Authors: Patricia Eimer
Tags: #Humor, #paranormal romance, #jesus, #paranormal comedy, #incubus, #sattire, #Comedy, #Angels, #funny, #devil, #spirits, #god, #demons, #satan, #lord, #rogue, #alpha, #succubus, #omega, #daughter, #Humorous, #incubi, #Paranormal, #luck of the devil, #fallen angels, #succubi
Chapter Eighteen
“How was the nonexistent breakfast with your mom?” Matt asked later that night.
I followed him into Bridge City Bar and found the two tables he’d claimed in the back corner. “How did you know?”
“You woke me up when you pulled the feather from my hair.” He smiled. “Good ninja imitation, by the way.”
My shoulders slumped and I stared at my feet. “So is this going to be awkward?”
“Why don’t we discuss it at my place, later, without the audience?” he said, pulling out the chair beside him. “We have a bit of an audience right now.”
I sat, and waited for him to sit next to me. “Sure.”
“Did you already get the beers in?” Malachi asked as the large, male manifestation he’d selected sauntered around the table and dropped onto a chair across from Matt. “His Majesty doesn’t allow me to have money, so you’re buying my rounds tonight, Angel Boy. Consider it an inconvenience tax.”
Okay, this wasn’t going as well as I’d hoped. “Nice form,” I said, checking out his attempt to look like Pierce Brosnan during his James Bond days. “It’s a bit bigger than usual, isn’t it?”
“I thought it would work well for the evening.” Malachi held out his hand for Matt. “Malachi, Dread Demon and Former Commander of the 13th Legion of his Majesty’s Special Troops.”
Matt nodded and shook Malachi’s hand. “And yet, you’re usually only three feet tall and wear a dress?”
“Funny,” Malachi said. “But I prefer to think of it as travel-sized. And it’s a cowl, not a dress.”
“Be nice to my demon,” I said, struggling to keep my lips from quivering. “He can go straight to Dad and there would be Hell to pay. Literally.”
“And then I’d have to eat you,” Hope said, not bothering to keep the menace out of her voice. She sat beside Malachi and narrowed her eyes at Matt. “We’ve met before, but that doesn’t mean I completely approve of you. Don’t test me.”
Wow, if the bitch stare was already out, she was preparing for war. I’d hate to be my stalker when she caught him. Or anyone else who got in her way until her mood improved.
“I’ve got an idea of who your stalker might be,” Matt said.
“You do?” Tolliver asked. He and Lisa approached the table, him with a pitcher of beer and her with a couple of pilsner glasses.
“Yep, it didn’t take much to figure out, either. There are six members of the Angale who could be involved in this. And by the description your sister gave me, your stalker has to be an Angale. No one else would glow.”
“Seriously?” I gaped at him, wide-eyed. Was I so low profile only six freaky nephilim saw me as a threat and wanted to take me out? It wasn’t a vast, far-ranging Angale conspiracy to destroy the Throne of Darkness? That was disappointing. Maybe I needed to work on my profile more?
“I figured it wouldn’t be an angel, and Harold said he glowed yellow, which could only mean we’re dealing with a nephilim.”
“That doesn’t mean he has to be part of the Angale,” I said. “He might be a freelancer.”
“We’re all part of the Angale,” Matt said. “Every nephilim is born into the Angale. And only six of us have ever gone rogue. And a rogue wouldn’t do this.”
“Why not?”
“Because every one of us is terrified of being found and dragged home. There isn’t a prize big enough to make a rogue give up his freedom. Besides, I know the other five and they don’t match your stalker’s description.”
“How do we know the stalker isn’t a full-fledged angel?” Lisa asked, pouring beer into her and Tolliver’s glasses.
“Because God has a live-and-let-live policy with demons, unless you break the rules. And He has a definite hands-off policy when it comes to Faith and Hope. In fact, after a little small talk with another rogue, I found out something rather interesting. Not only are full angels not allowed to threaten you, they have to protect you if they know you’re in danger.”
