when the work was going so well, but she couldn’t bear the emotional risks of being with them.

Finally, if the rumors about Zeke’s plans turned out to be true, she’d find an opportunity to talk with Steven and try to convince him of the danger he was in. But there would be no more intimate, friendly contacts with Jon Campbell. Never again, she told herself firmly, rummaging in her closet for something to wear.

Her resolve lasted all morning, and continued when she entered her senior English class.

Jon sat quietly in his desk at the back of the room, watching her. His rugged face was so dear and familiar by now that Camilla felt she’d known him all her life.

In a way, she told herself, I guess I have. Almost all my life, anyway….

But there was also something new in his expression these days, a kind of hungry, meaningful intensity that told her he hadn’t forgotten their embraces on the weekend. And he wasn’t going to let her forget, either.

Her cheeks warmed slightly. She turned away and forced herself to address the class with her usual air of measured, pleasant calm.

“Good morning,” she said. “I trust all of you are busy preparing for the midterm exam. We’ll spend this morning going over a sample examination booklet so I can .explain how I want the questions answered and how the marks will be distributed.”

She handed out the booklets, smiling at Enrique as she passed his desk.

He looked utterly different from the ragged, weary boy who’d started this class more than a month ago. Now he was confident and relaxed, dressed like the other students in faded blue jeans and a cotton T-shirt.

Actually, Enrique Valeros was a very handsome young man, Camilla realized. He was also very intelligent and had a sweet personality. Vanessa Campbell
might well be pleased one day that she’d chosen to befriend him.

She approached Jon’s desk and gave him a booklet, painfully conscious of his hands on the desktop, his air of controlled power, his thoughtful gaze resting on her. He smiled up at her, blue eyes crinkling with warmth and humor.

She forced herself to look away. His smile faded to puzzled surprise as she moved toward the front of the room. While he continued to watch her, the rest of the students opened their booklets and prepared to take notes.

The hour droned on. When it was over, Camilla gathered her books and hurried from the room before Jon could approach her desk. Instead of going to her office, she escaped to the faculty lounge, poured herself a cup of coffee and settled in a corner to work until it was time to go downstairs and collect the twins for their daily session.

“I
THOUGHT WE’D GO
to my place today,” she said as the children skipped along the hall beside her, chatting animatedly about their new motorized toys. “Is that all right?”

“Cool!” Ari shouted. “We get to see Madonna and Elton!”

Camilla’s heart ached as she left the arts building with them. She watched while they raced ahead of her down the tree-lined walkway.

The thought of not seeing them anymore was so hard to bear. She loved these winsome, fascinating
children with all her heart. Desperately, she tried to think of some way to maintain the relationship without endangering herself further. But her sorrow only made her see how deeply she was becoming entangled, and helped to strengthen her resolve.

This break had to be accomplished immediately, or she and the children were going to suffer even more when it finally happened.

“Let’s not bother with the flash cards today,” she said when they were inside her apartment. “Let’s just play, all right? And later, there’s something important I want to talk to you about.”

Amy was already at the bookshelves, studying Camilla’s collection of little porcelain cats. She was always very careful with the costly ornaments, lifting and handling them with gentle reverence.

“This is my very favorite,” she told Camilla, holding out a dainty white Persian who licked his front paw with a look of detachment.

Camilla smiled. “He’s beautiful, isn’t he, dear? But I like the gray tabby, too.”

“The one that looks like Elton?” Amy selected another figurine.

Ari lay on the floor and drummed his heels against the carpet. Elton curled nearby, purring contentedly. Madonna watched the little boy through bright slitted eyes and pounced on his feet whenever he moved.

“Look at her, Camilla,” he said. “She’s just like a lion in the jungle. See how she’s watching me?”

“She has the very same hunting instincts,” Camilla
said. “But she’s playing with you now. She doesn’t want to hurt you.”

Amy left the row of china cats and came to lean against the chair, stroking Camilla’s hair. “It’s so pretty,” she said. “Like real gold.”

Camilla gathered the little girl into her lap and hugged her. “Your hair is pretty, too,” she murmured, her heart breaking. “It’s so nice and curly.”

Seeing the attention his sister was getting, Ari came and stood close to them. “Daddy says you’re a princess,” he told Camilla gravely. “Are you?”

She swallowed hard. “No, dear, I’m not a princess. I’m a perfectly ordinary person.” She lifted him, as well, and settled him on her other knee.

The children, always sensitive to her moods, both seemed to be aware of Camilla’s tension. They cuddled against her and looked up at her quietly, their eyes wide and questioning.

“I have to tell you something,” Camilla said to them. She paused, then steeled herself to continue. “It’s about the tests we’ve been doing.”

“Are we starting something different?” Ari bounced eagerly.

“No, we aren’t. Actually, I’ve been thinking it’s time for us to—”

The buzzer shrilled suddenly, announcing a visitor in the lobby.

Ari wriggled off Camilla’s lap and ran to the intercom panel. He’d long since mastered the communication system but was still fascinated by it.

“Can I answer?” he asked.

“All right, dear.”

The buzzer sounded again. Ari pulled down the switch. “Apartment 2E,” he said in his deepest voice. “Who’s down there?”

