Mad Love (31 page)

Bad idea.

Clayton loses his balance, his fight, I should say, for sobriety, and before I know it the two of us go flying over the side of the wooden path, deep into the darkness of the ocean.

The water is warm but still a shock to the system. I sputter up for air and look over at Clayton who bobs up out of the water looking completely bewildered.

“Well, that was just great!” I yell at him. “You could have killed us!”

“Me?!” Clayton yells back. “If you hadn’t moved around so much maybe I would been able to keep my balance.”

“If you were sober—”

“Don’t you dare get me started on why I wasn’t sober!” he says angrily. I flip my wet hair away from him and spot the ladder that goes up toward the path. I swim over to it.

“I have nothing more to say to you,” I say over my shoulder as I reach the ladder.

“I would think twice about going back to Erik and Orie’s villa.”

“As if!” I huff as I climb out of the water. Clayton is fast behind me.

Two things dawn on me. One, we could have been seriously hurt flying off the dock the way we did. And two, I just
fell into the ocean at night
and didn’t freak out. Talk about conquering some fears! The joy of my moment is taken away when Clayton joins me and yanks my hand and pulls me with him to his villa. We walk inside and I try and make a beeline to the guest bedroom.

“I’m sleeping in here.”

He throws me over his shoulder again and walks into the master suite and sets my wet body down.

His gaze meets mine. Lord, he’s still angry!

“The only place you’ll put your pretty little head down to sleep is in my bed, with me. I thought we went over this already. Now. I flew twelve hours today. I had a terrible meeting because all I could think about was getting back to you. And when I finally got here, I had the pleasure of finding you in the arms of your ex-boyfriend, Jerry, who was busy offering to rid you of your virginity, I might add. I come back to the villa, thinking I’m going
to find you here, but instead you’re in bed with Erik and Orie, in a t-shirt that barely covers your naked ass. You made me trip and fall in the ocean at night. I’m drunk. I’m exhausted. And I’m bloody furious. Do you really want to try me right now, Sophie?” he asks in a dangerously soft voice.

I shake my head no.

“Good. Now be a good girl and go dry off or take a shower then get into this bed and go to sleep.”

“Okay,” I mutter.

He watches me like a hawk as I walk into the bathroom, huffing the whole time.

“You can at least use the other shower,” I tell him annoyed, assuming he will be taking one.

“Gladly,” he says to my utter bewilderment. “I expect to find you here when I come out. I hope I’m not disappointed,” he says coolly as he leaves me in the room.

I don’t know if I’m offended or what but I shower in two point five seconds, dry off, slip on a nightie, and am in bed in under five minutes.

I hear the shower still going in the guest bedroom, get up and grab three of the extra pillows on the couch, and plant them down the center of the bed, creating an effective barrier between the two of us. I’m happy with my work. I lie down on my side of the bed and the shower goes off. I hear him fussing around, then the bedroom door opens. Since the light is still on, on his side of the bed, he can see my wall. Yes, it is probably the most immature thing I’ve ever done in my life, but God, it felt good.

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t move for a minute because I don’t hear any sound, and then I feel his body sink into the bed and hear the click of the light as darkness envelopes us. The mattress creaks and he turns on his side, away from me.
What?!
He’s not going to say anything about my wall?
Excuse me?!
I sit up completely furious, and scream out in the dark.

“Are you serious?!” I’m outraged.

I feel the rumbling in the bed. It shakes hard and I wonder if he’s crying. No?!
Is he crying?
I lean over and flick on my light and look down at him, completely worried that I’ve devastated him.

No. I definitely have
not
done that.

He’s so not crying. Try … he’s laughing! At me!

“Well, that’s nice!” I snap as I turn the light off again and seethe. I scootch over more to my side of the bed, my arms crossed in rage as I think about how amusing I seem to him.

He’s laughing so hard, the bed is literally moving around like there’s an earthquake. Then he breaks through the pillow barrier and pulls me in his arms.

“God, Sophie. You’re a genius!” he tells me before the mirth overcomes him again and he falls back. I can’t believe it.”

“I’m happy I amuse you.”

