Lyndley (5 page)

Over the next few weeks, I do everything in my power to avoid Jaxson. He is so persistent, I have to start going places when I know he will be working, hiding from my parents so they can’t rat me out.
 

Last night, my mom finally made me talk to her about everything that happened between Jax and me.
 

“Why won’t you give that poor boy another chance? I see the way he looks at you. He loves you just like he did before you left all those years ago. What if you never find another love like that?”
 

Her words hit me hard. “Momma, I never told you this, but when Jax and I were seventeen, we got married.” I watch her mouth drop open as she stares at me.

 
After five minutes of silence, I can’t take it anymore. “Please, Mom, say something!” I don’t want her to hate me like I know Jax will when I tell him my secret. Heck, I don’t even know
how
to tell him. I’ve keep this from him for ten years. I’ll be surprised if he even talks to me afterwards.
 

“Sweetheart…,” she states, trying to find the right words. Holding my breath, I wait for her to continue. “No matter what, I’ll always love you. Why did you do it, though?”
 

“We did it because we were in love. I
still
love him. I’ll probably
always
love him. He was my first everything. But I have something to tell him and I don’t know how.”

When she raises her eyebrows, I blurt it out. “Right after I left, I found out I was pregnant. We were going to be parents to a little girl, but she was stillborn.” The tears are streaming down both our faces and my mom has her hand over her mouth.

She walks over to me and wraps me in her arms. I cry for a good hour before she encourages me to go and talk to Jaxson. I can tell she’s hurting, but she won’t admit that. She has always been so strong for me, it makes me want to try and be strong for Jaxson. After all, he’s my husband. He deserves the truth.
 

“Okay, Mom. I’ll tell him tomorrow.”

Smiling, she gives me a hug. “Lyndley, you’re stronger than anyone I know. You’ll get through this.”

Around lunchtime, I see Jaxson at the diner, but instead of telling him, I freeze. I’m not ready to tell him yet. He wants to talk, but I need a drink or two before I can get the story out. Luckily, some girl calls his name and he turns. Seeing my opportunity, I take off. I know it is stupid to run away from him, but it isn’t as easy as I imagined.
 

I wander to the creek behind the high school and sit with my feet in the water for most of the afternoon. By about seven p.m., I finally work up enough courage to talk to him.

Before I just go to his house, I text him to make sure he’s home and available. I don’t want to interrupt anything.
 

Me:
Can we talk?

Jaxson:
Yeah, Lynnie. What’s up?

Me:
This is probably something we need to talk about in person...

Jaxson:
Well, I'm at home if you want to come by.

Me:
Okay. I'll be there in a few.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I make my way to his house.
 

After softly knocking on the front door, I give myself a pep talk. My hands are shaking, tears rolling down my face. I already know this is going to destroy anything left we have between us. When he opens the door, I take in his appearance and burn it into my memory because this might be the last time I ever see him.
 

Seeing my tears, his brows crease in concern. He holds out his arms and I go to him. Wrapping me in a tight embrace, he leads me through the door and shuts it behind us. He rests his cheek on the top of my head. “What’s wrong, Lynnie?”
 

I pull away from him and make my way to the couch. My mind is spinning, and I feel like I’m going to get sick. “You may want to sit for this,” I whisper.
 

He sits down next to me and looks at me with a serious expression. I can’t figure out what he’s feeling and I’m not sure how to start. I decide it would just be best to say it and get it over with.
 

“Jax… After I went off to college, I found out I was pregnant.” He straightens, still looking at me. When he looks like he’s about to say something, I hold my hand up. “Please, let me finish before you say anything,” I beg. Taking a deep breath, he nods.

“As scared as I was about having a baby, I was excited, too, because it meant I still had a piece of you with me. It was the only thing that kept me sane. I knew the baby would always love me.”
 

I look away from him and towards the window. I feel him grab my hand and he threads our fingers together. A small smile crosses my lips. I look back at him.

