Me Without You (17 page)

I can't see him
now
…Jonah told herself.

Hugh caught sight of Jonah
inconspicuously climbing the stairs to the balcony. He hurried to
catch up with her and tell her where to find Xavier. Although, he
suspected, she already knew where he was.

It feels great to see
her…
Hugh thought.

Hugh was skeptical when
Xavier invited him to tag along knowing it was a rendezvous with
Jonah. Hugh could not comprehend Xavier's motivation. Xavier
insisted it was the best time to give Jonah the
habak
. However, Hugh had a sneaking
suspicion Xavier had a greater and deeper impetus to include him in
such a meeting.

Xavier, swinging both his legs, thought
of another prayer. It often entered his mind— always nagged him in
fact— after he became aware of his poisoned blood.

If I only had hope…a small
amount of it, then perhaps—

Xavier was way beyond his fear, anger
and denial. It was the lethargic response to both life and death
which berated him to no end. He could not distinguish whether it
was such a good or bad thing to be disinterested with his
fate.

Jonah…she's my cure!
Xavier realized
.
Not for his disease—but his passion for life or
death. Gilda was right when she said he had to keep his heart
alive.

Jonah sneaked to take a peek at Xavier
from the balcony but she could not see him seated at the far-end,
near the door.

So, she sat back and
whispered her own prayer;
Dear God, why did
he have to get sick? If I can only cure him…if I am only the
greatest healer…If I only killed Rebecca…

Hugh saw Jonah hunched on her seat and
in deep thought. Hugh decided to back away and instead wait for her
downstairs. But before he could turn around, he muttered to
himself, "Hear her prayer!"

Xavier stood up and put on his
disposable mask. He walked just outside the Church to check out for
any signs of Jonah. There was none. He went back inside and chose
to sit near the altar. He lowered his mask to his chest like a bib.
This time, he allowed himself to clasp his hands together and lower
his knees to a more fervent prayer.

Oh, God! I don't want to die
not fearing death even just a little. For then, it would mean I am
not in anyway grateful for the life that I have now. If I had to
die sooner, let me hurt for life because I loved. Please bring her
back to my life before I lose it.

Xavier's chest had felt like something
was pressing forcibly and tightly. And the muscles in his jaw had
somehow constricted. He could also sense the little muscles in his
brows furrowing into a grimace. Xavier almost welcomed the thought
of shedding a few tears, but none came. He lowered his head on his
outstretched arms and took in a lungful of air. Slowly, he could
feel himself relaxing a bit.

Jonah bolted upright as she watched
Xavier making his way to the altar and kneeling. From afar, Jonah
could see that he was in earnest conversation with God.

Jonah was in the middle of
contemplating within herself and sometimes, addressing God in her
own meditation.
What could he be telling
God? He is hurting. It sounds crazy but I will offer my own life
for him, dear God. If it takes for me to leave him for good just as
his mother says, then I will. If it means he will get back his life
and health again. If this is the option that we both had to take,
then, make it so.

Jonah wiped off the tears which
suddenly flowed through her cheeks. Sadness was engulfing her by
the minute. She took a long and lingering look at Xavier. Then, she
got up and left the balcony.

When Jonah reached the foot of the
stairs, she was surprised to see Hugh casually leaning and waiting
for her. Hugh smiled upon seeing Jonah. Feeling awkward, Jonah
returned a guilty smile. Hugh had known all along that she was in
the balcony, hiding from Xavier.

"He is down here!" Hugh said. He gave
her a teasing look. "Did both of you set the exact place where to
meet? This is a huge place. People can get lost a lot of times. I
can't even find my way sometimes."

Using the back of her hand, Jonah
smacked Hugh on the stomach. She told him, "Very funny, Hugh! Have
you been here long?"

"Long enough to know we're all playing
hide-and- seek." Hugh replied and grinned mischievously. The next
instant, he was coughing out loud, unable to restrain the laughter
from escaping him. It was quite a while before he was able to tell
Jonah, "Oh, I get it. People get missed if they don't want to be
found."

"You are right!" Jonah said. "Right
now, I don't want to be found."

Hugh wiped the remaining smirk off his
face and became serious. "I found you right?" he murmured in a soft
voice which Jonah couldn't even hear clearly.

"Huh?' Jonah asked.

"I was asking why not?" Hugh said,
changing the subject quickly.

"I don't know!" Jonah replied. "I don't
know why."

Hugh held Jonah's gaze for
long before he said, "You know why. You are just not convinced
why." He took her hand and dug for the
habak
from his jean pocket.

Jonah giggled uncomfortably, blushing
at the same time. She consciously wriggled her hand out of Hugh's
grasp. Then she said, "Enough of this jargon. Got to go, Hugh.
Later, okay?"

"Later," Hugh answered back. With this
Jonah slipped out of the building towards her parked
car.

"This will have to wait,"
Hugh said out loud, fingering the
habak
in his pocket. He took it out
and admired its exquisiteness. He found a jeweler who made it whole
again. He even had to pay more than he expected for the rush job
the jeweler made to complete the belly chain. However, he arrived
at the conclusion that the jewelry had been fixed but Jonah was
still broken. "Broken but more exquisite," he added. And nothing
was more important at that moment for Hugh but to see Jonah whole
again. But it was no rush job. And he could wait.

As restlessness took Xavier over again,
he stood up yet for what seemed like the thousandth time and went
to stand by the door. There was no more expectation on his end nor
was there agitation. There was only numbness—the kind which he had
rehearsed for so many times when the issue of his illness was
brought up.

So, she isn't coming this
time, eh?
Xavier said to himself. He paused
for a moment by the door. Looking back at the altar, he just
shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly as he placed his mask back in
place. He walked to where Lucas was waiting in the car. Hugh was
nowhere in sight.

