Made to Love (27 page)

Nathan

“Let’s not go the office today.”  I surprised
even myself the minute the words were out.

Reagan rolled her eyes at me as she finished
slipping on the strappy black sandals she’d been wearing last night.  “Yeah,
okay.” 

I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me. 
“I’m serious.  We could find a beach somewhere and just skip out on all the
adult stuff for a day.” 

She wrapped her arms around my neck. 
“Somehow, I don’t think that would go over.  Besides, I have a meeting with
Isaac this morning.”

I ran my hands down her back and kissed her
neck.  Already I was remembering the taste of her skin and growing hard.  “A
meeting about what?” I murmured.

Her fingers tangled in the hair at the nape
of my neck.  “I don’t know.  I just got a text from B a few minutes ago. 
Probably a routine update.”  She sighed as I cupped her boob through her
dress.  “You gotta stop or I’ll never leave.  I have to go home and get ready
still.”

I continued my assault.  “About that.  I
think we should reconsider the living arrangements, in light of exclusivity,
and all.” 

She closed her eyes.  “Fair enough,” she
agreed.  She kissed me firmly on the mouth and then moved away from me.  Her
face was flushed and I reveled in a moment of cockiness at knowing the effect I
was having on her. 

She picked up her bag and turned to me.  “So,
tonight.”  . 

I nodded.  “Tonight.  No more secrets, I
promise.”

Reagan tilted her head at me, and a shadow
passed over her face and was gone so quickly I could’ve imagined it.  “No
secrets.”  It was almost as if she was repeating this to herself, and I
wondered about her own, things I knew she kept from me.  I didn’t want to
pressure her, but this no-hugging thing was a huge deal for her.  I needed to
understand why.    

Things were getting too heavy up in here.  I
needed to dispel some of the sudden tension.  I walked over and kissed her
nose.  “Get out of here, Miss Andrews, before I say to hell with Isaac and have
my way with you right here, right now.”

It did the trick.  Her cheeks flushed again
and I knew whatever memories had clouded her thoughts were gone.  “I’m going. 
I know you need to meet with your dad, so if you can’t get away for lunch
today, it’s okay.  I’ll just see you back here tonight?”

She left and instantly my apartment felt
empty.  It was amazing to me how fast this woman had become so vital, had
wormed her way into the parts of me I had never opened to anyone else.  The
feelings I felt for her were foreign to me, and had me scared, nervous and
heady with excitement, all at once.  I needed to finish this with my dad and
move on. 

With her. 

I was more than ready for it.

I arrived at work a few hours later, and not
bothering to stop at my office, I rode the elevator up to the thirteenth
floor.  I had arranged for the documents to be delivered to my father early
this morning, and I had no doubt he was livid.  Best to just get this over with
now.

I didn’t recognize the brunette sitting
behind the large desk in the reception area.  It felt odd to not see Brooke
there, and I wondered how long this new one would last.  I smiled as I walked
past.  “No need to get up.  I just need a few words with my father.”

“He’s not—“

Her remaining words were lost to me as I
rounded a corner and saw the one person I had not expected to see, exiting my
father’s office, her face completely drained of color.  I stopped mid-stride
and took in her stricken face.

“Reagan?  What are—“

“Did you do it?” she whispered, her ragged
breath coming out in short gasps between words.

Pressure mounted in my chest as I looked up
and saw my father standing in the doorway of his office, a look of victory on
his face. 

She stumbled past me, visibly shaking.  “Never
mind.  Of course you did.” 

I had no idea what ‘it’ was.  I ignored my
father for the time being and raced to catch up with Reagan, who had already
entered the elevator.  I slammed my hand between the two doors and hopped on
with her.  She had already pressed the button for the lobby.   “What did my
father tell you, Reagan?”

“All the things you should have!” she spat. 
Her eyes were filled with unshed tears.  “Do you know how humiliating it is to
find out the only reason, the
only reason
, I got this job is because you
practically forced Isaac to hire me?  God, Nathan!   Why would you. . .,” she
stopped and turned her face to the side away from me. 

My heart slammed inside my chest as I
realized the cause for my father looking so victorious.  I’d expected him to
use Reagan against me.  I’d known he would if given the opportunity.  So why
was I so shocked that he’d proved me right?

I would kill him with my bare hands. 

I stepped behind her and tentatively placed
my hands on her shoulders.  She stiffened, shrugged them off her and moved to
the far side of the elevator.  “Don’t touch me!”  

