Maybe Tonight (3 page)

Am I interrupting you?”

Mads slipped out of bed, trying not to wake Laney though he was still clumsy with sleep. She’d slept fitfully all night, not falling into a deep slumber until nearly sunrise. The last thing he wanted to do was wake her now.

“Hej, Karin,” he said in hushed tones as soon as he was in his kitchen. He was still naked and, though it was still warm, he shivered. “I…I was sleeping. You woke me up.”

“Oh!
Förlåt!
I’m still so used to you being up at the crack of dawn.”

He nodded absently, too tired to care whether his ex-wife remembered him as being an early-bird or a night owl. He wanted to return to the warmth of his bed, the sweet familiarity of Laney lying beside him. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Everything’s peachy! Things are really good–and that’s why I’m calling.”

“So, what is it? What’s going on?”

She let out a breathy laugh. “I’m getting married again. Can you believe it?”

“No,” Mads admitted, letting the words turn round in his head. He blinked against the watery light filling the room. “But I guess congratulations are in order.”

“Isn’t it great?”

“Yeah, really great.” He leaned against the countertop and rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand. “I hope it goes well.”

“I didn’t upset you, did I?”

“No, no, nothing like that. I was just thinking. Trying to remember if you sounded this happy when you told everyone we were getting married.”

Karin let out an exasperated sigh. “Mads, that was a long time ago.”

“I’m not begrudging you, Karin. I was just wondering, that’s all.”

“You and I—we were kids. We had no business getting married. I don’t even know what we were thinking.”

“I guess we were thinking we loved each other.”

“Maybe. Something like that.”

Shit, this was going horribly wrong. He hadn’t meant to piss off Karin or even sound like he regretted their divorce. It was the right thing–their marriage had never been good. And she was right…they were too young and neither had thought it through, why they got married, why they stuck together for the four years they tried to keep it afloat.

“I really am happy for you, Karin.” Behind him the floorboards creaked. Laney called out his name, her voice raspy and still laden with sleep. “Hold on…I’m in the kitchen, Laney.”

Laney appeared in the doorway, clad in his t-shirt, her hair rumpled. “I turned over and you were gone.”

He gestured at the phone. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

She gave him an uncertain look.
No, don’t get the wrong idea, Laney
, he thought. “Maybe I should go…”

“No, don’t go anywhere. I’m nearly done.”

Laney lingered for a moment, then headed back down the hall to the bedroom.

Karin cleared her throat. “You’ve got company. You should have told me.”

“It’s private…”

“Well, I’m glad you’re seeing someone.” Her tone became brusque, clipped. “I’ve always hated the thought of you being rootless there.”

“I’m okay here, Karin,” he said. It was the first time in a long while that he felt sure of it. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Good! Will you come to the wedding then?”

“Yeah…sure. Just send me an invitation.”

“Same address?”

“Same address.”

“Are you still in that loft?”

“It suits me.”

She laughed. “As long as you’re happy then. I hope the heat works now.”

“It does. The days with no heat are long gone.”

For a moment, neither of them said a word. Mads wondered how he’d ever thought he and Karin could ever make a go of it? She always wanted more than he ever did. She’d grown up a child of privilege. She was accustomed other people taking care of the flotsam and jetsam of life. Their lives couldn’t have been more different. He was still thinking when Karin said his name.

“Sorry, I was just thinking again.” Mads pushed himself away from the counter and began retracing the path back to his bedroom. “I’m happy for you, Karin. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and now you are.”

“I am.” She sounded relieved. “I really am. You and I…we were kids, but you’ll always be special to me, Mads.”

“It’s fine, Karin. We’re both fine.”

“Wish me luck?”

“Of course.”

“Good! Now…go back to your friend before she thinks you’ve forgotten about her.”

“Impossible. I can never forget about her.”

“Good luck, Mads.”

“Thanks…and congratulations…”

Back in the bedroom, Laney was already dressing. Mads tossed his phone on the bed and grabbed her around her waist and held her close. “Don’t go…not yet.”

