Love's Dream Song (11 page)

“Seems like a lame excuse to me. What difference would her bloodlines make? He’d already been sleeping with her.”

He could hear the hurt underlying the sarcasm.

“Do you know who he was?”

Jess hesitated. He didn’t know the man’s name, but what he did know would hurt her more. “Dora never told. She’d been dating several men and wouldn’t name the father.”

Her sigh echoed in the night. “Maybe Arlo knows.”

He heard the speculation, but quickly squelched any ideas she might have of pursuing them. “If Arlo does know, he’d never tell. The whole incident filled him with such bitter hatred, he came back to the reservation and denounced any part of being white.”

“And Dora?”

Again Jess hesitated. The ugliness cut too close to his own nightmares, but she had to know. Maybe if she did, she’d reconsider being involved with drugs. “Dora gave you up for adoption, but she also dropped out of school. From what I gather, she became some guy’s mistress for a year, and when that broke up, she headed for L.A. The last any of the clan heard, she’d become a prostitute and died from a combination of venereal diseases and cirrhosis of the liver.”

“Alcohol?” Autumn’s voice sounded distant.

Jess imagined she was in shock, but memories of the horror of alcoholism hardened his heart. “A legacy of The People.” He didn’t bother to hide the bitterness.

They hiked in silence after that. Jess let the truth sink in, wondering if it cut into her conscience. Cocaine was another drug, just as destructive as alcohol.

A slight sound came from her direction. It hadn’t been clear, but he knew it was a sob. Remorse set in, but he hardened himself to it. He couldn’t afford the intimacy of comfort.

Another sound brought him to an abrupt halt.

“What’s the matter?” Autumn paused beside him, her voice shaky.

He pulled on his stallion’s guide rope. “I thought I heard something.”

She straightened and searched the trail. “Do you think we’ll run into trouble?”

“I thought I heard Davidson calling,” he lied. “I guess it was my imagination.”

“Shall we wait for them?”

“No. If they were in trouble, they’d holler. They surely can’t get lost in this canyon.”

Her shoulders relaxed and her stance eased. “In a way, I was hoping we would run into whoever blew up the tablets. I have plenty of plans for them.”

Jess stared, trying to determine the real meaning behind her words.

She stepped back. Her footing faltered and she started to fall. Quickly he reached for her and steadied her with a firm grip on her arms. She gasped. Her hair cascaded across his forearms. His breath lodged in his throat.

The moonlight highlighted her cheekbones and face, giving her an ethereal quality. The moonbeams glistened in the strands of hair. Starlight reflected in her dark eyes. Suddenly Jess forgot his suspicions and his bitterness. His senses filled with her.

“I’m all right,” she whispered, her breath fanning his skin.

His touch had affected her, as well. He could see the rapid pulse lit by the reflected light as it caressed her neck. Her chest heaved as she took uneven breaths, and the movement caused her breasts to press against his chest.

Without meaning to, he traced the soft skin of her arms with the calloused pads of his thumbs. The velvet smoothness covered firm muscle.

He shut his eyes to the tempting sight of her, but he couldn’t release his hold. Her pulse raced beneath his fingers and matched the rapid beat of his own. As he tried to concentrate, he admitted why he’d avoided her all these months. He knew she’d have this kind of power over him.

No!
He released her, but almost grabbed her again when she stumbled.

“We’d better get going.” His voice sounded as raw as he felt. “I hear the others.”

Autumn stood, unable to move as she watched Jess guide his horse away from her. She took in huge gulps of night air, brushed her hair behind her, and tried to stop the quivering sensations.

What had that been all about? For a moment, she’d felt a strong pull. Jess had felt it, too, but unlike her, he didn’t seem pleased.

She, on the other hand, was overwhelmed. Her blood had raced. Her skin still tingled where he’d caressed it with his work-roughened hands. She could still smell his heated body, his male scent mixed with the clean earthiness of the horses and trail dust.

It occurred to her, as she grasped the reins of her mule, that maybe Dora’s history as an alcoholic and prostitute had repulsed Jess. Had that been why he’d suddenly terminated their relationship? She should ask him.

The mule quickened its pace and she finally caught up to Jess, who had withdrawn into himself. She sighed. Jess evidently was not interested in pursuing his feelings.

Frustrated and confused, Autumn tugged on the mule. When they got to the ranch, she and Jess were going to talk. She’d had enough of these guessing games.

