Malia Martin (21 page)

“It is what William told us.” Robert looked away from her and gently threw out some more bread. “He said Harold had seized the crown that rightfully belonged to William.”

“And the pope believed this?” Aleene turned away, her skirts stirring up the dry leaves on the ground. “But that does not explain why the pope would hand over his banner to William.”

Robert hesitated, and Aleene turned again to stare at him.

“Lanfranc and William decided that the only way to truly encourage the invasion of England was to make a crusade of the project. They knew then that the men would not only be fighting for land and riches, but for”—Robert took a deep breath—” for salvation.”

“I think I shall be sick.” Aleene sat again, this time on the ground. She pulled her knees into her chest and stared at the ground.

“William sent an emissary to the pope, persuading him that the church here in England had begun to go its own way, that it needed reform.”

“And through such lies, William rides with the pope’s blessing, while Harold, the true king of this isle, shall be excommunicated if he fights.” Aleene turned again to stare at the man beside her. “Your men will obtain salvation, and my king will burn in hell?”

Robert said nothing.

Aleene shook her head. “This world is not one I wish to be a part of any longer.” She stood. “You men and your lies make me ill.” She turned away.

“Aleene!” He grabbed her arm, stopping her. “What do you mean? What do you think to do?”

“I am going to Harold and tell him of this treachery. He must know that he risks not his soul if he fights against William.”

“But he does, Aleene, he does.” Robert continued to hold her arm, but it was a gentle touch, not harsh or hurtful as so many men had dared before. “The pope has ruled on this subject. William has his blessing. Any that go against it risk excommunication.”

Aleene pulled away from his grasp. That the man before her had once again betrayed her loomed in her mind. She had thought him innocent. He was not. Still, even when Aleene had been confronted with the knowledge that Robert had pretended his simpleness, she had believed him to be a good man. He was not. He had been a part of this treachery. He still was.

“How could you?”

He read her mind, it seemed. For he lowered his gaze. “I thought William had the right to wear the crown of England. I supported anything he needed to do to obtain it.”

“You thought William had the right to wear the crown?” Aleene made a huffing sound of disbelief. “More likely you saw the chance to become rich, Norman.”

Robert nodded, staring now at the hedgehog who had come back out of his hole to snack on the crumbs that surrounded his burrow. “’Tis truth you speak.” He lifted his sky-blue gaze to her. “I wished for land. I wished to give my sons and daughters a name.”

“And you shall, Robert
de Guise.
If you live to have them.” She walked away, her heart no longer numb, no longer encased in ice. It hurt. Oh, it hurt.

“Do we not all do things we are ashamed of in the guise of our heart’s desire?”

She heard him, but kept walking.

“Do we not all make mistakes because we cannot see clearly what our future should hold?”

“And so you think you have made a mistake?” she yelled, turning back to him. “Have you?”

“Yes.” He rested his hands on his hips, his eyes piercing through to her unguarded heart.

She chewed on her inner lip, unsure. She had been so sure before. She had one goal: to be the Lady of Seabreeze. Nothing else mattered. And now, since this man had walked into her life, she always felt so uncertain. She felt so strange now, right now, at this very second. This man had betrayed her completely. He was an enemy with incredible potential to hurt her. To hurt the entire world she knew.

And what of her world did she want to protect? What of her world was so dear to her? What of her world gave her any peace, any happiness?

“Damn you,” she said, clenching her fists against her side. She went to him. “You have changed everything. I can no longer be what I was, and yet you have given me nothing to look forward to. There is no world beyond this day. All that I have known is no more.”

He reached for her. “Understand this, Aleene. I feel the same. I am bewildered and unsure. I came here wanting one thing, land. Now it is mine, and it means nothing. Everything I have believed until now seems to mean nothing.”

She wanted this to be true so badly it made her entire body tremble. Please, she wanted to plead, tell me that what you say is the truth! And then she heard herself ask in a shaking, intense voice, “Are you true to me, Cyne? Do you speak your heart?”

And he kissed her, hard, his mouth taking hers, covering hers heatedly.

“With God as my witness, I am true to thee, Aleene,” he said against her mouth, and then kissed her again, softly this time. He threaded his fingers in her hair, knocking her veil askew, and gently tongued her lips, kissed her neck, and took her mouth again.

Her body shook and her knees went weak. She held tight to her husband so that she would not fall. She felt one of Robert’s hands trail down her back, pressing her into him. And she fit perfectly. He was tall, but so was she, and her body molded to his with perfect symmetry.

He surprised her by pulling away, and she realized with a start that she had surrendered to him. She stiffened and released her hold on him.

“Do not retreat from me,” he said taking her hand in his. “
I
just think we should go somewhere more private.”

“No.” She yanked her hand away and twined it in her gown.

Robert stepped closer and put his arms around her. “Don’t, Aleene. There is enough pain these days without adding to it. Let us at least be one in heart, if not in mind.”

Aleene shook her head and broke from his hold. “How can you say that? We cannot be one in anything.”

“I believe the kiss we just shared makes that untrue.”

“A kiss? A kiss is nothing but lust. You betrayed me, you lied to me.” She looked into his eyes and had to swallow before she said, “You are my enemy.”

Robert feathered his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes for a moment. Aleene looked away in relief. She must remember not to look straight into those sky-blue eyes of his. They made it impossible to think.

She felt his hands against her chin, turning her face toward him. She resisted for a moment, then gave in, but kept her gaze at the collar of his rough tunic.

“Something happened to you.” He stopped and Aleene watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “Before. I know not who, or how, but you were hurt.”

Aleene began to tremble. She clenched her fists.

