Meg's Moment (44 page)

“Right here,” she said in a low voice and Jack startled and squinted to adjust his eyes to the darkness of the room.

He put his hands in his pockets and stayed where he was standing. “Are you okay?” he asked in a controlled, calm voice.

Shit, he sounded hurt. “Fine, why?”

“You didn’t leave a note,” he said quietly.

Crap, he’d been worried about her. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

Jack flipped on the light to get a better look at her. She’d obviously just showered, and she didn’t look as if she’d been crying. That was a good sign. But still she looked like hell. Something was wrong.

“What’s wrong?” he asked finally taking a step toward her. Megan wanted to fold herself into his strong arms and just forget what he’d said during his sleep.

She forced a smile. He didn’t buy it for a second. “Nothing. I was just a little homesick I guess.”

“You’re lying.” It was a statement not a question and she scowled at him. He read her too well, knew her too well.

“No, I’m not. I had things to do.” He crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes. “Really I have lots of stuff to do. Plus I missed my dogs.”

His jaw twitched and he frowned. “Megan, the dogs are at my house,” he said through clenched teeth. Shit, she’d forgotten she left them there. That was the problem with Jack
,
she couldn’t think straight around him. “Now care to tell me what’s wrong? Why I woke up to a dog fondling me and no sign of you. No explanation, note, nothing.”

She fidgeted with her hands and kept her gaze averted to the floor. “
Nothing’s
going on, Jack. I just needed some space. To…think.”

He sat then beside her at the bottom of the stairs. “What do you need to think about? Am I crowding you? Is this about Ted?” He tipped her chin up forcing her to make eye contact. “Or is this about us?” The look on her beautiful face answered his question and he felt like he’d been punched in the gut.

She didn’t say anything so he said, “So it’s about us then.” Maybe he’d rushed her, not given her the time to grieve. But he’d backed off after Ted’s death and she’d sought him out. He’d told himself to give her some time, some space, but when he was around her the voices in his head were drowned out by the love in his heart, the passion in his groin. “Talk to me Megan. What’d I do?”

Her eyes widened with shock. “Nothing! You didn’t do anything?”

“Then what’s the deal?”

“I just…I just need some time to sort things out.” He’d give her time but first he wanted to know exactly what she needed to sort out.

“What things?” he asked quietly.

“Just us, you know where we’re going. What happens next?” He thought about the ring in the glove box and considered excusing himself to go get it. The storm in her stunning blue eyes told him that was a bad idea.

“What do you want to happen next?” he asked carefully, scared to push her too far but even more scared not to push at all.

She hugged her knees to her chest. Not a good sign. “I don’t know, Jack. That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.” A tear escaped and ran down her cheek twisting Jack’s guts. Tenderly he wiped it away and rubbed her cheek.

“Do I get any say in this?” he asked. She lowered her head and hid her eyes.

“What do you want, Jack?”

“I want you, Megan,” he finally said. “That’s all I want. Just you, for as long as you’ll have me.” Oh Damn, oh damn, oh damn. His voice poured over her like warm honey.

She met his gaze then. “Why?”

“Because I love you.”

“No you don’t.” Although she knew it was coming hearing the words cut her deep. She knew he loved her. Hell, she loved him, but she didn’t want to get married and she knew telling him that was going to hurt him. “Take it back.”

“I won’t,” he shook his head and hauled her into his lap. “Hell, I can’t. I’ve loved you since the day I met you.” He kissed her forehead, her lips. “It’s always been you, babe. Only you.” She pulled away a little.

“Why?”

“Why not?” She stared at him
,
her expression unreadable. “Does love have to have a reason, Megan? It doesn’t work that way. My heart chose you and I’m not about to argue with it. My body, heart
,
and head are in total agreement. They all want you.”

She was quiet so long Jack was tempted to check her pulse to see if she was still breathing. She looked at the floor and began to speak
,
then stopped.