I stabbed the emergency stop button and the
elevator jerked as it ground to a halt.  “It wasn’t like that. . .you have to
let me explain.  I was going to—“

“How long were you going to let this go on,
Nathan?”  She turned and faced me again, and my heart cracked as I saw her
tears had fallen.  “Until you got your fill of me and then what?  Were you
gonna have Isaac fire me?  What, Nathan?  What the fuck were you gonna do?”

“No.”  I shook my head. “That is not how it
was at all.”

“Wasn’t it?  I can’t believe a word you say,
Nathan.  I’m here, working my ass off every day, and for what?  And that charge
against me.  Sexual harassment?  Did you and Tyler Winston get a good laugh
over that one?”  She hiccupped as a strangled sob escaped her throat.

Rage and desperation filled my head.  “Don’t
be ridiculous.  You were never supposed to find out about that.  I went to a
great deal of length to ensure it.  Tyler’s claim was a joke and everyone knew
it.”

“But me, Nathan.  Everyone knew it but me!  I
was completely blindsided today.  Your father basically sees me as nothing more
than your whore!  Do you know how that feels?”  She reached around me and
released the emergency stop.  “I can’t believe this.  I should have never trusted
you to be honest with me.  I thought you were different. . .I can’t even. . .I
need to go.”

I stepped in front of the door.  “Honesty? 
Coming from someone who wears her secrets like a fucking medallion around her
neck.” 

Her head whipped back as if she’d been struck. 
“I was honest about my intimacy issues before we even started this.”

“You told me I couldn’t hug you, and I was
never allowed to ask why or question it in any way.  I wouldn’t exactly call
that full disclosure.”  She stared at me, stricken, as fresh tears began to fall. 
I was being an ass.  “Christ, Reagan.  I’m sorry.  For all of it.  Please,
let’s get out of here, and let me explain.”

“The time for explanations is over, Nathan. 
Stay the hell away from me!”  She shoved past me as the elevator dinged and the
door opened behind me. 

She dashed across the lobby, which was
thankfully somewhat empty.  I hurried after her.  I had almost reached her when
I saw Jake coming toward me.  “Now’s not a good time, Jake,” I ground out
between my teeth. 

Reagan’s head turned at my voice and she
stopped so suddenly I barreled into her back, knocking her forward.  Time
seemed to suspend as my arms instinctively closed around hers in an effort to
catch her fall, and as if from a distance I heard Jake yell for me to stop at
the same time I heard Reagan whisper his name. 

Wait, what?

Reagan’s knees buckled and I braced myself as
she fell, completely out cold.

Reagan

“
Reagan, are you mommy’s girl?

“
Yes, mommy, always.”

“Come dance with me, baby.  Mommy likes to
dance.”

“Jacob!  Please come get me!  I hate it
here!”

“Reagan, it will be okay.  I will come as
soon as I can.  You have to be strong!”

“Mr. Preston, I’m sorry.  I cannot give
out any information to anyone other than family.”

“When is she going to wake up?”

“It’s difficult to say.  Does she have any
family you can call?”

“What do you mean she’s your sister?  I’ve
known you for years, Jake.  You don’t have any sisters. “

“I didn’t think. . .it’s been so long. 
I’m sorry, man.  She’s my birth sister.  I’ve never told anyone about—“

“Told them what?  You’re adopted?  I can’t
even wrap my brain around this right now.”

“I’ve called her mom.  She’s on the next
flight out.”

“Thank you, Brooke.”

“Is it true, Dr. Miles?  Are you really
her brother?”

“It’s been two days.  She should be awake
by now.  Why isn’t she waking up?”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Andrews.  Your daughter
has suffered a complete shock to her system, something she possibly could not
handle, and her body has in essence shut down to protect her from it.  Her
vitals are good, and she’s stable.  We are monitoring her very closely.  When
she’s ready, she will wake up.”

Voices.  Words.  Memories.  They floated over
and around me.  My brain tried to focus on who was speaking but the words just
flittered away as I moved in and out of consciousness.   I couldn’t remember
what had happened.  Where was I and how did I get here? 

I wanted to see Nathan.

Nathan

“I’m taking her home,” Reagan’s mother
announced softly as she sat with us in the waiting room.  It was Wednesday, and
we were all still here.  Me, Jake, Brooke and Reagan’s mom, Helen.  I hadn’t
even been home to shower or change.  I hadn’t spoken to my father.  I’d done
nothing but sit here in frustrated silence as I waited for Reagan to wake up,
and terrified because I had no idea what was happening to her. 

