Love's Learning Curve (16 page)

Thank the Lord.  I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, and in a split second, I realize that the spell she’s cast on me is still in full force.  I reach up to her right cheek that houses the adorable dimple.  Her smile grows when I brush the backside of my fingers along the softness of her cheek.

She’s so beautiful.  If I saw nothing else tonight, the look on her face right now would be enough.  I reach down to reclaim her hand, satisfied with the warmth and comforted by having it back in my own.

When the remainder of my four senses awakens, I recognize the smell of funnel cakes and sausages and peppers that waif through the air surrounding us and reminding me that I have a hungry girl to feed.  I’m feeling it now too.  “As promised, buttercup, food.”  I lead her to the line of food trucks.  When her little tongue unknowingly escapes her mouth to run inconspicuously along her bottom lip as she looks around at her food options, I feel my pants tighten.  Whoa.  She needs to keep that tongue of hers tucked away.  A shiver runs up my spine.  I resist the impulse to drop her hand as the bolt of electricity shoots straight through me touching every nerve ending in my body.  She’s so enamored by the scenery that she thankfully doesn’t notice.

“So what would you like to eat?  You pick,” I offer, attempting to distract myself from the thoughts of her mouth, but it’s nearly impossible. 

Her on her knees. 

Her bent over a picnic table. 

Her in my bed.
 

Shit, her anywhere.

She lets out a little squeak of excitement, and thankfully, my devious thoughts slip away.  Although, I know it’s only temporary.  I also know Charlie isn’t that type of girl, which only leads me to further question my attraction to her.  I only spend time with one ‘type’ of chick—the opposite of everything that Charlie is. 

The girls who don’t require any effort and date planning aren’t a concern.  Hell, the only thing I think about with that ‘type’ is whether my sheets are clean.  Fuck me.  She’s way out of my league.  I’m just not sure why I care all of a sudden.

“Ty, how can I possibly decide?  I just want it all.”  Her eyes flick around, studying her options.  Ha.  I want it all too and not just the damn fair food.  My cock twitches in my pants reminding me of its own hunger.  I decide in seconds how to resolve both issues and instruct her to sit at one of the picnic tables nearby and wait.

Gathering a feast of samplings for us is the perfect excuse to get a little space between us and gain a little control over myself.  I figure since this is the first time at a fair, she should probably try everything.

How is it even possible that Charlie has never been to a fair?  What kind of people are these parents of hers?  Hell, she’s not poor.  That’s apparent.  I push the questions aside, for now, not wanting to spoil her sense of adventure tonight. 

After I get my shit together, which, for a minute, I thought might only be solved by escaping to the nearest bathroom to handle this shit, I finally arrive back to her. I set the footlong corndog, sausage and peppers hoagie, jumbo pizza slice, hand-cut french fries, and sodas in front of her and settle in next to her for our first official meal together.

The food.  The rides.  It’s everything I’ve ever imagined.  I’m not really sure this night could get any better.  Ty seems determined to make this the ultimate fair experience since it’s my first official time.

We get off The Flying Bob carts that zoom quickly around the hills of the circular track, forward and then backward, with music blaring almost too loudly through the speakers.  It was fun, but not quite as exhilarating as being on the back of Ty’s motorcycle.

When the cart got up to full speed, I couldn’t keep my body from sliding into Ty. It was a little embarrassing.  I tried to hold myself off him, but it was impossible.  He seemed to be okay with it since he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and graced me with his adorable trademark side-smile.  I fully expected this thing with Ty to be a ‘just friends’ sort of thing, but I can’t deny that every minute I spend with him brings a new set of emotions to me.

The butterflies in my stomach easily match those of a charging herd of wildebeest.  When he slid his arm around my shoulder on the ride and willingly accepted me into his embrace, I melted just a little more than the times he’s held my hand.  This night has been eye opening for me.  What am I even talking about?  This whole day has been eye opening.

We walk down the ramp, me in front of Ty, and he places his hand on the small of my back.  His touch, soft and gentle, coaxes me forward off the ride and encourages the thoughts of hoping for so much more from him.

I feel light and completely free of all the chains that held me captive up until this morning.  It’s amazing what a new perspective can do for you, but I also am not naïve enough to believe that I’ve successfully broken through to my mother with one little episode of standing up for myself.  I’m not exactly sure why she let it go today.  My defying her was out of character for me.  She’s likely more angry after that than before, but for whatever reason, she didn’t respond.  I shiver at the thought of her formulating a plan of action to get me back to my obedient family-serving ways.