“No shit.” I turned to Hope. “Did Dad tell you about this?”
“No, but when does Dad tell me anything relevant?”
“I knew,” Tolliver said.
“Me too,” Malachi said.
Why was I always the last to know? “You did?”
“It’s not my fault you never listen to me, is it?” Malachi said.
“And all of the proper Heavenly Host has been accounted for,” Matt added. “Besides, none of them look like a weasel.”
“So your stalker is a nephilim,” Malachi said. “I told you so.”
“And that means we can hurt him,” Hope said with a wicked smile.
“Fuck that,” Tolliver said. “A nephilim is fair game for soul extraction without having to jump through the diplomatic hoops we’d have to go through for an angel.”
“Exactly.” Malachi rubbed his hands together. “Now, who am I going to be eating, Angel Boy? Tell me it’s someone good. Please let it be someone good. A screamer. I love it when they scream.”
Matt’s eyes widened. He blinked a few times and shook his head. “Let’s get back to finding him first. What do you say?”
“Fine,” Malachi muttered. “Who do you think it is?”
“It could be any of them. They’re all nuts. I thought we could put a dossier together on each of them, and let your ghost look at them to see if someone looked familiar.”
“My question is, how did one of you find out where we are?” Hope asked, suspicion darkening her face.
“It isn’t hard,” Matt said. “You’re on Google. There are plenty of sermons dedicated to destroying the evil Satan has created amongst men. All it takes is the right questions put to the right nephilim and you can figure out Satan has two half-human daughters.”
“And what? You just typed ‘Daughters of Satan’ into the computer and up popped a picture of Faith?”
“That’s how the names Faith and Hope came up. Then I asked a few more questions. I’m a lawyer, that’s what I do.”
“That’s it?”
“There are fan pages out there for the two of you. I’d say demonic nephilim-run, by the looks of them, but they’re still easily accessible by the public.”
“What?”
He pulled out his phone and typed something into it, then handed it to me. I stared at a black webpage. ‘All Hail the Queens,’ it said in large, red letters, and beneath that were pictures of Faith and me. Lots of pictures.
“There are websites out there about us?”
“Welcome to the Internet age,” Matt said. “It didn’t take too much to figure out the landmarks behind you were Pittsburgh. After that, I found Faith in an Internet phone book. There aren’t many, but I got a big help when I managed to access Chicago PD reports about a young man who claimed you were a demon. The report said he was mentally unbalanced, but it skyrocketed you to the top of the list. One drive by the apartment building, and I knew I’d found who I was looking for.”
Uneasiness crept over me. “So you’re saying this fan boy did the same thing? He just got out there and found a webpage someone made and it led him right to me?”
“Basically, yes. But I don’t think this is a case of an obsessed fan boy who thinks he’s in love with you. This is something much more serious.”
“Then what is he so fixated on?” Lisa asked.
“He’s looking for a demonic nephilim so he can harness its power,” I said. “
My
power.”
“Correction: he’s looking for more demonic nephilim to harness for power,” Malachi said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“It’s the only way he’s phasing, or able to mask his actions. Think about it—no one noticed when he suddenly flew up and hovered outside the window while Lisa was killing Harold? It wasn’t in the papers? On the news? We didn’t even notice him, so he had to be masking himself like this one”—he nodded toward Matt—“masks his signature when you touch him.”
“You have a good point.” Hope focused her attention on Matt. “Why should we trust you? How do we know this isn’t some elaborate plot you’re a part of?”
“Don’t you think I’d have made a move by now?”
“Maybe you’re waiting for the right time? How should I know? It’s not like we’re experts on the affairs of psychotic Angale.”
He leaned forward, his hands on the table, and met her accusing glare with a level stare. “I’m not trying to steal Faith’s powers.”
Blackness curled around her, and her eyes turned from sapphire to ruby. “How can we be sure?”
“Don’t you think I would have taken them last night while she was, you know,
distracted
?”