“It’s Daddy. Let me in, Ari.”

Camilla looked up in alarm while Ari signed off and activated the entry door.

But there was no escape. In a moment Jon’s knock sounded, Ari opened the door and his father appeared in the foyer. Both children flung themselves on him with affectionate greetings, then returned to stand by Camilla’s chair.

“No flash cards today?” Jon asked, addressing the children but gazing at Camilla with that same troubling look of grave intensity. She rubbed her arms nervously and busied herself straightening the collar on Amy’s blouse.

“Not today. We’re just playing,” Ari said. “Camilla was going to tell us about something new we’re doing next. Daddy, watch how Madonna jumps on my feet when I lie down on the floor.”

Jon knelt and patted the two drowsy cats, then turned to Camilla again.

“If you’re not in the middle of a test session, maybe we could all go out for ice cream. What do you think?”

“Oh, Jon, I’m not sure if…”

She searched frantically for an excuse, but the children were shouting with excitement and tugging at her.

“All right,” she said in defeat. “Let me get my
sweater. Ari, you can put Madonna on the balcony if she wants to go out.”

Soon they were walking together down the leafy path, each of them holding a child’s hand. The twins carried the conversation, peppering both adults with questions so the silence between them wasn’t too obvious, though Jon frequently glanced at her with a quizzical expression.

They went into the cafeteria and selected their icecream cones, then strolled back outside. Jon and Camilla sat on a bench while the children raced up and down the path.

Jon leaned back, extending his legs comfortably, and squinted at the sky. “Looks like a change in the weather,” he commented. “See how the clouds are massing all along the mountains? I wouldn’t be surprised if we had a snowstorm before the weekend’s over.”

Camilla shivered and hugged her arms. “The summer’s been so short,” she murmured. “I don’t think I’m ready for winter.”

Melancholy washed over her in a suffocating wave. She could see her whole existence stretching ahead of her, like a bleak, cold winter that would never turn to spring.

But life was no different than it had always been, she told herself. Until this autumn, she’d been reasonably contented with her apartment and her two cats, her schedule of classes and research and the weekend work at the hostel.

Of course that was before Jon Campbell walked
back into her life and turned her world upside down….

“What’s up?” he asked, glancing at her as he stretched his arm casually along the back of the bench, touching her shoulder.

She pulled away from him slightly. “What do you mean?”

“You seem a little sad today. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Camilla gripped her hands tightly in her lap and took a deep breath. “Jon…”

“Yes?”

“How’s Steven? Have you been able to talk to him at all?”

“Not much. He’s still pretty moody and withdrawn. Why do you ask?”

“I just wondered.”

She’d do something about it right away, she promised herself again. As soon as possible she’d talk to the other kids and find out where Zeke was staying these days. Then she’d go and talk to the boy, see if she could get him to understand the utter foolishness of what he was planning.

Maybe it wasn’t even true, Camilla thought with a faint surge of hope. Perhaps all Zeke’s talk about this robbery was only more bravado….

“Camilla?” Jon said gently. “What is it?”

“Nothing.” She shook herself and looked down at her hands. “I was about to have a talk with the twins when you arrived. I guess I’ll have to tell them next week.”

“Tell them what?”

“I’m terminating my research.”

“Why?” he asked in surprise. “I thought everything was going really well.”

“It’s been fine. I just…”

“What?”

“I want to…sever this connection.”

“Between you and me?” he asked, still watching her closely.

“Yes. I’m not comfortable with what’s been happening, Jon.”

“I see.” He settled back, his face grim.

Camilla stole a glance at him, feeling wretched. “Please don’t misunderstand,” she ventured. “You’re a…” She swallowed hard. “You’re a very attractive man, and I’m fond of your children, too. I just don’t feel ready to get involved in a relationship at this time. That’s all.”

“Oh, I understand well enough. If you don’t want anything to do with me,” he said quietly, “then I’ll certainly leave you alone. But I wish you wouldn’t abandon my kids.”

“I’m not abandoning them!” she said, stung by the implication. “I’m merely…terminating a research project.”

“Come on, Camilla. Both those kids love you, and you know it. How can you do this so easily?”

“Do what?”

“Allow people to fall in love with you, and then cut them adrift without a pang of regret,” he said coldly.

Without a pang of regret.

She bit her lip, trying not to cry. If he knew the truth—how desperately unhappy she was right now, how afraid…

“You see,” he continued in that same cold voice, “my children suffered in the past because of an unwise choice I made when I was young. I really hate to see it happening all over again.”

He looked so miserable that her heart was torn with sympathy. She longed to nestle close to him, take him in her arms and kiss him, tell him how much she loved him.

If only life could be that simple.

“I’m sorry, Jon,” she said. “But this is best for all of us, believe me.”

He was silent a moment, his jaw clenched tightly. “Will you tell them?” He watched the children run and tumble through mounds of autumn leaves. “Or do you want me to do it?”

“I’ll tell them. We’ll have a final session next week, and I’ll talk to them.”

“Okay. That would be nice of you.” He got up and turned to face her with an air of calm formality, though his face was still tense with pain. “Thanks for letting me know. I guess I’ll see you in class on Monday, Dr. Pritchard.”