Lovers and Liars (8 page)

Fearing the trouble that might cause, Emily intervened. ‘It’s not that we aren’t grateful, Danny,’ she started, ‘because we are. It’s just that,’ glancing towards the door, she lowered her voice, ‘it might not be appreciated in other quarters, if you see what I mean.’

‘I understand exactly what you’re saying,’ he answered softly, ‘but where’s the man himself, anyway?’ He’d expected to see Clem somewhere hereabouts. ‘Usually he’s in the field, checking them bulls of his, but there was nary a sign of him this morning.’

Terrified of the two great bulls that Clem had brought to the farm, Aggie confessed, ‘I’d feel a whole lot better if he was to take them back where he got them from. I believe he earns money from ’em but he never discusses the fees he charges for them to cover the cows. It makes my blood run cold to think little Cathleen could wander into that field at any time.’

Emily assured her that would not happen. ‘We always keep well away from there,’ she promised. ‘The very sight of those huge beasts puts the fear of God in me.’

Danny was afraid for them all. ‘Mind you keep well away,’ he cautioned. ‘I’ve seen lesser bulls go on the rampage and leave a trail of destruction in their wake, and them bulls out there are two of the biggest I’ve ever clapped eyes on.’ He shook his head. ‘Out and out killers, that’s what they are. Keep as far away as you can.’ The very thought of any of these three lovely women being hurt was like a knife to his heart.

For a time, they continued to talk about more pleasant things, such as the coming Christmas celebrations. ‘I’m sure Mother wouldn’t mind if you and your father joined us for Christmas dinner?’ Emily couldn’t stand for the two Williamses to be alone on Christmas Day. Danny was an only child, and poor Mr Williams would be facing his first Christmas without his wife.

‘Well, of course I don’t mind!’ Aggie was quick to assure them. ‘In fact, I was about to ask him the very same thing.’ Turning to Danny she said, ‘Do you think you could persuade your father to trust my cooking?’

‘Well, it’s got to be better than mine!’ he joked.

Emily was thrilled. ‘He’ll be company for Grandad too.’ She didn’t voice her more private thoughts, that having Danny here on Christmas Day would be a pleasant thing for them all. ‘Cathleen would be glad to have you here as well,’ she finished lamely.

‘I hope
you’ll
be pleased too,’ he remarked softly, and when she blushed to the roots of her light brown hair, both Danny and Aggie couldn’t help but notice.

Suddenly, though, Emily’s mind was filled with thoughts of John, and when the emotion became too much, she picked Cathleen up and excused herself. ‘I’ll be outside if you want me,’ she told Aggie.

In a moment she and the child were dressed against the winter cold. In another moment they were gone, and for Danny the room seemed terribly empty.

‘She’s a bit on edge lately,’ Aggie explained. ‘Every day she waits to hear from John, and every day she’s disappointed. It’s been over two years now, and there’s not been a single letter. It meks me hoppin’ mad to see what she’s going through, poor lass.’

Danny couldn’t understand it. ‘All I can say is, he must be mad. To have somebody like Emily waiting for you is every man’s dream.’

‘The child too.’ Aggie knew it had become common knowledge that John was Cathleen’s father. ‘Though, as far as I’m aware, he doesn’t yet know of his daughter’s existence.’

Danny would have given anything for the child to be his. ‘Wouldn’t his Aunt Lizzie have let him know – about the child, I mean?’

Aggie let her thoughts dwell on that for a while. ‘Happen she has. Happen she hasn’t,’ she said at length. ‘As far as I can tell, Lizzie’s not one for the writing. She’s the first to admit she’s a poor scholar, bless her heart.’

‘It all seems a rare mess an’ no mistake,’ Danny said reflectively. ‘She still wants him though, doesn’t she?’ Danny had waited in the wings long enough and lately wanted so much to declare his love for Emily. ‘I mean, she wouldn’t consider anyone else, would she?’

Aggie shrugged. ‘That’s not for me to say. If I were you, I’d be patient a while longer. But don’t give up,’ she advised knowingly. ‘I’ve seen how she smiles more when you’re around.’

‘Do you think so?’ Now it was Danny’s turn to smile. ‘Well, I never!’

When the teapot was empty and the muffins all gone, Danny thanked her. ‘I’ll be off to my work again now,’ he declared, and put his muffler back on.

