Malice in Wonderland #1: Alice the Assassin (11 page)

Malice wipes the blood from her face while she grins. Her teeth are red with blood.

Now Alice’s view of the scene shuts off.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

The Queen of Hearts

Alice decides to trust her shadow, and walks toward the Eighth Square, hoping Malice will meet her there.

While walking, she feels a headache come on, and realizes she is no longer under the influence of the spice.

After some time, she hears her shadow again, going pssst.

Alice looks down. “Yes?”

“Malice is about to meet with the Queen! She has it all planned! She’s going to use pepper in her eyes. Oh, you won’t want to miss this! Oh, I’ve got to go!”

The shadow again disappears.

Alice taps the top of the hat. Once again, she sees Malice as if she is floating slightly above and a short distance away from her.

Malice is standing where Alice has been many times before, in the Queen’s makeup room.

The Queen, though she ruled over the cards, was not a card herself—she was human, though she looked very much like a drawing of a Queen on a card. And she loved to be done-up.

It is one of Alice’s scheduled rounds to attend to the Queen and do her makeup. See, the Queen, a few years ago, heard how magical everyone considered Alice’s tears to be. Well, the Queen figured her tears could be used to make her appear beautiful. Alice never could tell much difference between before and after the tears spritz, but the Queen always claimed it made her face feel tingly and was absolutely convinced it worked.

Alice watches Malice curtsy. She has shed the catsuit, and is wearing her normal black dress, with no hint of the Cheshire Cat’s blood. Things are different than usual. The Queen is sitting in the makeup chair facing away from the mirror rather than looking into it. Also, the Queen is wearing a necklace of hearts, dark red colored and black around the edges. Alice is unable to count how many there are, but it looks like there very well could be thirteen.

“Thank you,” says the Queen, “for killing that accursed cat! I’m so glad to have him out of the way. Why, it’s one of the few things you’ve managed to get right.”

“You’re welcome Your Highness.”

“Yes, that’s why I’ve decided to invite you to the ball, just this once. Don’t get used to it. But why am I facing this way? Turn me around, you halfwit!”

Malice smiles. “Please. I have something very special in mind. I think it would be so grand if you wait for the surprise!”

The Queen sighs. “Oh very well. I love surprises. Like your surprise birthday party today! Why, I had a grand time at it! But now I have a ball to attend, so I want to look my best. But I want to try something different—exotic, yet elegant, yet splendid, yet inspiring gentle awe, yet inspiring fear of being beheaded. Can you do that?”

Malice claps. “Absolutely, why I’ll give you a makeover! And when I’m through, with my special ingredient, I’ll give you a brand new face!”

The enthusiasm is contagious and the Queen squeals along. “Ah, it’s your tears that make you such a good makeup artist. Without
them
you’d be subpar. But let’s have you work your magic, eh! And if I don’t like it, I’ll have you beheaded.”

(The Queen would always threaten Alice with beheading her, but never went through with it, because then where would she get the magic tears?)

So the Queen sits in the makeup chair and Malice gets to work, applying tinctures and powders, drawing with pencils and brushes. She is like an artist who apparently possesses all the same skills as Alice herself.

Malice says, “Done!”

“Ah, now for the finishing touch.”

Malice nods, grabs the bottle from the makeup table. The Queen stands, then approaches Malice.

Malice nods, wincing. The Queen slaps her hard across the face then begins launching into her typical insults. “You’re a stupid, incompetent, ugly, worthless…” It goes on for several minutes.

Usually, Alice would begin crying now. But that was the old version of Alice with a heart. Malice didn’t have one. (Well, at least not an internal one.)

Malice rubs her eyes. Immediately after, Malice’s eyes begin to tear up, then the tears begin to roll, copious amounts of tears.

“Boo hoo!” Malice shouts. “Boo hoo! Woe is me!” Alice doesn’t think Malice sounds very convincing, but that was to be expected since after all, she has no heart.

The Queen now does what she usually does—she holds the spray bottle to Malice’s face to try to capture as many tears in the bottle as she can.

“Excellent!” the Queen proclaims as she screws the cap on.

The usual next events were for Alice to spritz the Queen’s face with her tears.

Malice points the bottle nozzle at the Queen’s face. “Okay, are you ready to complete your makeover?”

“Oh, yes. I can’t wait. Everyone will be so jealous at the ball.”

“Are you ready for your brand new face?” Malice says in a teasing voice.

“Oh, hurry up, stupid! Don’t make me behead you!” She closes her eyes.

“Okay, here goes.” Malice spritzes, applying a fine mist all over the Queen’s face. Swivels the chair around. “Okay, open your eyes!”

“Hey, how come you don’t have a reflection? Oh, I can feel the tingling. It’s warm, warmer than usual. Hey, it’s hot!”

The skin of her face begins to bubble and smoke. “What? It burns! It ahhh!”

She stands, begins clawing at her face. Her face is smoking quite a bit now, and the Queen seems to be tearing at the flesh of her face. She falls to the ground and curls in a ball, sobbing.

Malice laughs. “Have fun at the ball! Somehow I suspect I’m no longer invited.” She exits the room.

Alice’s view of the scene shuts off.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Alice and Her Shadow

Her shadow once again garners her attention as she’s walking, giving forth a pssst, then “So I did my part.”

Alice looks down, says, “Did Malice kill the Queen?”

“Hmm? No, of course not! She’s just horribly disfigured. Malice didn’t want to kill the Queen—she wanted her to suffer for her crimes.”

“So, what? She has a sense of justice now?”

“Hmm? No, just a sense of humor. But I want to tell you I’m fed up with you two being separate, so I’m here to tell you I’m staying away until you get re-smushed-together.”