“You do, baby.” He rolls on top of me, covering me with his naked body. He nuzzles my neck, distracting me from my anger. “You really do.”

His licks my neck, then kisses me softly, causing shivers to race up and down my spine. I want him again, even though I’m pissed and angry that he would intentionally hurt Jerry the way he did. But my body craves him. I try to remain stiff, unaffected, but it’s virtually impossible, and damn him, he knows that.

“I’m mad at you,” I whisper to him as his hand moves down my body, his fingers slipping inside me, making me sigh in reaction. God, he turns me on. I can’t help it. My body is so completely in tune with his, it’s unnerving as hell.

“You’re wet for me.”

“I can’t help it.”

“I don’t want you to,” he whispers in my ear as he kisses me softly. My body arches up to him. He reaches down to pull off my t-shirt and I find myself helping him.

His body crashes down on mine and he licks my neck again, then his mouth moves down until he finds my breast, cupping it roughly as his tongue moves over my nipple, teasing, pulling, until I’m aching with desire.

“I’m fucking pissed at you too, Sophie,” he says passionately, moving down my body, his mouth against my stomach, causing me to go delirious with desire. His hands hold my ass as he pulls me up to his mouth.

“I wanted to kill him for even touching you. Do you know how hard it was to control myself when I saw you in his arms?” He doesn’t give me time to answer because his tongue begins to work its magic, stoking the inferno that rages inside. Within seconds, I explode, my climax rocking my body as I come against his mouth, dying a thousand slow deaths from the exquisite feeling.

He moves over me and his mouth finds mine, kissing me. I hold him close, never wanting to let him go, the force of my desire consuming me like a wildfire. He rips his mouth away from mine, breathing savagely, and I grab his face and force him to look at me.

“You hurt him.” My voice shakes with the depth of my emotion. “He didn’t deserve that.” I need him to hear that what he did to Jerry is not okay. Hurting a man who was only trying to win me back, however misguided it might have been, was not right. Jerry hadn’t done anything wrong.

Clayton’s inhales sharply as his eyes blaze in anger.

“I don’t give a fuck how he feels!” His voice is raw with emotion. “And I won’t have you feeling an ounce of pity for him. Not a thought. Not a fucking word! Never utter his name to me again!”

Is he serious? Well, yes, Sophie, look at his face. Have you ever seen anything so serious in your life? It’s ridiculous. Completely. Utterly. Ridiculous. But behind the anger, behind the insane jealous and possessiveness, behind it all, I know it’s because he cares.

“Promise me!” he says as he pushes himself inside of me. My eyes close, savoring every minute, every piece of him that I can get.

“Promise me, Sophie!” I can sense the urgency, the need, and I open my eyes to give him what he wants, because I know he needs it.

“I promise you.” A look of complete satisfaction and ownership comes over his face as he pushes deeper inside me, filling me fully, making me tremble from the force. Fuck. I think I’ll die if don’t have him like this every day, inside me, filling me with every part of his being, his arms holding me tight, his mouth brushing against mine in that sexy way he does.

“You belong to me.”
I know, Clayton,
I think to myself as I hold him close, my mouth finding his, trying to show him just how much I belong to him and want to be a part of him and his world.

I never want us to end.

I’m consumed with the depth of emotion I feel, not just for the ecstasy his body gives me, but for the man he is. I feel the tears start to fall as I find my release again as he’s deep inside me.

“I love you,” I whisper softly, trying to fight the exhaustion that is overwhelming me. If I stay up he’ll say the words back to me, I know it …

I lose the battle and am dead asleep within seconds.

19

I’m having trouble accepting the fact that I’m actually leaving the Maldives in one hour. My bags are packed and I’m waiting for Bikram to come and pick us up to take me out to the seaplane where I’ll be meeting Erik and Orie. I‘ve only been here for eleven days, but so much has happened that has irrevocably changed my life. I look over at Clayton, who’s working on his computer. He’s been suspiciously quiet all morning long, pensive and serious. I’m pretty sure he’s still mad that I’m going.