“I don’t want to get married,” she blurted finally.

Shit. Jack frowned and eased back against the staircase. “Who said anything about marriage?” he asked calmly.

Megan seemed surprised for a moment, surveying him wearily. “You did.”

He did? “I did?” Maybe she’d found the ring or read his mind.

“Yeah, last night when you were sleeping.” Jack sucked in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “You were talking in you
r
sleep and you said, ‘Marry me, Megan’ a couple of times.”

“And that spooked you?” Jack asked
,
already knowing the answer.

“Hell, yes it spooked me, Jack.” Her eyes swam with tears and her throat felt like it was slowly closing, leaving her struggling for breath. She didn’t want to hurt him, but even more she didn’t want to lie to him. “I mean, I’m pretty much a mess
,
Jack. First I find out all this stuff about Ted, I decide to divorce him and end up having to bury him instead. I’m thirty years old and I have to start my life all over again
.
I’m confused and scared and just when I think I’ve got a handle on things, you have to go and ask me to marry you.” Jack looked lost and sad and Megan’s heart ached for him, but she’d said what needed to be said. They’d vowed to be honest with each other and no matter how badly it hurt either of them; she intended to keep that promise. Jack was silent, his gaze on his feet.

“You could say something here,” she told him.

“Like what, Megan?”

“Like you didn’t mean it, or that you have some sleeping disorder that makes you say crazy things, or that you just suffered from a single moment of temporary insanity.” He shook his head and frowned. “Or you could just take it back.”

Jack stood, leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. He wanted to grab her in a fireman’s hold, haul her up those stairs and make love to her. Show her how much he wanted her, needed her, loved her. Instead he resisted the urge to reach out to her and ignored the hand she’d laid on his forearm.

“I won’t take it back, Megan. It would’ve come up at one time or another. I love you, always have and that’s not likely to change.” He attempted a smile and failed. Shaking his head he continued, “Hell, I’ve even been carrying a ring around with me for the past week, just waiting for the right time. Guess my subconscious got ahead of me.” He barked a dry laugh. “I’m sorry Megan, but I can’t, won’t take it back.” She didn’t say anything and Jack couldn’t bear the silence that was ringing in his ears. “I should go. You know where to find me if you need me. The dogs are in my backyard. Feel free to get them whenever you want. I’ll be gone most of the day.” He touched two fingers to his lips for a sensual kiss then gently touched them to her lips. After a moment he turned and left without another word. Megan wanted to run after him, but her legs wouldn’t move. Her head hurt, her heart ached, and her eyes stung from the tears she’d held back. As soon as she heard his car door slam she let them flow and cried. And cried. And cried.

***

Jack left Megan’s and drove around resisting the miserable urge to find a bottle, crawl inside it, and never come out. He felt like he’d been sucker punched in the heart. She didn’t love him. He’d given her ample opportunity to tell him if she did but she never took the bait. He knew asking her to marry him would be tricky. She had trust issues thanks to Ted and was scared of getting burned once again by love. What she didn’t understand was he wasn’t Ted and she shouldn’t make him pay for the mistakes Ted had made.

Jack stopped at a red light and glanced out his window at the neon sign that read ‘The Longhorn’. Now that had been one hell of a night. Visions of Megan bending over that pool table attempting shots, her backed up against the wall while he drove her crazy with his hands…his mouth…his fingers. Then they were in his garage on his bike and she straddled him and he saw stars. And that bed. The things they’d done in that bed. He closed his eyes and remembered the way she felt, tasted, the way she bit her lip when she climaxed, the ways she arched her hips to him to take him deeper…deeper…until he thought he would explode…

A horn was blaring. “Move it asshole,” some guy was yelling from the car behind him. Jack shook himself out of his little reverie and noticed the light had turned green. Jack accelerated and drove around for what seemed like forever and ended up in the parking lot of ‘The Longhorn’ once again. If he went in, he’d piss away five years of sobriety and probably waste the rest of his life brooding on it. He checked his watch. Ten-thirty. Too early for a meeting or at least any he knew of. He could go to work, but he wouldn’t get a damn thing done. He dug for his cell phone and punched in Stacy’s number.

