Memoirs of a Wild Child (19 page)

Ben rolls over towards me and lets out a small moan. I look down at my sleeping husband and breathe a deep, satisfied breath. Thank God, I gave him a chance. He still makes my heart stop every day, after nearly six years and two children together; he is still the only man to make me truly weak at the knees. He’s beautiful and funny as hell. I adore him.

I can’t resist going in for the kill, so I put Vinnie on the bedside table and shuffle down next to Ben. I stroke my hand on his bare stomach, knowing that he’ll wake up ready if I touch him. He takes a deep breath in through his nostrils and stretches his sleepy body. I turn onto my side, pressing my bare arse into his hip, compelling him to turn onto his side. As his hands stroke across my belly, a low groan escapes him, and his beautiful cock finds its place between my thighs.

Mission Accomplished… You absolutely cannot beat a morning roll.

Chapter One

Ben and I had an incredible weekend in Manchester; it was like the old days; pre-children, when we could have as much sex as we wanted, wherever we wanted. Don’t get me wrong, Ben and I have never gone without, but we have to a lot more careful, and a lot quieter these days. I can’t tell you how good it felt to scream as I came, I feel sorry for the rest of the hotel guests.

We’ve been home for a few days now, and Holly has noticed that there’s something different about the way Mummy and Daddy are looking at each other and even told Ben off for slapping my arse yesterday. Home sweet home.

I’m excited to find the time to write in Vinnie. I’m so close to the finish line, and so excited to write about my wedding and all the other good stuff Ben and I shared up to that point, but we’re so busy. Christmas is fast approaching, and with it, my baby girl turns six.

I’m devastated about it, to be honest. She’s in her second year at school already, and she’s so grown up. All she talks about is her friends and her teachers, and it hurts my heart that she’s more interested in them than in me. I know it’s good, she’s growing up, and she’s a really lovely little girl, but where did my tiny baby go?

“Bye, Mummy,” Holly says as she heads for the door.

“Erm, forgetting something?” I ask, and she rolls her eyes before stomping over to me as Ben takes Cooper from my arms. “Don’t you roll your eyes at me, little lady, now give me a kiss.” I snatch her into my arms and start to tickle her while leaving kisses all over her face, she giggles and wriggles in my arms, and I hear Ben laugh with Cooper.

“
Mummy
, stop.” Holly squeals through her laughter, “I’m going to be late for school.”

I stop and rear back, looking her in the eyes, “That’s what happens when you’re cheeky.” I say, trying to look serious. Holly wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me on the cheek. “Silly Mummy.”

I shake my head and smile as Ben ushers her out of the door, blowing me a kiss, and then they’re gone.

I have a lot of work to do. I have a shoot over the next three days and then next week, I’m shooting in Amsterdam, It’s my first time working out of the country since I had Holly. Obviously I’ve been away with Ben and left the kids at home, but the thought of being away on my own, with the rest of my family being together at home, is causing me some serious anxiety.

I sit at the desk and open my laptop. I need to familiarise myself with the portfolios of the models I’m working with, check out their angles and features, and see if they have a particular style. I like my models like clay; thick and mouldable. I laugh out loud as that thought crosses my mind. I’m being a bitch, I guess ‘thick’ was a little harsh, but I at least want them to listen to me and not do what
they
think looks good through the camera. I’m in charge on set; end of story.

My mind is numb after two hours of ‘Blue Steel”. The client I’m shooting for tomorrow insisted on casting the models with no input from me. That’s their prerogative, but if I had been involved in casting, I would not be spending the next three days with Pouty McPouterson and Monsieur Hairflick.

I’m fed up and not relishing the prospect of how hard it’s going to be to get decent results from this shoot. I know I’ll do it because I’m fucking good, but it’s going to be hard work.

I need a drink, so I head to the kitchen after closing the laptop, and make myself a coffee.

I lean against the worktop as I wait for the kettle to boil. The photo of me and Ben on our wedding day, hanging by the door, catches my eye. We’re standing on the beach, he has an arm around my lower back pulling me close, and I’m laughing, my long hair blowing in the breeze. I smile, remembering the moment; we had been posing for the more formal wedding photos and the photographer, my friend Dane, asked us to kiss.  We did, and he asked again, ‘This time,
really
kiss her.” he said. Ben immediately spun me around and pulled me close. There’s a photo of the kiss too, he dipped me and kissed me, like something out of a film, but this one, just before the kiss, when we’re laughing, free and happy, is my favourite.

