Love's Forbidden Flower (8 page)

“Come on, Lil. Time to break it up.” Donovan is trying to keep his cool, but his terse voice sells him out. Removing myself from his hold is easy. Of course he would not anticipate resistance. He expects me to follow him like a good puppy.

“Donovan, I'm fine. Please leave me alone.”

“You don’t seem fine. You need to go home.”

His forcefulness makes me undress him with my mind.

Wait. That self-righteous bastard! Did he really say, “
You
need to go home?” and not “
I'm
going to take you home?” What am I supposed to do, walk?

“I'm not going home. I'm fine.” The slur in my voice almost makes it inaudible as I turn to go back to Al.

Donovan puts an arm around my waist as if I'm a delicate doll made of glass. His tenderness is killing me, and he knows it. He always sees through me, which makes me a little paranoid about how earnestly he's taking this situation. Therefore I must believe him when his words penetrate me with all the love of a big brother. “Lily, I don’t think you know what you're doing.

As my brain starts to whirl, it sees that he's right, but it's happening anyway. Pent up emotions are about to control my voice. My cottony tongue somehow manages to slur the words in a whisper so soft my own ears can barely discern it. “Donovan, tonight I'm going to lose my virginity, and it will be either to you, or him. You get to decide which, but you have to do it now.”

My insides increasingly quiver as I walk away. Is he calling my bluff? Is he so annoyed that he gave up and left, only to pick up the trollop on his way out in retaliation? Upon reaching Al, who's just about to slip his arms around my hips, I'm swept off my feet and plopped down out of the way. Donovan’s eyes are so ablaze that they actually look scorching. “Don’t you dare touch her!”

“Come on D-boy. I’m your friend. Cut me some slack. You don’t want to hurt me.” Al’s sentence sounds like the smear of a bug that has been stepped on and dragged with the bottom of a shoe.

“And you don’t want to fight me Al, ‘cause I’ll kill you.” The gathering crowd cringes as the resonance in his voice proves Donovan means every bit of it. This is the new Donovan—the one who turns into the Incredible Hulk. It's the polar opposite of his true ego that existed as little as two months ago. Did I unleash the monster again? I’m so disoriented that I can’t do anything to stop it.

Thankfully, Donovan shows he still has his priorities. Without hesitation, he swings around, swoops me into his arms, and leaves the gym with his damsel.

I'm nuzzled in Donovan’s arms when we arrive at the car. He feels heavenly, like on Christmas night when we were on the verge of wonderment. But my heart sinks as he opens the car door and places me inside like a piece of coral—fragile yet jagged. “Noooo. Please don’t let me go.”

“It’s all right Lil, I'm going to take you home. Let’s get you buckled in all nice and safe. You're going to be just fine. And if you're lucky I won’t kill you before dawn.”

Halfway home, the haze is forced away enough to snuggle my head into his shoulder. “Please don’t take me home.”

“Where am I supposed to take you?” His tone tells me he's deservedly angry, yet feeling responsible for my actions and doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. It plays into my one-track mind.

“Take me someplace where we can be alone. Take me to the top of that hill over there, and hold me all night. Wake me with gentle kisses and caresses in the morning. I just want to love you, and you won’t let me. Why won’t you let me?”

“Lily, you know I can’t do that.” In my stupor his voice is like satin, making his harsh words seem hopeful. But the alcohol rushing through me brings irrationality.

“No. No, I don’t. You have yet to give me a single good reason.”

“Lily, please stop.”

“No, you stop!” Losing control of my sanity I yank the steering wheel. Donovan needs to pull over and talk to me. But I've caught him off guard, and the car swerves wildly. My heart goes into my throat, and I quickly regret ever setting my sights on Al.

When he regains control Donovan pulls over and grabs me by the shoulders. His eyes pierce through my soul while his hands rattle my body. Now I fear he will be the one to lose all control. “Are you insane? Stop and think for two seconds about what you're doing! Dear God, how drunk are you?”

I'm too wasted to question the best way to handle him now. Instead I start screaming all the things I've wanted to for months. “Maybe you're the one who needs to stop, Donovan! You need to stop and think for two seconds about what you’re doing and face reality! Stop being mean and angry all of time! Stop fighting with everyone! Stop breaking my heart every time you come home wounded! Stop hiding from me! Stop hiding from yourself! Just let everyone see who you really are!”

Again the seesaw works. Resentment shows in Donovan’s eyes, acknowledging that I'm right. Pulling me close, he captivates me while delving into my soul. “Lily, I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.”

His pulse is thundering with a desire that cannot be suppressed, no matter how hard he tries to hide his pain. Finally I’ve won the war. His amazing, oceanic eyes that are glowing in the moonlight turn their gaze upon my lips. His lips start to part before he suddenly headbutts me unconscious.

“Uuugh. Stop singing so loudly! Who brought in a spotlight?”

Donovan is what he probably thinks is charmingly flippant as he strolls over with a glass of water and two aspirin. “How's my sweet and innocent little sister today? Oh, wait, I don’t have a sweet and innocent little sister anymore.”

“Don’t be mean,” I moan in absolute agony, covering my face from the sunlight with my pillow.

The bounce as he sits on my bed makes my stomach flip like a pancake, and the thought of pancakes almost makes me sick. Mercifully, Donovan lowers his snippy voice as he lays into me. “You're the one who got totally wasted, dirty danced with a sick perv, gave me an ultimatum, and then practically forced me to leave my date to drag your sorry ass home.”

I try to lift the haze in my head, but everything I say sounds like it's muttered in slow motion by a grizzly bear. “Wait. What did I do?”

“Let’s start with what you think you did. Tell me that, and then I’ll fill in the blanks.”