“As soon as she is awake and can travel,
she’s coming home with me where she belongs.”  Helen’s voice was final, and
brooked no argument. 

But I refused to allow it to be that easy. 
“She belongs here. “  My voice was just as soft and  reflected every ounce of
exhaustion I felt.  Jake continued to stare at the floor, while Brooke warily
watched the exchange between me and Helen.

Helen wiped a stray tear from her cheek. 
“She’s been here less than six months, and what has that gotten her?  All the
progress she’s made.  .  .gone.   She’s broken and she needs her family.”

“She has family here.” 

I turned and watched as Jake looked up at
Helen, looking as if he’d aged ten years in the last two days.  I still
couldn’t get used to the fact that he was Reagan’s brother.  In all the years
I’d known him, he’d never let on he was adopted, or that he’d had a family
before Steven and Judy Miles.  It was like I suddenly didn’t know my best
friend.

Helen pointed her finger at Jake.  “You? 
You’ve been her brother for all of five minutes.  I am her family.”

He returned his gaze back the floor, saying
nothing further.  Brooke looked at me and shrugged helplessly.  She didn’t know
what to say, and I didn’t either.  There was nothing that could be said that
could make this situation any less uncomfortable. 

I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my
knees and pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes.   I was terrified.  
This woman had the power to Reagan away from me, and I no longer held the faith
that I would be able to dissuade her.   Who I was, my name and my money, mean
nothing in this moment. 

The thought of Reagan leaving was enough to
send me to my knees. 

“Mrs. Andrews, Reagan is awake.”

We all stood at the doctor’s words, and
without speaking or looking at each other, moved as one down the hall to her
room.  “Wait.”  Jake spoke up just outside the door.  “We can’t all just barge
in like this.  Maybe,” he gestured to Helen.  “You should go alone.  You’re her
. . ..” he trailed off and ran a hand through his hair. 

Helen nodded once and slipped inside,
shutting the door behind her.  I wanted to howl in frustration, knowing Reagan
was awake and I wasn’t there.  I wanted to fling the door open and beg her
forgiveness, Helen be damned.   Jake, as if sensing my inner struggle, tugged
on my arm.  “We need to give them some time, Nathan.”

Brooke left to go get some coffee, and Jake
led me back to the waiting room.  I fell into a chair and scrubbed my hands
over my face.  “Fuck.  If she leaves. . . .” I couldn’t even finish the
thought.

“I know, man.  I know.  I’m finding out that
after all this time, my sister is alive.  Here, in New York.  The woman we’ve
been discussing for weeks.  I don’t even know how to process that right now. 
There’s so much. . .I don’t know who she is anymore, where she’s been.  Nothing.” 
He sighed heavily.  “Hell if I want her to leave either, but if it comes to
that, you gotta let her go.  We both do.”

Tears burned my eyes.  Let her go?

The idea would be laughable, if it didn’t
hurt so sharply.

Maybe it was minutes, maybe it was hours. 
But suddenly Helen’s voice filled the room.  “She’s asking for you.”

Reagan

I stared out the window of my room, as I
waited for Jacob to appear.  Helen had balked at my request to see him, saying
that after what I’d just endured, I needed no further anxiety or stress.  She
was probably right, however I could not do what I was about to do without
seeing him first.

My memories of the thirty minutes or so
before I’d blacked out had slowly resurfaced once I’d woken up.  And with them
had come the pain, hurt and humiliation over what had happened.  My job at
Elite remained secure as long as I’d signed papers, clearing them of any
liability should Tyler Winston decide to resurface.  And Roger Preston had felt
it best I know the reason—the only reason—I’d been hired, and that any
preferential treatment that had been heretofore given, would no longer apply. 
While I had proved myself in the time I’d been with Elite, I would have to
scrape my way through just like everyone else.

I hadn’t even been aware I was being given
‘preferential treatment’.  I’d been given a job to do and I’d done my best to
do it.  The knowledge that it had been Nathan, and not my resume, that had
secured me my position at Elite was humiliating, and heartbreaking. 

I’d quit on the spot.

There had been a part of me, small, but still
there, that had hoped it was some kind of cruel prank or a giant misunderstanding. 
That I would see Nathan, and he would laugh and explain it all away as another
one of his father’s underhanded moves to hurt him.  Irrational thinking, but
there it was. 