“Is this something we really need to talk about?” I said, shrinking into my seat.
Hope raised her eyebrows, and I noticed the corners of her lips twitching upward. He’d stood up to her and hadn’t flinched. Apparently, I wasn’t the only Bettincourt female he’d managed to impress.
“Fine,” Hope said and took a drink of her beer. “You’ve got a point. I’ve done it enough in my misspent youth. But why should we trust you about this other nephilim?”
“Look, trust me or don’t trust me, but I’m telling you it’s one of these six nephilim you’re looking for.”
“Why exactly do these six have some sort of burning desire to take Faith’s power?”
He dragged a French fry through ketchup and pointed it at her. “The first five are crackpots who really believe in the total war to come. They’d love to take the opening shot of the war between Good and Evil and, even if they die in the process, go down in infamy for their actions.”
“And the sixth? What about him?”
“Someone stole what little he had,” Matt said, popping the fry into his mouth. “He always said some demoness stole it from him and now he’s got to harness other peoples’ power. He tried romancing other Angale and vicariously using theirs, but most of the females can’t stand him and he’s run out of sympathetic donors.”
Hope shifted uncomfortably in her chair, staring at her burger. That was interesting. She’d done it enough in her youth that she shouldn’t be surprised. It wasn’t a hard trick to pull off.
“So he needs another source?” I asked.
“He’s weak. Which means it’s probably not him. But if he wanted to regain his powers, he’s got to take them from somewhere. And he’s not going to take his chances romancing one of you after what happened last time,” Matt said. “So he’s trying to take it by force.”
“Why are any of them going after me? What makes me so special and not Hope?”
“You’re an easier target,” Malachi said. “If he takes you, he’ll have enough power to take Hope’s power as well. Especially if he can distract her.”
“And after Hope, he’s got enough to go for Lisa, since she’s the weakest,” Tolliver said.
“Can he do that? Steal my powers?” Lisa said and looked around at everyone.
“Yes, but we won’t let him.” My brother patted her hand. Once he was done patting, he curled his fingers around hers and she didn’t pull away. That was curious. Maybe he was growing on her? I’d been preoccupied with Harold and the whole stalker thing, but this called for some serious girl talk. Someone—Lisa—had some serious explaining to do.
“So the burning question is, who’s the nephilim with a death wish?” Hope asked. “And what demon is allowing them to share their powers?”
“I can find out,” Malachi replied. “It won’t be easy, not without alerting your father, but I can find out who’s been weakened.”
“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want you to know if I’d lost my powers,” I said. “Who’s going to admit that sort of thing? Hell thrived on the policy of Might Makes Right. To admit to weakness would be akin to career suicide in the demonic world.”
“No one is going to want to admit they’ve been tapped, or even worse, drained. But given enough time, I can find out,” Malachi assured me. “Someone who’s been tapped might be able to hide it, but someone who’s been drained will be obvious. Especially if the person we’re looking for banished them to the Gray Lands to finish off the job.”
“Would he actually drain someone and banish them afterward?” I asked. That was just cold. I mean draining someone was bad enough, but banishment? That really sucked. Purgatory was like the worst vacation ever.
“It is the easiest way to make sure the demons you’ve drained can’t come back and reclaim their powers,” Malachi said. “If it was me, that’s how I’d do it.”
“Better to be safe than sorry,” Matt agreed.
“That’s harsh,” Lisa said.
I nodded and stared gloomily into my beer.
We were screwed.
Chapter Nineteen
“So what do we do?” I asked Matt as we left the bar and walked to our building.
He squeezed my shoulder and pressed a kiss into my cheek. “What do you mean?”
“About the national deficit,” I said, and smacked his chest. We passed another couple headed in the other direction, stepped into the shadows of the building, and nodded politely. “What did you think I was talking about? The Angale who’s stalking me? You know the guy who decided to stop talking about the Angale party line and started walking it? Forget him, he’s so two hours ago.”