I don’t notice his questioning glances at first, but the intent stare after we exit the back of the ride quickly becomes blatantly obvious.  We’re tucked away from the bright lights of the midway attractions.  Since we’re the last couple to get off, he pulls me to the side just off the ramp and stops.  The music from the ride is still obscenely loud, and the darkness covering the backstage of the ride would normally give me an eerie vibe, but with Ty, I feel safe.  He’s had numerous opportunities to be the person who Morgan described, and so far, unknowingly, he’s done nothing but dispel it all.

“You okay, buttercup?  You seem very far away all of a sudden,” he asks, the concern lacing his voice evident.  I can’t help but smile.

I’m not even sure if the way he makes me feel, the way he makes me wish for more, is warranted.  It’s all happened so quickly for me, but my attraction to him is clear as the light of day.  I like him, and I like him so much more than a new friend should.  The problem I have is that I’m not sure these feelings and escaped thoughts of the possibilities of a real relationship with a guy like him can ever have wings.  I’ve never learned to fly on my own in this way because my life has never been my own.  Scripted lines and the laws of obligations to my family ties have held my life captive.  I don’t exactly know how to just sit back and allow nature to run its course, but I want to learn.

Tonight is not about solving my world of issues, but maybe, it’s about learning to fly on my own, even if it’s just taking the first step to the end of a branch.  Tonight is a magical night of experiencing things I’ve always wanted.  It’s having a moment of freedom to see if I can even survive without a roadmap of plans.  I shake off my thoughts, mentally cheering myself to let go of expectations and enjoy the moment.  I look up at Ty seeing the sparkle of the lights over my shoulder dancing in his stormy eyes.  He’s being patient with me.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than I am right now,” I tell him honestly.  “I can’t thank you enough for tonight.”  His hand moves to my shoulder, and he steps closer to me.  My arms hang limply at my side leaving me feeling awkward.  I want to reciprocate his simple touch.  I reach up placing one hand over his on my shoulder and the other on his bicep.  The moment feels raw and electric, and my forwardness in making this move surprises me, but it feels natural.

A sense of calmness consumes me.  Ty gives no vocal response, but his approval is evident in the smile that’s been present most of the night and his acceptance of my touch.  My arms wrap comfortably around him when he pulls me into his arms.  He presses the side of my face snugly into his chest as his arms wrap me in a warm embrace.  His chin rests on the top of my head.  My body is alert to all his movements.  I can feel the breath of his exhale tickle my scalp as it escapes into my hair.

We stay this way in an embrace for many moments, and it feels so different from any of the hugs or embraces I’ve ever had.  The ride is loaded and in motion as we stand there, but I don’t want to move.  I don’t want this feeling to go away.  I can’t imagine never having this again, but with each of these new feelings, it brings a deeper craving for more.

His voice is quiet in the midst of so much chaos, but I don’t miss his words.  Words that give a clue to his matching awareness of our obvious attraction.  “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, Charlie. I should be thanking you.”

His precious words with the embrace give me hope; hope that even though I’m learning to fly on my own with tiny little baby steps, I’ll be okay.

Her soft touch on my arm initiates a reflexive response from my body that I never expected.  I pull her little body into my own with a sense of urgency.  Damn … it feels so good to have her so close to me right now. And not because the circumstances required it like when I carried her passed out form from the party, or when she was snugly saddled behind me on my bike.  Those instances were necessities; this is a need but by choice.  A need fueled by the spell she has on me.  The allure is completely out of my control, but I’m starting to really like this feeling.

Every impulse that has captivated me since the moment her sassy blue eyes met mine has rocked me to the core.  I wanted to resist the urges.  Hell … I’ve tried.  This is more than a need to work out sexual tension.  I wish it were that easy, but fuck if I don’t want to miss out on what’s to come.  Charlie is significantly more than a distraction for me, and I know it, even if I proved to myself today that I could still throw the ball and do what I’ve always done on the field.  I know that she changes the game for me.  She’s unleashed a need.  A need that makes me question everything, including my future.  A need I’ve kept at bay for a damn long time.  A need for me to feel—to embrace, and …
FUCK
, to love.

When the words slipped off my tongue telling her I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, it wasn’t a lie.  I’d choose to be anywhere with her over anything else, honestly.  And as true as it is, it scares me.  Moving forward and pursuing a relationship, a real one, is something I don’t have time for especially not with the first season game next weekend.  But walking away from her is proving to be impossible.