Loving Lucas (24 page)

“And now Karlie knows, too. She disappeared after I told her she had a family.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not good enough. Why didn’t you adopt her? Accept her as family?”

“Just because you’re a cop doesn’t give you the right to bully me. What’s your badge number? I’ll call your sergeant.”

“I
am
a sergeant.”

Her thin lips form an O.

“Tell me the truth.”

A long moment of silence passes between us before she perches on the edge of her couch. “Steven is my brother—my only sibling,” she starts. “Our parents died when we were young, leaving me to raise my brother. When he fell in love with a junkie fresh out of high school, I wasn’t happy. Karlie’s mother destroyed his life,
our
lives.”

“I understand your pain and resentment, but how does that keep you from loving Karlie?”

“She sucked the life out of my brother. Week by week I watched him slowly die inside, drifting farther and farther away from reality. The medical bills were unmanageable. And her mother didn’t do anything to help. She was more interested in her next fix than loving her family. Sometimes I wished Karlie would die. But she didn’t.”

Anger stirs inside me. What kind of animal is she? The kind that eats her own young.

“After Steven was arrested, he begged us to adopt Karlie. I refused, but promised to provide a roof over her head on the condition I never had to acknowledge her as family. Try to understand—with every passing day, she reminded me of her mother.”

Thank God I didn’t tell Karlie this bitch was her flesh and blood. At least her father loves her. This shell of a human being makes me sick. “Has she contacted you?”

“No. Why would she?”

“Exactly,” I say. “If she does, don’t tell her who you are. If you do, I won’t be held responsible for what
I
do. Understand?” Our gazes lock.

She nods.

I approach and she flinches. “This is my card. Call me if she shows up.”

“I will.”

“Now get your brother.”

I spend the next hour discussing everything with Steven, begging him not to pursue Karlie any longer.

“I’m reluctant to agree to anything,” he says. “I want to spend whatever time I have left on this earth making it up to her.”

“She’s incapable of processing all of this right now. She needs time, Mr. Augustine. Once she’s emotionally stable, I’ll gently encourage her to get to know you. But not a minute sooner. Do this for me and I’ll help you get your life on track. I have friends who own construction companies in town. You need a job, right?”

He nods.

“I’ll put in a good word for you.”

“You’d do that for me?”

Through his rough exterior, I see a father who loves his daughter. Right or wrong, blood is blood. “You’re going to be my father-in-law. That makes you family.”

He stands, offering his hand.

I shake it. “Promise you’ll honor my wishes.”

“I will.”

I believe him.

“Can I call occasionally to get updates? I need to know she’s all right.”

I give him my card. “Day or night.”

“Thank you. Please let me know when you find her.”

I drag myself back to my truck, feeling like my whole world is coming undone.
When I find her? Doesn’t he mean if?

Please Karlie, come back to me.

I haven’t talked to Lucas or Marie in three days. There are texts and numerous voice messages on my cell and emails I simply deleted. I can’t find my voice, although I did contact my professors individually and told them I had a family crisis. It’s no lie. I do. Out of nowhere I have a father. But he killed my mother. It reads like a bad book or country song at best. I’m the product of a drug addict and a felon. Tears slide down my cheeks and I don’t bother wiping them away. That empty canvas I always envisioned myself as has been forever altered; now it’s striped with black. I liked it better when I didn’t know, when I didn’t have to admit I had a past.

I sit on the pleather couch, taking in my dismal surroundings. For fifty dollars a night, since it’s off-season, I can rent an efficiency condo on North Beach. I dipped into my savings and decided to buy myself some time to think. I gaze at my engagement ring, my future unknown.

Lucas didn’t do anything wrong. Acting out of kindness and responsibility, he shared information about my life and I snapped. This is about self-loathing. All these
what ifs
are whirling through my mind. Especially the
what if
Lucas undergoes a new court-ordered background check to get custody of his son and they find out about my father? I can’t keep those two apart. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if Lucas were forced to choose between us.

