Mary's Men (2 page)

“Can we go to the living room?” Thomas asked.

Mary spun toward him. “Why are you pushing? Didn’t you just tell me two nights ago we’d go at my pace and that you’d give me a chance to get to know Paul?”

“What’s going on?” Paul asked, confused at the suddenly confrontational tones.

Thomas pushed away from the wall, sauntering to Mary. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “The living room is also her bedroom. Mary has sex on the brain and thinks I’m going to bend her over the back of the futon like I did the last time I was here.”

Mary smacked him across the face. It lacked precision and power, but Paul winced. His brother earned that one.

“Talk to me like that again. I dare you.”

Thomas took a step back, but didn’t look defeated. “You’re right. That was uncalled for. I apologize. I’m not handling this well, but I warned you I wouldn’t. Paul and I have discussed this most of our lives and we want a relationship with you, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to think about you being in love with him. But it’s worse when I think of you walking away from both of us. I’m sorry.”

Mary mulled and nodded after a moment. She lifted up on her tiptoes and kissed the cheek she’d struck. “I’m sorry for hitting you. That was inappropriate and disrespectful. I shouldn’t have done it.”

Thomas gently rubbed her shoulder. “We’ve all got a lot of thinking and talking to do. If you’re more comfortable here, then we’ll sit at the kitchen table.”

“Take a seat here for now. We can go in later.” She sat at the table and kicked the chairs out. “Please sit, Paul. I’d really like to get to know you better.”

He didn’t wait to follow her orders. The spark in their kiss had been everything he’d hoped for and with Thomas already getting Mary’s hackles up, Paul didn’t care to add to the strain.

“I’d like that too,” he said. “You’ve got a nice place here. I thought the kitchen would be bigger though, what with how much you like to cook.”

Strain showed around Mary’s brown eyes, but she smiled. “It’s my aunt Marcy’s house. She doesn’t care much for cooking beyond doing the annual canning. If I had my way, I would make it bigger. How was the drive?”

“A little rough, but not bad.” Paul dug his fingertips in his jeans to hide his nerves. “I’ve driven worse. I built a little cabin on the newer ranch property I bought last year. The driveway is a nightmare.”

Thomas shifted in his seat. Paul recognized the impatience in his brother’s stance. Despite reassuring Mary they would take things slowly, he knew Thomas would rather rush. Small talk wasn’t his strength, but he’d already steered them the wrong way. Paul trusted Thomas for the most part, but he took the lead.

“Tell me about this place,” Paul said. “Do you have animals?”

She relaxed as she spoke about the farm. Her intimate knowledge of the land told him she truly enjoyed what she did. Hard work and uncountable hours kept a ranch or farm going. He’d always envisioned owning a full ranch, complete with cattle on the range, other animals in the barn, a family in the house. There was plenty of room on his ranch for a bigger house and even more room for a garden.

As she spoke about her time planting, weeding, and harvesting she glowed. From her letters he’d formed a few thoughts on her personality. Hearing her passion confirmed his instincts about her nurturing spirit. Paul leaned into the table, hanging on to every word she shared about her week of planting.

As if she realized she’d been rambling—not that he minded—Mary blushed. “Sorry. Aunt Marcy left a few days ago and it’s only been me up here. I guess I’ve been saving up the farm talk.”

He laughed. “Hey, no problem. I spend days at a time with cows. I bet they’re as good of listeners as carrot seeds.”

She slouched into her chair. “I told Aunt Marcy we needed to get a cow. We made butter at my mom’s house and had beef cattle at my grandfather’s home. I prefer fresh to the stuff at the grocery store.”

Thomas leaned across the table, invading the line of sight between Paul and Mary. “I’m glad you two have this in common. I don’t want to rush things, but can we get to what we came for?”

She sat up straight. “Just what did you come for?”

Thomas’s agitation brewed closer to the surface than Paul realized. He slammed his hand down on his twin’s shoulder in hopes of shutting him up. “We came for you. I think Thomas is on edge so much because he’s got a lot invested into making this work. The whole way down here he was telling me about you. All the things you like and don’t like, making me memorize them so when I got here I didn’t step on your toes.”