An owl hooted in the night. Jess stopped. Autumn listened as it sounded again. She shivered, even though she wasn’t cold. It was moments like this that she was glad she hadn’t been brought up Navajo. Real Tall Man would tell her that the owl’s cry was a sign of danger or evil coming their way. She’d prefer not to believe that. Instead, she imagined the great horned bird calling for his mate.

Jess turned and warned her to be careful. Tension sounded in his voice. He’d been raised here. Maybe he believed in some of the ways of The People.

The mule pranced. Autumn tugged on the reins. “Easy, fella,” she cajoled.

The animal continued to balk. Suddenly, the hair on the nape of her neck prickled. Something was wrong.

“Jess.” She called for him to stop.

“Wait here,” he told her. “I’ll check and see what’s ahead.”

So he’d sensed it, too. She stood, ready to move if Jess commanded. He handed her the reins to his horse and started stealthily up the canyon.

The minute he was out of sight, she quickly tied the reins to his stallion and her mule to a nearby bush. Standing around waiting wouldn’t do them any good. With the ease she’d gained from hiking these past months, she quickly scaled the canyon wall to the right of her.

Jess appeared below. “What are you doing?” he demanded, his voice powerful even though he’d kept the tone low.

“I’m just going to climb up to that ledge.” She pointed up the canyon wall behind her. “I’ll be safe.”

“It’s steep,” he started to protest, but Autumn interrupted. “It doesn’t matter. It’s sandstone. You can practically walk up a vertical wall if you have on rubber-soled boots.” To prove her point, she ascended the sloped rock with ease.

From the ledge ten feet up, she could see most of the canyon before it curved into another bend. Ahead of them, nothing moved in the silvery light. Behind them, she could see Dr. Davidson closing in on them. Like a cat, she crept down the rock and jumped the last three feet.

Jess reached for her. “Anything out there?”

“Nothing up ahead. The others are catching up.”

“The mule has settled down. Let’s get going,” Jess advised.

The clip-clop of hooves echoed. Autumn grabbed her mule’s reins and moved alongside Jess and his stallion. Even though the animals were still skittish, she kept up the pace.

The canyon narrowed. Autumn slowed to step over the rocks that littered the wash. She glanced up at the stars and felt comforted by their brightness. So much had happened today. She needed to restore her energy and strength before confronting any more problems. It would be best to continue this midnight trek in silence and let the surrounding peace work its magic.

For another half hour they traveled. The only human sounds were their occasional murmurs of encouragement to the restless animals. The mule brayed once; the sound bounced off the canyon walls.

Her mule balked. It took effort, but she brought him under control. What was spooking the animals? Every sense tuned into the sounds of the night.

They continued another mile when
all
of the mules skittered and tugged at their reins. With considerable effort, Dr. Davidson and Wayne pulled up to her and Jess.

“What’s making them jump around like this?” Wayne hollered above the loud brays.

“Maybe we should rest,” Dr. Davidson suggested. “The animals are tired and so am I.”

“Listen.” Autumn held up her hand.

It was hard with the mules stomping about and snorting in protest, but she heard it—a rumble in the distance, like a train rolling down a track. Fear started to rise from the pit of her stomach. She ignored it and shouted, “
Flash flood!
”

“There isn’t a cloud in the sky,” Wayne protested.

“Shut up and move,” Dr. Davidson ordered his student. “It must be raining in the hills.” The professor had been here long enough to be aware of the danger they were in.

Adrenaline pumped into her system as she searched the area for a safe retreat. Walls too steep to climb surrounded them. Autumn spotted a ledge, about twenty feet up. Autumn pointed to a large black hole and shouted, “There’s a cave up there.”

Jess glanced at the dark shadow in the cliff and took immediate action. “Get the packs off the mules and let ’em go.”

“Are you crazy? We have to get out of here.” Ken came up behind her. “Can we make it to the bottom of the wash?”

“No way.”

“Do as I say. The mules are too slow loaded down like this. If we let them go they might make it. We’ve got to climb up there where we’ll be safe.”

Even as Jess spoke, Autumn frantically untied ropes. “Can we get the packs up in those caves?”

The rumble grew louder and its ominous sound spurred the men into action. Autumn grabbed the ropes and scaled the slanted sandstone cliff. To her relief, there was a small cave recessed into the cliff. She wondered if there would be enough room.

“Start tying the packs to these.” She tossed down the ropes, hoping the men would hurry.

“Let the mules go,” Jess slapped the rumps of the animals, who didn’t hesitate to take off on a run. With the help of the ropes, the others climbed into the cave. Jess stayed below to tie off the packs while they hauled them up the twenty feet to safety.

