Meghan’s Journey: The Story of Meghan Redenbach: The Teenage Girl Who Showed a Community How to “Man Up” in the Face of Cancer (18 page)
Authors: Meghan Redenbach
A
t the same time Nancy and Mike Redenbach were spending those last hours with their daughter Meghan, the Buffalo News was printing a feature story about her. This article would eventually be found on countless volleyball and cancer web sites. On Christmas Eve morning, before most people would learn about Meghan’s death, they were reading about her.
Determined Teen Stays in the GamePassion for volleyball overshadows cancer
Published on December 24, 2010
Author: Keith McShea - NEWS SPORTS REPORTER
© The Buffalo News Inc.
Meghan Redenbach
made it to every Royalton-Hartland volleyball game she could this season.
When her body was healthy enough, even while it was battling cancer and dealing with chemotherapy, she played.
When she was able to be on the bench, the 15-year-old sophomore became another assistant coach. On one occasion this season, she was not exactly pleased with what she was watching.
“I didn’t bust out of the hospital for you guys to be playing like this!” she yelled.
That was classic Meghan, according to Roy-Hart coach Bill Holahan, who watched her battle back from two surgeries to take the floor for the Rams this past season.
“When she wasn’t able to play she would watch, and if people weren’t giving 100 percent, it would bug the heck out of her,” he said. “You have to think that time was so precious for her, and for someone not to take advantage of every single second.”
Meghan’s timetable was different because when she wasn’t at a game or a practice, she was in a room in Roswell Park Cancer Institute, where she is battling a malignant tumor in her ovaries called a fibrosarcoma, a form of ovarian cancer so rare that only 30 cases have been documented—and only one in a child—according to what doctors have told her parents.
“She just has incredible courage and determination and the ability to fight through things,” Holahan said. “Anyone who has come into contact with her has fallen in love with her and her courage.”
Last year, a joint effort by New Era Cap Co. and Roswell Park chose Meghan as one of three cancer patients whose story—and baseball cap design—would represent the New Era New Hope campaign.
Meghan wrote:
“I guess the saying, ‘You never know how strong you are until strength is your only option,’ is really true. People have said it is amazing how I can do all this and stay so positive. I strongly believe that I am doing what any other person would be doing if they were in my position.
“Being diagnosed has opened my eyes to everything in life. I have never really appreciated my friends and family as much as I do now. If it weren’t for them, I am not sure I would have gotten as far as I have. Every day I tell myself, ‘Just another day. No matter what, I will make it to tomorrow. Even if I fight all day. I’ll make it.’ “
Monday night, Roy-Hart senior Bridget Shanahan, Meghan’s best friend and teammate, was part of a photo honoring the All-Western New York girls’ volleyball team at the Buffalo Niagara Court Center in West Seneca. She left Meghan’s bedside to bring Meghan’s Roy-Hart and Niagara Frontier Volleyball Club jerseys, which were held up during the photo as a tribute.
“We would have a game, and even though it would be hard for her to get there, she would still be there,” Shanahan said. “The atmosphere would completely change when she would step on the court. It was unlike anything else. The whole crowd would cheer, and she wouldn’t even have to do anything.
“It’s hard to see someone you love so much be in so much pain. It’s indescribable. You’re sitting there, and you can’t do anything about it. There’s not much you can say. It’s terrible.”
Meghan initially was diagnosed Dec. 12, 2008, midway through her eighth-grade year and after a successful junior varsity volleyball season, as well as a day after she tried out for the Niagara Frontier Volleyball Club team. Later that year, Meghan returned to Roy-Hart, where Holahan was her eighth-grade history teacher.
“You wouldn’t believe the number of days she attended,” he said. “She’d drag herself there. Sometimes, because of her treatments, she couldn’t stay awake, or she’d be loopy—but she just wanted to go to school and be a normal kid.”
‘More persuasion’
By her freshman year, she had another impressive year on junior varsity and earned a call-up to the varsity for the playoffs. At every step, Holahan was astounded by her “innate ability to lead” and her lack of bashfulness in talking to older players. At the end of the season, she did some more persuasion—she would need another surgery, but she talked doctors into holding off until the end of volleyball.
“She told doctors, ‘You’re not going to cut me open now because I’ve got a couple of games left’,” Holahan recalled.
The Roy-Hart community rallied behind Meghan and her family—parents Mike and Nancy and older brother Nick—with several fundraisers and by establishing Meghan’s Fund (see meghansfund.org to donate).
Last summer, Meghan had returned to the court and attended several volleyball camps. She attended a camp at the University of Wyoming with Shanahan, who had verbally committed to play Division I volleyball at the school.
