Madly and Wolfhardt (19 page)

I looked from Jackson back to Aidan.  More than anything, I wanted to go with Jackson.  A few minutes in his company, alone, sounded like heaven.  But Aidan was my friend and soon to be my betrothed.  I felt guilty for even considering leaving him in his time of need, especially when I had feelings for someone else. 

Swallowing hard, I turned back to Jackson.

“I think I’ll stay for a while.”

A flicker of something hot and angry flashed in Jackson’s eyes for an instant before it was extinguished by ambivalence.  

“I’ll assign someone else to stay until you’re ready to leave then.  Have a good night.”

With that, he turned on his heel and strode away.

I wanted to go after him so badly I could taste it, but I knew that it wasn’t the right thing to do.  I also knew that doing the right thing very often sucked.  This was definitely one of those times.

I turned to Aidan.  He looked pleased with my decision.  Now more than ever, I didn’t want him to know of my feelings for Jackson.  It would only worsen his feelings of guilt over our union.  Besides, I’m sure I wouldn’t be the first princess in Mer history who had been forced to put her own desires aside and take one for the team.  I doubted I’d be the last one either.

For the rest of the night, however, I had a vaguely nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach that just wouldn’t go away.  As I talked with Aidan and comforted him, occasionally laughed with him, I thought of Jackson a thousand times if I thought of him once.  My body was there with Aidan, doing what was expected of me, but my heart, my soul, my
mind
for the most part was elsewhere—with the man who held all the different pieces of me in the palm of his hand.

It was after one in the morning before I left the hospital.  They’d finally moved Aidan to a regular room and he’d fallen asleep shortly thereafter.  He seemed better than he had earlier, so I felt comfortable in going home to get some sleep before school

I said goodnight to the relief Sentinel outside Aidan’s door and made my way toward the exit.  I was walking down the steps when I felt a presence behind me.  Though the older man was just in jeans and a t-shirt (albeit
black
jeans and t-shirt), I knew without being told that he was a Sentinel.  There was something about the way that they carried themselves that gave them away.  They were warriors, through and through, and it showed in everything that they did.

He never spoke, just followed close behind me all the way across town to my dorm.  He trailed me inside and stopped just down the hall from my door, not wanting to crowd me I suppose.

As I unlocked my door, I smiled my thanks at him and he turned to leave.  Before I could push the door open, however, Jackson’s opened.  He stood just inside the shadows of his room, staring at me.

I started to speak, but before I could even get one word past my lips, he receded into his room and closed the door.

It was then I knew he’d overheard my conversation with Aidan.  He knew that, now, I
did
belong to someone else.  I’d said so myself.

I tossed and turned all through the night, berating myself for regretting my words to Aidan and reminding myself that it was undoubtedly for the best.  If Jackson stayed away from me, it would be that much easier to forget about him, to move on with the life that I was meant to live.  With Aidan.

Convincing my heart of that, however, proved to be nearly impossible.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I felt like the walking dead the next day.  My body was weary, but my heart was wearier.  Trying to persuade myself that I
wanted
the life that had been chosen for me, that I
wanted
to spend it with Aidan was far more difficult than I would’ve imagined. 

In some corner of my mind, I think I’d been telling myself that my feelings for Jackson were simply an extension of the crush I’d had on him when we were kids.  I think I’d even thought I’d been mistaken about the tie, that maybe something more would soon develop between Aidan and me.  But I knew that whatever small part of me had been holding onto that could believe it no longer.  What I felt for Jackson was
real. 
There was just no denying it.

On the way to school, I let Jersey’s gum-smacking and bell-ringing drown out conversation so that my mind could wander.  I had to question whether or not my tie to Jackson had, in fact, begun to develop when I was not even fifteen years old.  I’d heard of ties emerging early in life, but after Jackson left, my parents had spent months drilling into my head that I couldn’t develop a tie to a Sentinel.  I just couldn’t.  It wasn’t possible.

Only I did.  But where did that leave me now?

“You’re doing it again,” Jersey accused, breaking into my ruminations.

“Doing what?”

“Whatever it is you do when you zone out into another world of pain and misery.  Seriously, Madly, you’d think someone was killing your cat over and over and over again.”

“We don’t have cats in Atlas.”

Jersey snorted. 

“You know what I mean.”

When I didn’t answer, Jersey stopped.

“Why don’t you just tell me what it is?”

“It’s nothing for you to worry about, Jersey,” I said, walking on ahead of her.

“Does this have something to do with Jackson, Madly?”

Stunned, I stopped and turned back to Jersey.

I screwed up my face as best I could to mimic distaste, despite the way my pulse leapt at the mention of his name.

“No!  Why would you even ask that?  It’s ridiculous.”

Jersey looked doubtful, but still, she moved forward to meet me where I stood a few steps ahead.

“I thought maybe he was giving you a hard time or something.”

