Memories of Love (6 page)
Authors: Jenny Schwartz
A man didn’t organise this sort of party for an employee or a friend. The party was a statement of intent. She was his.
And surrounded by love and by the mementoes of caring and belonging, she could finally acknowledge her own love. The love that had given her the courage to seduce Ivan, and then, had made her a coward.
She leaned into him. “Thank you.”
His arm tightened. “I don’t have an old memory to share with you.”
“It’s okay. You’ve given me so much.”
His arm squeezed tighter, silencing her. “I want to share a new memory with you, but not here.” He glared at his family who made no effort to hide that they were shamelessly eavesdropping. “In private.”
“Oooh,” his sister said.
“Last straw.” Ivan stood and hauled Rita up with him. “We’re going. Thanks, Mum, Dad. We’ll collect the gifts later.”
“Thank you. Thank you all so much,” Rita called as she was towed to the door. The hope in her heart scared and excited her, and she clung to his hand.
They were halfway to his apartment before Ivan broke the silence in the car. He didn’t know what Rita was thinking, but he’d watched her all afternoon. The rigidity in her spine had relaxed as the warmth of friends and family gathered her up and held her close. For him, it was how she’d cuddled into him while unwrapping her gifts that gave him hope. But he wanted one thing sorted before they reached home.
“Why did you run from me? What freaked you out?”
Three heartbeats of silence and then she answered. “It was your scars. I realised I could lose you, too. I’ve lost everyone I’ve loved. When the house burned down I even lost a sense of belonging somewhere. I realised that if I loved you and lost you,” Her hands clenched as her voice thinned with strain. “if I loved you and lost you I’d die. Maybe my body would keep breathing, but my soul would stop.”
“Rita.”
“I’m shaking just talking about it.”
He took a hand off the steering wheel and covered hers. “When you seduced me.” He ignored the way her breath caught. “I’d just decided I couldn’t risk becoming involved with you. You’re warm, friendly, genuine. You exist in the daylight world. Whereas you know the memories I live with, the nightmares.”
“You also have good memories, Ivan. I saw your family and friends. That love is part of you.”
“You’re right, but it took losing you to make me see things straight. When you showed me your emotional scars the other morning, I failed you. I should have kissed and healed you. I let you run off, hugging your grief and fears. I ran you off with my harsh words”
“I kind of insisted you let me go,” she said.
“No. That’s on me. I was scared. Scared the darkness in me would hurt you. But you’re not scared of it and I should have trusted your courage. I should have stepped up and healed your hurts.”
She nodded slowly. “Hence the memory party.”
“Yeah.”
“It was a lovely idea, Ivan.”
“You’ve got to let people in, Rita. We’re all here for you. You just have to let us in. Me, most especially.” He pulled into the underground car park of his apartment and stopped the car. “Can you do that?”
Rita shivered at the deep note in Ivan’s voice. Could she let him into her heart? “You’re already there, Ivan. You’re in my heart.”
His kiss was sweet and tender. “Does it scare you? Are you going to run again?” He didn’t wait for her answer. “It doesn’t matter if you do. I’ll still be there for you.”
She touched his face, the hard line of his jaw, and remembered the soft magic of his mouth against hers. “I believe you.”
He smiled and stole a brief kiss. “Let’s move this discussion into the apartment.” He wrapped his arm around her in the lift. “You really are shaking.”
“I think its happiness.”
His arm tightened and he pressed his cheek against her hair. “You deserve happiness, sweetheart, and I won’t let anyone take it from you.”
She knew it wasn’t that easy. Life had taught her. Yet standing in the circle of his arm, his body warm against hers, the shivers stopped and she believed him. She thought he’d take her to his bedroom but instead he gave her a gentle push toward the balcony.
“Wait for me outside. I have to get your gift.”
Way below them, the river sparkled in the sunlight. It was like a promise that joy could once again flow through her life, steady and reliable, powerful and redemptive. She turned as Ivan stepped out onto the balcony.
The light caught the necklace in his hand and its stones flashed with golden fire.
“Yellow diamonds,” he said.
“Ivan, it must be worth a fortune.”
“I thought they looked like captured sunlight. I want you to have a memory of joy that will last forever.”
“But diamonds?”
He fastened the necklace around her throat, surrounding her in his scent as he did so. Then his hands came up and cupped her face. “I want to make love to you out here, in the sunshine, with you wearing my necklace. No one can see us.”
Her protest at spending so much on a necklace, on her, was silenced as she looked into his intense eyes. The necklace was for him, too. It was a symbol of both of them embracing hope, stepping into the daylight and daring to love. “Yes.”
Their kiss was deep, tender and passionate. Only when she was gasping for breath did Ivan release her mouth. He undressed her carefully, kissing and caressing her. Worshiping her.
“Why am I the only one naked?” The words wobbled, as unsteady as her knees.
“Because you’re beautiful.”
He kissed her again and she found it wildly exciting to feel his clothes against her naked flesh. It made her vulnerable, but she could enjoy her vulnerability because Ivan was there. He would keep her safe.
He stripped off his own clothes, then glanced at her. “Do you mind my scars?”
The sun showed them mercilessly. The scar at his shoulder, other scars on his belly and thighs. He was marked by the life he’d lead.
So was she. “Your scars tell me you survive. Just keep doing that.”
He laughed as he caught her up. He settled them on the daybed with her on top. The necklace swung and bumped his nose.
“Oops.” She giggled.
“Maybe this wasn’t one of my better ideas.”
The necklace hit his chin. “Definitely not.”
“Take it off.” She kissed him as he undid the clasp. The necklace dropped to the floor in a pool of golden light.
They didn’t need diamonds. All they needed was each other.
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ISBN: 9780857990372
Title: MEMORIES OF LOVE
Copyright © 2013 by Jenny Schwartz
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