Autumn was just starting to think they would make it when Dr. Davidson spoke up. “It’s too crowded. We’ll never fit Barron in here.”

Alarmed, Autumn turned. “Can’t you go back farther?”

“No way,” Wayne told her. “We’re as far back as we can get.”

“Then throw out the packs. We’ve got to make room for Jess.”

“He can’t fit in the crevice those packs are in,” Dr. Davidson yelled at her before hollering at Jess. “Are there any more caves? We don’t have any room left up here.”

Panic threatened as Autumn glanced up the canyon and saw light glisten. Reflections off water. The flood was too close. Without thinking, Autumn scrambled to the edge and grabbed hold of a rope.

“What the…” Wayne shouted.

“I’ve got to warn him.” Autumn started down the cliff.

Dr. Davidson gripped her arm. “You can’t leave now.”

Glancing down, Autumn saw Jess on the canyon floor. She listened to the roar that grew louder with each second. Without hesitation, she slid down the wall and jumped the last feet.

“What the…” Jess muttered.

“The cave’s too crowded. Forget that saddlebag and move it.”

He grabbed the bag and shoved her to a faster run.

The rumble from the oncoming flood had become a loud roar. Her lungs ached as she raced with Jess, but the wall of water was gaining ground.

The earth shook. As she ran, her mind formed images of flash floods she’d observed. The wall of water acted like a bulldozer, pushing boulders and trees out of its path. Animals were often crushed before they were drowned. The sound roared closer. The hair on the back of her neck prickled in fear.

Jess hollered above the roar. She couldn’t hear, but she saw where he pointed.

Another cave, lower but easier to climb into, was straight ahead of them.

A quick glance behind them brought pure terror. Moonlight reflected on the eerie sight of the ten-foot wall of destruction that tumbled toward them. Jess yanked on her arm and shoved her toward the cliff.

Taking a mighty leap, she scaled the sandstone wall and dove into the dark hole of the cave, praying it was going to be high enough. Jess’s weight landed on top of her, knocking the breath from her aching lungs. The roar outside was deafening. They’d run out of time. Scrambling to her knees, she peered out the mouth of the cave.

Horror froze her to the spot when she glanced at the wall of water rushing down the wash. It was coming right at them. They weren’t high enough. They were going to die. Autumn grabbed Jess and held tight. The ground shook with the force of unleashed nature.

Autumn buried her face against Jess’s chest. A calm settled over her at the inevitability. “I love you, Jess,” she said aloud, but knew he didn’t hear.

.

CHAPTER 8

Drops of water thrown from the mighty rush splashed into Autumn’s face. Rocks tumbled.

Jess pulled on her shoulder. “Move back. We’re too close to the edge.”

Autumn let him move her, but she knew it didn’t matter. It was the end.

Water sloshed over the lip of the cave, flooding the floor. Autumn murmured prayers against Jess’s chest, thankful that she was in his arms.

The roar rumbled by. Autumn waited for the engulfing flood, but it never came.

Against her ear, she could barely hear Jess’s voice as it echoed from his chest. “The water’s going down now. It’s always higher at first. The level lifts as it pushes the rocks and debris, and then lowers.”

It was lowering? They weren’t going to die? Dizzy with relief, she continued to grasp Jess as she peered around his shoulder at the water moving inches away from the lip of the cave.

“It isn’t going down much.” She grit through her clenched teeth. Adrenaline charged through her veins. Her heart beat like a drum against her chest.

“It’s lower now—see?”

Autumn crawled with him to the edge and peered outside. In the moonlight, the flood looked like a cauldron of boiling silt. The initial roar of tumbled rock lowered to the steady rush of moving water.

“We were lucky.” Relief edged her tone.

“This cave’s easier to get to, but I wasn’t sure until I saw the water that it would be high enough.”

“The others will be safe if they stay put, then?”

“Right. They’re up another ten feet.”

“Would they hear us if we hollered?” she asked.

“I doubt it. They’re clear around the bend. It’s just you and me.”

“Until the water goes down.” The letdown from intense fear was taking effect. Thank God the others were safe. “What about the rest of the party at Coyote Springs? Will they be hit?”

“No. All they’ll get is mud in the stream and the water level will rise.”

“But not enough to flood the campsite?”

“This is a narrow side wash we’re in, so it seems like a lot of water. But by the time this gets to Coyote Springs and the main canyon, there will be a lot less because of seepage and the wider streambed.” They would be safe. That was all that mattered. Tears filled her eyes.

