Loving the Senator (Capitol Affairs #1) (7 page)

“I don’t understand why wanting me is so wrong, Alex. Our hearts and bodies can’t help what we feel. Why am I so off limits to you? I’m here for your taking now and always. My body wants you right now and I feel like this with only you.” I was becoming pissed off at his resistance and teasing.

The music stopped, and his arms released me. He stood back and looked at me with that look in his eyes that he had the night we were together in my condo-passion and fear.

“It is not right. It is not right that I keep doing this to you either. It’s not fair to you for me to want you, and push you away. You are too special and wonderful for that. You are like a drug to me that I cannot get enough of. I know having you is wrong, but the need to have you is so strong, that I have to have just a little of you. Don’t you see? We can’t even dance together without wanting each other. It is too soon. It is too much. I’m sorry, again. I should not have come here tonight. I thought maybe seeing you in person would be different. The connection with you is even stronger, Prudence.”

“Then, why are you fighting it?” My temper was getting the best of me. My voice started shaking as I looked at this man who tore my heart out whenever he came around me. Whatever it was between us couldn’t be broken, though he kept fighting it. The music started again and this time we just stood there. I saw Thomas watching us out of the corner of my eye, ready to step in at any moment.

“I have to go. I’m sorry again. It’s just too much for me being around you. I just—I cannot do this. Prudence, please tell Beulah thank you and congratulations. I’m so proud of you. You are now a full-fledged lawyer. You are so smart and so talented along with beautiful and sexy. I just have to go,” he said as he pried his eyes off me, turned, and walked off. I didn’t follow him. I didn’t beg him to stay. I stood there, and I watched Alex, once again, leave me. Once again my soul broke.

Within seconds, Thomas held me as I cried into his neck, not wanting anyone to see my misery on my special day. I didn’t want Beulah to see me upset when she went to so much trouble to make this special for me. She had no idea that inviting him all, but ruined my evening. I saw people looking my way and whispering. I wanted to disappear.

“Shush now, honey. It’s okay. It’s okay,” he said as he rocked me in his arms. Nothing more needed to be said. He walked me out of the tent. We went outside to be alone. He handed me a glass of wine, and I downed it in one long sip. He gave me a Kleenex, and I wiped the tears from my eyes and face.

“I’m such an idiot to keep wanting him over and over, and he keeps fucking walking away,” I cried, trying not to let the other guests see my heartbreak or hear my language.

“You have to let it go, Prude. It is not going to change. He is always going to see you as a little girl, and that is what is holding him back, honey,” said Thomas, holding me tight in his arms.

“Why? I don’t understand. We are meant to be together. I feel it, and I see it in his eyes.”

“I can’t answer that, honey. You have to move on and get your mind off of him.”

“I don’t want to Thomas. He is my mind, my heart and my entire being. I don’t know how to explain it. I can’t describe it. He’s part of me, and when he does this, a part of me dies,” I continued to cry. I covered my face in the Kleenex to muffle my sobbing.

“You have to let it go, honey. You have to live without him,” said Thomas, still holding me tight again.

“I don’t think I can.” I cried.

Bruce came up, took over, and held me to him for a while. Thomas went and got us a bottle of champagne to share. It helped calm me down and forget about the man I wanted more than anything or anyone. I tried to shake off the pain, to enjoy my party and be thankful of the people that came to celebrate with me. It was hard, but after a few more glasses of champagne, I was doing better. The party was ending, and I excused myself for a while to freshen up and try to get myself together. Thomas followed me to my room, and he helped me with my makeup. In no time, I looked somewhat improved. I spent the rest of the night with my dad and his family. Luckily, my dad knew nothing about the connection between Alex and me. After a few more glasses of wine, I felt better. I was determined to drown the thoughts of Alex that night.

Once again, he tore my heart out as he teased me with possibilities, and then left me. Why couldn’t he stay away? If he left me alone, I could get past this. I needed to stay away from him and get on with my life. I acted like a hopeless little girl in love, and it was getting me nowhere. Victoria would have ripped his balls off by now, and be disappointed in me. I had to get tough, and I had to say enough.