“Don’t get defensive. I was only teasing,” he said when we were alone again.
“Don’t get defensive? I have a psycho nephilim stalking me in an attempt to steal my powers and possibly use them as a stepping-stone to snatch everyone else’s powers, as well. I can’t imagine this little plan is what we call a good thing. Power-stealing generally isn’t a sign that good things will be happening.”
“Not all of us have sworn the oath,” Matt said. “I didn’t. And I need to tell you something.”
“What?”
“These Angale, the ones who might be stalking you?”
“What about them?”
“None of them are clear-headed guys. You really, really need to be careful. I mean, it’s really rare to find a stable Angale.”
“Like you,” I said, snuggling into him.
“Yeah, well, the difference between me and them is that I blackmailed the hell out of my father to get free.”
I turned to look at him, stunned, when we reached the crosswalk. “You blackmailed your father?”
“I wanted my freedom, and when I saw my chance, I took it. It wasn’t nice, and I’m not proud of it. But I’d do it again.” He led me across Carson and onto 26
th
Street.
“I’m not judging you,” I said. “Trust me—if anyone knows what it’s like being trapped by your family’s reputation, I’m that person. I know what it’s like. Can I ask you something, though?”
A knowing smile spread over his lips and he sighed, nodding. “He wanted to take another wife. She was smart enough to know not to get on my mother’s bad side, though, and becoming my father’s newest wife would put her squarely on my mother’s bad side.”
“Newest wife? You mean your parents are divorced? I didn’t think the Heavenly Order went for that.”
“They’re not divorced,” Matt said.
“But you said ‘newest wife.’”
“You could say my dad isn’t a big fan of monogamy.”
“Neither is mine. But you said your mom is a control freak. How does she handle him running around on her? I mean, when Dad tossed Tolliver’s mom overboard for my mother, it wasn’t a happy situation for anybody.”
“Well, first, it’s not exactly running around. He didn’t dump her and move on to another woman. He’s not having some clandestine affair, and is rather open about taking new mates. But he still expects her to jump at his every whim.”
“And your mother is okay with it?”
“Okay with it? God, no. She hates the idea, and the minute his back’s turned, she makes his newest favorite suffer. Constantly. But she’s always as discreet as possible about it.”
“Discreet? Why? I’d have murdered him while he slept the first time he took another mate.”
“Because according to Angale custom, the nephilim are inferior to the angels and we should be proud to be in their service. The sole purpose of Angale females is to make sons for the Holy Army and, if need be, die in the great and epic battle against your father. But only after everything is lost and there are no more men around to make more babies with.”
“You’re telling me you were raised in a cult of freaky polygamist angels and nephilim, and your mother resented it and fucked with the other wives whenever she got the chance?”
“In a nutshell? Yes. And because Dahlia knew it, she didn’t want anything to do with my father.”
“So what did you do?”
“I waited. Everyone waited. And meanwhile, my father is promising to repudiate my mother and make Dahlia his recognized wife.”
“You mean he was going to throw your mother overboard for a younger model?”
“That’s what he claimed. But everyone knew it wasn’t true. No one throws over Mother, not even an angel.”
“So you threatened to tell Dahlia he was lying.”
“Of course not,” Matt said. “That wouldn’t have gotten me very far. Dahlia would have refused to become his concubine and he’d have just ordered her to marry him, anyway. It would have been messy, but things like that always are.”
I wrinkled my nose at him. “So how did you blackmail him?”
Everyone always said the Heavenly Host were the good guys, but I’d never heard of a demon taking multiple wives and forcing women to marry them. No wonder the Alpha wanted nothing to do with the Angale. They were assholes, and if there was one thing He hated, it was assholes.
“All Dad needed was to make Dahlia believe him long enough to agree to the marriage. After that, she’d figure out pretty quickly that no one displaces Mother unless she wants to be displaced.”
“And you convinced her?”