Jess grabbed her shoulders. “Are you still frightened?”

“Yes,” she admitted. “It’s just nervous reaction. I’ll be fine as soon as my system settles.”

Autumn wanted to reach out and hold him again. Instead, she slipped from his grasp and sat down.

Jess didn’t move for several minutes, and she wondered what he was thinking. It surprised her when he lifted the heavy pack. “I’m going to stash this back here.” He wedged the awkward bulk behind her.

“I can’t believe you brought that.”

“To be honest, I didn’t have time to think about it. I reacted.”

So had she when she’d left the safety of the other cave. She was glad that she was here with Jess.

The water inside the cavern had drained away, leaving the floor damp. Autumn shifted to lean against the wall. “If the water doesn’t rise again, we’ll be dry before morning,” she predicted.

Already her shirt had stopped clinging to her skin. In the moonlight she could see that Jess’s shirt had begun to hang around his waist, leaving his chest exposed and still heaving with deep breaths. She could barely see the movement as he leaned toward her.

Her own breath caught in her throat when he reached across the space between them and brushed his hand along her cheek. “You sure you’re all right?”

“My heart’s still pumping like crazy, but it will settle down soon, I hope.”

Clenching her fists, she willed her fingers to stay in her lap and not press against his chest. She watched his every move while he settled against the wall across from her.

“You look all done in. Why don’t you sleep?” he suggested.

“You go ahead and rest,” she told him. “I’m too keyed up to sleep.”

He didn’t respond but shifted to a more comfortable position. His face was hidden in shadows, but she could feel the intensity of his stare.

What was he thinking about? Being alone in the expanse of desert was good for self-realization. What she needed was companionship, and Jess sat inches from her side. She wanted to curl into his arms, but it was enough just to know he was close. Longings swirled inside her, but she didn’t dare entertain them.

After an hour, the rushing flood receded, leaving a deathly silence. She shifted stiff muscles and sat forward. Careful not to bump her head on the rock ceiling, she eased around until she could reach the pack. The wet leather straps were hard to loosen, but she finally managed to find the ancient flute she’d packed last. She leaned back against the wall, placed it to her lips and blew.

Haunting tunes filled the cave as she played the bone instrument. Peace swirled around to settle her taut nerves. Familiar melodies eased the stress she’d felt all day.

“You play well.” Jess’s voice sounded calm, as if the music had soothed him also. “You’ve practiced what I taught you.”

She wondered if he’d bring up their past. Perhaps that was why she’d played the flute. Jess had one his Apache grandmother had given him and he’d serenaded her every night before they’d made love.

“You still play better than I.” She leaned toward him. “Here. Your turn.”

He hesitated, but she kept her hand outstretched, wondering if he realized she was offering her heart, as well. Finally he sat upright and grasped the flute. His reluctance was plain to read in the stiff, jerky movement. But when his fingers brushed hers, he paused.

Tension crackled in the small space between them. She could hear the irregular pattern of his breathing.

“Why, Jess?” she whispered into the silence. “What happened to us?”

His body tensed. She could see his rigid frame silhouetted against the moonlight.

“I could ask you the same question.” It almost sounded as if he were angry.

“It wasn’t me who put a stop to our relationship. I was in that same camp for another month. You’re the one who stopped coming around.”

Before she could confront him further, he began to play the flute. She resisted the soft tones, not wanting to drop the subject. Memories swirled of nights under the stars when he’d played songs of love. Tonight the melody was haunting and sad.

When he stopped playing, she spoke. “You never played that song before.”

“It brings back too many memories.”

She sat upright as realization dawned. “Maria—you still love her.” He’d told her he’d been engaged.

He set down the flute. “I’ll always have her.” He tapped his chest. “Here. In my heart.”

Overwhelmed with the futility of competing with a ghost, Autumn leaned back against the wall. “It’s been years, Jess. You can’t live in the past.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Pain sounded in his voice. “I’m ready to move on—to live a normal life. But I made a vow to Maria.”

She closed her eyes. He needed help. “What happened to her? Can you tell me?”

For several minutes he remained still. Autumn silently willed him to confide in her. “She was Enrique’s sister. You told me that.”

After taking a deep breath, he spoke. “Yes. She was younger than Enrique and I. I’d loved her for years but I never told anyone. I wanted to wait until she grew up so that she would be sure she really loved me and wasn’t just infatuated.”

“She must have loved you, Jess.” How could any woman not?

