Making Me Believe (8 page)

She finished the shelves in the closet and moved on to the nightstand. She
raised an eyebrow as she found an unopened box of condoms. She’d known he wasn’t a total innocent, but was surprised to find them in his drawer.

At the bottom of the drawer, she found a photograph lying face down. She
stared at the picture. It was a woman. She had red hair and laughing brown eyes. She was probably in her mid-twenties. Based on the clothes she was wearing, the picture had been taken within the last few years.

She definitely wasn’t Sarah. So who was she?

She laid the picture on the bed, and continued packing, deciding she’d ask Alex about the picture later.

She continued plowing through, packing eight boxes in his bedroom, before
going out into the kitchen and living area. “I’m done for the night. I just can’t do anymore. I need sleep.” She looked around the room. She was amazed at how much he’d gotten done in the time they’d been there. All of the trash was picked up. He had packed four boxes himself. “You’ve gotten a lot done,” she told him, impressed.

“We might make it. I’d like to have everything completely moved and the
old apartments cleaned out by Sunday evening,” he said.

“That would be nice!” she responded. “I found your condoms by the way.”

He had the grace to look embarrassed. “Maybe I should have taken the bedroom,” he said.

“Maybe you should have! I have a question for you.”

“What’s that?” he looked wary. What else could she have found?

She walked into the bedroom and he followed. She handed him the photo
she’d found. “Who’s this?”

He took the picture and stared down at it. “Where did you find it?” He was
trying to stall for time. He knew right where she’d found it.

“In your nightstand.” She watched his face carefully. He looked sad. “Who
is she?”

He shrugged. “Just someone I used to know.”

She waited for him to say more, but when he didn’t she picked up her bra and panties and balled them up in her hand. “Are you ready to go back?”

She wasn’t sure why it hurt so much that he didn’t answer her questions.
He hadn’t lied about how he felt about her. He’d made it clear that getting married was for sexual reasons and sexual reasons only. It still hurt.

He dressed and they walked back to her apartment together. Neither of
them said anything. She noticed that he was still clutching the picture that she’d shown him.

When they got back, he got in the shower, and she changed into a sleep
shirt and climbed into bed. She couldn’t believe that she could feel more alone with him in the next room than she had in all the years she’d been single. She turned her back to the bathroom door, and lay staring at the wall, tears slowly falling.

Alex didn’t even look to see if she was awake when he got out of the
shower. He just got into bed and turned his back to her.

*****

They finished up the packing Thursday night, and she spent Friday at the laundromat as always. She washed his clothes along with hers, reading while waiting for the loads to wash and dry. He spent the night loading boxes into the back of his truck so that they’d be ready to unpack first thing in the morning.

She hadn’t asked about the photo again, and he hadn’t brought it up. She
had no idea what he’d done with it after they returned to her apartment.

There was a new tension between them. She wasn’t sure if it was in her
mind, but it certainly didn’t seem to be. He wasn’t nearly as affectionate as he’d been. He seemed to have retreated to the other side of an invisible wall that she couldn’t get behind. Whoever the woman was, Rose knew that she meant a lot to Alex. Why hadn’t he married her?

She looked up as he joined her in the laundromat. “Hi.”

He smiled absently and walked over to kiss her cheek, hoisting himself up on the counter next to her. “I’ve got the truck completely loaded. We’ll be able to drop it off as soon as we sign the papers on the new apartment in the morning.”

She looked up at him, admiring how he looked with his five o clock shadow
across his cheek. She missed the emotional closeness they’d had until she asked him about the photo. She leaned into him and rested her cheek against his shoulder. “It’s been a long week.”

He wrapped his arm around her. “It has. I’m exhausted. We’ve both been
putting in full days at work, and then another full day at home in the evening. I can’t wait until everything is unpacked. It’s going to feel like we’re on vacation.”

They hadn’t made love since that evening at his apartment. They’d both
been busy and exhausted, but she couldn’t help but feel that he would have made the effort if it hadn’t been for the picture. She just couldn’t get it out of her mind.

She got up to check the laundry after the dryers stopped. Everything was
dry, so she pulled the items out one by one and folded or put them on hangers. Alex got up and helped her. They each took a basket and carried them back to her apartment. They hung the clothes in her closet, but left the folded clothes in the baskets. They’d just move it that way the following morning.

She changed into her night shirt and climbed between the sheets as he
showered. She lay awake reading, waiting for him.

When he stepped into the bedroom wearing a towel wrapped around his
lean hips, he saw that she was lying awake. He dropped the towel and climbed between the sheets beside her. She put the book onto her nightstand and turned to him. She reached out a hand tentatively, touching his shoulder, wondering if he’d take that as the invitation she intended it to be.

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. He pulled her to him
and ran his hands over her soft curves. He made love to her sweetly, but something seemed to be missing to her. He touched her and kissed her and loved her, but there was just something different that she couldn’t put her fingers on.

For the first time, she didn’t fall asleep in his arms after.

Chapter 8

The move went smoothly. They were finished by early afternoon
on Saturday, and both apartments were cleaned and keys turned it by late Sunday morning.

Alex and Rose drove to Sarah’s house in the south part of Arlington that
evening. When they arrived, Alex joined Clark in the living room playing with Justin. Rose wandered into the kitchen to help Sarah with the meal.

She was in the process of peeling a small mountain of potatoes and Rose
picked up a knife to help her.