This season was shaping up to be a special one at Roy-Hart, a small school that doesn’t see a Division I athlete every year. Meghan, at 5-7, was an accomplished setter, the focal point of a volleyball offense, and she had as close a connection with the 6-2 Shanahan on the court as she did off it. They were the ideal volleyball yin and yang, Meghan placing the ball in the perfect spot in the air, Bridget rising up to it and hammering it down.
Then, in August, the cancer came back.
“When it did return, rather than the typical ‘Woe is me,’ her first thought was that it was so untimely,” Holahan recalls Meghan saying. “‘It’s [Shanahan’s] senior year.’ “
The first thing she told her coach when he visited her that month in Roswell Park was, “Let’s get ready by Albion.” Roy-Hart’s main rival in the Niagara-Orleans League would visit the Rams on Sept. 21.
“She’s there flat on her back,” Holahan said, “but she knew Albion was coming up, and she was not going to let her teammates down.”
Meghan was able to get back on the court for that match—won by Albion—and Holahan got her into any match he could.
Meghan had some highlight games, including a 12-assist performance Sept. 27 against Barker, but getting on the court was an accomplishment itself.
‘She’d get right up’
She had lost weight, and her strength had been sapped. Holahan said the gym floor never seemed so hard as it was when Meghan went down during a play. Shanahan was vigilant about helping her friend up—even if it came in the middle of a point.
“Just to see the fire in her eyes as soon as she would be down on the floor,” Shanahan said, “I would try and help her up as much as I could. And she’d get right up and get the next ball.”
More than a few plays were heartwarming and heart-rending at the same time. “You’d be clapping with tears running down your face,” said Caryn Shanahan, Bridget’s mother.
The sports pages from Roy-Hart’s 2010 volleyball season forever will read that the Rams lost both matches against Albion and that they fell to eventual state champion Falconer in the Section VI Class C semifinals—another match in which Meghan was able to play.
But different kinds of victories brought different things to cheer.
At Roy-Hart’s “Dig Teal” night to raise awareness for Meghan and ovarian cancer—while the pink ribbon is associated with breast cancer, the teal ribbon is associated with ovarian—featured teal balloons and teal cookies.
But no one knew if Meghan was going to be able to make it—until, walking with difficulty, she showed up about 12 minutes before the match. That was the Rams’ allotted time for their prematch warm-up, but instead teammates visited and took pictures with Meghan, who on this night was so ill she couldn’t stay for all the action.
‘Amazing speech’
On Senior Night, Meghan was on hand to present flowers to Shanahan during the pregame ceremony.
And two weeks ago, Meghan, as Caryn Shanahan put it, “busted out” of Roswell Park to get to Roy-Hart to attend “Teal Night” at a basketball game. Meghan drew another ovation as she entered in a wheelchair.
Like their season, Roy-Hart volleyball’s awards banquet took on a different meaning this year. Shanahan delivered a speech that Holahan called “amazing.” In it she said, “Sometimes winning isn’t the most important thing.”
“Everything that I thought is totally different,” Shanahan said just after Monday’s photo was taken, still holding Meghan’s jersey. “It’s not about just me, and of course, volleyball is an important part of my life, but, volleyball will bring me back to the old times when she could set me the ball, and I would slam it down,” she said with a big smile, moments after wiping away some tears. “When I’m on the court, she’ll be right there with me.”
Bridget and Meghan
I
t is hard to say who put out the first post on Facebook or the exact time it occurred, but by 10:00 p.m. on Christmas Night there were hundreds of people assembled at Terry’s Corners Volunteer Fire Department in Gasport, just a half mile away from the home of the Redenbachs. There was not a lot of snow, but it was very cold, and everyone was bundled in winter gear and huddling together for warmth, comfort, and support. Most people brought their own candles; there were others who had extra to share. Cups were distributed as members of the Royalton-Hartland Community shared strategies for poking holes in the bottom of the cups to create little lanterns. The cold made it challenging to light the candles; mittens and gloves, matches and lighters, and hands blocking what little wind there was.
In an unspoken moment the crowd began to walk down Chestnut Ridge Road and around the bend to Mill Road. There were police cars and officers to block the road and guide the way for the silent crowd. The procession was quiet, yet full of purpose. As everyone found their way to surround the front of Meghan’s house, you could see the Redenbachs looking out the window, probably wondering what was going on. As the garage door opened Mike, Nancy, and Nick emerged. They were able to experience the love and support being demonstrated in this simple, yet powerful tribute; each member of the assembly was holding a burning candle while singing “Silent Night.”
Much of Western New York had already learned about Meghan Redenbach and her courageous battle against ovarian cancer. There had already been TV and newspaper interviews, publicity for her benefit, and much interest in this spunky teen who was showing the rest of the world how to “man up” and take on adversity. For as much as she had garnered attention in life, she brought on even more with her passing. People everywhere felt the loss.
