Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (2 page)

‘No! It's mine!'

‘I'll buy you a lovely dinner.'

‘What'll ye get?'

‘Cabbage an potatoes an a bit of bacon. I promise I'll cook it fer ye's all. Just think – a lovely dinner!'

I gave her the money, an she went off in great humour. I ran straight home te tell me ma the great news. She sat there lookin an listenin te me until I got te the bit about Nelly.

‘Ah! Did ye give her the money?'

‘Yeah, Ma, she's gone te get the dinner.'

‘No, she's not! She's gone te the pub. She'll drink it.'

‘But, Ma, she said she'll be back wit the dinner.'

‘No! She won't be back till the money's gone. Why'd ye give her the money? Why didn't ye hide it an bring it straight up te me?'

‘She wanted it, Ma, fer the dinner.'

‘Ah, stop annoyin me! You an yer dinner. What am I goin te do fer bread an milk? An lookit! The fire's gone out. I've no coal left te boil the kettle.'

I sat down te listen te the silence of the room. Me ma went back te twitchin her mouth an runnin her fingers through her hair, lookin fer lice. So Nelly was only foolin me!

I started school today, cos I'm now four. I'm goin te be a scholar. I'm lookin forward te tha. All the big people said they wished they could go back te school, an these are goin te be the best years of me life!

There's loads of us sittin at desks, tha's wha they're called. We have things called inkwells – tha's wha ye dip yer pen inta an write on a copybook. But we won't be doin tha now, cos we're not real scholars yet.

The teacher shouts down at the young fella sittin beside me, cos he's eatin his chunk of bread an drippin. We're not supposed te do tha until we get out te the yard at playtime. She bangs this big long stick on the blackboard. ‘Now, pay attention and sit up straight. No! You can't go to the toilet, you have to learn to ask in Irish,' she told a young one who was joggin up an down wit her legs crossed. The pooley streamed down her legs, an the young one was roarin her head off. The teacher had te take her out. We could hear her shoes squelchin, cos they were filled wit piss, an her nose was drippin wit snots. When she got back, the teacher went straight te the blackboard. ‘Now!' she said. ‘We are going to draw a ...' an when she was finished, she pointed her stick at a young one an said, ‘What is this?' pointin at the blackboard.

‘A cup an saucer, Teacher,' squeaked the young one in a hoarse voice.

‘Yes! Good. And all together now ...'

We all shouted up, ‘A cup an saucer!'

But it was dawnin on me slowly I didn't like this school business at all. I wouldn't be able te draw a cup an saucer. School was too hard, an I don't want te be a scholar. When I got home, I raced up the stairs te tell me ma I was now a scholar. I'd learnt everythin an didn't need te go back te school any more. She was sittin by the fire an looked a bit lonely without me. She had a cup of tea an a saucer sittin on top, wit a slice of Swiss roll on it, warmin by the fire fer me dinner. In honour of the occasion.

Me ma says I have te go te school. She holds me hand an keeps tellin me I'll be grand. The school's only a few doors down, an I'm back in the school yard before I know wha's happened. All the childre are millin aroun, waitin fer the door te open. Me ma asks a big young one te mind me, an Tessa who lives across the road takes me hand. Me ma goes off smilin an wavin, an Tessa tells me I'm a big girl now I'm started school, an isn't it great!

At playtime when they let us out, I try te escape, but the gate is locked. I look te see if the big young one who is supposed te be minding us is watchin, but she's too busy tryin te placate all the other childre who are cryin fer their mammies. I try te squeeze meself out through the bars, but I can't get me head out, an I can't get it back in either! Panic erupts in me. I give a piercin scream, an the other kids come runnin over. They just stand there gapin at me, an some are even laughin. I've made a holy show of meself, but I don't care. A neighbour, Mrs Scally, sees me an rushes over.

‘What ails ye, child?'

‘I want me mammy! Let me out, I want te go home!'

‘Here, don't struggle. You'll only make it worse.'

She pushes me, but me head is tightly wedged between the big black bars, an she's pullin the ears offa me. There's a big crowd aroun me now, but I can't see them cos Mrs Scally is suffocatin me wit her shawl. The smell of snuff an porter an sour milk pourin up me nostrils is makin me dizzy.

‘Here, Teacher! I'll let youse take over. We're only makin it worse. Maybe we'll have te get the Fire Brigade. I'll run an get her mammy.'

‘The bars will have to be cut, or maybe we could grease her head,' another teacher said.

I lost me mind. ‘No! No! Don't let them cut me head off! I'll be good. I won't do this again! Just let me out!'