“Right, because he’s the one who wanted to do the stepping.” She glared at Thomas. “What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?” Thomas stood and paced the tiny kitchen. “What could be wrong with me? We spent all winter together as a couple. I’ve been away for three months—and I’ve been faithful. Now I’m here, ready to take the biggest step of my life and you two are talking about cows. Cows!”

Paul liked cows, always had, but he understood Thomas’s frustration. He also understood Mary looked pissed and he wasn’t sure how to handle her.

She pushed to her feet, blocking Thomas’s path. Her anger radiated, but to get into a man’s face like she did, showed how much she trusted Thomas not to lose his temper. Paul wondered if either of them realized their body language gave them away. Thomas was sexually frustrated and worried about being rejected. The way he crossed his arms and scowled shut himself off from Mary, who stood right in his face, ready for a fight.

“You’re the one who brought this up,” she said. “I want to hear how you’re going to deal. I asked my mother once how she coped with my father going to bed with his other wives and she said her faith and inner strength built over decades made it another fact of life. Since you’re dying to get to the nuts and bolts of this…this twisted fairytale you proposed, tell me how you’re going to handle me going to bed with your twin.”

Thomas opened his mouth but no words emerged. Paul had spent the last few months preparing himself for the question, but didn’t have an easy answer. He wasn’t surprised Thomas floundered.

“Picture it, really picture it. Can you imagine me walking down the hall right now holding Paul’s hand instead of yours? What if you heard the bed hit the wall while we make love? What if he made me scream and you heard it all? Would you be jealous?”

“Of course,” Thomas snapped. “And I’m going to be jealous when you cuddle to him in your sleep after you’ve had us both, it’s going to kill part of me when you turn to him, but I’m going to do it because I can’t be everything you need.”

“What do you mean you can’t be what I need? You’ve both said that, but it doesn’t make sense. You’re grown men, strong and smart, what makes you think you couldn’t make the right women happy?”

Thomas floundered again, but Paul had the answer this time. He stepped between them. “Let’s dial this down and take a breather. Mary, can we go into the other room where we’ll all be more comfortable?”

“Maybe you will be,” Thomas whispered under his breath.

Mary glared at him, but turned to Paul. “Thank you. I want to understand this. Despite Thomas and me butting heads right now, we usually do get along well. I love him.”

Paul took a play from Thomas and chanced a touch, rubbing Mary’s shoulders. She smiled and patted his hands.

“I love you too,” Thomas said. “We’re going to explain this better. You’ll understand and then we’ll make some decisions.”

* * * *

Mary looked back and forth between the twins. As the evening wore on, the differences became apparent. Paul’s hair stood on end, his habit of running his fingers through his hair making it wild. He’d also unbuttoned his shirt and rolled up the sleeves. He leaned deep into the futon that doubled as her bed. The more time he spent in the space, the more he relaxed. She wanted him at ease with her.

Thomas leaned his elbows on his knees. Of the two, he showed his tension much more, which surprised her. None of his customary humor or charm made an appearance, even after they’d moved to the other room where he’d asked to be.

“Are you sure neither of you would like a drink?” she asked after taking another sip of her wine. She didn’t intend to get drunk, but the alcohol took the edge off her nerves.

“I’m fine,” Paul said, smiling again.

“You asked why we need to do this.” Thomas ignored her beverage offer. “Our dad died when we were kids. Really little. Our mom never got over it. She worked her knuckles raw at the restaurant to make a barely living wage. Our father’s brother should have helped out, but Sam was as good as dead, he was so damn worthless. Mom ended up taking in our cousin Duane before we were in middle school.”

“Duane is in the military, right?”

“Yes. He’s due back this fall. He took the Berry Bill and went in to finish med school. He trusts our judgment. Here’s the thing, Mary.” Thomas rubbed his hands over his face before looking her straight in the eyes. “Not one of us can get married. We can’t. Paul and I saw our mother struggle…I can’t commit to a woman knowing there was even a possibility I’d leave her all alone one day. I can’t have children without backup. But not just backup.”

He focused on the ceiling. Emotion pulsed from him, prompting her to drop some of her guard. Her feelings were the only reason they were even having the bizarre conversation. Mary reached from her place in her favorite chair and took his hand. The chill and shake betrayed the anxiety he hid so well.