“Ummmm, I got wasted? Al had two flasks. Mine had brandy. I think I finished it. I danced with him. Is that it?”

“Noooooo. That's definitely not it.”

Suddenly I gasp and almost spring from the bed, but a ton of bricks hits my head and snacks me back down. “Oh, gross! Please don’t tell me I slept with Al!”

Where is my garbage can?

“As tempting as it is to make you think so, no, you didn’t. You did, however, almost do the nasty with him on the dance floor. Don’t worry, I got to you before your clothes came off, but not by much.”

“Oh God! How'd I get home?”

“That would be your brother in shining amour. You don’t remember the ride home?”

“Not a second of it. What happened to Al?”

“Why do you care? Don’t tell me you actually like that guy.” Judging by his tone the look on his face must be incredulous, but my eyes are still too blurry to tell.

“Oh, man! He’s so gross. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Ready to be really disgusted? I dumped you on the sofa and then went back to the dance to get Brittny, but I should have saved the gas money. She'd already left with Al who should be waking up at her house, oh, about now.”

“Ewww! That's disgusting! I guess I ruined your night. Sorry.” Actually, no—I’m not. He deserved it as much as I deserve this hangover.

“It was a pretty bad night. Sadly though you actually saved it. Brittny’s a skank! I can’t believe I was going to sleep with her.”

“What? No way!” He's serious, and that's not Donovan. He's no angel, but how could he even consider giving his virginity to a tramp? When it comes to romance, he’s down right old-fashioned. Our situation’s affect on him is unbelievable.

“Yeah, I actually was. But I will be eternally grateful to you, and your stupidity, for me not having gotten an STD.” Donovan lowers his voice and places his lips near my ear. “Lily, we’re a mess. We have to handle this better. Do you trust me?”

“You know I do.”

“Then please believe that I know what I'm doing. I was wrong to throw Brittny at you. I didn’t know what else to do. We need to go on with our lives as a normal brother and sister.”

“You have yet to really talk to me. It just seems like if I understood better it would be easier. Oh, man! Why does my head hurt so badly? I just want you to come out of hiding.”

“I can’t, Lil. I can’t tell you what I'm feeling, and I can’t be with you. Not now. I don’t know when.” His voice returns to what others must perceive as a normal volume. “You’re just lucky dad left for his business trip early this morning and missed the drama. But if you pull another stunt like this I’ll turn you in. Get some sleep.”

Once there is time to process everything, my heartache will return. Right now the guy using a nail gun on my head needs to go away.

“Wait! What ultimatum? And why does my forehead hurt so much? Did you headbutt me?”

“Yes, after you almost ran us into a tree.”

Ever since the morning after my drunken escapade, he's scarcely said a word to me. When he does I've no idea what to expect. Often he sits across the table at dinner and sneaks looks at me through sad and longing eyes, yet there are other times when all I do is say “good morning” and he shoots me a glare that makes my blood chill.

Donovan's being invariably on edge and Dad's increasingly macho attitude is putting Mom constantly on her guard, making me apprehensive about everything. I can't remember when I've had a decent night's sleep, and my appetite disappeared weeks ago. My head feels eternally in a fog while the curves that I've always been so proud of slowly vaporize.

Dad keeps raving about the “lovely Lisa” with the adorable face and perfect body. If it goes on for another second I'm going to lash out at him not only for his crudeness, but also for his lack of respect towards his wife. Dad treats Mom like a second-class citizen, and I don’t understand why she accepts it. She was a Litigation Paralegal until she married in her late 30’s. How she went from being self-sufficient to subservient escapes me. I should speak my mind, but my hands are wildly shaking. Maybe it's because I have to tell Donovan that dinner is ready.

The last few days Donovan's been a walking encyclopedia of dickdom. Steering clear of his wrath seems to be impossible, as he strives to be nasty to anyone within barking distance. The thought of approaching him gives me the willies, like looking at a furry spider.

In hopes of avoiding a fight, I write a simple note stating, “Dinner is ready” and slide it under his bedroom door.

Instantly Donovan emerges from his lair and starts roaring. “What the crap, Lil? Can't you even be bothered to tell me?” He crumples the note and savagely throws it on the floor. The action calls my attention to a sizeable contusion on his arm. Again? When did that one happen?

“I don't want any problems tonight, all right? The last few days have already been rough enough.”

“Oh, like your life is so freakin' hard! Poor little Lily, the fragile flower that can do no wrong. Trust me, you have no idea what a hard time is.”

“I am sick and tired of never knowing what to expect with you! Yesterday when I interrupted your concentration, you yelled at me and then shot me nasty looks all through dinner. I should have known better. It has to be incredibly hard for you to form a thought, let alone get it down on paper!”

“Well, now who's being Queen Bitch?”

He’s never used language like that with anyone before. But Donovan's words are not nearly as painful as the spikes shooting from his eyes that vividly scream he feels I'm the most revolting thing on the planet. Unable to deal with any more insults, or yet another melt down, walking away seems the best solution.

“Lily, wait—” He sounds regretful as he clutches my arm to stop me. He damn well should.

“Oh, are you going to fight
me
now? Why not? You've fought practically everyone else. Actually, save it until tomorrow so you can finally finish pushing the envelope and get expelled. You can lose your scholarship and be stuck home all the time. Then Lisa can start coming over on the weekday afternoons too, just like your little session on Saturday.”

“We didn't know you were home. Lisa never would have left my room like that if—”

“Just shut up! I think you've rubbed her in my face sufficiently. It's pitiful how you think you have to hide behind a girl you can't even pretend to love just to get me to go away. Once more, from the look on her face, I'm guessing you never finished the job. You're pathetic.”