Masquerade (27 page)

“
Did you want to say
something?”

“
Never mind.”

“
You sure?” I was an
idiot. I ruined the moment for nothing, and now it was
gone.

“
Later, okay?” she asked,
her blue eyes wanting understanding.

I pulled her close and let
the moment go. Hopefully, I would get another chance to hear the
words that I thought she might be ready to say. I thought of the
keycard in my pocket and wondered if I took the chance of getting
her alone that maybe she would say them. Then everything would be
different. If I knew she loved me, maybe I could tell her the
truth, maybe she would be able to look past what I am.

The rest of the night
passed in a blur. I couldn’t quite relax after that ridiculous
scare
I had earlier. I found it hard to
believe that the monster would leave us alone for one night. Maybe
there was another lead on what we had been looking for. Maybe it
would keep Heven safe for one more night.

An hour before her curfew,
we were sitting at our table feeding each other cake. I decided to
take the chance and show her the keycard to the room I got. At
worst she would rebuff my attempt to be alone, but at least I would
have somewhere to shower without wondering who would come home and
if there would be a fight. I pretty much had been living out of my
truck for months. I despised the people I lived with but felt
locked in to my life. How could I leave the only people who knew
what it was like to be a freak? Until I had found them I lived
alone – I hadn’t been frightened of myself, but I was scared
that no one would ever accept me. My own parents
wouldn’t accept me. Isn’t it better to be accepted by someone than
no one at all?

But it had become harder
and harder to stay with people who had no thought to the people
they hurt. I was grateful that they had taught me the things I
needed to know about myself, but I was a little older now. I was
stronger. I had my own path that I wanted to follow, a path that
was leading me away from them.

“
Heven?”
I asked
–
her response to the keycard hadn’t been as positive as I
would have liked.

She shook her head, a fine blush
spreading over her cheeks.

I realized then that she
thought I was asking her for something she wasn’t prepared to
give.

Sex.

I grasped her hand. “I
didn’t get it for
that
.”

If she threw herself at me
right now, I definitely wouldn’t turn her down. I wanted to laugh
but didn’t think that it would be appropriate. I looked into her
blue eyes and realized she didn’t believe me. Crap, what girl
would?

“
I promise. I know you
aren’t ready.” I cleared my throat, not really knowing what to say.
“Neither am I.” Just because I wanted to do it didn’t mean we
should do it.

My words seemed to have the opposite
affect than what I was hoping. I thought she would be relieved to
know that I didn’t plan on pressuring her for sex. Instead she
seemed disappointed. Could she possibly think I wouldn’t want her?
Man, girls were tough to figure out sometimes. “It isn’t what you
think. I love you, and of course I want you.”

“
Then, why?” she
whispered.

“
I just
want you to get to know me a little better. I want you to be
ready.” I want her to know
all
of me, which is exactly why I
got this room
.

“
So will you come with me?
To talk? I promise I won’t pressure you.” I tried to keep the hope
and nerves out of my eyes while I waited for her answer.

Her soft acceptance sent
joy through me, and I smiled.

I insisted on escorting
her to the ladies room, still uneasy and not wanting to let her out
of my sight for long. I thought she might protest, and she did, so
I ended up next to the bathroom pretending to socialize.

I really wanted to be right
next to her – for her to stay in sight. There was something inside
me, telling me something wasn’t right. But I had no choice, so I
stood as close to the ladies’ room as I could, waiting for her to
come out. A couple guys that I knew, mainly due to my relationship
with Heven, called out to me, and I hesitated to walk over and say
‘Hi’. It was only a few steps, but I wasn’t sure I should even go
that far. Then Kimber walked by smiling and went into the
bathroom
.
I
figured that at least Heven wouldn’t be alone so I went to see what
the guys were laughing about.

Seconds later Kimber came
out of the bathroom with a worried look in her face. The door was
just closing behind her, and I caught a glimpse of black. She began
to motion to me, but I was already moving, bursting into the ladies
room.

She was there. How had I
missed her? I looked up and saw the open window and realized that
she must have been hiding in here all night. I didn’t smell her
because the heavy door blocked her scent, and we hadn’t been over
here at all except for now.

Damn, I was stupid. And I
may have just cost Heven her life.

Heven was frightened, her
eyes were wide with fear and her skin had gone white. I lunged at
the pair, snatching Heven away and putting myself in between her
and this bitch. I was beyond angry. Angry at myself for missing her
hiding in here and angry at her for being such a devious
creature.

“
When I
tell you to
–
run!” I yelled at Heven, unsure how ugly things were about to
get. I didn’t want her in here; I didn’t want her to see what I was
capable of.

I couldn’t hold in my
anger, though, and I threw out my fist punching the bitch
right in the face. I didn’t care that she was a
womanI’d kill her right then if I could.

She fell backwards but
caught herself against the wall and stood. “Ask him about his
secrets!” She yelled to Heven. I caught the evil glint in her eyes
“Make him tell you what
he really
is!”

Then she escaped out the tiny open
window. I realized then that she hadn’t come here to kill Heven.
She had come here to tell her my secrets to drive a wedge between
Heven and her protector. Now I was going to have to tell her. I
couldn’t lie anymore. I wondered if this would be my last memory of
actually being with Heven.

