Love Undefeated (Unexpected #5) (4 page)

“I love you, Nales.” I’d heard his proclamation hundreds of times. Some in the light of fun. Others in the throes of passion. A few times after our major fights. Tonight his words sounded like a confession.

“I know,” I affirmed, keeping my eyes on the apple tree I’d potted, planted, and pruned. I chose my next words wisely. “I just don’t love you anymore.”

“You’re lying.” The strength of his grip, his unyielding hold on my hand intensified. “Look at me, Nales. Look me in the eye when you say that.”

Inhaling a deep breath, I turned towards him, and even in the dim lights of the front patio I couldn’t deny that he would always be one of the most attractive guys I’d ever met and he never had to try. Earlier in the restaurant, Xavier exuded confidence and superior calm. Now his eyes belied the truth – he was challenging me to retract my statement even when he himself was unsure of my answer.

Staring directly into those darkened, almost black orbs, I repeated, “I don’t love you anymore.” The words came out strong, solid, and so convincing that even I started to believe it myself.

His face fell into a shadow of sadness, his shoulders slumped forward, and the hand that held my heart slackened its grasp.

“When?” he asked, his gaze never leaving mine.

“When what?”

“When…” The rasp in his broken voice was almost unbearable for me to listen to. “When did you stop loving me?”

Pressing my lips tight, it took me a beat before I replied, “I don’t know.”

“Out of all the qualities I love about you, Nales,”
Was that relief in his voice?
“The one I really love is that you could never lie to me. Or to anyone.”

Clasping my hand tighter and bringing it to his chest, he explained, “I deal with transactions worth millions for hundreds of businesses everyday. I thrive on everyone’s strengths and improve my team’s weaknesses. I know why, how, and where to make changes, determine the costs and never underestimate the cons. And you know why I’m able to make sound and reliable decisions?”

I was astounded that right at that moment he would choose to explain accounting principles to me. Xavier’s passion was not accounting, but he was thinking of working towards getting a graduate degree on Accounting because he knew that knowledge was power and he needed it once his father stepped down. He was carefree Xavier, but when it came to family responsibilities, he didn’t mess around.

“I’m very good with details, Nales. I observe and notice every little thing.” Leaning forward, his mouth less than an inch from my own, he asked, “When is Hello Kitty’s birthday?”

What? Seriously?

“Are you kidding me?” I asked out loud, rolling my eyes in disbelief.

“When?” he insisted, a slow smirk riding on his face.

“November first,” I replied. This was not the time for guessing games, but if he wanted to play, then who was I to judge? I’d beat him at his game and after all’s said and done, I finally had my freedom from him. Was that what I really wanted? To be away from him?

“How about National Cupcake Day?”

“December fifteenth,” I said with a snort. This was not how I expected our conversation to be, but honestly, this was becoming way less drama than I could handle and that I welcomed.

“National Blueberry Muffin Day?” This time his teeth showed as he smiled, looking like he was in on a secret wherein he was the only person who knew about it.

Sighing loudly, I replied, “July eleventh. These are way too easy. What are you trying to get at, Xavier?”

Tightening his jaw, his eyes drifted to my lips, his right pointer finger tapping on his mouth, he asked, “When did you break up with Jerome?”

Jerome was my college boyfriend. He was a womanizer who I had an off-and-on relationship with. He was my black kryptonite. Well, I thought he was until Xavier.

Jerome and I dated for half a decade and I forgave him for almost anything – the lying, the cheating, the womanizing. I forgave him because I was young, completely stupid, and wanted to follow my dreams of marrying a doctor. I was well on my way to becoming Mrs. Doctor-Wife until the time he sent me running to the university’s student health physician because Jerome had given me a nasty bacterial infection, a parasite that could have made my vagina weep with a foul, unpleasant odor-filled cheesy substance – that I could not forgive.

The day he gave me chlamydia was the day I broke up with him. I will remember that day forever because it was the day I realized that no man was worth making my eyes weep and vagina burn up, cake up, and throw up
at the same time
.