As the driver opened the passenger door
for Xavier, the man said, "Sir Hugh said he has to be some place
else."

There was no excuse why
Xavier had to bring Hugh along with him. Xavier made up the
suggestion that Hugh can give Jonah the
habak
. However, in truth, it was a
mixture of Xavier's own selfishness, jealousy and perhaps goodwill
that he told Hugh to come along.

Xavier couldn't even fathom his own
reasoning. While Xavier knew that Jonah and Hugh were building up a
connection of some sort and he didn't like it a bit, he also wanted
both to be connected—just in case he died in the end.

It was crazy. But with Xavier's
inevitable death, there was no one he considered he would rather
desire to be by Jonah's side but Hugh.

"Sir Hugh also asked me to tell you
that women usually go back to the same place all over again," Lucas
said. "He said something about their being the sentimental type. I
have to agree. They remember details and dates and important places
and link everything else. It's insane. But they do. And when we
don't remember, we don't care. We're nothing but insensitive
jerks."

Xavier laughed out loud as Hugh's
message registered in his head. Of course, it had to be the
balcony. Xavier and Jonah frequented the balcony of the
Church.

Xavier was dumbfounded, he could not
speak immediately. A soft jolt awakened something inside his chest
that breathing seemed easier. Luckily, he was wearing the mask to
cover most of his face that Lucas did not see the tear or two which
unexpectedly squeezed through his eyes while a thin smile spread
through his lips. Never had he associated joy to tears and yet he
realized he was joyful knowing she showed up even if he did not get
to see her.

"It looks like the young Ms. did not
stay that long," Lucas said, oblivious to Xavier's reaction. "Glad
you two get to talk again. Yet, everything is not that alright yet,
right, Sir Xavier? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—" He broke off in
mid-sentence, looking embarrassed. He let Xavier in and quickly
rounded the car to the driver's seat without another
word.

"Lucas, drive me to the Blood's place,"
Xavier mumbled not really sure whether the driver heard him or
not.

The driver turned around from the
driver's seat, looking mortified. "But Sir Xavier, the place is
cursed. And the Madam has specifically instructed me not to let you
go there," he said.

"That has changed, Lucas!" Xavier said.
"You can even ask the Madam about it when we reach home if you
like."

As they drove off, Xavier knew he'd
have to face the wrath of Jonah's sisters… and perhaps the curse of
her witch-aunt. It was like a death wish on his part.

I am dying anyway…so who
cares?
He thought offhandedly. He got his
phone and sent Jonah a message.

Wil b @ ur place. Hope to c
u ds tym
.

The Visit to the
Hospital

"Oh, you owe me big this time," Jervais
chuckled.

Jonah and Jervais just arrived at the
hospital where Jemmah was confined.

"I know—" Jonah said, shaking her whole
body to stop the quivering. "But please don't remind me about it
every minute for the rest of my life."

"I can't help it," Jervais replied, her
smile even widening. "For the first time, I am actually enjoying
this. This is more exciting than your mother's death and the
witch's hunt."

For a moment, Jonah resented her
impulsive decision to meet Xavier at the Church. To top it off, she
had to ask Jervais to drive her there before proceeding to the
hospital. Although, Jonah's older sister did not know at a cursory
level why Jonah decided to drop by the Church, her reaction was a
dead give away even before they caught a glimpse of Xavier just
outside the Church supposedly waiting for her. Jonah had to make up
the excuse of putting an end to the whole thing and Jervais had to
agree.

Jonah even regretted big time that she
did not talk to the guy once and for all to end the whole thing. It
just revealed to her she was still very much into him to let go.
When she tried to peek inside the Church and saw him on his
knees—she thought there was no holding her back from throwing
herself all over him. Fortunately though, she was reminded of
Xavier's mother and Xavier's pain…her love…and perhaps her letting
go of him as a sacrifice.

But in the end, Jonah couldn't do it…
She just ran away. And it was a bad choice.

Why can't people let go of
silly things like the past so easily?
For a
moment, the thought had provoked her when she saw Xavier. She was
willing not to listen to her rationalization. And yet, her feet…
her whole body had trembled when she tried to take a step towards
him. She felt weak all over. It was strange—but she had felt
Xavier's own weakness and emptiness.

Jonah and Jervais didn't have to ask
where Jemmah's room was. Brice had been standing near the
information desk and had seen them first. "Where have you two
been?" Brice demanded."You drove ahead of me, remember?"

"We explored on a quicker route only to
get stuck in traffic," Jervais fibbed. "So, what happened? How's
Jemmah?"

"Oh, you won't believe the drama
there—" Brice began. "I had to leave. The room was supercharged.
Jane and Jenssen are up there."

"Drama? Why? What's going on?" Jonah
asked. The atmosphere became too heavy for her. She felt like the
heat had gone up, making her breathing difficult. Even the scent
that went inside her was unbearable. Before anybody could reply,
she uttered, "I think I really need to get out of here. I am not
feeling well."

"Then, why do you need to go out—this
is just the right place to belong to when you feel ill," Jervais
argued.

"I feel weak in here. I don't like
hospitals," Jonah shot back.

"Ditto!" Brice said. "I need to smoke
anyway. This is a non-smoking area." He led the way
outside.

Just outside the building, Brice
stopped suddenly and the two girls almost collided with
him.

"Brice," Jervais complained. "You can't
just do that!"

"Well, it just occurred to me that our
Juliet here probably has seen Romeo on the way here," he said, his
face widening into a mischievous smile. "Am I right or am I right?
I get it now, every time you do not feel well, it has something to
do with the dying Romeo. Jane had mentioned about the state she
found you in the Church and suddenly Romeo appeared." He chuckled
out loud.