“No, I threatened to tell Mother what he was telling Dahlia. As long as Mother wasn’t gumming up the works, Dad was fine. But if someone slipped his sales pitch to her, there would have been Hell to pay.”
“Literally.”
“I wouldn’t put it past her,” he said. “So I blackmailed him with the threat of telling my mother about his plans with Dahlia. He agreed to let me leave and go to college. Once I was out, I never went back. And they had very little hold over me. The moment I graduated law school, I ran.”
“And Dahlia? What about her?”
“She married Dad, and Mother started torturing her almost immediately. I’ve heard she’s miserable, but it didn’t stop her from offering up her sister Brenda for an alliance with my mother.”
“She wants an alliance?”
“If they’re allied, then Mother will move on to torturing one of the other wives. And there are plenty of other wives to choose from.”
“Sounds like it would have been more effective to castrate your father. It’s less work and a lot more effective.”
“And they say you’re the wimp of the family.” Matt took his hand off my shoulder and laced his fingers through mine when we turned onto our street. “But it seems like you’re the little savage when it comes to your claims on a mate. Hope is letting her mate go without a fight and you’d unman yours for straying.”
“There is no way for them to make it work, and she’s moving on. You can’t blame her.”
“No, it’s an irreconcilable difference of the most basic sort. She’s a demon, or a demonic halfling, as the case may be, and he wants to be an angel. They can’t stay married. Boris left Hope for a prophet, and she’s crying herself to sleep every night instead. But you said you’d castrate the angel or demon who left you for another woman. So who’s the fierce one? When the chips are down, you take care of business while she falls apart.”
“I don’t—”
“And I wish you’d realize how strong you are and quit running from the Angale. Even our strongest members only have a fraction of the strength you do.”
“Really?”
“I am one of the strongest Angale ever born, and you’ve said it yourself. You could end me where I stand and barely break a sweat. So why are you running? If I were you, I’d find this psychopath, end him in a very public, very painful manner, and let the chips fall where they may.”
“And have the entire Angale after me? Led by your mother, most likely? No thanks.”
“Nah, depending on how effective you are, she’ll probably end up on your side. Mother is in love with the idea of wielding power.”
“I highly doubt that. I doubt anything I do is going to get someone like me in with your mother.”
“Someone like you?” Matt asked. We reached our building and sat on the stoop. I noticed my father’s car parked down the street and tried not to sigh. He was the last thing I wanted to deal with tonight. Focusing, I listened for him until I heard his unmistakable snore upstairs on my couch. Thankfully, he was alone. But where the Hell was Mom?
“Oh, yeah. Just like me,” I said, laughing as I let my horns poke through just enough for the tips to protrude from the top of my head. I hated the horns. Nothing freaked people out like the horns. Okay, the tail was a close second, but at the same time it was handy as long as I was careful not to get into the habit of unintentionally using it and exposing myself in public. Cough, Tolliver, cough, cough.
“Yes, your choice of hair accessories might make her a bit wary,” Matt said. “But if you wield a power she thinks she can manipulate you into letting her control, she’ll become your biggest fan.”
“And you think working with your mother is something I need to keep in mind?” I eyed him, suspicion clouding my vision. I knew the angelic side of things was a little bit more conservative, but meeting his mother after one night? What was next? A proposal to restore my honor?
“She could come in handy,” Matt said with a shrug. “Once we’ve caught whoever is stalking you and she gets her hooks in him, I guarantee you no demon will ever have a problem with a vigilante member of the Angale. I bet she could teach your father a thing or two about causing pain.”
“Great.” I grimaced and tried to pretend it was a smile instead. “Exactly what I need—another bloodthirsty immortal with a bone to pick.”
“Hey.” He lightly bumped my shoulder. “I was teasing. God forbid, do you think I want her to know I’m here? That’s a one-way ticket back to Hell for me.”
“I’ll have you know Hell is actually a rather lovely vacation spot. The lake has a beautiful chalet on it, and most of the rooms look out over the giant plume that erupts on the hour.”