“Are you seeing someone else? I need to know…”

“It’s just you, Laney. No one else.”

“Who was that on the phone?”

“My ex-wife–”

“Not you too…”

“She’s getting married again. She just wanted to tell me.”

“Oh…but so early?”

“She has no sense of time.”

Laney nodded but her shoulders were still tense and taut. Mads spun her around so they could face one another.

“Trust me, Laney. The only woman I want is you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am…” He kissed her gently as he maneuvered her back to the bed. “The only woman I want…she’s in this room with me now.”

“I’m not used to this, Laney,” he confessed as they both tried to put off the inevitable walk back to her hotel. “I don’t like putting you in this situation, or even being in this situation at all. But I can’t stay away from you.” Saying it made it all too real. He did not want to be without her. Not now. Maybe not ever.

The weekend was cut short. Of course it was. Niklas. It was always Niklas. The more Mads heard about him, the more he wondered how Laney had ever fallen for her Swedish boyfriend.

“I’m sorry, Mads.”

“Don’t be. I just need to know this won’t be all we ever have. That it won’t be like this forever.” On
Dronning
Louise’s Bridge, they kissed, oblivious to the buses, the tourists, life itself.

Her hotel was too close. He wanted to spirit her away, back to his apartment, or someplace that would only be for them…a cottage by the sea…where they could wake up every morning to the shifting sea and make love as waves crashed against the shore.

“I don’t want to go,” she breathed against his lips and then reclaimed them again. The taste of her, oh how much he wanted her, even now, knowing she would be with Niklas now for the rest of the weekend…

Tendrils of her hair danced in the wind and he smoothed them back, wanting to drink her in. Was this addiction? Was he addicted to her?

“You have to though.”

“We could…just go back to your place. I could tell him something, make up something—”

“You can’t avoid him forever, elskede.” He kissed her lightly. Just one more, he reminded himself, then you need to go. You can’t stop the world no matter how much you wish you could.

“I know, but…”

“Sooner or later you have to decide what you want. Who you want. Him…or me.”

“Have you made up your mind?” Ida demanded as soon as the others had gone to the bar for refills. They were having lunch with Adam and his girlfriend Trine at Mikkeller & Friends, a microbrewery bar in Nørrebrø. The wan morning fog had given way to a deceptively warm day—the sort of weather Laney had called “Indian summer” but in Danish they called it
brittsommar
. They were sitting outside, letting the sunlight bathe them in its warmth.

Mads rapped his knuckles on the tabletop and shook his head. “You never give up, do you?”

“I need to tell the clinic in Toronto if we can help them.”

“Why me?”

“They requested you.”

“Did they really? Or did you do like you always do and convince them I’m the best?”

“I’m not going to lie to them. You’re popular.”

“Yeah, because you keep telling people to pick me.”

“I’m trying to help you.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Ida. I told you that. So just drop it. I’m inactive.”

“Who’s inactive?” Trine asked as she returned with a pint of cider for herself and beer for Ida. “Or is this more clinic talk?”

“It’s clinic talk and it’s over now,” Mads said, leveling both Trine and Ida with a fierce look. “I’m tired of talking about it.”

“Mads has got a girlfriend he’s hiding from us,” Ida quipped to Trine. “It’s all very mysterious.”

“It’s called having a private life.” He finished off the last of his beer and held in a smirk. “I met someone. I want to see where it goes before I start introducing her to everyone. It’s as simple as that.”

Trine didn’t give up as easily as Ida. “Why haven’t I heard about her? Adam tells me everything!”

“Maybe because I told him that it was private?”

“What’s private?” Adam set down two pints of lager on the dusty tabletop and then nudged one towards Mads. “What did I miss?”

“Ida and Trine being nosy.” Mads grumbled.

“‘C’mon, leave Mads be. He doesn’t need you two has-sling him.”

“But you know about this new girl he’s seeing?” Trine insisted.

“It’s early days,” Adam cautioned. “Just leave him alone.”

