McIver's Mission (13 page)

"We're supposed to be friends," she said.

He brushed his thumb over her lips, swollen from the
pressure of his kiss. "Friendship is a good foundation," he agreed.

She didn't ask for what. She wasn't prepared to debate
their relationship again, not when her mind was still swimming from the effects
of his kiss. Instead she stepped away, took a minute to steady herself. His
signals confused her: one minute he seemed to accept the guidelines she'd set
for their relationship, and the next he was kissing her mindless.

It was no wonder her own reactions baffled her. Never
had she felt so out of control. Never had she been so willing to relinquish
control.

What would happen if she gave in to the impulse and
made love with Shaun? She was almost afraid to find out.

She shook off the thought, the temptation. Whether or
not she might, at some later date, explore the possibility, it wouldn't be
tonight. Not in Nikki and Colin's house with a six-year-old child in the next
room.

She went to the refrigerator and pulled out a jug of
fruit punch, poured some into a plastic cup for
Carly
.

"Why did you give your theater tickets
away?" she asked.

"Because I wanted to be with you."

Her heart did a slow, cautious roll inside her chest.
"I think we've been spending too much time together."

"We're friends," he said, turning her words
to his own advantage. "Friends are supposed to spend time together."

"Friends don't kiss like that," she said,
almost accusingly.

"Is there something wrong with the way I
kiss?"

"You know darned well that isn't what I
meant."

He stepped closer. "What did you mean?"

"We need boundaries. If we're going to be
friends, you can't kiss me anymore."

"Screw the friendship thing," Shaun growled,
dipping his head to nibble down the column of her throat.

"Shaun." She wasn't sure if it was a plea
for him to stop or to continue.

"You want me, Arden. As much as I want you."

She couldn't deny it. She didn't dare admit it.
"What if Nikki and Colin come home and find you here?"

"They'll assume, correctly, that I stopped by for
a visit."

"I don't want them to suspect that there's
anything going on between us."

"Why would they?" Shaun countered.

"No more kissing," she said emphatically.

He grinned. "Whatever you say."

Her eyes narrowed, but she passed him a can of cola
without further comment.

Carly
was yawning hugely by the time the movie ended and she gave no protest when
Arden told her to go upstairs and brush her teeth. She didn't even ask for a
story, but kissed both Arden and Shaun good-night and snuggled into her bed,
asleep before they'd left the room.

Back in the living room with Shaun, Arden reminded
herself that they weren't really alone. But she felt unaccustomedly awkward and
self-conscious all of a sudden. He tugged on her hand and pulled her onto the
couch beside him. She didn't resist; she didn't want to.

"I can't believe Nikki and Colin are going to
have another baby," he said.

"I'm just glad that Colin's going to be around
for this one," Arden told him, relieved by his introduction of a neutral
topic of conversation. "I don't think I could coach Nikki through another
sixteen hours of labor."

"That bad?"

"I often wonder why women willingly put
themselves through that kind of pain and torture."

"You don't want to have kids of your own?"

"Not without heavy sedation first."

"Wimp."

She nodded. "Yep."

"Seriously, though. Do you want to have
children?"

"Maybe. Someday." She shrugged, as if she'd
never given the matter much thought. "How about you?"

"Do I want kids?"

She nodded.

"Yeah, I do. I always said I'd love to have a
dozen, but I think it's probably too late for that. I tend to be a
traditionalist about certain things, and I'd like to have a wife before the
children come along."

"So why are you still single?"

He shrugged. "After my engagement fell apart, it
was a long time before I showed any real interest in a woman. And I found
myself looking—consciously or not—for someone who was the complete opposite of
Jenna."

"Nikki?" Arden guessed.

"How did you know?"

"I lived with her," she reminded him.

"She saw right through me."

"What do you mean?"

"I managed to convince myself that I was in love
with Nikki. But she knew it wasn't true. I wanted to love someone like Nikki
because she was so different from Jenna."

"So … um … what happened?"

He must have heard the tension in her voice, because
the corners of his lips curved. "She kissed me."

Arden frowned.

"She planted a real kiss on me." He paused,
sighed dreamily, covered his chuckle with a cough when her eyes narrowed.
"But it did nothing—for either of us."

"I'm not sure I get the point."

"There was no chemistry. Nothing."

"There's more to life than chemistry."

"Sure," Shaun agreed. "But without
chemistry, there's nothing to build on." He brushed his fingertips over
the back of her hand, and the sparks practically danced. She pulled her hand
away, tucked it in her lap. "We have chemistry, Arden. And I believe we
could build something really special together."

"You're assuming we're going to build
something."

"We are."

"Don't I have any say in this?"

"I don't think either one of us does. The
attraction between us is stronger than either one of us is to resist it."

"Then maybe we shouldn't spend any more time
together."

He laughed. "I'd never have pegged you for the
type of woman who'd run away scared."

"I'm not going anywhere," she denied.

"Tell me why you don't believe in love."

She hesitated for a minute, considering how much she
wanted to say. "People use love as an excuse to justify hurting each
other."

"Who hurt you, Arden?"

She swallowed, already regretting what she'd revealed.
"No one."

"Then why have you never fallen in love?"

"I don't want to fall in love," she told
him.

