Meet the New Dawn (35 page)

“Is he … alone?” she asked her grandson.

“I think he is, but he has another horse with him.”

The boy ran out. No! No, he must not be alone! She moved on heavy, unwilling legs toward the door, going through it and standing on the porch. He was coming in from the west, riding slowly, leading a riderless horse. No! She felt the panic building then. All this time she had been strong. She had not wept and carried on. The children and grandchildren had already accepted their father and grandfather’s death. All had accepted it but Abbie, and now as Wolf’s Blood came closer, Morgan and Margaret hurried to Abbie, both realizing she had still not faced the inevitable, both very worried about what would happen when she did.

Wolf’s Blood’s eyes were only on his mother. His face was rigid. He was dressed in full Indian regalia, his face painted in mourning, scars on his arms and chest from the slashing he had inflicted upon himself over his father’s death. They were still pink and one didn’t look fully healed, for he had cut himself deeply.

Abbie watched him. Why, it wasn’t Wolf’s Blood at all! It was Zeke! Surely it was Zeke, for he looked just like her Zeke, a replica of the strong and beautiful man she had married at fifteen and spent her life with. He came closer, halting his mount in front of the house, while the rest of the family just stared at his haggard face. Sonora did not go to him right away, sensing she must leave her husband alone for the moment, knowing how Wolf’s Blood had felt about his father. The boy swung his leg over his horse and slid off, walking up to his mother, who just stared at him.

She reached out and touched his arm. “Zeke! I knew you
would come back.”

Wolf’s Blood frowned and Margaret gasped, turning away. She knew her mother was acting strangely, even mentioning a couple of times that perhaps Zeke would come back after all. But she had not expected this.

Wolf’s Blood touched her face gently. “I am not Zeke, Mother. I am Wolf’s Blood. I buried Father high on the mountain. It was his wish.”

She shook her head. “No. You’re Zeke. He always comes back to me.”

He grasped her arms and shook her slightly. “Mother, look at me! It’s Wolf’s Blood!” He felt her trembling, and her eyes were wild-looking as she shook her head again.

“Don’t tell me that!” she whispered.

“It’s the truth! Didn’t you get my message?”

“She got the message,” Morgan spoke up quietly. “I think she’s been refusing to believe it. She seemed to accept it at first, then started talking about Zeke coming back.”

Wolf’s Blood searched her eyes. “Mother, it’s me—Wolf’s Blood,” he told her gently, still holding her arms. “Father was killed at Fort Robinson. I buried him in the mountains. Do you understand? You must stop hoping for the impossible. Face it now—right now—before you get any worse!”

She shook her head again. “It’s not … really true. I … thought so at first. You … called to me, Zeke … in the night. But then I remembered … that you always come back, and I knew someone … must have got the message wrong.”

Wolf’s Blood’s eyes teared. “Come with me, Mother.” He took her arm and led her down the steps, walking her far off and down to the river. She said nothing as they walked, her mind swirling between fantasy and reality. When they reached the river Wolf’s Blood turned her, grasping her shoulders. “Mother, you must face the truth. If you don’t, it will be bad for you, and your children and grandchildren won’t know you anymore. Don’t do this to Father. It would break his heart to see you doing this.”

She studied him closely. “But … you are Zeke.”

He sighed deeply, holding her firmly. “All right. If you want to believe that, then listen to me now. Let me go, Abbie. Please
let me go now to a place where I will be happy. You’ve got to let me go so we will both be at peace.”

She watched him as the river splashed and danced nearby. She reached up and touched his face. “Must you really go?” she asked, her eyes tearing.

He was glad to see the tears. “Yes. I really must go this time, Abbie. But I will always be with you in spirit, just like I promised.”

He waited. For several minutes she stared at him, backing up slightly. She finally blinked and shook her head, putting a hand to her forehead. She stared at him again. “Wolf’s Blood?”

He smiled sadly and nodded. “I am the one who promised to return, Mother, remember? Father did not promise this time. He’s dead, Mother. You must realize that and accept it. Surely you knew, even the night he called to you.”

