Authors: Terry Pratchett
Granny put her head on one side.
âSeems to me you're so sharp you might cut yourself,' she said. âAll right. When it's all over, I'll
let you go your own way. I won't stop you.
Now
show me the way to Mr Bucket's office â¦'
Nanny smiled her jolly-wrinkled-old-apple smile. âNow, you just hand it over, Walter,' she said. âNo harm in letting me see it, is there? Not old Nanny.'
âCan't see it till it's finished!'
âWell, now,' said Nanny, hating herself for dropping the atom bomb, âI'm sure your mam wouldn't want to hear that you've been a bad boy, would she?'
Expressions floated over Walter's waxen features as he struggled with several ideas at once. Finally, without a word, he thrust the bundle at her, his arms trembling with tension.
âThere's a
good
boy,' said Nanny.
She glanced at the first few pages, and then moved them nearer to the light. âHmm.'
She treadled the harmonium for a while and played a few notes with her left hand. They represented most of the musical notes she knew how to read. It was a very simple little theme, such as might be picked out on the keyboard with one finger. âHey â¦'
Her lips moved as she read the narrative.
âWell now, Walter,' she said, âisn't this a sort of opera about a ghost who lives in an opera house?' She turned a page. âVery smart and debonair, he is. He's got a secret cave, I see â¦'
She played another short riff. âCatchy music, too.'
She read on, occasionally saying things like âWell,
well' and âLawks'. Every now and again she'd give Walter an appraising look.
âI wonder why the Ghost wrote this, Walter?' she said, after a while. âQuiet sort of chap, ain't he? Put it all into his music.'
Walter stared at his feet. âThere's going to be a lot of trouble Mrs Ogg.'
âOh, me and Granny will sort it all out,' said Nanny.
âIt's wrong to tell lies,' said Walter.
âProbably,' said Nanny, who'd never let it worry her up to now.
âIt wouldn't be right for our mum to lose her job Mrs Ogg.'
âIt wouldn't be right, no.'
The feeling drifted over Nanny that Walter was trying to put across some sort of message. âEr ⦠what sort of lies would it be wrong to tell, Walter?'
Walter's eyes bulged. âLies ⦠about things you see Mrs Ogg! Even if you did see them!'
Nanny thought it was probably time to present the Oggish point of view. âIt's all right to tell lies if you don't
think
lies,' she said.
âHe said our mum would lose her job and I'd be locked up if I said Mrs Ogg!'
âDid he? Which “he” was he?'
âThe Ghost Mrs Ogg!'
âI reckon Granny ought to have a good look at you, Walter,' said Nanny. âI reckon your mind's all tangled up like a ball of string what's been dropped.' She pedalled the harmonium thoughtfully. âWas it the Ghost that wrote all this music, Walter?'
âIt's wrong to tell lies about the room with the sacks in it Mrs Ogg!'
Ah
, thought Nanny. âThat'd be down here, would it?'
âHe said I wasn't to tell anyone!'
âWho did?'
âThe Ghost Mrs Ogg!'
âBut you'reâ' Nanny began, and then tried another way. âAh, but I ain't anyone,' she said. âAnyway, if you was to go to this room with the sacks and I was to follow you, that wouldn't be telling anyone, would it? It wouldn't be your fault if some ole woman followed you, would it?'
Walter's face was an agony of indecision but, erratic though his thinking might have been, it was no match for Nanny Ogg's meretricious duplicity. He was up against a mind that regarded truth as a reference point but certainly not as a shackle. Nanny Ogg could think her way through a corkscrew in a tornado without touching the sides.
âAnyway, it's all right if it's me,' she added for good measure. âIn fact, he prob'ly meant to say “except for Mrs Ogg”, only he forgot.'
Slowly, Walter reached out and picked up a candle. Without saying a word he walked out of the door and into the damp darkness of the cellars.
Nanny Ogg followed him, her boots making squelching noises in the mud.