“Why don’t you look happy?” Sarah asked.

Rose shrugged. “I’m just tired. We orchestrated a move and packed millions of boxes in a week. Just cleaning Alex’s apartment was the work of eight women.”

Sarah laughed. “It was awful. I know. Before Justin was born, I used to go
over and clean it weekly. After he came along, I just didn’t have the time anymore.” She cut up a couple of potatoes and plopped them into a huge pot of hot water. “That’s not what I meant though. You do look tired, but there’s sadness there, too. What’s wrong in honeymoon land?”

Rose fought an internal battle. Should she ask Sarah about the picture?
Or should she just wait for Alex to tell her what happened? She needed to know. Maybe what she found out wouldn’t be a good thing, but anything had to be better than not knowing anything at all.

“When we were packing up Alex’s apartment, I found a picture,” Rose told
her.

The way Rose spoke told Sarah who it was, but still she asked. “Red hair?
Brown eyes? Beautiful?”

Rose nodded. “Who is she?”

“Her name was Jill.” Sarah looked down as she answered the question. Alex should have told Rose all of this. But he hadn’t, and Rose had a right to know.

“Was?” Rose raised an eyebrow.

“She was killed in a car wreck two years ago.”

“Was she Alex’s girlfriend?” Rose asked.

“She was his fiancé. She died a month before the wedding. She was hit by a drunk driver,” Sarah said.

Rose looked down. “He still loves her.” Rose had known from the moment
that she asked about the photo that he loved the girl in it. He’d have talked about it otherwise.

Sarah shook her head. “He wouldn’t have married you if he still loved her.
He wouldn’t have done that. He spent a long time not able to even smile, but in the past year he’s been laughing and joking again. He hadn’t mentioned another woman until he came here two weeks ago. He was so distracted. I kept teasing him about being twitterpated. Like in Bambi.”

Rose shrugged. “He’s been different since I asked him about the picture.
It’s like he’s built a wall between us. What was she like?”

Sarah was silent for a moment while she thought about how to answer that
question. “Well, she was beautiful, but you already know that. Alex was wrapped around her little finger.” She paused for a moment moving the pot of potatoes onto the stove and turning the burner on high. “Alex had a blind spot where Jill was concerned. She was extremely self-centered. The wedding plans were a nightmare. You know all those TV shows with Bridezillas? They were based on Jill.”

Rose’s eyes widened. “Are you saying that just to make me feel better?”
Why would Alex have fallen for a girl like that?

Sarah shook her head. “Alex would strangle me if he knew I was saying
this at all.” She turned to look at Rose fully. “She wasn’t going to let me be in the wedding until she found out that I was pregnant. When she realized I’d be around six months along for the wedding, then I was in. She came right out and told me that only fat and ugly women could be in the wedding party. They’d make her look better.”

“She wasn’t kidding? That sounds like something I would have said as a
joke.” Rose was having a hard time believing Alex could have loved a woman like that. He seemed to be so much more grounded.

“She wasn’t kidding. She was a witch with a capital B. Mom and I tried to
talk to Alex about her, but he just got angry. She told him that we were mean to her when he wasn’t around. Finally, Mom and I started to treat her like a princess just to keep Alex from hating us. It worked, but it drove us nuts. I shouldn’t talk badly about her. She’s dead. I don’t have a nice thing to say about her, though. Well, she was beautiful. I guess that’s nice.”

Rose was silent through dinner as she thought about what Sarah had said.

As the two women did dishes together after the meal, Rose said, “Please
don’t tell Alex that I asked about Jill.”

Sarah shook her head. “I won’t. If I told him that, I’d have to admit to what
I said about her.” She knew she’d have to talk to him about it again eventually, but she wasn’t ready yet.

Rose nodded. “If you were me, how would you proceed? Should I press
him with questions about her, or just let it go? He’s seemed sad and distant since I showed him the picture.”

Sarah sighed. “I wish I knew the answer to that. I think he probably needs
time to think about how he wants to talk about it. No matter what she was, he loved her. And Alex doesn’t do anything halfway.”

*****

Tax season was finally over and Rose was able to cut back her obscene hours at work. They’d been married four weeks, and Rose felt like they were drifting further and further apart. She was sure that Alex felt like he’d made a mistake to rush into marriage with her, but she felt just the opposite. She loved him more every day.

As she started spending more time at home, she realized just how much
time he was spending locked away in the home office they’d set up.

Finally, she asked him what he was doing in there.

He looked startled. “I’m planning our house. I thought you knew.” He’d worked hard every night to get it just perfect. They’d be ready to look for a home site soon.

“Really? May I see what you’ve done so far?” she asked tentatively.

“Of course!” He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the office. “Have you ever looked at a blue print?” he asked.

“Not really.”

He pointed out the features that would interest her most. “The master bedroom is here. There are two large walk-in closets. I’ve drawn the bathroom with a separate bath tub and shower. I’ve drawn a separate alcove for the toilet with its own door so that we don’t have to worry about walking in on each other.”

She nodded. “That bathroom looks huge!” She loved big bathrooms.

“I thought you’d like that. If you want me to change something, just let me know.”

“So far so good. How many bedrooms are there total?”

“Five bedrooms and three baths. I put one bedroom right next to the master. I thought we could use it for a nursery. Then the other bedrooms are across the house for when the kids get older.”

“So you’re still willing to have five kids?” she asked with a grin. She’d been
unsure what he wanted from her for a while.