He watched with an aching heart as several moods seemed to pass through her brown, tired, lonely eyes. An inner force was fighting the truth. An odd groan came through her lips and she grasped her stomach, bending over. “Zeke!” she groaned. “No! No! No!”

Wolf’s Blood hurried up to her then, and she grasped his arms so tightly it actually hurt him, her nails cutting into the skin. “Don’t … let go of me,” she begged.

His eyes teared more. “Mother, it will be all right.”

“Tell me … he didn’t suffer!” she groaned.

“He didn’t. He died quickly.” His voice choked. “I don’t think … he even felt any pain. It had to be, Mother. He was … so crippled. It was his last chance … to die honorably. If he hadn’t let himself … die fighting … I’d have had to bring him back here … a crippled man on a travois. That would have been so much worse for him.”

She gasped for breath, then let out a “no” again in a long scream, hitting him in the chest with her fists. He embraced her and held her tightly against him, his tears mixing into her hair.

“Yes, Mother. You must face it. We’re all here for you … Margaret, Jason, Sonora and me … the grandchildren. We’ll survive and be together, like he wanted. He’s happy now, Mother. I am convinced he’s happier than he ever
was in this life.”

She wept in gut-wrenching sobs, hardly able to find her breath. He held her, not knowing what else to do, until finally he felt her collapsing. He quickly picked her up. She was limp in his arms as he hurriedly carried her back to the house. He looked at his sister Margaret as he carried their mother onto the porch. “We must watch her closely for a while,” he told his sister. “But I think she will be all right.”

Margaret touched his arm, where a puffy scar had not healed. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all that alone, Wolf’s Blood,” she told him. “Are you all right?”

Tears still stained his face. “I don’t know yet.”

He carried his mother inside and laid her on the brass bed. She groaned and rolled to her side, moaning Zeke’s name again. Wolf’s Blood frowned and bent to kiss her cheek. “Do not be afraid,” he whispered. “Father is with you.” He smoothed back her hair, and Margaret came inside with a pan of cool water and a cloth.

“You can leave, Wolf’s Blood,” she told him. “Sonora and I will get her undressed and in bed. I will bathe her in cool water.”

He sighed deeply, wiping at his tears and smearing the mourning paint. He turned to see Sonora standing in the doorway. Wolf’s Blood had not even greeted his wife yet. “Forgive me, Sonora,” he said softly. He swept her up into his arms, holding her tightly as she cried against his shoulder.

“I was so afraid you also would not return!” she wept.

He kissed her hair. “I had to come back to my Sonora, and my son and daughter, didn’t I?”

She looked up at him and he kissed her gently, her lips, her eyes. “I need some time, Sonora. I still have much sorrow inside of me. For a while I cannot be completely yours, for part of me is buried on the mountain.”

“I understand, my husband. Just to have you here holding me is enough.”

He let go of her, kissing her lightly again. “I will go now and let you help Margaret. I am going riding. But I will return tonight to hold you when you sleep.”

They kissed once more, and she went to help Margaret.
Wolf’s Blood headed for the door, and Jason called out to him. Wolf’s Blood turned to see his young brother standing at the table, looking lost and lonely. “Can I go with you?” he asked. “Please, Wolf’s Blood. Don’t leave me here. I need … to talk.”

Wolf’s Blood smiled and nodded. “Yes, come with me, my brother. Our father would want it so.”

For nearly a month Abbie was bedridden, too devastated and too weak to do much of anything for herself. The children all worried that she would never get up again, for her health seemed to be slipping day by day, her will to live gone. At times she would talk incessantly about Zeke, about the old days, about how it was when they met. She would go on and on, laughing sometimes, but the talking always ended in bitter sobbing. None of them knew what to do for her, and Wolf’s Blood reached the point where he was afraid to go and see her, for looking at him only brought more tears. He was a replica of his father, and she could not bear to watch him. She ate less and less, until she was a frail skeleton in the big brass bed.

It was mid-May when she had the dream, as vivid and real as if she were awake and experiencing the beauty of it. Zeke was coming to her on an Appaloosa that had wings. He smiled and waved, and she ran to him. He swept her up onto the horse, and suddenly it all changed and they were flying, the horse gone. She turned to look at him, and he was an eagle, carrying her to the top of a mountain where he gently set her down. He changed back again to Zeke, tall and strong and handsome.