I can’t believe it was eighteen months ago; I’ve been a wife for a year and a half, that’s insane to me. The kettle clicks as it reaches boiling, and I turn to finish making my drink. I know I should get back to work, but all I can think about is Ben, and all I want to do is write about him. I need Vinnie.

I head for the bedroom, to get Vinnie and then make my way back to the living room. I make myself comfortable in the window seat and open Vinnie. “This is it Vinster, the final stretch. You ready?” I say aloud, before smiling and opening Vinnie to a fresh page. “Okay, buddy. Let’s do this.”

Once I realised that it was real with Ben, things moved pretty fast. I kept him my little secret for two months, but behind closed doors things were intense. He was either with me, in London, or I was in Buxton… or we were in a hotel somewhere, devouring each other. It was intense and like nothing I had ever felt before.

I wanted to be with him every second of the day. I turned into that girl who cried when saying goodbye to her boyfriend at the train station. We talked on the phone about four times a day and texted each other in between. I was so happy, and head-over-heels in love, although, he didn’t need to know that. I wasn’t yet comfortable with the L word, so kept it to myself.

For the first time, I had a man who still wanted to see me when I was on my period. He would make me a hot water bottle and snuggle me all night. I had a man who was happy to sit and do nothing with me, just sit, watch TV, read. It was easy.

We would play fight and play cards, we watched documentaries and laughed at stand-up comedy shows. On a Sunday night, before he or I went home the following morning, we would take a bath together and put on pyjamas before watching Countryfile on the sofa. Without a moment to realise it was happening, we were in; totally, utterly committed, and completely happy.

I told Rosie about Ben, and she couldn’t believe it at first, but was totally beside herself happy about it. Rafe was just about to get married; she was engaged, and I was in love. We were all happy, and it felt amazing.

As we all made our way to Buxton for Rafe and Matthew’s wedding, I couldn’t wait to see Ben but I knew it was going to be crazy. I had not told Mum and Dad that I was just around the corner the last couple of times I’d been home. I know that’s terrible, but I just wanted to be alone with Ben. This weekend they knew I was coming back for the wedding, and I was going to tell them about Ben.

As the train pulled into the station, a knot formed in my stomach, I was home, and shit was about to get real.

“Mummy,” I squealed as I walked into my Mum and Dad’s house, I had missed them. I hugged my mum, then my dad. “Hi, Dad,” I said as he kissed my temple, “I’m starving, what’s for tea?”

Dad laughed, all I ever ask him for is food. “Go and put your things away, Philippa, crazy girl.”

I laughed as I headed upstairs and dumped my bags. I took my phone out of my handbag and texted Ben to tell him I was home, and it was time. He was coming round to tell my parents about us, and he was petrified. I had briefed him not to kiss me or hold my hand, or touch me at all; unless I did it first.  Considering I hadn’t seen him for a couple of weeks, that was going to be torture.

  Ben replied to tell me he was on his way, I took a deep breath and headed back downstairs.

The kitchen smelled amazing, Mum was stirring a curry on the stove, and Dad was sitting at the dining table reading the newspaper.

“Is there enough for one more, Mum?” I asked, trying to sound like it was no big deal, but actually shaking like a shitting dog.

Mum turned to me, “Yes, of course, darling, is Rosie joining us?”

“No, actually, you remember Ben?” Was I breathing? I didn’t think I was breathing.

“Ben?” Dad questioned, and I smiled at him, as sweetly as I could muster.

“Yes, Dad, you remember my friend Ben?” Emphasis on the word friend there, Pip, you wimp.

“Why is he eating with us, Philippa?” Dad asked me over the top of his newspaper while Mum continued to look at me. I glanced at her, and there was a knowing look in her eyes, she smiled and turned her attention back to the stove.

“He’s a nice boy, Eduardo, and there’s plenty of food,” Mum said, hushing dad instantly.

The doorbell rang, and I ignored Dad’s looks, knowing he was thinking ‘she invited him before we said yes’ and turned to the door.

“Hi,” I said quietly, smiling as I saw the man I was falling deeper for by the day; for the first time in what felt like a year. I looked behind me, and neither of my parents were watching so leant in to kiss him quickly. “Come in.”