Emily saw him from the bottom fence; she and little Cathleen had been watching the birds feed on the lard thrown out by Aggie earlier. There had been a clear space under the shelter of the barn-roof where the snow had not yet penetrated. It seemed all the birds in the air had swooped down on that one tiny spot, and were excitedly jostling for the juicy niblets.

‘Danny’s going,’ she said as the child pointed to the birds, her face a wreath of joy at their antics. ‘We’d best go and see him off, eh?’

With Cathleen in her arms, she made her way to the cart. ‘Away now, are you?’ she asked.

‘Wish I didn’t have to,’ he said. ‘I’d be more than content to stay here with you and the bairn, but I’ve got a living to earn.’

‘We’ll see you tomorrow though, won’t we?’ As soon as the words left her lips, Emily felt compelled to shift her meaning. ‘I mean … you will be able to persuade your father to come along, won’t you?’

‘Oh, I see!’ he teased her openly. ‘So you’ll not want me if I have to come along all on my own?’

‘Oh no!’ Now she really was embarrassed. ‘I didn’t mean that, only it would be good for him and Gramps to get together and talk about old times, don’t you think?’

As the child opened her arms to go to Danny, Emily let her loose. In spite of her deeper love for John, it always did her heart good to see the honest love between Danny and her child.

With one strong arm, Danny held Cathleen on the rim of the cart. ‘When you’re bigger and your mammy allows me, I’ll take you off on my rounds – what d’you think to that, eh?’ He laughed out loud when the child gave him a wide, happy grin. ‘Oh, so you’d like that, would you?’

‘I’m sure she would,’ Emily remarked, ‘but that’s a long way off yet, so don’t get her hopes up.’ There were times when she felt she had to curb the growing bond between these two, and other times when she thanked the Good Lord for it.

Lifting the child once more into his arms, and content to let her entwine the strands of his hair round her tiny fingers, he asked Emily in a sincere voice, ‘Do you want to know what I think?’

Momentarily lost in thoughts of John, and how she would explain Cathleen to him, Emily was jolted back to the present. ‘Sorry, Danny,’ she apologised. ‘I was miles away.’

‘I can see that,’ he remarked softly. ‘I was just asking if you wanted to know what I really thought?’ He had no doubt but that she had been ‘miles away’ with John Hanley, but he made no mention of it. Instead he went on, in the same steady voice, ‘Just now you asked what I thought about the two old fellas getting together to talk about past times. And I’m trying to tell you that there are other things on
my
mind at the minute.’

‘What kind of things?’ She knew that he had special feelings for her. At first it had been a worry, but lately she had come to see him for the true friend he was, and had come to rely on that friendship; every minute he was here, she honestly enjoyed his company.

Right now though, she suspected he was about to try and deepen their friendship into something else – something she wasn’t ready for and probably never would be. Suddenly, she was on the defensive. ‘Please, Danny … not now, eh?’

‘All right, my beauty.’ He loved her too much to go against her wishes. ‘But I think you already know that it would make me the happiest man on God’s earth if you’d agree to be my wife. You could have whichever home you wanted … I’m not short of a bob or two.’ His gaze shifted to the child. ‘I could give this darling lass a name and a father … if only you’d let me?’

When instead of answering she cast her gaze down, he felt mortified. Taking her by the hand he apologised. ‘Aw look, I’m sorry … opening my big mouth yet again. I know I should keep my feelings to myself, but it’s so hard sometimes.’

Emily looked up. ‘I understand,’ she conceded. ‘But you know how it is. I’m John’s woman. I can’t change that, nor would I want to.’ Hard words but they needed saying.

He gave a sad little nod. Then his smile warmed her heart. ‘Forgive me, eh? Don’t have me shot if now and again I take the liberty of reminding you that I’m always here, if you ever need me.’

‘I know, Danny, and I’m very lucky to have a friend like you. You’re a lovely man, but instead of wasting your time on me, you should be looking for someone who is free to give you all the love you deserve.’

Danny’s gaze softened. ‘Don’t you understand?’ he murmured, taking a step forward. ‘As long as I live, I can never look in any other direction. The truth is, my beauty, if I can’t have you, then I want no one.’

Emily was cut to the core. ‘No, Danny! Please don’t talk like that. You were made for family life – for children and such. I don’t want to be the one who deprives you of that.’

For a long moment he looked at her, at that pretty face and those quiet brown eyes now scarred with sadness, and he couldn’t bear it. ‘Whatever decision I make, it’ll be my decision and no one else’s. You remember that, and remember this too. Other than you, there is no woman on God’s earth I want, nor ever will.’

