Me, Inc. (17 page)

I'm sorry if I'm not being politically correct here, but if you're looking for sugarcoating, go buy another book. I'm here to help you make the Big Money, not to tell you what you want to hear.

A lot of people are afraid of offending you. I'm not. Because I'm
one
of you. Like millions and millions of other Americans, I wasn't born in America. I look like I come from somewhere else. And millions and millions of you do, too.

The difference between myself and a lot of other people is that I decided long ago that I would adapt as best I could, and that I would conform, to the extent that I could, to the inferred rules of culture in these United States of America. Yes, you heard that right—I'm a
conformist
.

There are inferred social rules in every country, but in America, you have the choice to follow them or ignore them. But I contend, if you choose to ignore these rules, a much more difficult path to the Big Money lies ahead of you.

Another thing:
Do not use slang in business situations
. Using words like
dude
and
man
in front of business professionals will make them think that you're an idiot.

Which leads to my next point.

20

Speak English

“I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.”

CHARLIE CHAPLIN

actor, film director, author, songwriter, and studio founder

A
nother important point:
learn to speak English
.

There's nothing wrong with being proud to be Spanish or African-American or Albanian, but that in itself won't help you amass a fortune in America. And bluntly speaking, English language skills can. Anywhere in the world. Speak English in Zimbabwe, and you can get a job. Speak one of the hundreds of Zimbabwe dialects in America, and it won't help you in the least.

And try to speak English without an accent. Please! Again, this book isn't about being politically correct, it's about showing you how to make money. Let's be real. If I can't understand what you're saying to me, or if your accent is too strong, the impression I'll get won't be about the content of the conversation. It will be about your accent.

I'm here to tell you that politically correct notions hardly ever tell the
real
truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Political correctness is probably well intentioned. And things like “slander” often result in lawsuits.

Whether or not a lawsuit has merit, it still costs a lot of money to defend. So most of our institutions—the media, the education system, politicians, employers, and corporations—are very careful about what they say, how they say it, and who they say it to.

So let me spell it out plainly for you, from one immigrant to all the rest of you immigrants out there: LEARN TO SPEAK ENGLISH. And learn to do it well. And learn to speak it without an accent. Really.

I know you're proud of where you come from. And you're proud of your heritage, your religion, and your customs.

Terrific. You're proud of yours. And I'm proud of mine.

So what?

Unless and until all the different cultures and languages and religions who immigrate to America figure out how to get along with each other in the same country, there will be chaos. The Tower of Babel.

And that means we all have to give in a little, and get off our high horse regarding our languages and our cultures and even our religious beliefs.

Get over yourself.

I do want to put forward this caveat: There are no absolutes. There are and always will be exceptions. You might have a wonderfully thick Indian accent, be a mathematics wiz, and be gloriously successful on Wall Street.

In public schools, your teacher will never tell you that your thick accent or lack of English speaking skills may hinder you on your climb up the ladder of success. If she did, she'd be fired. Even though it's the truth.

Your teacher will never tell you (God forbid) that people in America, right or wrong, simply don't react well to thick accents or lack of English speaking skills.

But it's true. And this may be an unfair reality that you will have to contend with.

And your boss at your job, if you have one, will never tell you to your face that your thick accent may tinge or somehow affect his perception of you. That would not just be politically incorrect, but illegal, as well.

Yet, sometimes, it's the truth.

I don't play by those rules. You don't work for me, and I can state my opinion as I please.

Especially, since I
was
one of you.

In 1958, when my mother and I legally immigrated to America, I couldn't speak a word of English. Neither could my mother. We spoke Hungarian and Hebrew, and my mother knew halting German. I also picked up (and have since forgotten) some Spanish and some Turkish.

My mother couldn't speak English and didn't have an education, so she wound up working in a sweat shop. Six days a week. No holidays. No minimum wage. It was the only job available to her in New York with her skill level.

I wasn't born in America, but as a young boy, I quickly learned that the more foreign I sounded, the less I was accepted into the mainstream.

One of the first things I remember hearing when I was eight and a half years old was “What're you, stupid? Can't you even speak English?” I would never forget that. It was unkind and harsh, yes. But it was an uncensored reflection of how native-born Americans might consider you if you aren't able to communicate in English. The less ability you had to speak English, the more stupid most people thought you sounded.

It was true then, and it's true now. And it will be true tomorrow, as well, to varying degrees. We can strive to change it—to make positive social change is a worthy endeavor. But if you want to be a businessman, you have to contend with the way the world is right now, not the way you would like it to be.

Sorry. That's life. You can't force everybody to think the way you do.

Encouraged by the predominant American culture, I forced myself to learn to speak American English. Either I did that, or I would continue to be made fun of, have fewer friends, play on fewer baseball teams, and be invited to fewer parties. And at that age, those things were important to me.