And
what if
I’m like my father? Or mother? Do I have an inherent proclivity for violence or drug abuse?
God.
No wonder the Johnsons emotionally isolated me. At least they never pretended to care. I received what I needed to survive—food, water, clothes, and education. Occasionally a hug if I did something right, but no kisses. No deep admiration like the other kids received. It didn’t take me long to figure out I was different. That’s when I began building that defensive wall inside. Marie was the first to penetrate it, then Connor.

My cell rings; it’s Marie. Without hesitation, I answer. I need to hear her voice—I need her help.

“Karlie?”

“I’m okay.”

She exhales. “Thank God. Everyone is freaking out. Lucas filed a missing person report and from what I hear, even Brandon’s coworkers are looking for you.”

“Bounty hunters?”

“And cops—under the radar, though.”

“Oh my God. I didn’t mean to cause so much trouble.” I didn’t. Emotions overtook me. “The only thing I could think about was getting away.”

“Where are you? Let me come over.”

“Please don’t ask, Marie.”

“You can’t hide forever. What about Lucas? He’s going crazy, Karlie. Hasn’t eaten in two days. Even Charles is searching for you.”

“Do you know what happened?”

“Yes,” she says. “I’m sorry—I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, baby girl, but that doesn’t mean you give up. Where’s my determined Karlie? The one who wants to get married and start her own life? That’s the woman you need to be. Not the desolate girl I met in high school. Don’t take three steps back—you’ve fought too hard to get where you are now.”

I sniff into the phone. “I can’t. Living in the same town with that man . . .”
 

“Why do you need to make any decisions concerning your father right now? If you choose to never meet again, Lucas will make sure he stays away. He already agreed to stop following you.”

“My father is a murderer.”

“Yes,” she agrees. “According to the law and the State of Texas. He spent twenty years in prison, and if we’re sticking to the law, he’s paid his debt to society.”

“Are you defending him?”

“No. But the circumstances surrounding your mother’s death are different than most. A crime of passion, Karlie. And I refuse to lie to you. Don’t withdraw into some dark place because of something you have no control over. Lucas loves you. I love you. There are a lot of people who care.”

“For Lucas’s sake.” I owe him that much.

“No. Because
you
make him happy.”

I know she’s right. Lucas is the silver lining, my happily-ever-after; the proof is on my finger. He wants to marry
me,
not someone else. I make him happy. I make him smile. Not a girl with a perfect life. Me. Karlie Augustine, the girl from nowhere.

“Come home, Karlie.”

“I-I . . .”
 

“Come home,” she pleads.

I press send for the thirtieth time. Where is she? I throw my cell on the couch, then visit Karlie’s room again. I found her journal in a drawer yesterday. I opened it, reading a couple of paragraphs on the first page. After I realized what it was, I immediately put it away. However, more and more I’m tempted to read it. She’s left me no alternative. What if there’s a clue inside?

Unable to resist, I scan the first few pages, random entries about school. I flip through a few more, finding a page entitled
Lucas
. My breath hitches; her deepest feelings might be revealed. Do I risk finding out? Yes . . .

My only love, Lucas Lafontaine . . .

You tell me I’ve brought you more joy than any woman you’ve ever met. You swear something more powerful than fate, maybe divine intervention, placed you at the track the night Connor attacked me. I’ve never believed in fate, or maybe I just never knew what it was. I cling to my faith because it gives me something to believe in. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I don’t believe in myself.

But a few weeks ago, I noticed the tiniest spark in my heart. Then I began to understand fate—how everything happens for a reason. As early as the morning after we met, I woke up with a smile on my face. Although I didn’t know in the moment where it came from, it was there just the same.

When I turned over in bed, I didn’t cringe at the thought of Connor opening his eyes. He wasn’t there. I was free. Free to think for myself. Free to choose what I’d do with my day. Free from the prevailing anger that had dominated my life for nearly two years.

You did that, Lucas.

You.

And for that—even if we can never be more than we are now—I love you.

I close my eyes. The entry is dated three weeks ago. She fell for me at the same time I fell for her. Our hearts have been in synch all along. “It’s not fate, darlin’, it’s love.”