“No.  We just…I don’t know.  We butt heads I guess.  But it’s nothing for you to worry about.”

When she narrowed her eyes at me, I ramped up my argument.

“Seriously.  Don’t give it another thought,” I said, smiling.  I looped my arm through hers.  “In fact, if you want to fix me so badly, why don’t you figure out a way I can avoid getting bitten if my prince turns out to be a werewolf.”

It was Jersey’s turn to make a face. 

“I know, right?  Could you
have
any worse luck?  First, he falls for Kellina.  Now, he might be furry and dangerous.  What’s next?  Fin rot?”

“Jersey, hush your mouth,” I chastised.  Fin rot was a crippling disease specific to finned aquatic creatures, Mer included.  It could be devastating and, if left untreated, could effectively end a Mer’s life in the water.

Kellina was waiting for us as soon as we got to school.

“Where’s Aidan?” she asked when she saw us approaching without him.

I hated having to be the one to deliver the bad news, but I didn’t really have another choice.  I would, however, let Aidan deliver the worst part of the story—the possibility that he could convert into a monster when the moon rose tonight.

“Why don’t we go over there and sit down for a minute?” I suggested, indicating one of several benches that dotted the quad.

“Why do I need to sit down?  Where’s Aidan?  You’re scaring me, Madly.”

I said nothing more until we three were seated on the wrought iron bench.

“Kellina, Aidan was attacked last night.”

She gasped and I watched shock sweep over her face.

“What?  Attacked?  By whom?”

“Well, not so much by whom as by what.”

“Pardon?”

“Aidan was attacked and bitten by a wolf.”

“A wo—” Kellina stopped herself, understanding dawning before she could even finish the word.  “You mean Wolfhardt?”

“We think so.”

“Ohmigod,” she said, her green-gray eyes filling with tears as she covered her mouth with her hands.  “This is all my fault.”

“No, no, no!  Kellina it’s not your fault.  No one could have known that this would happen.  We’ve been watching
you
, not…well, everyone else.  We just assumed that he’d come after you first
. 
There’s nothing you could’ve done.”

“But he’s here because of me.”

That was true and we both knew it.

“Yeah, but it’s not your fault
. 
It’s not like you have a choice.”

“Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod,” she repeated, squeezing her eyes shut.  It startled me when they flew open suddenly.  “I have to go see him.  Where is he?”

“He’s at the hospital.”

Knowing I would want to do the same thing if it was Jackson lying in hospital bed, I gave her the room number and watched as she trotted off across campus.  I knew she’d be perfectly safe.  Sentinels wouldn’t be far behind, whether we could see them or not.

I didn’t see Kellina for the rest of the day and I knew there was no reason for me to go and sit with Aidan, as I’d considered doing earlier.  He was in good hands.

When lunch rolled around and Jersey announced that she had plans to eat with Aken, I decided I’d use the time to find Jackson and talk to him about the plan for tonight.  I didn’t particularly want to be around Aken.  Jersey liked him well enough, but he gave me the creeps.

It was obvious that my vision of Kellina running through the forest was a night further into the future.  She’d been safe inside her house after Aidan had dropped her off last night and tonight was the full moon.  We knew that Wolfhardt would be watching her house tonight.

I tilted my face up to the sun as I walked toward the dorm.  I thought I’d check there for Jackson first, but he’d probably find me first.  He took his surveillance of me very seriously and seemed always to materialize any time I left class. 

But not today.

I got all the way to the dorm without being intercepted, which surprised me.  I stood in front of Jackson’s door knocking for a good five minutes (with no answer, I might add).  I dissuaded myself from going through my room and into his to make sure he wasn’t avoiding me.  If he didn’t want to see me that badly, I thought I probably didn’t want to know it. 

I didn’t have time to go gallivanting all over town looking for him, so it was with great reluctance that I made my way back to school. 

My feet felt heavier than usual.  My heart did, too.  What if Jackson had gone this morning to request another detail?  What if he was tired of guarding me?  What if he was tired of me altogether? 

I was stepping off the sidewalk and crossing the street to Building A when movement caught and drew my eye.  It was Jackson.  He was coming around the corner from behind the Admin Building.

It was as if everything about me from the roots of my hair to the depths of my soul sighed with relief when I saw his purposeful stride bringing him toward me.  I bit my lip to keep it from trembling.  For some reason, I was near tears, even though he didn’t look very happy to see me.

I saw him look to his right and lift a hand dismissively.  I turned my head just in time to see a young boy nod and walk off toward the quad.  Though he was bigger than most kids his age, I would never have pegged him for a Sentinel.  But now I had no doubt that’s exactly what he was.  Jackson sure knew how to plant people around me that I wouldn’t suspect.  Even though the admission was bittersweet, I had to acknowledge that Jackson was very, very good at his job.

“And just where do you think you’re off to?” Jackson snapped when he stopped in front of me, his legs spread in a defensive stance as he crossed his arms.