But Nathan hadn’t even denied it.  He’d tried
to explain, but he’d never denied.   

And then I’d seen Jacob. 

My brother.   The one who had been there all
those nights after Charlie had left.  The one who had promised me things were
going to be okay, who had held my hand and cried with me after Alex had been
taken away.  The one who had shouldered the burden of scavenging for food so
his sister and brother didn’t starve.   The one who had been my best friend in
the entire world. 

Tears leaked from the corner of my eyes as I
shut them against the barrage of memories that I tried so hard to keep firmly
locked in their place.  What did a person say to their brother after not seeing
him for almost thirteen years?  Not knowing where he’d been?  What had happened
to him in those thirteen years?  How could he have been here, so close, and I
not know it?  There was so much I had always thought I would say if I’d ever
seen any of my brothers again, but suddenly, faced with the opportunity, I felt
at a loss for words. 

All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and
sob my eyes out.

But Jacob was here.

“Hi,” he called out tentatively from the
doorway.  His voice was so different, but yet at once familiar.  It was his
face that had seized my attention at Elite.  He looked so much like our mother
that it was almost painful to look at him.  I’d known instantly, in those few
seconds before darkness had overtaken me, who he was.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came
out.  Tears fell in earnest now, and Jacob walked to the side of my bed as if
to hug me, or comfort me somehow, but stopped short.  His own eyes welled with
tears as we watched each other.  And then we both began speaking at once.

“I can’t believe—“

“I don’t know where—“

I patted the bed beside me for him to sit. 
“Jacob, please tell me I am not dreaming and that you are really here,” I
whispered.

“It’s not a dream.  I’m here.”  He reached
out and I took his hand, and kissed his fingers, tasting the saltiness of my
tears as they fell to his skin.

I sniffed and leaned back.  “Tell me all of
it.”

Jacob continued to hold my hand as he
recounted the bigger details of the years we’d been apart.  He’d gone to
college—that’s where he’d met Nathan--gotten married and divorced, and had a
three year old son.   He’d become a doctor, family practice, and was Nathan’s
best friend, and the infamous Dr. Miles that Brooke had raved on and on about. 
It was surreal that he’d been everywhere, all around me, and I hadn’t known.  
And I had a nephew!   My heart ached over the years lost.

“What about you?”  Jake questioned.

I told him about Helen, and how I’d found my
way here in New York, leaving out all the painful parts of nightmares and
therapy.  I wasn’t ready to share those dark days with him, and didn’t know if
I ever would.  But Jacob surprised me by bringing up the one thing I never
thought he knew anything about.

“I’ve seen how much Helen loves you, watched
her worry over you the last few days.  That’s good that you two found each
other all those years ago, and that she’s helped you.  .  .been a mother to you
in all the ways Naomi never was.”  He squeezed my hand.  “But you still can’t
be hugged.”

I inhaled sharply at his words.  There was no
way he could have known about Buddy.  I was sure I was the only one who lived
that private hell.

He leaned forward.  “What?  You think I didn’t
know about Buddy?  Hell, Reagan.  That man came into my room every night on his
way to yours, held a knife to my throat and promised to butcher every single
one of us if I said a word or tried to stop him.”  His voiced cracked.  “I
ignored him and camped outside your door with it cracked, watching to make sure
he didn’t do anything.  But he just sat there.  He knew I was there, too and he
let it go for about a week and then he gave me this.”  He lifted his shirt and
pointed to a pale, thin, maybe two-inch scar on the left hand side of his
chest, below his ribcage.  “Not deep enough to do any real damage, but enough
to scare me shitless.”  He wiped a tear that had fallen down his cheek.  “God,
I’m so sorry. . .I laid there every night after that, terrified of what he was
doing to you, but too fucking scared of what would happen if I got up to find
out.  And you. . ..you. . .when Nate grabbed you-- “ he broke off, unable to
continue.

Tears blurred my vision as I grasped both of
his hands.  “Stop it, Jacob!  Stop, right now!  It isn’t your fault and there
was nothing you could have done.  And he didn’t do anything other than what you
saw.  He just barricaded me in his arms for hours, and I couldn’t move,
couldn’t do anything really.  And I sometimes think that was worse than having
him touch me because I sat there every night, out of my mind with fear that
tonight
would be the night that he would.  And at least I would know what to
expect.  But he never did, and I just continued going crazy with fear.  And
yeah, that messed me up.  Shit, what about our childhood wasn’t messed up?”  I
reached out and wiped tears from his face.  “But Buddy, Mom, all of it.  It
happened to all of us, Jacob, different ways, maybe.  But it happened to all of
us.  And I’m dealing with it the best I can.”