“I love you, and I don’t want you to think this would be a third of a love arrangement. We’re not experienced, but I promise you we’d love you with all of our soul. Doing this would let me commit to you the way you need. We’d give you our hearts along with the stability and respectability you deserve.”

“Is this…is this a complete deal breaker?” The thought of never holding Thomas again broke her heart.

He closed his eyes and tugged away. “Yes. It is. I can’t do a relationship alone. I might suck at a shared marriage initially, but I’ll learn. I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy. You’d be the center of our world. The absolute center.”

Mary turned to Paul who sat at the edge of the futon, rubbing his palms together. He’d lost his relaxed demeanor and was nearly as on edge as Thomas. He met her eyes. Though she didn’t ask the question, he nodded.

She took another sip of wine, collecting her thoughts. “Duane feels the same?”

“His parents fucked him up.” Paul’s blunt tone would take some getting accustomed to. “Not like completely screwed up, but he’s always said the only way he’d have a relationship is to have one with us. It would probably be a lot like your parents’ marriage. We’d have a rotation and responsibilities. You wouldn’t be a housekeeper, you’d be a wife to us…if it’s what you want.”

She envisioned a world like Paul painted. The intense loneliness she’d dealt with since moving in with her aunt often led her to dream about the warm celestial household of her parents. She’d had two other mothers and a dozen brothers and sisters all in one neighborhood. Then there’d been cousins. The bonds and love felt natural. In the deepest of the night she’d searched her heart and didn’t think she could share a husband. She couldn’t.

But when Thomas and Paul floated the idea of her being the woman for three men, she’d let her dreams fly and…hadn’t hated what her mind conjured.

Thomas lifted her palm to his mouth, the affection more of what she was accustomed to from him. “I love you, and I want this to work. I’ve missed you so much. Letters are nice, but it’s not enough. Pack a bag and come home with us.”

“Home with you.” She jerked away and pushed to her feet, the suddenness of his plea shocking her out of the daydream. “I can’t go with you now.”

Thomas stood in front of her. “Why not? You don’t love it here. Your aunt can take care of the farm, she did before you arrived. The only way to do this is to jump in with both feet.”

Her feet didn’t jump anywhere. Mary stepped away from Thomas and looked between the men again. Paul no longer smiled, but didn’t appear angry. Her heart raced. She hated being put on the spot. She’d thought they were going to talk, maybe make tentative plans for the future.

“Yes or no, Mary,” Thomas said, his tone rock steady and serious.

“No.” There was no other answer. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

He shook his head. “Yes, you can. But you won’t.”

“Fine. I won’t. I love you and I might be ready one day, but not today.”

Thomas stared at her a long moment before he strode for the door. He slipped on his boots and slammed the door behind him. Mary jumped. Thomas was usually so even tempered and unruffled, qualities she knew would make him a great lawyer. Tears welled in her eyes. She hated hurting him.

Paul’s warm hand settled on her arm and drew her out of thoughts of the man she loved and might have lost. “He’s hurt. I don’t think he expected you to say yes, but he hoped. We both hoped.”

She looked up to find compassion in Paul’s blue eyes. The more she stared, the less he resembled Thomas, but in a positive way. “I’m sorry. I wish…”

“I’m going to go talk him down. I, ah, I hope we’re not done.” He gave her elbow a little squeeze. “I do want to get to know you. Can I write you again?”

She licked her lips. If she couldn’t embrace their deeply held beliefs, the logical move was to cut them off completely. She could find a local man and have a normal relationship. She could let the Parabys go back to Montana and never think of them again…but that was a lie. They’d stay on her mind.

“Yes. Please. Let Thomas know…just tell him I love him, okay?”

Paul kissed her cheek before walking to the entry. He slipped on his shoes and opened the door. Protest touched her lips, but Mary held back. She couldn’t give them the answer they wanted, not and be true to herself. Paul looked back and waved his fingers, the smile on his face not all sad. Mary smiled back. He stepped out and closed the door quietly behind him.

Mary collapsed into her chair. The future had never looked so hazy.

Chapter 3

Dear Mary,