“I am very disappointed in you, Abbie-girl,” he told her with a frown.

“But why?” she asked.

“I asked you to be strong, to be the Abbie I always knew. But you have been weak. You have let yourself waste away. You have given up on life, when you have so much to live for. I expected you to care for our children and grandchildren, to be there when they needed you. Now they need you, and you are a weak, weeping woman and of no use to them. Always I bragged that you were as strong as any Indian woman, but now you are
acting like the white women who have no strength, no courage. Why do you do this to me?”

“To you?”

“You promised me you would be strong. Now I watch you and my heart is sad when it should be happy. Do not break your promise, Abbie-girl. I never broke a promise to you. You must do the same for me now.”

“But how can I be happy, when in a moment you will fly away again and never come back?”

“I told you I would always be with you. Are you saying I lied?”

“No!” she answered in the dream. “You have never lied to me.”

“Then believe me when I tell you I am with you always. You will rise in the morning, and you will tell our son that you wish to go to the mountain where my flesh lies in death. You will go to the very top of that mountain, and I will be there waiting for you. I will prove to you that I am with you.”

“But … how—?”

“Go to the top of that mountain!” he said in a booming voice. Then he softened, bending closer and touching her face. “Go to the mountain,” he said in a whisper, his hand brushing her face.

He was suddenly an eagle again, and he picked her up in his talons, holding her gently as he flew away with her. They went through a cloud and then they were on the winged horse again, and he rode her down from the skies and gently placed her on the ground near the house. “To the mountain,” he repeated.
“Ne-mehotatse.”

The horse flew off into the clouds and she called after him, but her own voice woke her and she sat up in bed. Sonora came running in from the room where she and Wolf’s Blood had been sleeping. They had heard her mumbling in her sleep, and Sonora had already started down the ladder toward the bedroom when Abbie cried out.

“What is it?” the girl asked, going to her mother-in-law to find Abbie sweating fiercely, her breathing short.

Abbie looked at Sonora with a frown. “Go and get Wolf’s Blood,” she said quietly. “Quickly!”

Sonora went out and called softly to him so as not to wake the children. In moments Wolf’s Blood came into the room, and Abbie turned up the oil lamp. Her eyes were lit with excitement and she actually smiled, surprising him. “I must go to the mountain, Wolf’s Blood.”

He frowned. “What mountain?”

“The mountain where your father is buried. He came to me in a dream and told me to go there.”

Wolf’s Blood sighed, putting a hand to her forehead. “Mother, you are ill. I cannot take you to any mountain. It was just a dream.”

“And no one understands visionary dreams better than the Indian!” she retorted, an unusual strength to her voice, considering how weak she had been. “You have had your own dreams and visions. I am telling you your father came to me in a dream and told me that if I go to that mountain, he will prove that he is with me. He will come to me. I don’t know how, but he will come. And if you don’t take me, then I will sneak out of this house sometime when everyone is asleep, and I will go alone! But I will go!”

He studied her determined eyes. She was acting more like the fiesty woman his father had married. Zeke had often joked about how stubborn she could be at times. “I think you really would do that,” he told her.

“I would!”

The young man sighed. “All right. I will take you. But only if you promise that for the next month you will eat and go for walks and get your strength back. It is too soon to go to the mountains right now. There is still much snow in them, and in the spring there is danger of avalanches and floods. We will go in another month. Even then it will be cold, and I will not risk you getting sick. So you must eat and get your strength back. Then I will take you.”

She nodded. “Agreed.” She touched his face. “It’s been hard for you, hasn’t it, my son? I’m so sorry.”

He took her hand, squeezing it in his own. “It has been hard on all of us. But if you would be yourself again, it would be easier for the rest of us.”

She smiled, blinking back tears. “I know that. You will take
me to the mountain, Wolf’s Blood. And Zeke will come to me, and I’ll be all right then. I know I will. I feel stronger already, just from hearing his voice in the dream. You do believe me, don’t you? Zeke told me before he left that he would come to me in a dream and tell me how I could find him again.”

The young man nodded. “I believe you, Mother. In another month I will take you to the mountain.”