It didn't seem like much of a distance. As far as Nanny could work out they were no longer under the Opera House, but it was hard to be sure. Their shadows danced around them and they walked
through other rooms, even more dark and dripping than the ones they'd been in. Walter stopped in front of a pile of timber that glistened with rot, and pulled a few of the spongy planks aside.
There were some sacks neatly piled.
Nanny kicked one, and it broke.
In the flickering candlelight all that she could really see were sparkles of light as the cascade poured out, but there was no mistaking the gentle metallic scraping of lots of money. Lots and lots of money. Enough money to suggest very clearly that it belonged to either a thief or a publisher, and there didn't seem to be any books around.
âWhat's this, Walter?'
âIt's the Ghost's money Mrs Ogg!'
There was a square hole in the opposite corner of the room. Water glinted a few inches below. Beside the hole were half a dozen containers of various sorts â old biscuit tins, broken bowls and the like. There was a stick, or possibly a dead shrub, in each one.
âAnd those, Walter? What are those?'
âRose bushes Mrs Ogg!'
âDown here? But nothing could grâ'
Nanny stopped.
She squelched over to the pots. They'd been filled with muck scraped from the floor. The dead stems glistened with slime.
Nothing could grow down here, of course. There was no light. Everything that grew needed something else to feed on. And ⦠she moved the candle closer, and sniffed the fragrance. Yes. It was subtle, but it was there. Roses in darkness.
âWell, my word, Walter Plinge,' she said. âAlways one for the surprises, you are.'
Books were piled on Mr Bucket's desk.
âWhat you're doing is
wrong
, Granny Weatherwax,' said Agnes from the doorway.
Granny glanced up. âWrong as living other people's lives for them?' she said. â'S' matter of fact, there's something even worse than that, which is living other people's lives for yourself. That kind of wrong?'
Agnes said nothing. Granny Weatherwax couldn't
know
.
Granny turned back to the books. âAnyway, this only
looks
wrong. Appearances is deceivin'. You just pay attention to watching the corridor, madam.'
She riffled through the bits of torn envelope and scribbled notes that seemed to be the Opera House's equivalent of proper accounts. It was a mess. In fact, it was more than a mess. It was far too much of a mess to be a real mess, because a real mess has occasional bits of coherence, bits of what might be called random order. Rather, it was the kind of erratic mess that suggested that someone had set out to be messy.
Take the account books. They were full of tiny rows and columns, but someone hadn't thought it worthwhile to invest in lined paper and had handwriting that wandered a bit. There were forty rows on the left-hand side but only thirty-six by the time they reached the other side of the page. It was hard to spot because of the way your eyes watered.
âWhat are you doing?' said Agnes, tearing her gaze away from the corridor.
âAmazin',' said Granny. âSome things is entered twice! And I reckon there's a page here where someone's added the month and taken away the time of day!'
âI thought you didn't like books,' said Agnes.
âI don't,' said Granny, turning a page. âThey can look you right in the face and still lie. How many fiddle players are there in the band?'
âI think there are nine violinists in the orchestra.'
The correction appeared to pass unnoticed.
âWell, there's a thing,' said Granny, without moving her head. âSeems that twelve of 'em are drawing wages, but three of 'em is over the page, so you mightn't notice.' She looked up and rubbed her hands happily. âUnless you've got a good memory, that is.'
She ran a skinny finger down another erratic column. âWhat's a flying ratchet?'
âI
don't know!'
âSays here “Repairs to flying ratchet, new springs for rotation cog assembly, and making good. Hundred and sixty dollars and sixty-three pence.” Hah!'
She licked her finger and tried another page.
âEven Nanny ain't this bad at numbers,' she said. âTo be this bad at numbers you've got to be good. Hah! No wonder this place never makes any money. You might as well try to fill a sieve.'
Agnes darted into the room. âThere's someone coming!'
Granny got up and blew out the lamp. âYou get behind the curtains,' she commanded.
âWhat're
you
going to do?'
âOh ⦠I'll just have to make myself inconspicuous â¦'
Agnes hurried across to the big window and turned to look at Granny, who was standing by the fireplace.
The old witch faded. She didn't disappear. She merely slid into the background.