I rushed to her side,
worried that she might be hurt. “What did she do to you? Are you
hurt?”

“
She didn’t hurt me.” A
wary look crossed her eyes, and she looked at me like I was a
stranger.

You know me. Deep down,
you know who I really am. Please accept me, don’t push me
away.

Kimber picked this moment to rush back
in the bathroom. “Are you okay? What happened?”

To my surprise Heven pulled it
together. She knew that there was something going on here, she knew
that I had been lying. Yet, she lied for me. Maybe there was hope
after all.

“
Sorry about that. She was
just getting a little too pushy. I think she might have been
drunk.”

“
Some
people have no class.” Kimber said, oblivious to the undercurrents
circling the room
.
“And who told her that outfit looked
good?”

I tuned out the rest of
their conversation; my head was spinning. What was I going to say?
How much would I tell her? What would her reaction be to who I
really was? I’ve never once told anyone what I am
–
I’ve never had to. I
was alone until I met the others. I didn’t have to tell them
anything, because they already knew. How did you tell someone that
you were a monster? That you weighed bodies down in the lake and
had roommates who hid severed body parts out of the prying eyes of
normal people? How did you tell someone that you’ve been stalking
them, that you lurk in the shadows, and that if it wasn’t for you,
their face would be whole, and no one would be trying to kill
you?

My chest felt tight
because I couldn’t do it…but I had to. I was going to mess this up,
and she was going to hate me.

I looked up just as Kimber
was leaving the bathroom; Heven and I were left alone. “We have to
go.” I told her, grabbing her arm and leading her from the
bathroom. I was almost positive that she wouldn’t be coming back
tonight. She got what she came for. She blew my whole world apart,
and now I had to pick up the pieces. But still, I wasn’t about to
hang around and be caught by surprise again. We got a few stares
when people saw us coming out of the girl’s bathroom, but I didn’t
care. These people were the least of my worries.

“
Sam?” Heven’s voice was
quiet and laced with uncertainty and fear. She was already pulling
away.

I turned away, not wanting
to see the look in her eyes, to see what it would like when she
turned me away.

“
That
woman said you had secrets. She said that you lie. Do
you know what this is about?”

I thought about making
something up, to spin an elaborate tale. But I was exhausted, I was
tired of lying, of wearing a mask. I decided then that even though
I had no clue how to say it, the truth was going to come out
tonight. Maybe she would give me a chance to explain.
Unfortunately, I didn’t think that she would be proclaiming her
love for me tonight. The loss of that potential moment cut me like
a sword.

With a heavy heart I answered her
question. “Yeah.”

“
What’s going
on?”

“
My time has run
out.”

Chapter
Fourteen

Heven

“
You’re scaring me,” I said
for the twentieth time.

“
I’m sorry,” he answered
for the twentieth time.

The elevator dinged open, and I moved
to step out, but he caught me and pushed himself out into the hall
ahead of me. Did he think that woman was going to come back and
find us? A violent shudder ran up my back at the thought. She was
scary. There had been something in her eyes that wasn’t right –
unbalanced.

Sam towed
me along beside him, stopping a few feet down the
hall and swiping his key, all the while keeping his attention on
our surroundings. The door buzzed, and he shoved me into the room,
snapping the locks behind us.

Unease began churning in my
belly, and I felt panic rising up in my chest. I fought it
back
–
going over
by the window, hoping the view outside would calm me. It didn’t. I
was going to have a panic attack if I couldn’t get some
air…

Sam’s strong arms circled me from
behind and he pulled me into his chest. “Easy,” he murmured,
stroking my hair. “You’re safe. I won’t let anyone hurt
you.”

I trembled in his arms and fought for
control. He kept murmuring, gently rocking me back and forth. To my
relief I began to calm. I could think again.

What was going on? Who was that woman,
and how did Sam know her? All the previous warnings that I
sometimes felt with Sam came back to me, and I felt foolish for
ignoring them. I stiffened in his embrace, and with a sigh, he let
me go. I turned to face him. I took a moment to study him, to
memorize the angles and plains of his face, to remember the way his
shaggy blond hair fell over his ears and the exact color of his
eyes. I needed to remember these things. Because something deep
down told me that I might never see him again.

Pain. I thought I
understood pain when I was in the hospital after the attack. I
thought I knew
it the first time I went
out in public wearing my scar. While those things hurt, this was a
far deeper kind of pain. If I lost him, I know I would never
forget, never escape this pain. Compared to the scars on my face
the ones this pain would leave inside would be, by far, more
horrifying and more traumatizing.

“
Sam?”

“
It’s pretty
bad.”

“
What is?”

“
I had hoped…”

“
Hoped?”

Despair showed in his eyes. “That if
you loved me it might make a difference.”

I do love you!
I wanted to shout, but I couldn’t. Something had
changed.

“
What I’m going to tell you
is unbelievable.”

I swallowed.

“
Will you give me the
chance to explain it all to you?”

I nodded.

“
Promise me,
Heven.”

“
I promise.”

He shot forward and seized me up and
before I could protest his lips were on mine, and I was instantly
reminded of all the things I loved about him, of the safety and
security I felt when he was near. But there was also something
about this kiss that was different – it was desperate and a little
sad.

He tore himself away and put some
distance between us.

I put a hand to my
tender
lips.