“I asked her to marry me after I came home from the army. She’d been away to college.”

A smile sounded in his voice and Autumn struggled with unwanted jealousy.

“We had a month together.”

The same amount of time she and Jess had been dating.

“I had to come back to the ranch—business, and my father.”

There was bitterness now, but Autumn didn’t interrupt.

“That was when it happened.”

He tilted his head against the sandstone and paused. Autumn waited until he started to lift the flute to his lips. She reached across the space and placed her hand on his arm.

“Don’t stop.”

The muscles in his arm corded into knots, revealing the extent of emotion within him. She pulled back her hand.

“I have to know,” she told him.

“Maybe you should.”

His abrupt movement as he straightened startled her, but she kept silent. Accusation was there and she didn’t know why. “She was beautiful and innocent.” His voice caught slightly before he continued. “She’d never been touched by the dark side of life. Her family had sheltered her.”

Autumn closed her eyes, remembering how Donny and Michael protected her.

“She had a white stallion. No one could ride him but her. You see, she had a way with animals.”

Autumn refrained from comment, sensing he needed to get out all the clutter of memories before he could cut to the painful truth.

“Maybe that’s why she was the only woman who’d gotten through to me. I was wild and restless at the time. She could settle me down with just a smile.”

Again Autumn fought jealousy as she tried to picture Jess as a youth. It was difficult to imagine the powerful and confident man she knew to be a reckless young man.

The rambling tones changed into sharper, punctuated words and she knew he was finally getting to the story she needed to hear.

“She was riding in the hills. Their ranch sits on the border and she got too close.” Jess pounded his thigh for emphasis.

“Too close to what?”

“Dope smugglers running coke.”

The story was going to get ugly. She knew more from the tone of his voice than her limited knowledge of the vicious men who ran drugs. Stories had abounded in almost every country she’d lived in.

“She trusted everyone. I can just picture her riding up to them. She probably asked if they needed anything.”

Autumn sensed his shudder more than saw it. She started to reach out to him, but dropped her hand back into her lap when he started talking.

“She never had a chance. They raped her first, then beat and abused her. Enrique found her, left to die a slow death in the desert.”

An involuntary cry escaped her lips as she listened to the horror unfold. She may have been jealous of Jess’s feelings for Maria, but she would never wish the girl harm, let alone that kind of brutality.

Silence settled around them after Jess finished his story. Questions swirled in her head, but now was not the time to ask them. Later, she could find out if the murderers had been found. But she did need to know if Maria’s death had sealed his heart to love.

“Jess that was years ago.”

“Doesn’t what I just said mean anything to you? Don’t you understand?”

No, she didn’t understand, nor did she know why he was using such an accusing tone.

“Don’t close your heart to love because of something that happened in the past,” she told him. “Put it behind you.”

“Are you telling me that I should love again?” Incredulity raised his voice.

“You can’t tell someone whether to love or not. Love is either there or it isn’t.”

Moonlight shafted into the entrance of the cave. Her gaze shifted to his and became trapped. She couldn’t hear the rush of water outside because of the sudden pounding of her heart.

“But what if there isn’t trust?”

“It makes love painful, but you can’t stop the feeling.”

Longings drifted and tugged inside her. Trust was not the issue here. She’d never done anything to cause mistrust. It went deeper, and he was making excuses. But experience taught her to be cautious.

Jess shifted and she focused on the movement. She sensed the quality of indecision in him and wanted to reach out to comfort.

He spoke in a quiet voice. “You have feelings and so do I.”

His feelings were something she wanted to know more about. He appeared confident and self-assured, but sometimes, like now, there was a hint of loneliness and longing. She knew those feelings well.

“I guess none of us can get enough love,” she commented as she grasped the nugget Real Tall Man had given her.

“Sometimes we try too hard to find it.” He paused. “In places we have no right to look.”

Autumn started to sit upright, but her chain had caught on the jagged rock behind her neck. When she leaned forward, her action jerked the chain. It broke and the nugget clattered to the stone floor. She twisted, trying to reach for it, but couldn’t find where it had rolled.

Jess leaned toward her. “Here it is.” His breath fanned her cheek as he dropped it in her pocket. His fingers accidentally brushed against her breast. They both froze.

For endless seconds he remained poised above her. Their scents mingled. His skin reflected in the dim moonlight. His heartbeat thundered—or was it her own?

It seemed natural to reach out to him. Her fingers trembled slightly when she traced them along his jaw. The whiskered skin heightened her touch.
Kiss me.