An arm gradually became part of the mantelpiece. A fold of her dress was a piece of shadow. An elbow became the top of the chair behind her. Her face became one with a vase of faded flowers.
She was still there, like the old woman in the puzzle picture they sometimes printed in the Almanack, where you could see the old woman
or
the young girl but not both at once, because one was made of the shadows of the other. Granny Weatherwax was standing by the fireplace, but you could see her only if you knew she was there.
Agnes blinked. And there were just the shadows, the chair and the fire.
The door opened. She ducked behind the curtains, feeling as conspicuous as a strawberry in a stew, certain that the sound of her heart would give her away.
The door shut, carefully, with barely a click. Footsteps crossed the floor. A wooden scraping noise might have been a chair being moved slightly.
A scratch and a hiss were the sound of a match, striking. A clink was the glass of the lamp, being lifted â¦
All noise ceased.
Agnes crouched, every muscle suddenly screaming with the strain. The lamp hadn't been lit â she'd have seen the light around the curtain.
Someone out there was making no noise.
Someone out there was suddenly suspicious.
A floorboard squeaked verrrry slowwwly, as someone shifted their weight.
She felt as if she was going to scream, or burst with the effort of silence. The handle of the window behind her, a mere point of pressure a moment ago, was trying seriously to become part of her life. Her mouth was so dry that she knew it'd creak like a hinge if she dared to swallow.
It couldn't be anyone who had a right to be here. People who had a right to be in places walked around noisily.
The handle was getting really
personal
.
Try to think of something else â¦
The curtain moved. Someone was standing on the other side of it.
If her throat weren't so arid she might be able to scream.
She could
feel
the presence through the cloth. Any moment now, someone was going to twitch the curtain aside.
She leapt, or as close to a leap as was feasible â it was a kind of vertical lumber, billowing the curtain aside, colliding with a slim body behind it, and ending on the floor in a tangle of limbs and ripping velvet.
She gulped air, and pressed down on the squirming bundle below her.
âI'll scream!' she said. âAnd if I do your eardrums will come down your nose!'
The writhing stopped.
â
Perdifa?
' said a muffled voice.
Above her, the curtain-rail sagged at one end and the brass rings, one at a time, spun towards the floor.
Nanny went back to the sacks. Each one bulged with round hard shapes that clinked gently under her questing finger.
âThis is a lot of money, Walter,' she said carefully.
âYes Mrs Ogg!'
Nanny lost track of money fairly easily â although this didn't mean the subject didn't interest her: it was just that, beyond a certain point, it became dream-like. All she could be sure of was that the amount in front of her would make
anyone's
drawers drop.
âI suppose,' she said, âthat if I was to ask you how it'd got here, you'd say it was the Ghost, yes? Like the roses?'
âYes Mrs Ogg!'
She gave him a worried look. âYou'll be all right down here, will you?' she said. âYou'll sit quiet? I reckon I need to talk to some people.'
âWhere's my mum Mrs Ogg?'
âShe's having a nice sleep, Walter.'
Walter seemed satisfied with this.
âYou'll sit quiet in your ⦠in that room, will you?'
âYes Mrs Ogg!'
âThere's a good boy.'
She glanced at the money-bags again. Money was trouble.
Agnes sat back.
André raised himself on his elbows and pulled the curtain off his face. âWhat the hell were you doing there?' he said.
âI wasâ What do you mean, what was
I
doing there?
You
were creeping around!'
â
You
were hiding behind the curtain!' said André, getting to his feet and fumbling for the matches again. âNext time you blow out a lamp, remember it'll still be warm.'
â
We
were ⦠on important business â¦'
The lamp glowed. André turned. âWe?' he said.
Agnes nodded, and looked across at Granny. The witch hadn't moved, although it took a deliberate effort of will to focus on her among the shapes and shadows.
André picked up the lamp and stepped forward.
The shadows shifted.
âWell?' he said.
Agnes strode across the room and waved a hand in the air. There was the chair back, there was the vase, there was ⦠nothing else.