Choking with emotion, Emily reached up and with the greatest tenderness stroked his face. ‘I’d give anything to love you as you deserve,’ she said, ‘but I’ve already given my heart away. I’m so sorry, Danny. Really I am.’

‘Ah, it’s me that should be sorry!’ Grabbing her hand he pressed it to his heart. ‘Do you forgive me?’

She didn’t hesitate. ‘There’s nothing to forgive,’ she said.

With a quick smile and cheeky wink, he confessed, ‘I can’t say I don’t wish you would change your mind, but I promise I’ll try and keep my feelings to myself from now on.’ Making the sign of the cross over his heart, he looked a sorry sinner. ‘Cross my heart, and may all the milk turn sour if I’m lying!’

At the sight of his eyes rolling heavenward and that naughty, twinkling smile, Emily burst out laughing. ‘You’re a devil, Danny Williams, so you are!’

‘Well now, will ye look at that!’ Hugging the child into his chest, he swung her round. ‘We made your mammy laugh. Isn’t that something, eh?’ Plonking a quick kiss on Cathleen’s forehead, he handed her back to Emily. ‘I’d best get on, or I’ll have my father breathing down my neck when I get home!’

With one easy movement, he swung himself onto the cart. The great churns were stacked behind him. From the foot of the cart Emily watched him stow the nosebag and pick up the reins. It was a privilege to have him about, she thought, and these days, with no word from John, she desperately needed someone to talk to. Danny was a kind-hearted, honest sort of a bloke, and she respected him enormously. Up to now though, that was as far as her feelings went.

Danny, though, had fallen for her straight away, ever since he’d returned to the village. Twice he had asked her to wed him, and twice she’d refused. All along she had been honest with him. She didn’t love him, she explained, and never could, not in the way she loved John.

But little Cathleen loved him, and sometimes, in the dark of night when sleep eluded her, Emily would look at her darling child and the doubts would creep in yet again. Should she put the child first and give her a proper daddy who would love and care for her? Should she give up on John, who now seemed to have given up on her? Was she being unfair to her mammy by denying Danny the chance to be a son-in-law to her, and a father to Cathleen? Right from the start, Aggie had taken to Danny. And it was painfully obvious that little Cathleen adored that good man. What’s more, her daughter would probably love to have a younger brother or sister.

Sometimes, Emily believed she was being selfish in putting her own feelings before those of her loved ones. And yet, how could she give herself in marriage to someone she didn’t love in that way? So many questions. So many doubts, haunting her through the long, sleepless nights.

But then, when morning came the questions faded beneath her steadfast love for John.

She couldn’t deny she had grown fond of Danny, and it pained her to keep rejecting him, but what choice had she? In her deepest heart she had always believed John would come back. She believed it now, and would go on believing it, until all hope was gone.

Right now, there were three men in her life: her old grandfather, who had bad days and good days, but was always a kind and loving man; then there was Clem Jackson, whose presence was like a dark blanket over the sun. If only he’d go! No one wanted him here at Potts End.

And then there was Danny! A gem of a man, wasted in his affection for her, but nothing she could say would make him see that.

‘Some of this milk came from old Daisy at Glebe House Farm,’ he was telling the wide-eyed Cathleen. ‘Up at four every morning she is, waiting first in line, bellowing her head off, to have her bursting udders emptied into this here churn.’ Wiping the tip of his finger round the rim of the churn he sucked on it and rolled his eyes. ‘A gift from the heavens, that’s what it is!’ he sighed.

Winking at Emily, he leaned towards the child, his voice a magical whisper. ‘It’s what all the stars in the sky are made of. That’s what makes ’em twinkle so bright.’

His eyes grew wider with amazement. ‘Do you know, I wouldn’t be surprised if all the little children in the world were made with Daisy’s milk. That’s why
their
pretty little eyes twinkle and shine. Daisy mixed the magic into her milk and when the Good Lord made the children, He gave them each a little sip.’

Lowering his voice he shifted his gaze to Emily. ‘He must have given some to your mammy too, because whenever I’m near her, all sorts o’ wonderful magic begins to happen.’

For the briefest of minutes, there was an awkward pause between them. Emily didn’t know quite what to do or say, and Danny longed to take her in his arms and kiss her until she came to love him the way he loved her.