***

I made it through Christmas and New Year’s, unhappy, but trying to make the best of it. The rest of the winter I kept busy with my job and a short trip I took to see my dad in San Diego. I had a good time, but once I got back, the memories of Alex hit me hard. I found myself obsessively watching the local channel when the Senate was in session. I looked for him everywhere I went. Everything I did I had him on my mind.

I threw myself into studying for the bar exam, and to my surprise, I passed it on the first try. It was hard as hell, and studying for it, even harder. It consumed my every free moment for a while, which was a good thing.

Victoria’s firm offered me an entry-level job under her guidance. To me, having her as my mentor was a great part of the salary. With a substantial figure offered to me, I was on top of the world, career wise. Everything fell into place. There was one thing missing, and that one thing was pretty big. The thought of Alex Conrad was always there, making me realize that everything was not perfect. I longed for his lips, his hands, and his body.

The day after a huge thunderstorm that knocked down trees and power lines everywhere, Victoria asked me to lunch. I was surprised because she never eats lunch, and never with someone in the office. I felt honored and taken back by her being so forward. She asked me-or rather told me-we were doing lunch early that morning. She looked frazzled, which was odd for a woman such as herself. Nothing ever got to her, or at least that is how she came across. I didn’t even know if she had a husband or children, or anything about her outside work. She showed no emotion except when she was in court, and then it was one emotion, anger. She has never been sorry for a client, just the need to get revenge, or justice, and intimidation.

We took her black four-door Porsche to a very elegant restaurant called, the Blue Basil Grill. It was frequented by the elite of Washington DC. I had never been in there myself, but I had heard it is the place to be if you were anybody in Washington. The place was a simple brick building with ivy growing up the front of it and a blue awning that said its name. Once inside, the restaurant was amazing. It was dark, and the walls were brick with paintings by local artists. Blue tablecloths covered each table, which held a candle in the middle. When we got there, the restaurant was not busy because it was earlier than the normal lunch hour. I ordered a salad, and she ordered a steak and a large glass of wine. I was shocked.

I was worried when we got settled in, thinking maybe this was her way of firing me. The days working flashed in my head as I tried to think if I had been doing something wrong. I couldn’t come up with anything, except for my friendship with Thomas, whom she hated.

“Is this my firing lunch or something, Victoria?” I asked, sipping my water. Maybe I wasn’t doing such a good job as I thought. The waiter came and poured her wine for her, and she acted less than pleasant towards him.

“What? Of course not, Prudence. Jesus Christ, I’m not that heartless. Besides, you are one of the best lawyers in that place. I just wanted to get out for once with a girl. You need to see this place because you will be dining here with clients. I wanted you to see it with me. Personally, I hate it, and I’m not too pleased with the food here, but you have to be seen and today was a great day to start. I also needed to ask your opinion concerning something personal, if you don’t mind.”

Wow. She wanted my opinion. I was floored. She had no clue that she asked for help from a girl who once lived in a trailer park. No one I associated with knew about my past, except Thomas, and of course, Alex. I made sure I never talked about my personal business, and no one asked me about it either. I wanted to keep it that way.

“I don’t know what I can say help-wise. I’m willing to give it a shot, though,” I said, picking at my salad.

“This is private, just between you and me. Even though I like you, I will be very upset if it is discussed with anyone. That fluttering friend of yours, Thomas, enjoys gossip and spends a lot of his time at somebody’s desk doing just that. He has a big mouth, and I will know if you say anything. I don’t make it a practice to tell anyone my personal business and I suggest that you do the same as you get older. The fewer people know the better. And most people just don’t give a shit, or they will use it to hurt you,” she said.

“Your word is safe with me, Victoria.”

She acted nervously, and her eyes looked like they had been crying when I made eye contact with her. I had never noticed she had green eyes. I had never noticed she had a habit of biting the inside of her mouth when she was getting worried. She took a big gulp of her wine and started talking.