The Fire Brigade arrived, an they had te cut the bars te free me. I kept screamin, cos I thought they were goin te cut me head off. The ma brought me home, but she stopped first te talk te the crowd, an the woman from the vegebale shop gave me a banana. She said it was good fer shock. The ma told them all I put the heart crossways in her an I'll be the death of her yet, cos I was very wild.

Me ma an me are rushin down te meet Dickser. Or she is. I'm not, I don't want te go.

‘Come on, will ya! I'll be late!' She grabs me hand, an she sorts of bounces up in the air, but we're not movin any faster. I want te watch our shadows, hers long an skinny, mine small wit hair stickin out, chasin beside us. They glide up the old tenement houses as we hurry past the street lamp an then swoop down again, dancin before us on the ground as we leave the light behind us. The cobblestones are black an shiny on the road from the cold mist comin in from the Liffey. The chip shop across the road from Fishamble Street is still open. The smell plunges up me nose before we get there. As we hit the shop, I stop te look in at the bright lights. The Italian man wit the big black whiskers an the dirty white apron hands over a newspaper burstin wit chips an a big ray. ‘One an one,' he shouts happily at the woman rootin in her purse fer the money. Me belly turns te water, an the shop is screamin at me te come in.

‘Ma, Ma! Buy me chips.'

‘No, I can't. Wha do ye think I am? Made a money?'

We rush on, an Dickser is waitin fer us at the Ha'penny Bridge.

‘There ye are! I thought I'd never get here,' me ma said, laughin.

‘I was just about te go. It's freezin here,' he said, diggin his hands deeper inta the pockets of his old overcoat. It was raggy an torn, an ye could see his hairy legs, cos his trousers was at half mast an held up wit twine.

‘Have ye any money?' he said te me ma.

‘No, I spent the last of it on milk.'

‘Lend us a shillin. I'll need tha fer the back lane hostel tonight.'

‘No! I've nothin.'

‘Ah, Jaysus! Come on, then, let's get movin,' he said.

We wandered along the dark streets, me ma talkin an yer man busy walkin along the edge of the footpath, pickin up cigarette butts. We walked down laneways, an as we turned down a very dark alleyway, Dickser said, ‘Leave her here.'

Me ma said she'd be back in a minute, but I didn't want te be left behind in the dark, an I started te cry. Dickser came back as I started te run after them. He lifted me off the ground by the scruff of me neck, stranglin me, an carried me back up the alleyway.

‘Stay there! Don't make a sound. Don't move,' he said as he threw me down onta the ground. I hit the back of me head. I tried te get up, but I was spinnin like mad. The ground was goin faster an faster, an me hands couldn't find the ground te lift meself up. I rolled over on me belly an got up slowly on me hands an knees, an the roarin in me ears slowly stopped. I staggered over te the wall an looked aroun me. Everythin was quiet, an I looked up an down the dark lane, but I couldn't see anythin.

‘Me ma's gone an the monsters'll get me! Ma! Ma! Mammyee! Don't leave me! Where are ye?' I croaked in a whisper. I didn't want Dickser te hear me. Then I went quiet. Very, very still. The big lump in me chest tha wanted te erupt outa me mouth was pushed down inta me belly, an I went limp. I shut meself up tight an just waited. When I'm still, nothin will happen te me. I'll be safe. Nobody will see me.

Me aunt Cissy is over from England. She says she's gettin married! She bought me a lovely pair of white kid-leather boots wit laces in them – I can smell the kid leather when I press them te me nose – an a gorgeous white linen frock. I'm te wear them fer her weddin, but she seems a bit upset wit the ma.

‘How long has this been goin on, Sally?'

‘Ah, I'm not bothered about him any more,' me ma says.

‘Here, Martha love,' says me aunt Cissy. ‘There's a bun fer you. You go on outside an sit in the sunshine, an I'll keep an eye out fer you. Now don't go too far, I'll be watchin ye from the winda.'

I wanted te be very good fer me aunt Cissy, so I didn't gallop across the road, cos me ma says I'll get kilt doin tha, even though I think ye'll get kilt if ye don't run. Anyway, I sit meself down an stretch me legs out te get comfortable, an Cissy is sittin on the windasill, watchin me an drinkin a cup a tea.

I look te examine me bun. Wha's these black things in it? I take a bite an spit it out. Yuk! I can't eat tha!

‘Ah, eat yer bun, it's good fer ye!' Cissy shouts across. ‘Them currants will clean ye out!'