“Are you?  Nathan grabbed you and fucking
shut down for two days!  How is that dealing?”

I bristled at his intrusion.  “It wasn’t just
that.  I saw you and everything came crashing back. . . .I just. . . .I have my
own demons and I deal with them.  It is what it is, Jacob.” 

He sighed and rubbed his eyes.  “I’m sorry. 
I have no right to drag all that stuff up, not now.”

We sat in silence for a short while, and when
I finally spoke again, my voice was small.  “I hate what happened.  All of it. 
I hate Charlie for bailing on us, and I hate that Alex was taken and we never
saw him again.  He was too little and he didn’t understand any of it.  But most
of all, I hate her.”

Jacob laughed, but there was no humor in it.  I
didn’t need to explain who I meant.   “Join the club.”

“But sometimes I hate myself because
sometimes I miss her. . .well, the good memories I have of her, anyway.”  I
leaned my head back against the pillow and stared up at the ceiling.  “Have you
ever wondered what happened to Alex?  I mean, do you think his dad and
grandparents were good to him?  And what about Charlie?”

Jacob stood and walked to the window.  
“Reagan, I . . . I should have looked for you after we—“

“I didn’t look for you either.  It was a dark
and ugly time for all of us.  They said you were happy and being taken care of
and I don’t know. . .time went on and so did I.”

He turned around and put his hands on his
hips.  “We had to go on; we had no choice.  I know I tried fast and hard to
move beyond those years with Naomi.  And I had a good life after that, Reagan. 
It sounds like you did, too.  I just want you to know that not a day went by
that I didn’t think about you, about Alex, and Charlie.” 

  “Why do you call her Naomi?”

“Because I can’t call her mom.  Not after. .
.I just can’t.” 

I didn’t press him further.  Like I said, we
all had our demons and had to deal with them the best we knew how. 

“And I did try and check up on you guys.  I
found out I could inquire about adoption records since I was a blood relative. 
The information was vague, but I knew you had been placed into a good home. 
That helped.  And Alex,” he continued as he walked back to sit on the bed.  “As
far as I know, Alex is happy with his dad.  Again, the information was vague
and I barely scratched the surface.  The wounds were too deep.”

I nodded.  “And Charlie?  Did you . . .?” 

“Turns out Charlie joined the army at some
point after he left us.  No adopted family that I could find, and,” he paused
and drew in a deep breath.  “And he was killed on tour in Iraq, when he was
twenty-two.” 

Neither of us spoke.  I didn’t know how to
process the information.  Tears ran down my cheeks and I struggled between
mourning the Charlie I knew before he’d left, and feeling nothing at the news
of his death.  He’d left us, had taken the easy way out of the hellhole, for
reasons I had never known and now never would, and I’d spent many years angry
at him. 

“He’s still here, you know.”  His voice was
soft and I had no doubt who he was referring to.

“I’m sure he is.  And I will need to see him,
too, before I go.”

Jacob’s eyes snapped to mine.  “Go?  Go
where?”  But his eyes told me he already knew.

“I can’t stay here, Jacob.  He’s your friend,
but you don’t know what he did.  I can’t. . .” my voice caught as a sob escaped
my throat.  I had cried so much in the last hour I didn’t know if I had any
tears left.  I was exhausted.  “I know we just found each other, and there’s
still so much we need to catch up on.  I have a nephew I need to meet. . .and I
want to get to know you all over again.  But I. . .I just need some time.”

Jacob leaned up and kissed my forehead.  “Okay. 
But, promise me you’ll stay in touch.”  He scribbled his number on a small
notepad beside the bed.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”  I closed
my eyes and then opened them and met his gaze.  “Will you get him for me?”

He nodded and headed toward the door. 
“Nathan’s an ass sometimes.  His dad is Roger Preston so unfortunately he comes
by it honestly.  But whatever happened, whatever he did?  I can promise you it
wasn’t meant to hurt you.  Trust me on this.”

I didn’t speak further as he quietly shut the
door, disappearing from view. 

I closed my eyes and silently prayed for
strength.