“Then you know more than you’re letting on! I’ll get it out of you later.”

Mads didn’t say another word. His phone vibrated in his pocket but he didn’t extract it. If he pulled it out, Trine would try to see what the message said and neither she nor Ida would leave him alone. But Adam was right. It was still early days. He didn’t know where he stood with Laney, even if she was the only thing he could think about.

What is she doing here?

Mads stumbled over his words and he tried to focus on answering Anton’s question. She wasn’t supposed to be here. She was supposed to be at a fancy restaurant like NOMA or Grønbech & Churchill. But now she was rushing forward, looking as stunned as he felt and introducing herself. Instead, she was shaking his hand and saying, “Nice to meet you.” Like they’d never kissed. Like they didn’t already know each other so intimately…

He swallowed hard. And Niklas…hovering in the doorway between the living room and the hall, smug, watching over their introductions like some proud father rather than someone who loved his girlfriend.

Laney’s thumb stroked his just before she eased her hand from his grip. She smiled nervously, then fidgeted with her necklace. Her blouse was unbuttoned enough to reveal a vee of her brown skin and the shadow of her breasts. Last night he’d held those breasts in his hands, grazing his thumbs along her nipples until she’d begged him to suck them, bite them. He glanced away. Christ, they were in dangerous territory, being here together with their secret crackling and sparking between them.

Mads was glad when Ingrid ushered them into the dining room. At least it gave him something to focus on other than Laney. But he could still sense her, walking behind him, hear each sigh or gentle intake of breath. And when her fingers brushed his as she passed him, he had to stop himself from smiling, from saying her name and letting slip how much he wanted her.

The jolt of seeing her now shot through him.

She sat directly across from him. There was no way he could avoid looking at her and he didn’t want to. He willed himself not to react as Niklas leaned close to her and whispered in her ear. But he noticed how she turned her head away from him, how she adjusted ever so slightly so Niklas could not claim her completely. Mads reached under the table, found her bare leg and left his fingers drift along her lower thigh and the sweet dip of the back of her knee. And the way her lips parted as though words just for him were perched on their full curve before she sucked in her lower lip and bit gently down. And through it all Niklas blathered on, so full of himself, so completely unaware of what was happening right in front of him.

Niklas didn’t deserve her.

“How did you two meet?”

Laney shot Mads a warning look but he ignored it. He was loose from all the wine they’d drunk. How many times had Anton refilled his glass? Fucking hell, soon he was going to need to go outside and get some fresh air. The dining room felt too close, too humid. Did he imagine the concerned look that Ingrid and Laney exchanged?

Fuck, he didn’t care anymore. This smug bastard sitting there talking about Laney like she was nothing more than a bit of fluff.
Niklas laughed and started into bragging about how he’d hit on Laney, how he’d fed her a line about recognizing her from someplace else. Laney corrected Niklas but the tight expression on her face revealed how her boyfriend’s cavalier attitude humiliated her. And when Niklas laughed and said, ” I thought she looked like a girl who knew how to have a good time, if you know what I mean…” Mads saw how the color drained from Laney’s face, how she kept her eyes cast down and her hands trembled.

When she spoke, her voice was thick with anger and cynicism. “That’s all I am. A good time girl.”

Mads wished she’d look at him but she kept her eyes trained on the rim of her wine glass.

Later, when Anton rolled two joints and suggested going out in the garden, Mads followed and hoped Niklas would stay inside, but he joined them, still trying to be jovial and chummy but the damage was already done. Any doubt he’d had about pursuing Laney had dissipated. He could almost see why Laney had fallen for Niklas. He was good-looking–more Gallic than Swedish, he knew from what Laney had already told him, but the arrogance, the casual way he treated her, like an afterthought…she was like a nice little toy for Niklas to play with when there was nothing else better to do.

“She’s gone broody on me,” Niklas snorted. “Never thought that would happen. Not in a million years.”