I put the bun behind me back an started te pull the currants out, watchin her at the same time. I couldn't move, cos I had a pile of currants behind me.

Suddenly, there's great excitement when a horse an cab comes aroun the corner carryin me aunt Biddy an me aunt Nelly an me cousin Barney. The women are roarin an laughin at somethin the jarvey said te them.

‘Whoa there, Jinny! Easy girl. Now, ladies, who's first?'

‘She is.' Biddy points te Nelly, laughin. ‘She's the desperate one. I'm already landed wit me own fella back in England.'

‘Ah, no. I'm very particular,' Nelly says. ‘Ye'd have te have plenty a money te get me.'

‘Right, girls! Hop down, an I'll give ye's a hand up wit the suitcases.'

I ran across the road, an Biddy swooped me up.

‘Lookit you, ye got very big since I saw ye last.'

‘Yeah, Auntie Biddy! I'm four now, so I am.'

I looked at me cousin, an he was wearin eyeglasses.

‘Look! Lookit, Martha,' Barney said, an he showed me a load a money. ‘Come on, I'll buy ye somethin,' an we bought ice-cream cornets, an broken biscuits wrapped in paper, an bull's eye sweets.

They opened up the back room, an me an me ma slept in there. Tha night me an me cousin Barney took it in turns te vomit up our guts inta the bucket. Our mas laughed an said it was all the sweets we'd eaten, an tomorrow they'd get us a wormin powder te clean us out.

We went te the park beside St Audoen's Church an sat in the grass. Me ma an Dickser made plans te go te England.

‘I'm savin every penny I can get me hands on,' me ma said.

‘How much have ye now?' Dickser asked, an me ma told him.

‘That'll do,' he said. He seemed very happy an even grinned at me, but I turned me head. I didn't want anythin te do wit him.

They arranged te meet tha night, an the ma would give him her money. She was all excited on the way home. ‘We're goin te England, Martha! An Dickser's goin te find us a place te live. We'll be grand!' I was delighted te see her so happy an forgot about Dickser.

When we got home, the aunts were waitin.

‘Where were you?' asked Biddy.

‘Out!' me ma said.

‘Look at the condition you're in, ye should be ashamed of yourself. You're seein tha Dickser fella, aren't ye?'

‘No, I'm not.'

‘Ye are! I'm tellin ye's all. She should be put away. Ye're bringin shame on this family an destroyin our good name!'

Cissy came over te me an asked me gently, ‘Is she seein Dickser?'

Biddy joined in an shouted, ‘Look! Here's a penny, tell us the truth, an we'll give you this.' An Nelly waved a half-crown in me face.

The ma shouted, ‘No! Don't tell them anythin, Martha,' an they were all shoutin at once. Me eyes swivelled from the penny te the half-crown an back again. I wanted the money.

‘Yeah, she is,' I said, an reached out fer the money.

‘No! No! Don't tell them anythin.'

‘No, she isn't.'

The money was whipped back, an there was some more shoutin.

‘Yes, she is!' I said, reachin out fer the money, but they put it back in their pockets!

The hooley was goin on upstairs. Old Mrs Coleman had died; she lived in the room above us wit her grandson Neddy. We heard the bang on the ceilin, an me ma shouted te Nelly, ‘It's Mrs Coleman, quick! We'd better run up, there's somethin wrong.'

Neddy came runnin down the stairs, an he was white as a sheet. ‘Me granny collapsed when she was tyin her boots te get ready fer Mass. Come up quick!'

‘You stay there,' me ma said te me. An they ran up the stairs, leavin me behind wonderin wha was goin on.

Now the house was crowded wit people. All me aunts were upstairs keepin the wake when me ma sneaked outa the house. ‘Come on,' she said te me. ‘Quick! Before they miss us.'

We went up aroun High Street an met Dickser at the Corn Market. She gave him the money, an he asked her if she wanted a walk. She said, no, she had te hurry back. They'd have plenty of time fer tha when they got te England, an they both laughed. Dickser gave me a penny, an when I examined it, it was all bent an black. I didn't think they would take it in the shop, an I was disgusted.

On the way home, the ma asked me if I wanted a single, an we went inta the chip shop. We ate the chips comin home in the dark, an they were lovely an hot. When we got te our hall door, there were people spillin out onta the street. There was a coupla young ones an young fellas loungin against the walls. The young fellas hid the bottle of porter they were drinkin under their coats, an they stopped laughin an pushin each other when they saw us comin. ‘G'night, missus,' they said te me ma.