Twenty minutes later she met him at Denny’s, a worried look on her face, her brown eyes somber. They got the small talk out of the way and then Jack told her word for word what had happened with Megan. Stacy leaned back in the booth and sighed.

“Well, I know she loves you, Jack. I’m sure of that. Maybe it’s like you said and she needs some time to adjust. I mean she’s endured some pretty major changes in her life over the past month.”

Jack’s gaze never left his coffee cup. “Maybe.”

“She’ll come around, Jack, just give her some time.”

He’d given her fifteen years. “That’s what I’m doing.”

“I could talk to her,” Stacy suggested.

“Nah, thanks anyway though.”

“Maybe you just need to go after her, be persuasive, not take no for an answer.”

Jack shook his head. “Nope I won’t chase her. She knows what I want and when she comes around, if she comes around, it has to be completely her decision. It will have to be because she loves me. Because she wants me. Not the other way around.”

They sat in silence for a moment then Stacy said quietly, “Jack.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. I couldn’t do this without you.”

Jack smiled and thought of the irony of the situation. He’d been helping her with her sobriety and now he was leaning on her to keep him sober. His mother had told him once that God put certain people in your life for a reason. She was obviously right about that because if he hadn’t been sponsoring Stacy, if he wouldn’t have been ashamed of himself for letting her down he’d have been shit faced drunk right now. “Anytime,” he said and truly meant it.

***

It had been over a week since that dreadful night at Jack’s when she’d snuck out of his house like the coward that she was. Aside from his urgent visit the next day she hadn’t heard from him or seen him at all. It was as if he’d just walked away without looking back. She chided herself for feeling sorry for herself
,
she’d done it to herself. Jack had been up front about what he wanted. He’d told her he loved her and that he always would and she believed him. She was the one who had run and she regretted it now.

Jack was doing okay; she’d checked on him through Stacy who was going to meetings with him a couple times a week. Stacy also reported that he’d literally poured himself into his work, taking on extra cases and working long hours. Stacy had also cautioned her about losing Jack.

“If you love him, Megan, you’d better tell him so,” Stacy had said.
“
So what if marriage scares you, you don’t have to get hitched right away. What would really suck is losing him forever.”

That would suck Megan agreed. In fact it would be
downright
unbearable but Jack wanted all or nothing and Megan wasn’t ready to give it all to him.

Stacy had had an answer for that too. “Megan, he just wants you. Sure he wants his ring on your finger but he won’t rush that. He’ll wait until you’re ready.”

Damn Stacy was always so sensible. She made everything seem so darn simple when in reality it was a huge complicated mess.

“Just call him, Megan,” Stacy had urged. “He misses you and I know you miss him. Remember he’s not Ted and quit making him pay for Ted’s mistakes.”

And that was when it began to make sense for Megan. She’d been so wrapped up in all the chaos in her life that she hadn’t dealt with her anger toward Ted
.
A
nd as long as she was carrying that around she was denying herself the right to love and trust again. She had lost Ted, but that had been Ted’s fault. She wouldn’t let Ted keep her from being happy by losing Jack too. That’s when she cried. For Ted, for herself, for the loss of her marriage and for Ted’s death.

She was mad at Josie
,
too
,
for sleeping with Ted. Although she hadn’t confirmed it, she knew it in her heart so she called Josie and asked her about it and Josie didn’t deny it. She had slept with Ted about a year before Megan and Ted started dating. She never told Megan because Ted had asked her not to and she didn’t think it was relevant since it was before Megan and Ted were together. Megan dropped it and forgave Josie. She loved her too much not to and forgiving her was much easier than carrying around the hurt.