I put the diary away, ashamed I violated her privacy. But what I read has renewed my hope. She needs time. My phone rings. I run to the couch and answer.

“Hello?”

“Lucas, it’s Marie.”

“Did you find her?”

“Yes,” she says. “She’s safe. It took me two hours to find out where’s she’s staying. And I’m not sure I should betray her confidence.”

“Please,” I beg. “I’m going crazy waiting. All I want to do is bring her home.”

“She’s determined to make it on her own. Somehow she’s talked herself into believing that her father will endanger your chance of winning custody of your son. She loves you. But I don’t know if that’s enough.”

“Of course it is,” I say. “Tell me where she is.”

“Del Rey Condominiums on North Beach, Unit 256.”

“Thank you.” My heart is thundering and I can feel blood pumping through my veins. “I need to go.”

Chapter Thirty

I feel sick to my stomach and Marie is on her way over. Facing her will be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I feel like everything has changed, that somehow, having a criminal father alters who and what I am. I pad into the bathroom and stare in the mirror. Same brown hair and blue eyes. That’s my sad face—the one I’ve stared at every day for twenty-one years. I grab a wad of toilet paper and wipe the streaked mascara off my eyes. Then I remember Steven Augustine’s blue eyes.

I have his eyes.

I don’t care. We share something more diabolical then simple eye color: DNA.

I walk to the kitchen. I went shopping yesterday and bought some yogurt, apples, and orange juice, but nothing appeals to me. Next I stalk into the living area, three feet from the galley kitchen. I can’t believe I left the comfort of home for this box. Four hundred square feet meant to provide nothing more than shelter to families here to enjoy the beach. But I know I’ll end up staying here long term. It’s time for me to have my own space.

Someone knocks on the door and I rush to open it.
Marie—I’ve missed her so much.

“Karlie . . .”
 

I recoil—it’s Lucas. I can’t believe Marie told him where I am.

He steps inside. “Please, baby . . . I can’t stop thinking about you, Karlie—can’t eat, sleep, or breathe. Don’t run away from me again.” He closes and locks the door.

“You—you shouldn’t be here.”

“I need to be here. I need to be with you.”

“Too much has happened, Lucas. I can’t trust myself.”

“Don’t say that.” He surges forward, but stops short of touching me. “You’re confused. Having a father with a record doesn’t change anything. My fiancée is the sweetest, most beautiful, and most dedicated person I’ve ever met. You overcame so many adversities, graduated at the top of your class, and now you’re halfway done with college. Don’t let anything ruin your future.”

“How can we stay together? If anyone finds out about my father, it will affect your chances of getting Alex back.”

“Is that what this is about?” He looks surprised. “Let me worry about my ex-wife. For too long I’ve let her get away with lying. That’s something my attorney will be addressing soon.”

“A lawyer can’t change the facts, Lucas. You’ve told me before how careful you are. Not just because you want custody of Alex, but what about your career? Can’t my father’s history hurt you?”

“Not if I’m honest about it from the start. If your father stays in compliance with the terms of his parole and strives to prove he’s been rehabilitated, having a son-in-law like me might actually benefit the state and him. I’ll keep him in line, even if you don’t want him in your life. I won’t let anything interfere with
our
happiness.”

I feel like my heart is being pulled in different directions. “I don’t know how to deal with him yet.”

“Just know he loves you. There’s no excuse for what he did and he paid the ultimate price. Freedom is the greatest gift we possess. Nothing in your past can hurt you. It’s a small part of who you are now, nothing more. You’re loved. Brandon and Marie love you. And by God, Karlie Augustine, I’m going to marry you.”

He doesn’t wait for me to respond—he’s all over me. His hot breath tickles my skin as his big hands trail up my back. Then, starting at the base of my neck, he nips and licks, working upward, until our mouths collide in the most possessive kiss I’ve ever felt. His tongue delves deeper, reminding me why I fell under his spell. My tears fall freely, but I don’t let it keep me from expressing how I feel. I press closer into him, my hands sliding over his muscles. He’s unbelievably strong. And I feel safe. Lucas is the only sanctuary I’ll ever need.