“I would that I could kill the man, Aleene.”

A black hole opened inside of her heart, sucking at the rest of her. The memories whirled through her, resisting the pull of the black hole.

Robert brushed her cheek with his thumb. “Tell me, Aleene, for you must realize what we have is very different from lust or anything dirty or bad.”

Aleene jerked away from Robert’s soothing hands. “Tell you?” she screamed, trying to make herself heard over the rush of noise inside of her. A cacophony of sound, the memories, the feelings running through her and the black hole pulling at them. “I can never tell you anything. I told you too much already when I believed you simple. When I thought you could never hurt me.”

“I won’t hurt you.”

“You did hurt me!”

He grabbed her shoulders, but still did not hurt her. “I swear on my honor, Aleene, I shall never lie to you again! I shall never intentionally hurt you again.”

Steeling herself, Aleene looked back into his eyes. “Honor? What do I know of honor?”

He blinked, his hands tightening on her shoulders. “Who did it, Aleene?”

She stared at him as the roiling emotions within her began to settle. She forced them down, made herself numb. “My stepfather.” She shook free from Robert’s suddenly limp hold. “If you take me to your bed now, Robert, you will not be the first.” She turned on her heel and walked away. She knew he would not follow. He would think on her with disgust now. Which was for the better. No matter the strange physical pull between them, he was her enemy.

H
e stood frozen for a only a moment, his mind numb with shock. He had heard of such things, of course, but never had he been confronted with them. He had known only love his entire life. His parents doted on both him and his brother, though some thought his brother should be shunned because of his simple mind.

Now, his heart hurt for the woman striding away from him, her shoulders squared, her back straight. Tears blurred his vision, but he hurried after her, grabbing her hand and pulling her into his arms.

Yanking her veil away, he buried his face in her hair and held her. “I wish that I could kill him.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Savagely.”

She resisted, standing like a board in his embrace, but he did not let her go. “You are so strong, Aleene, so strong and beautiful. You have endured terrible things alone, and I know you can endure more. But I don’t wish you to. I want to be with you. I wish I could take all the pain from your life, but since I can’t, at least allow me to stand with you in the pain.”

She pushed away then. “What nonsense you speak, Robert de Guise. You are my pain.”

Where Aleene’s body had warmed his, now he felt the bite of the frosty wind. Robert noticed her fists at her sides, clenched as if awaiting a fight, and he knew a moment of complete frustration.

He wanted to grab her, force her to accept his arms around her, his comfort. But the thought of another man forcing himself upon Aleene stayed Robert’s hand. “Come with me,” he said finally, and turned toward his tent. He walked slowly, hoping she followed, but not turning to make sure.

When he reached the tent, Robert pulled aside the flap and turned. Aleene stood behind him, waiting. She had followed. “Come, I want to show you something.”

She blinked at him, hesitating.

“I will not hurt you.”

They stared at each other, the tent shuddering in the wind. Aleene broke their gaze, bending and entering the tent suddenly. Robert followed. His cot was small, so he
grabbed the thick blanket his mother had sent with him and threw it on the ground. Then he carefully took his wife’s hand. Although her fingers did not curl to grasp his, she did not pull away. Robert lowered himself to the blanket, pulling gently at Aleene’s hand. She resisted for a moment, then followed.

“It is cold outside.” He took Aleene’s frigid hands and warmed them between his own. “Can you hear the wind?”

“Of course,” she snapped. Still she did not pull away, so Robert knew she was intrigued.

“All around us is cold and war. The muddy ground has frozen into the ruts, the wind pierces clothes and touches skin with its icy fingers.” Robert inched forward, erasing the space between them. “An army prepares for battle.” Slowly, Robert reclined, pulling Aleene down with him.

She yanked her hands from his and stayed upright. “What are you doing?”

“I will not hurt you, Aleene. I promise.”

She furrowed her brow and watched him with narrowed eyes as he took her hand again.

“Come.” He tugged, and she stiffened. He sighed, then thought of something. “Here,” he said, pulling a small knife from his boot. “Take this.”

She stared at the blade in his hand, then looked back at him with trepidation.

“Take it, and keep it. If I hurt you, kill me.”

Her eyes widened in shock.

He smiled at her and put the hilt of the knife in her hand. “Do you think I wish to die?” He reclined again on the blanket. “Come.” He patted the ground beside him.

“I do not understand you, Norman,” Aleene said as she came down beside him. Robert moved so that he pillowed Aleene’s head on his arm. He tucked the blanket around them and got as close to Aleene as he dared since she still held his blade.

Aleene did not move.

“All of those things are still there, Aleene. The cold, the wind, the army. And yet here we lie together, warm.”

He felt her body relax a bit. Robert stroked her back, hoping that the love he felt for her would transfer from his fingertips into her very soul. Maybe then that soul would have the strength to unearth itself.

“I love you,” he said softly, looking into her dark eyes.

She blinked, breaking their gaze and staring at his chest. “Don’t, Cyne. Robert.”

He tried to lift her chin with his finger. “But . . .”

“Don’t.” She jerked her head away from his hand and reached around him.

For a startled moment he thought he was about to feel the blade of his knife in his back. Her lips against his made reason flee. She kissed him hard, and he lost himself in her until he knew that he would not be able to control himself if he went any further.

She tightened her arms around him as he pulled away.

“Do not leave me.”

The sound of her voice near his ear sent shivers racing down his arms. He wanted her so badly it hurt, but he didn’t want to frighten her. And he didn’t want to hurt her.

“Ah, Aleene, I wish to never leave you.”

“Then don’t.” She pressed against him, and kissed his lips, and then his chin and then his throat.