I learned to speak English without an accent and graduated from college with a bachelor's degree in education. I was immediately able to start teaching sixth grade to native-born Americans. I spoke better English than they did. Then, at age twenty-two, I became the assistant to the director of the Puerto Rican Interagency Council. Those were some of the jobs available to me with my skill level, once I learned to speak well.

Put in the work.

Get the results.

I'm here to increase your chances of success, so I'm not going to sugarcoat any of the obstacles that might hold you back. And your thick accent and/or lack of English speaking skills are not your friends. Try to get rid of them. Now.

“He's well-spoken,” they'll privately say to each other.

And lest you think they're picking on you just because you come from someplace else, consider this: that same sentiment is held by Americans about each other. For instance, if your accent is too “southern”-sounding, many Americans might assume you to be, uh, less than sophisticated.

It would be difficult for most Americans to take Professor Billy Bob Fitz seriously, if his first direction in Shakespearian studies at the university was “For tonight's assignment, y'all consider the dilemma Othello had to live with, mmkay?”

I won't apologize for the parody, or my crudeness—this is a crude, unaccommodating world you are going to step into. Grow a thick skin and
adapt.
Be a Darwinian apex predator—whatever your environment, adapt to it, and conquer it. It just so happens that the business world in the United States is an English speaking environment.

It also bears noting that, in the southern United States, TV broadcasters rarely sound southern. They all speak in perfect “mid-Atlantic” American English, even if they were born in the South, love the South, and eat grits. They realize that the sound of their accent does not connect to the rest of the country.

Lest you southerners think I'm singling you out, you're not the only ones.

A heavy New York accent, with its “deze” (these) and “doze” (those), is considered by many to be less than sophisticated. To be blunt—it makes you sound stupid.

I didn't invent the rules.

Unless you're sitting on a large oil deposit in your backyard in Texas, you will note that the large corporate giants and captains of industry, who are worth billions, like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett and Mark Zuckerberg, all speak mid-Atlantic American English.

That's no coincidence.

And lest you think I'm only talking about white people.

President Obama speaks mid-Atlantic.

Oprah Winfrey speaks mid-Atlantic.

Wendy Williams speaks mid-Atlantic.

YOU can learn to speak mid-Atlantic well.

I do.

When in Rome, do as Romans do.

You're in America, and while we may not, on paper, have a national language, it's simply counterproductive not to do what will make you the most money—what will help you thrive. And right now that means learning to speak English.

The better you can communicate in English, the more money you stand to make.

Let's not stop there. Let's go all the way. Buckle up. It's gonna get bumpy.

Speaking with a heavy Yiddish accent that isn't easily understood by the masses will not help you advance. It doesn't matter that you're proud and it's your heritage. No one else cares. Really.

Speaking with a very heavy accent will usually not help you make more money. There are always exceptions, of course, but why take the chance?

A heavy French accent for a maître d' in a French restaurant? Sure. Fine.

A heavy French accent for an American TV newscaster? Not so fine.

And not speaking English at all will buy you an express ticket to the bottom of the barrel.

It's YOUR responsibility to learn to speak English properly.

Nobody will tell you this, because it's supposed to be unkind. It's politically incorrect. It will hurt the feelings of immigrants.

So, I will.

SPEAK ENGLISH!!!

I had to do it.

You can, too.

I wrote some of this book dictating into my iPhone. Siri takes pretty good dictation. Siri and I get along great. She understands every word I say. That's because I speak very good mid-Atlantic American English.

Siri becomes less and less reliable the heavier your accent is. She may have other language settings—but people don't.

Take a hint from Siri.

She knows.

She doesn't care if you're a nice person.

She only cares if she can understand you.

If Siri doesn't understand you, then you're in trouble.

As I've said elsewhere in this book—there are, and will always be, exceptions to every rule. We were at a basketball game at Staples Center in Los Angeles. And on the way out, someone introduced me to former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. The first words I spoke to him were in German. I'm fairly fluent in the language and we exchanged banter. He was born in Austria and went into bodybuilding seriously. He soon rose through the ranks. When he arrived in America, with few English language skills, he soon won Mr. Olympia and other bodybuilding titles. Note that he chose a first career that had little to nothing to do with language skills. A smart move. Then he segued into movies, playing the kinds of roles where his physique was the draw. Before too long, he became the world's top box-office draw. He then turned his attention to politics and easily won the election to become the governor of what was then the sixth-largest economy on earth: California.

Whatever hurdles you may think are in front of you as a native-born American, imagine coming from another country and culture, with no English speaking skills. And with an unwieldy name that's difficult to spell and pronounce.

Still, the same strong backbone that enabled him to come to America and rise to the top of the bodybuilding world, and then the film world and finally in politics, says something about who the person is.

Remember, every step of the way, people made fun of how he pronounced English words, and how he spelled his name. None of it mattered to him. Nothing would keep him from succeeding.

Take note—his accent was something he had to overcome. It isn't impossible. But you will have to work for it.

Champions are not born. They work for it.

21

Women Entrepreneurs

“The important thing is not being afraid to take a chance. Remember, the greatest failure is to not try.”