I’d told the story to Xavier since he was the first relationship I had after Jerome. He needed to know why I had him give me proof that he was free of any sexually transmittted diseases to which Xavier had willingly and rapidly complied with. The threat of not having him near my nether regions until he produced a certified medical work-up was more than enough incentive to have himself checked for any diseases.

“Xavier, what’s the point to all of these questions?” Hopefully my growing frustration would be enough for him to get to the point. He wasn’t one to mince with his motives. He was usually direct, frank.

With his index finger pressing on pressure points on my hand, he asked again, “When did you break up with him?”

“I don’t know what purpose this serves.” With frustration dripping from my voice, I opened the passenger door with my right hand, trying to give myself breathing room. His Range Rover was extra roomy, but being in this enclosed space with him, our surroundings reminiscent of the many happy times we’ve had, I was feeling more and more over the edge each time the clock on the car’s dash blinked.

“Just answer me, Nales,” he cajoled, while proceeding to lightly caress my fingers with his rough hands. “When was it?”

Grr. Fine. “September twelfth. Wednesday. 5:15 in the afternoon, right after I stepped out of CSUF’s clinic, I went to his place and poured bleach all over his pants that were still attached to his cheating dick and broke up with him. Happy?”

His chest vibrated with a chuckle. “Good for you. You should’ve broken up with him way before that.” Drumming his free hand on the steering wheel, he added, “He didn’t deserve you.”

I nodded my head, agreeing to what he’d just said. “He didn’t. Now do you have any more questions for me? Or should we call it a night?” I wasn’t going to sit here and play Truth or Consequences with him the whole night. I had a job to get to early in the morning.

“One last question, sweetie pie…” Uh oh. Now he had that determined gleam in his eye, he was no longer laughing, instead he was looking at me…the way he always did. Unmasked desire, lust, passion – it had always been there for me.

From the first time he met me, that fateful night where our friends, Sedona and Zander’s love affair started, Xavier’s desire for me hadn’t wavered. Back then I was in a committed relationship (at least I was committed) with Jerome so Xavier had kept the flirting to a minimum. The minute he learned I was a free bird, he packed on the charm, and by the time Sedona and Zander had become engaged in Hawaii, Xavier and I were unofficially a couple. We made it official a month later, after my other BFF, Tanya, went to my apartment for a surprise breakfast visit. Tanya was having cofee and I was gorging myself with the freshly baked muffins and croissants that Tanya had picked up from our favorite pastry place, Never Ending Sweets and Treats, when Xavier had entered the kitchen in his famous Peter Pan boxers and a whole lotta glorious nakedness that I could have sworn Tanya’s red hair turned pink. As if it wasn’t enough, Xavier had planted a big, wet kiss on my face, pulled up a chair, and drank from my mug of green tea.

Xavier and I didn’t want to rob the spotlight on Sedona and Zander’s engagement, so we just kept the fact that we were dating to ourselves. Needless to say, Tanya called Sedona with the earth-shattering news and I spent the whole afternoon giving them the chronicled timeline of our relationship. They wanted to know about everything – and while they were my best friends, I still left some things out. One was that Xavier’s mouth was a magical weapon; it could lick, lave, and stroke in orgasmic-inducing ways. And two, he was a consummate lover, so giving, and you would never know by looking at his ever-present uber-relaxed persona that he was a very kinky guy.

My throat began to dry at the intense fire in his eyes, and when his emerald stare landed on my lips, I had a feeling that I would not be stepping out of his car unscathed. We might have been apart for months, but each night, when I had the bed sheets drawn up to my chest, my fingers found their way to my private parts and with each pull on my nipples and each rub I deigned underneath my soaked panties, I thought of him. How he’d pound my body against the wall, the enormous size of him filling me almost to the brink of pain, and the way his neck muscles strained and stretched when he came. Sex was sex. But with him, sex was an experience;a tantric, mind-blowing meeting of our bodies.