When I started packing this morning, he asked me to stay. Last night in bed, he begged me to stay. Yesterday afternoon, again, he asked me to stay. For the past two days, he’s asked at every opportunity. But I can’t. It would only prolong the inevitable end of our time together here. And to stay without my friends, without their support, is too much for me to bear. I didn’t tell Clayton this though, because if I did, he would surely offer to pay for the extra nights for them and I know they would probably miss work to stay longer. And I can’t have that. Instead, I used my parents as an excuse.

I don’t want to think about what will happen when I leave, how I will feel without him, our future together uncertain, our lives separated by more than just an ocean. It is too much. Too painful. And as Noom’s friend Dan told me yesterday at my session with him, it is not real until you are actually living it.

I’m glad I decided to see him. In many ways, the time I spent with him prepared me more for today. I was unsure when I booked it, but now I know. I met him at the spa. He stood next to the massage table and asked me to have a seat on it. After I did, I looked up at him, feeling in many ways like a little girl again.

“Tell me.”

I burst out crying, my tears like a massive, neverending waterfall, my pain so acute that I didn’t even know where to begin.

“Your heart is heavy with sadness, carrying a great weight of love and longing. Your tears should be those of joy, to have known a love so great and consuming, to have it change and help define who you are,” he said softly to me, as he pulled me down on the table, face up, and stood above me. “It is a great gift to be given such a love in this lifetime. To know it from the moment you set eyes on your twin flame. You should be rejoicing.”

“How can I rejoice when we are to be separated?” I ask him, wiping my tears away. “I’m leaving tomorrow. And then what? Do I have to live my life knowing what I do and never finding it again?”

“You do not know what tomorrow brings, Sophie. Or the next day, or the day after that,” he told me. “That is your first mistake. The universe does not put things in front of us that we cannot handle. There is a great meaning in every moment, every person, every experience you have.”

“So what now?” I ask him. “What are you telling me to do?”

He smiled at me as he closed my eyes. “Now you live. You be. Right now. Here. And you trust the plan. The moment. And that is all you trust. Because that is all you know.”

He did his healing on me then, and it was incredible. My body tingled with energy, with life, and I felt a great sense of peace when I left him. The tears dried and somehow I knew he was right. Deep inside my soul, I felt that the universe would take care of me. It would make it right, it would make it as it should be. And there was a wonderful calm in that.

“Come here, baby,” Clayton says to me, holding out his hand.

I walk over to him and sit down on his lap, cuddling up against him and breathing his scent in. Relishing the moment, his touch, trying to memorize everything about it. He holds me tight.

“Stay,” he begs me.

“You know I can’t.”

“You can. You don’t want to.”

I pull away from him and let my fingers trace the soft lines of his face.

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth.”

“I have to go. Please don’t make this worse than it already is,” I whisper to him, begging him.

“How can this get any worse?”

I close my eyes and lean against him. It really can’t, I think to myself. The door rings and I know it’s Bikram. All of a sudden, I feel so nauseous that I can’t even think.

“Fuck,” Clayton swears angrily, both of us looking at the door as if Satan himself is on the other side. I try to move out of his embrace, but he holds me tighter, not letting me move.

“I have to get it,” I say.

“You don’t.”

I actually smile at him, shocked that I can find the courage to do that, and then I pull away from him.

“You know I do.” I get up and answer the door. Bikram can sense the somber mood and quickly puts my luggage in the cart. Clayton gets up and follows me outside and gets in the cart with me.

I take my last look at the resort as we drive over the wooden walkway, past the bungalows, and I silently thank the island. The sea. Noom. I thank it all. This small piece of paradise brought me the most magical experience of my life.

We reach the dock and the plane is there, ready to take us away.

I’m happy to see Erik and Orie are waiting for me. Shit. They look like I feel. Bikram unloads my bags and helps load them on the plane. I try to get off the cart.

“Stay, goddamnit!” Clayton swears at me, holding me back.
I’m trying to be brave, damn you
, I think to myself. Don’t make me shatter now! I shake my head at him and pull away from his hold. He looks angry, upset, devastated all in one. He follows me to the end of the dock, where he holds out his hand to say goodbye to Erik and Orie.