“You two have been together so long,” Anton was more pragmatic. Of course he was. He had three daughters already. Mads had met them the last time Anton had invited him over. “It’s only natural.”

Mads stayed silent but he noticed how Niklas smirked, how he shrugged as though none of this meant anything to him. “You know Laney, Anton. In a few months, she’ll be asking me for a dog.”

“What if she really wants a baby?”

The words slipped out before Mads could stop himself. He’d glanced over his shoulder, and caught sight of Laney and Ingrid at the other end of the garden. She was so far away but he sensed the tension twisting inside her. For a split second their eyes met. Long enough for him to wish he could abandon Niklas and Anton, and take Laney by the hand and run off. Anywhere. It didn’t matter. As long as it was just the two of them.

“She doesn’t really want a baby.” Niklas took another drag from the joint. He scowled and then exhaled and tried to stifle a cough. “She never knows what she wants. That’s just how Laney is.”

“Doesn’t sound like the Laney I know,” Anton said. “She’s not as flakey as you make her out to be. You always forget I knew her before you. She knows what she wants…she just doesn’t always express it.”

“Trust me on this one. She doesn’t really want a baby.”

“What does she want then?” Mads folded his arms. He had to do something to keep from shoving Niklas. The man was an ass. How could he even joke about Laney like this if he loved her? He sounded like he was talking about a petulant child, not a woman who meant something to him.

“The therapist in me says she wants to recreate the family she wishes she’d had.” Niklas shrugged. “As the man she lives with, I have the feeling she’s simply bored.”

“If she were my girlfriend, I’d take her wants seriously…”

For a moment no one spoke. Niklas cleared his throat and stared off in the distance. Ingrid and Laney’s voices drifted towards them and Mads thought he heard his name.

“It’s good she’s not your girlfriend then” was Niklas’s reply. His tone was measured, cool. But the amused expression on his face betrayed how clueless he was. He didn’t get it. He thought he was in control. He didn’t know just how close he was to losing Laney.

Mads glanced at Anton, then muttered, “It’s getting chilly. I’m going back inside.”

He brushed past Niklas, his shoulder slamming into the other man. He muttered a quick “sorry” but he didn’t care if it fell on deaf ears.

After he’d kissed her by the gate and strode in the velvety darkness to the train station, Mads told himself he didn’t need this hassle. What was he thinking? Getting involved with a woman who had so much emotional baggage? But when he thought of those moments they’d shared, when it was just the two of them and she was so open, so unguarded… he was certain she was never so vulnerable with Niklas. The Laney he’d seen tonight was so brittle and fragile. And Niklas was too careless for someone like her.

On the train he reminded himself of the secrets she’d already shared with him, of how he’d comforted her when she cried in her sleep. He tried to imagine Niklas doing that but it didn’t feel plausible. Was Laney his little social experiment? Hell, he’d met men like Niklas before. The ones who collected beautiful women, who were still hung up on someone else but needed someone to stroke their egos.

By the time he arrived at his stop, he’d already figured it out–giving up wasn’t an option. Even if it meant someone got hurt along the way. He had the feeling it wouldn’t be him.

“I didn’t know you knew Anton.” she was whispering into the phone. The acoustics were all wrong.

“I guess there are a lot of things we don’t know about one another,” Mads retorted. He was at Mikkeller & Friends again, nursing a pint of beer and waiting for Adam and hoping his friend would come alone. “Where are you?”

“In the hallway…I miss you already.”

“I miss you too.”

“Will you come? To Stockholm, I mean?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“I do…”

“Okay…” But he was having a hard time figuring out how this would work. How would she explain her absences? Or was Niklas so self-involved that he didn’t notice her comings and goings? Perhaps he was. “Laney?”

“Yes?”

“It can’t always be like this.”

“I know. It won’t. I promise. I need to figure out the right way to do this…to leave him.”

“Does he even love you?”

For a long time she didn’t say anything. He could hear her breathing. He imagined her standing there in the hallway, biting her lip, listening for Niklas. When she finally said “no” he nearly missed it.