“So is Malice going to meet me at the Looking Glass House?”

“Yes, I told you I did my part. She said to tell you she’s looking forward to being recombined.”

“Yeah, but the Eighth Square is guarded by the Jabberwock, and they say he kills all intruders with his vorpal blade.”

“Yes, but remember, you have the card.”

“The card? How will that help me with a jabberwock?”

“Remember his gambling addiction…”

“Of course, everyone knows about it. They say that’s why he stole the Queen of Heart’s tarts all that time ago—to pay off some debts. So what of it?”

Alice and her shadow tap the side of her head in a
come on, think
mocking motion. “And you still have the Thirteen of Heartless card…”

“That’s right,” says Alice. “And…”

“Annnd…did the Jabberwock ever confess to stealing the tarts?”

Alice rolls her eyes. “Of course not. I used to naively think he was innocent, but everybody knows he did it, but he never confessed and they’ve never been able to prove it. They convicted the Knave of Hearts instead.”

“Yeah, so…”

“Yeah?” Alice still didn’t get it.

The shadow says, “All the jabberwocks come from a proud warrior culture. Don’t they say they live by the sword, die by the sword?”

“Yes. So you want me to kill the Jabberwock with his vorpal blade?”

The shadow sighs. “In a way. Tell me, what is the punishment for every crime in jabberwock society?”

Alice thinks for a moment. “Hara kari by their own vorpal blade! It’s an honor thing. If they don’t do it, they would be disgraced! Hari kari is where they take their own vorpal blade and cut through their stomach to kill themselves.”

“I know what it is! I’m your shadow, remember?”

Alice and her shadow cross their arms. Alice says, sounding a bit hurt, “So you want me to prove he stole the tarts?”

“Yes, well, I want you to make the Jabberwock confess to stealing the tarts, which is even better because a jabberwock is bound by honor never to lie.”

“Well that’s a dumb plan, because he’s never confessed before.”

“Arggh!” the shadow cries out. They put their hands to the sides of their heads in exasperation. “That’s why you gotta use the card! Do you remember its rule for poker?”

Alice tries to think, her mouth shifting from side to side. “Not really. I remember it was a strange rule.”

“Ugh! Am I the only one who’s been paying attention around here?”

Alice and her shadow shrug.

“Fine!” says the shadow. “Here’s the rule:

If him you are dealt when poker’s the game,

Your opponents must fold then confess,

The one thing they feel is their own greatest shame,

Because he’s the Thirteen of Heartless!

“Now I leave it up to you two from here. I’m sick of you both! Oh, how I long to go back to being just a simple, silent shadow of a single Alice!”

The shadow disappears just as Alice is saying, “Where are you going?”

Alice is thinking that next, she will take the card from her pocket and try to rouse it into speaking again. But when she takes him out and shakes him, he merely giggles—nothing more.

She taps the top of her hat and sees Malice again, but Malice is just walking, so it’s not very interesting.

So Alice continues onward, and soon she sees the Jabberwock ahead and approaches him.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Jabberwocky

“Hidy ho”, he says. He smiles a fanginous grin.

I don’t know if you know, but jabberwocks are quite frightening creatures, two times taller than the average thirteen-year-old girl, with veiny wings and sharp dripping fangs and long razor-sharp claws. Plus a barbed tail to boot. Horrible, nightmarish monsters, they are.

Alice curtsies. “Hello.”

“It’s a pleasure to see you again, Alice.”

“Well, um, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. So how would you like to die? Vorpal blade?” He wiggles it in his claw. “Claws?” He crinkles his free claw. “Jaws?” He clacks his teeth together twice. “You know, by the way, that’s a very lovely hat.”

“Oh,” she says flirtatiously. “Fancy a game of poker over it?”

“A game of poker? Why you’re just a little girl.”

She puts the tip of her finger to the side of her mouth. “Yes, just a little bitty girly compared to you. Why, you aren’t gonna kill me are you? It hardly seems fair.”

“Awww.” He sets the blade down. “I was just trying to scare you a little. Really, as long as you don’t try to cross the line of the Eighth Square, we can be nice and friendly.”

“But if I try?”

“I’d have to kill you. It’s my job. You know…” He sighs. “Us jabberwocks have really been given a bad rap, always portrayed as rampaging monsters who go around killing for no reason. It all has to do with that silly poem. But we are really a proud and honorable species. We don’t go around killing innocent creatures.” He makes a creepy funny attempt at a smile. “Or innocent little girls. For no good reason, that is.”

Alice grins at him angelically and looks cute. “I’m innocent. Are you?”

His creepy grin falters some. “Pardon?”

“No pardon, that’s the point. You say you’re honorable, but you’ve never confessed to stealing the tarts. But if you confessed, would you do the honorable thing?”

“Of course. I’d perform seppuku with my own vorpal sword.”

“Hari kari?! So let me get this straight. If I can get you to confess today, you will kill yourself? You wouldn’t just kill
me?”

“No. Absolutely not. That would be dishonorable.”

“You wouldn’t wait for your day at trial? They never filed charges right?”

“I wouldn’t wait, because we all know what the verdict’d be. My confession would be irrefutable evidence, for jabberwocks are
sooo
honorable that they are incapable of lying. And the Queen’s court doesn’t allow ‘hari kari’ as you so inaccurately call it—they’d want to behead me by guillotine. And dying that way would be…dishonorable.”

“Well, if jabberwocks are
soooo
honorable, well, help me understand. Why would one of them commit the crime of stealing the tarts, hypothetically speaking?”

“Well, hypothetically maybe a jabberwock might have debts and didn’t realize taking the tarts was such a serious offense and thought the tarts were free for the taking. But he should have known better than to think that bitch of a queen could be so generous.”