He chuckled. “It sounds picturesque.”
“Okay, not really. It’s a pit. Literally, a pit. But it’s home. And you know what they say about home.”
“You can’t run fleeing from it fast enough? It’s a giant black hole that always sucks you back in, makes you feel miserable about yourself, and spits you back out stark naked and shivering, in a bleeding, raw, overwrought emotional state?”
“No. I was going with, some days there’s nothing like going home again. But yours was good, too.”
“Sorry, but the thought of going home again makes me want to vomit.” He planted his hands behind his back, leaned on his arms, dropped his head onto a step, and stared at the stars.
I did the same. My front steps were surprisingly comfy. “It’s okay. If my family were a group of freaky angelic polygamists, I wouldn’t want to go home, either.”
“Don’t forget the arranged marriage.”
“Who could forget? So? Is she nice?”
“Who?”
“Brenda.” Otherwise known as the bitch with a prior claim on my man. Okay, so it was one heck of a date. Sue me.
“She’s nice enough,” Matt said. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with her. We were friends our entire childhood. Her brother actually put me up for a while until a place in your building opened up.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, he took off a few years before I did. When Brenda realized I was going to bolt, she gave me his contact information.”
“She knew?”
“She wasn’t happy about it, but she knew I was leaving no matter what. I got the impression she thought it was going to be a temporary thing. I’d sow some wild oats, come back to Biloxi, and settle down with her. Then we’d make tons of new soldiers for the Righteous and Glorious Cause.”
“The Righteous and Glorious Cause? Is that actually capitalized?”
“Yes, they actually capitalize it when they write it out. I used to make fun of them because of how silly it sounded. Now that I’ve met you, I’m trying to laugh so I don’t have some sort of existential crisis.”
I laced my fingers with his and gave him what I hoped was a comforting squeeze. “You wouldn’t be the first. People tend to have some faith issues when they let demon spawn into their lives.”
He turned his head toward mine, his expression so earnest my belly tightened. “Faith, you’re the first thing to make sense in my entire life.”
I swallowed, unsure of what to make of that. Everything was happening so fast. Too fast. “So what about going home? You said Brenda thought this was a temporary thing? Is this a temporary thing?”
“How do I say this without sounding like an ass?” Matt murmured. He sat up, hunched over with his forearms resting on his knees. When I rose as well, he said, “I’m not going home. Not now, not ever. If you don’t want me around, I’ll find some other way to mask myself and keep hiding.”
“I didn’t—” I swallowed, my words faltering in my throat. “I didn’t say you shouldn’t stay. I’d like you to stay. With the stalker around and all.”
“It would be safer.” Matt frowned a little and leaned into me.
“Especially since you know him,” I said quietly. “Maybe you could talk him down before my family, well, you know.”
“Before your family what?”
“Captures him, tortures him, sucks out his soul, and sends his physical body to Hell to be feasted on by minor demons?”
“It might be the best thing for everyone involved. Tolliver did seem as if he was relishing the idea of eating your stalker. Not that I blame him, but it could cause a serious incident.”
“What about Brenda?”
“Having Tolliver eat her, too, seems a little harsh. Especially for someone who was helping me. I was going to leave her in Biloxi. She’ll marry someone else eventually. But if you’re worried about her prior claim to me, I guess you could let Lisa practice on her. I always thought Brenda was more into my sisters than she was me, anyway.”
“But you said there wasn’t anything wrong with her,” I said and leaned infinitesimally closer, fighting the urge to kiss the angelic bastard already.
“But there’s nothing right about her, either,” he said, before he fit his lips against mine and gently kissed me.
“Sucks to be Brenda,” I said a few moments later, my lips still tingling.
“Let’s not talk about her. In fact, let’s not talk at all. I can think of something more enjoyable to do. Safer as well, since it will keep you off the streets and well-guarded.”
About time. I feigned innocence, blinking up at him with wide eyes. “What did you have in mind?”
“Let’s go up to my place for another drink?”