“My whole pregnancy went great and I couldn’t wait to hold our child in my arms. The day I went into labor, I was sleeping. When I got myself to the hospital, the contractions were so bad, I could barely breathe. Once they wheeled me back to deliver the baby, something was wrong. They couldn’t find her heartbeat.”
 

He lets go of my hand and puts his head in his. I don’t know how to take away the pain. It took me so long to be able to get over the heartbreak I was plagued with after her death. I put one hand on his back and the other on his leg.
 

“The doctors said the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck.” I can barely get the words out. I didn’t even tell my mom how she died. The tears start to pour down my face and my chest hurts. Watching his heart break is just as bad as the pain the day she died.

I watch him wipe tears from his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me, Lynnie? I would have been there for you. You wouldn’t have had to do any of it on your own. How could you not tell me I was a fucking father?!” I flinch at his tone, but it’s something for which I prepared myself. I knew he would be angry with me. Hell, I’m angry with myself.

“Jaxson, you would have left your family and came to New York to be with me. I didn’t want you to have to choose. You would have lost out on the last few years of your dad’s life!” I am glad he spent the time with his father, but I’m sad he missed out on everything with our daughter.
 

“I fucking missed out on my daughter’s whole life!”
 

“I’m sorry I took the choice away from you,” I whisper.
 

Scrambling up, I run out the door before he can stop me, throw open my car door and jump in. Tears are streaming down my face and there is nothing that can take the pain in my chest away. Hitting my hands against the steering wheel, I scream.
Life can be so unfair
.

Knowing he didn’t come chasing after me speaks volumes. I don’t think he is going to be able to forgive me. I had warned him that I wasn’t the same person, but he wouldn’t listen. Trying to get my point across, I broke his heart.

Chapter Five

Driving away from Jaxson’s house, I try to keep the tears at bay. Before I pull into my parents’ driveway, I check my face in the rearview mirror. My eyes are bloodshot and puffy, my hair is a mess from running my fingers through it over and over, and I have mascara running down my cheeks. Sighing, I get out of the car and walk inside. My mom takes one look at me and comes to pull me into her arms. The tears start to fall again and I sob on her shoulder.

“Shhh, baby girl. I’m right here for you,” she whispers. I hear my dad clear his throat, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just wraps his arms around both of us.

“He hates me. I took away his only chance to meet his daughter,” I whisper.
 

“Lyndley, if he decides he can’t forgive you, you will have to accept that. You were young and made a mistake. If he loves you like I know he does, he will forgive you.” My dad never says much, so hearing him give me his thoughts makes me feel like I can get through anything.

When we finally break apart, I tell them I’m going to bed.
 

“We love you, Lyndley. We will always support you one hundred percent,” my mom states with a small, sad smile.
 

“I know, Momma. I love you both so much. Good night.”
 

Making my way into my room, I look around, remembering the last good memory I have of Jax and me.

“Baby, I don’t want to go watch that movie,” he whines. I’ve been trying for days to get him to go watch
A Walk to Remember
with me.
 

I poke out my bottom lip. “Please, Jaxie. I’ll do whatever you want if you take me.”

A grin appears on his handsome face and he looks me over. I’m dressed only in my black and white striped bikini. Having just gotten back from the creek, I was getting ready to shower, and he was sprawled out on my bed. Grabbing my hand, he pulls me on top of him. He kisses me and groans as I run my fingers across his cheek. When we break apart, I hover right above his lips.
 

“You know what I’d really like?” The grin on his face instantly gets me wet. I shake my head, and he drags a finger slowly up the side of my arm. "Well, I would love to get a whole night of just me and you. No friends, no parents." His voice drops to a husky whisper. I want nothing more than to spend a whole evening alone with him.
 

Nodding, I agree to whatever he wants. He kisses me once more before smacking my butt. Getting up, I flip him off, then walk out of my room and to the bathroom.