We stood at the door, and Ben blew out a deep breath, I clasped my hands together in front of my mouth and did the same.

“Come on, let’s do this,” Ben said winking and I smiled. I knew he was nervous, but he was taking control, for now at least.

Ben followed me to the kitchen, “Mum, Dad, you remember Ben?” I said.

“Pippa, we live in the same village, of course, we do. Hi, Ben.” Mum said, making my cheeks flush with heat, of course, they do.

“Benjamin,” Dad said putting his paper down on the table and eyeing the two of us seriously.

“Hello, that smells amazing, Mrs Carvalho, thanks for having me.” I bit my lip; we were twenty-six and nearly twenty-seven, and I felt like we were teenagers.

“Sit, sit,” Mum encouraged, “it’s ready.

“I’ll get some drinks,” I said as Ben sat opposite my dad. I placed down three bottles of beer and a glass of wine for Mum and sat in between the two most important men in the world.

Mum brought the food over, and I started to eat, Ben took a mouthful and then Dad spoke.

“What’s this about?” I stilled, my fork full of food ten centimetres from my open mouth and Ben swallowed his mouthful.

“Not now, Eduardo,” Mum said, “Eat your dinner.”

“Actually, Mum. Now is fine.” I said, a little panicky. I looked at Ben, and he nodded at me, so I continued. “Dad, Mum, Ben and I wanted to tell you together, that recently, we have,” I took a breath, “we have, erm, become close.”

“What do you mean, close?” Dad asked, glaring at Ben.

I opened my mouth to continue but Ben spoke instead. “Mr and Mrs Carvalho, you know that I have always been very fond of Pippa.” Mum smiled, and Dad frowned, but Ben continued. “Well, that has never changed, I care deeply for your daughter, and recently, we have decided to become more than friends.”

I smiled at Ben but braced myself.

“What?” Dad spat, “You think you can just take advantage of my daughter? She’s a good girl.”

Ben held up his hands defensively, “Please don’t think I’m trying to take advantage, Mr Carvalho, I promise you that I have nothing but respect for Pippa, and I would never treat her with anything but.”

I looked at Ben, and he looked at me. I saw it in his eyes then, respect, love. He meant what he had just said to my dad, and the fact that Dad shut up for a minute told be that he saw it too.

“Your food is getting cold,” Mum said, and she took Dad’s hand. He looked at her and immediately calmed. “It’s okay, my love.” She smiled, and Dad nodded. It was okay.

I look up from Vinnie and smile as I remember how protective my dad was in those early days. I dread to think how Ben will act when Holly brings someone home to meet us. The worrying thing is, he won’t have Mum to calm him; he’ll have me to egg him on. I don’t want anyone touching my little girl.

Dad’s main worry back then was that I was a virgin and Ben wasn’t, he didn’t want anyone taking advantage and making me give up my morals. I laugh and then cringe at the memory of Dad finding out that I was not the sweet innocent girl he believed me to be, and then start to write.

“I don’t want no funny business in my house,” Dad warned. Mum was out at her book club, and Dad was heading to the pub with Rosie’s dad, Joaquin.

“Dad, we’re just watching a film, and having a Chinese, that’s all. Go.”

Ben shuffled uncomfortably on the sofa under Dad’s watchful eye. It had been a couple of days since we told my parents about us, but Dad hadn’t fully warmed to the idea yet. Ben’s family weren’t exactly overjoyed either; they thought I was toying with Ben’s emotions because I knew his feelings for me and had nobody else. Ben told them they were being fucking rude and to reassess their attitudes and we left. I went to see his mum the next day and told her exactly how I felt about her son, but asked her not to tell Ben, and she still hasn’t, but she certainly took me more seriously from then on.

“Fine, I’m going, but I’ll be back at seven, okay?”

“Okay, Dad,” I said monotonously, as he huffed and left the house. I jumped up to look out of the window and watched him round the corner of the street. I turned to Ben and pulled off my t-shirt.

“What are you doing?” Ben asked, looking around, even though he knew we were alone.

“We have,” I look at the clock, “approximately two hours to make the most of, and I don’t want to waste a second.”

“Pip, we can’t, not here.” Ben protested as I straddled his lap. Despite his protestations, his hands travelled up and down my bare sides and he growled. I knew he was waning.