“I’m married. I don’t know if you knew that or not. Twenty-eight years with the same dick and it has been a pleasant marriage most of the time. I’ve never once cheated on him. I have no time for that kind of behavior, nor do I care to put myself through that. I have endured his cheating ways and tolerated it for too long. He knew he could do it, and I wouldn’t say anything because of who I was. I didn’t want any of that to get out and make me look weak. It could ruin me if anyone found out my husband cheats on me.”

She swallowed a big gulp of wine again and patted her hair. I could see this was uncomfortable for her to talk about herself. I did not want to interrupt her as she continued to tell me about her life.

“Last week I caught him, with our Guatemalan maid. It was pathetic walking in on him, sweating all over her while he humped her scrawny ass. I should have never hired her, but she came cheap. I never realized cheap meant whore, as well. I nearly shot her. I went insane and fired my entire staff since I think they are related in some way. If they speak of this, they will be ruined too, so I’m sure no one is talking, if they don’t want to be deported. I kicked out my husband, and he is staying at our house on the Cape. I don’t know what to do, and I need advice from one woman to another. What would you do if you were in my situation?”

I was shocked that she was telling me this. I needed a huge vat of wine to get through this inquisition, and all I had was water. This was the first time we had ever talked about anything other than work for longer than two minutes. I was amazed she thought I was trustworthy enough to spring this on me. I wanted to hide. I had no idea what she was fishing for or what kind of information I could give her to make her feel happy. I mean, really. What if I said the wrong thing and she got pissed off at me? Good God. This was too much stress. I was speechless, but she was waiting for an answer that I was afraid to give her. I took a huge gulp of water, said one quick prayer, went for it.

“Well, do you love him? That should be what you are asking yourself first. I mean, can you live without him enough to let him go?”

She looked at me, and I could tell she was thinking. I didn’t think she ever thought about love or feelings outside of the courtroom. I watched as she bit her lip and rolled her cloth napkin into a cylinder tube.

“I do love him, yes. I have loved him forever, and I don’t know what it would be like to stop loving him or not having him in my life. I don’t want to lose him, not now. I have too much time invested in him. I don’t think any other man could tolerate me. I will certainly not lose him to a nasty whore. We have a child together. Although he is grown, I still don’t want this to affect him,” she said. I was once again shocked she had a child.

“Well then you need to get your marriage fixed. It sounds as if it has been broken for a long time now. Do you go to any therapy or consider going?” The waiter kept coming by and filling up our water glasses, and she stopped talking. She gave him a mean glance for interrupting her.

“I see a shrink, but he doesn’t. He has asked several times for us to go, but I have refused. I just didn’t want anyone to know that I have a soft side and my husband brings that out in me.” Who knew anyone human could make Victoria emotional?

“You need to fight for him and get him to a therapist with you and see why he cheats. It might be something simple that can be fixed and never happen again.” I tried to eat my salad in between my marriage counseling to a woman I never talked with seriously before. She nodded her head and started eating her steak as we sat in silence for a few moments.

“You are making sense, Prudence. I guess I can try one more time and see what happens. I don’t want to seem weak to him.”

Thank God, she wasn’t choking me yet for what I told her. She listened to me.

“I don’t think you will look weak. He wants to know you love him, and maybe that’s what’s wrong.”

The place filled up with more people on their lunch hour, and Victoria got uncomfortable. I could tell she wanted to go. I’m sure she didn’t want anyone in there that might know her or see her in an emotional state.

“Victoria, I think you want to make it work, but you don’t want to give in. You are not accustomed to giving in, and the idea scares you. For the love of this man, you should show him you love him. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and give him what he needs. He is just reaching out to you and doing this seems to be the way he can get your attention,” I continued on a role.

She didn’t speak, but continued to eat and nod her head in agreement.

“Thank you. You helped me today giving me another perspective on how a woman should act. I appreciate it. If there is anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate. You are doing a magnificent job, Prudence. I can’t believe you thought I was going to fire you. You need to have more confidence in yourself before you go out in that courtroom against intimidating criminals. If you don’t think it, just fake it and eventually you will have it. That is how I started. You remind me of myself. I see great things in your future. Have faith in yourself,” she said, looking me in the eye.