"It's not a matter of choice or preference."

"Then what is it?"

He shrugged. "Maybe it's as simple as finding the
right person at the right time."

"Do you really believe there's a 'right' person
for everyone?"

"I like to think so."

"Maybe you're more optimistic than I am."
She smiled. "Or maybe just more naive."

Shaun laughed. "You might be right. But I do
think you could be the one for me."

"I'm not a good bet," she warned him.

"I've never believed in playing it safe."

"There's a lot of stuff going on in my life right
now."

"Tell me about it," he suggested.

Arden sighed. "I've got at least a dozen cases
coming up for pretrial or trial in the next few months. And while I'm trying to
prepare for those, I'm also trying to find a temporary—and
competent—replacement for my receptionist, who'll be going on maternity leave
early in the new year. In a moment of sheer insanity, I committed to serving on
the board of directors of Community Legal Services for the next three years. I
also have a wonderful but nosy neighbor who keeps prompting me for updates on
my new relationship, which is nothing more than friendship, except that the man
in question doesn't seem to accept that. And, to top it all off, some nutcase
has been sending me threatening letters."

* * *

It
was the last part, tacked on almost as an afterthought, that had Shaun's blood
running cold. "Are you kidding?"

Arden didn't ask which part of her explanation he was referring
to. "No."

"Jesus, Arden. Have you told anyone about
this?"

"Of course. I've given the letters to the police.
They're investigating."

"How many letters?"

She frowned. "Why does it matter how many
letters?"

"That night—the first night I went to your
apartment, the letter under the door."

She stiffened. "I told you, that was a letter
from my landlord."

"You lied to me."

"I did no—"

"You lied to me," he said again. "I
could tell you were scared about something that night, that there was something
you weren't telling me."

She remained stubbornly silent, not acknowledging the
truth, but no longer denying it, either.

"And the next day," he continued, "the
gunshots…"

"The police don't think there's a
connection."

"But he does know where you live."

She shrugged. "Apparently so."

"You're not listed. Your number's not in the
book. How did he find you?"

Arden sighed. "I've already been
interrogated."

"I'm sorry, I didn't meant to…" His words
trailed off as the full impact of the situation sank in. Despite the copious
amount of popcorn he'd consumed, his stomach felt hollow. He couldn't imagine
anyone wanting to harm Arden—she was so beautiful and warm and generous—but
clearly someone did. He'd been with her when those bullets had come through her
window.

He'd believed, because he'd wanted to believe, that it
was a random act. Her revelation about the letters forced him to reconsider,
and, faced with the very real possibility that her life could be in danger,
Shaun knew he would do whatever he could to protect her. Whether she wanted his
protection or not.

"Dammit, Arden. You can't just drop a bomb like
that and expect me to accept it with no questions asked."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," she
said. "I only told you because I want you to understand why I need some
space right now."

She wanted him to give her space? While some wacko was
threatening her? No way!

"You think I'm going to back off because some
nut's writing you letters?"

"I hope so."

"Well, I'm not. I care about you, Arden. And I'm
not going to walk away when your life might be in danger."

"I don't think the threats are real."

"How do you know?"

"It's not the first time I've been
threatened."

"It's not?"

She shrugged. "Nothing has ever come of it."

"That's not very reassuring."

"Like I said, the police are handling it."

"Have you told Colin and Nikki?"

"Of course not."

"Why?"

"Because they'd worry. And Nikki's pregnant. She
has enough on her mind."

"You have to tell them."

"No! And you can't say anything to them, either."

He could, and he would if he had to. "How can you
expect me to keep this a secret?"

Her eyes widened, pleading. "Please, Shaun."

Damn, he was helpless against those eyes.

"All right," he agreed reluctantly.
"I'll keep this quiet for now. But
I
want to know if you get any
more letters."

She hesitated.

"I mean it, Arden. You keep me informed, or I
call in the troops."

"I've been taking care of myself for a lot of
years now," she said coolly. "And I don't need or appreciate your
interference at this point in my life."

"Tough." Whether she appreciated his
so-called interference or not, he had no intention of letting her handle this
situation on her own.

* * *

Arden
lay awake in bed later that night, puzzling over the situation with Shaun. She
didn't want to get involved. She didn't think he wanted to get involved,
either. He was attracted to her, he wanted to have sex with her, but it didn't
go any deeper than that. And she resented that he thought he had a right to
interfere in her life, as if he really cared. She was handling the situation,
as she'd handled everything else in her life—alone.

But there were moments, like now, when she wished it
didn't have to be that way. When she wished she had the courage to admit she
was scared and ask for help. When she wished she could open up her heart and
let someone in.

She rolled over and bunched her pillow beneath her
head. She didn't want
someone
; she wanted Shaun.

She tried to forget about him, but it was no use. Her
plan of avoidance was destined to fail if he insisted on showing up everywhere
she went. She wanted to be annoyed that he'd intruded on her night with
Carly
, but secretly she was pleased. Touched that he'd
given away prime theater tickets to be with her. No one had ever gone to such
lengths just to spend time in her company before, and never had she enjoyed
being with anyone as much as she enjoyed being with Shaun. It made her wonder
if maybe there was a "right" someone for everyone. And maybe, just
maybe, he could be right for her.