The TV news crews were at the church for her funeral and at the Main Transit Fire Hall for the lunch after. But for all the reporting, writing, and public commentary, few captured the meaning of Meghan’s life as successfully as Bethany Maclam. Meg’s (and Nick’s) sixth grade teacher, family friend, and eventually her private confidant, delivered this simple, yet powerful message to the capacity crowd at St. Mary’s Church in Swormsville, New York.
Diana McKendree once said, “If you love deeply, you will grieve deeply. If you deny your grief, you deny the reality of the love you felt.”
Reading that quote for the first time brought two things to mind. WOW! That makes perfect sense; followed by…Meghan would have a field day with that. This quote is in stark contrast to her mantras from 2009, which include “Man up” and “You never know how strong you truly are until being strong is your only choice.”
These are the ways in which Meghan loved and lived her life each day. Grief was acceptable in very small doses before a stern warning of “You have ten seconds to stop crying” was issued by Meghan. Even before her target had time to begin pulling it together, the countdown began, and Meghan very patiently began to recite… “One, Two, Three…”
When I sat down to begin to draft this tribute, I knew it would be my best opportunity to capture the true meaning of Meghan Jean Redenbach. Wanting so desperately to summarize things perfectly, I was stuck on the first paragraph for almost two hours. Something just wasn’t right, and, try as I might, I could not identify the problem. Out of sheer frustration and desperation, I started to pace around the house, and soon found myself standing in front of Meghan’s picture on the mantel. It was at that exact moment the solution became obvious. In my opening statements, I had used the phrase, “If Meghan were here today…” That phrase is all wrong, or as Meghan would have described it—SKETCHY.
Meghan Redenbach is here today, because each and every one of us possesses individual and unique memories that keep her alive in our hearts. I could share with you countless memories that date back to before Meghan was ever a student in my classroom. Her sports related stories and escapades alone would take hours to convey.
But I CANNOT stand before you today and do justice to the life that Meghan lived. That is something we must all do together in the days ahead as our minds and bodies begin to adjust to new surroundings. Whether it be in the hallways at school, around the dinner table, or on the volleyball court; each of us has something original to contribute that will help to inspire, motivate, and heal everyone listening.
What I CAN do today is summarize Meghan’s true character so completely in just two short weeks. Until two weeks ago, I thought I had seen the most strength and determination one person could possess. Until two weeks ago, I never understood the extent of human compassion and sacrifice. Until two weeks ago, I never imagined that anything positive would ever again emerge from Meghan’s inexplicable struggle.
UNTIL…I witnessed Meghan spend that last two weeks making sure everyone around her was cared for and prepared for this moment in time. From selecting Christmas gifts for Dad, Mom, and Nick—to cheering on the girls’ basketball team one last time. Meghan was intent on putting the needs of others ahead of her own.
Two weeks ago, Meghan serenaded her friends and family with the song, “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” and insisted everyone join in helping her to make it the best rendition ever. Some of the lyrics from this song include:
My love is alive
Way down in my heart
Although we are miles apart
I’ll be there when you want me
Someway, somehow
Look around… Meghan has touched more lives in fifteen years than most can aspire to impact in a lifetime. She has united groups of people that never would have otherwise met, and everlasting friendships have been forged as a result. Today is a testament to the life Meghan lived without fear of uncertainty. In a world without guarantees, Meghan paved the way by not wasting time on trivial matters. Instead, she embraced each moment as a new opportunity to persevere, thus inspiring those around her.
I would like to conclude with a few words for the Redenbach family and friends:
To Meghan:
I know you are watching over us today, because in your true competitive nature you have crossed the “finish line” at the gates of Heaven before everyone in this room. We will all be reunited again in the future, but until that time, your courageous battle will never have been fought in vain.
To Mike, Nancy, and Nick:
FAMILY IS THE KEY, and both your immediate and extended families are here with you today. These are the same people who will continue to be here for you in the days, months, and years to come and are only ever a telephone call or text message away.
To Everyone who loved Meghan and who Meghan loved in return:
Six months ago—in June 2010—Meghan said, “Being diagnosed has opened my eyes to everything in life. I have never really appreciated my friends and family as much as I do now. If it weren’t for them, I am not sure I would have gotten as far as I have. Every day I tell myself, “Just another day. No matter what, I will make it to tomorrow. Even if I fight all day, I’ll make it.”
The incomprehensible part is that Meghan is not physically here with us today. Even worse is to let any opportunity to convey Meghan’s wisdom, determination, and strength to others pass us by. It is up to us to continue this fight by ensuring that Meghan’s legacy makes it to each and every tomorrow. We love you, Meghan!