“Nales, I’ll let you go, I won’t even bother you anymore…” His jaw flexed, tensed, his nostrils flaring, and his throat muscles bobbed up and down as he whispered, “Just answer one more question for me…”

If I had known this was how we’d end up, would I have moved in with him? Would I have taken a chance with him? Would I have reserved a space in my heart for just for him, solely for him?

Our time apart has led me to believe that even if we were no longer together, he would always be a part of me. You know when people talk about once in a lifetime kind of love? The young, wild, and free type of love where you give yourself, all of you, completely, without any inhibitions or reservations? That was the kind of love I held for this man. And to top it all off, I gave him the same amount of trust. Now he was letting me go, breaking free, finally…

For the first time in months, the anger I held for him no longer mattered. The essence of who I was, who he was, what we were to each other coalescing, fusing, slowly disintegrating the chips of resentment, crumbling the blocks of blame I had put on him.

A renewed calm and a peace I’ve longed for so long coated my voice. “Ask away.” One. Final. Time.

One, two, three, four, five long seconds passed. He had removed his seatbelt while I remained locked in mine, his whole body facing me, his long legs folding in the space in front of him, his eyes seeking my expression as he solemnly asked, “When did you know you loved me?”

A coil of unease was lodged in my throat, my heart started beating rapidly, and cold sweat filled my veins. “Xavier…”

“Answer me, Nales,” His look was unflinching, steady, yet uncompromising. “When?” Both of his hands were clasping mine tightly, and when his fingers rolled on the crease of my right hand’s middle finger, the wall I’d erected for so long bowed and started crashing down, the splinters leaving me breathless and I needed to get some air.

In quick, unfastidious motions, I pulled both of my hands from his grasp, unfastened my seatbelt and jumped out of the car.

I didn’t know where I was going, I just needed to be away from him. The assaulting memories were too much for me to bear.

Everything around me reminded me of him. Me. Us.

I couldn’t help the barrage of tears that soaked my face. I’d held them at bay for so long. Silently hoping and praying that if I could just hold on to them just a little longer, I would be okay. Okay in the sense that I could no longer feel, become numb to the array of emotions that warred inside of me.

My knees slowly gave out, and just before my shins hit the ground, strong hands scooped me up, and I was engulfed in the comfort he was giving me. He didn’t break his stride as he led us inside the house, towards the foyer, the space I had considered as mine when I moved in here.

“I’m here, Nales.” The ferocity in his assertion held no reluctance, no room for misgivings. “I’m always here.”

My chest kept shaking and I couldn’t stop the waterfall of tears that kept streaming down my face. It was suddenly all too much. I’d restrained my emotions for so long, masking them with indifference and anger that crying felt so foreign now.

His arms didn’t leave the cradle of strength, the bubble of protection he surrounded me with, and as long as I could, I held on to the solid, familiar chest, one I’d woken up to countless of times, and when I left, I couldn’t sleep for a month because I had missed him so much.

“December twenty-third, two days before Christmas…you were making me breakfast and when I came out of the bedroom, you looked at me and breakfast was forgotten. The fire department came because the smoke alarms went off and we didn’t do anything to silence them.” My speech was garbled between my crying, and blowing off the liquid that started to get stuck in my sinuses, but I trudged on, “It was the day I knew I loved you…”

Pressing a soft kiss to my forehead, he said, “I know.”

“Then why did you ask?” I said, his hands wiping at the wet mess I’d made of my face. I had looked like a demented dragon, but his stare was just the boost I needed to keep talking. “I’ve told you I loved you before. So many times.”

Bobbing his head, I noticed the faint trace of stubble beginning to form around his jaw. He was always clean shaven. He hated hair on his face.

Brushing the strays of hair that got stuck on my tear-stained face, he said, “You remember every date, Nales. The day you got your rocker Hello Kitty. When Precious Moments and Hello Kitty collaborated on a project, you have that day earmarked in your brain.” My fascination with Hello Kitty was worthy of a documentary. “The day you met Sedona, Tanya, everyone. If it means something to you, you know exactly when and where it happened.”